The Snap
by TheRavynFire
Summary: Post Avenger's Infinity Wars (so expect spoilers). Andrea lost a lot in The Snap and is just trying to make in the world after The Snap. She finds herself working for Tony Stark and meets Steve Rogers who takes an interest in her. Steve/OC. Adult content. I suck at summaries...still. Lol
1. The Rooftop

A/N: So I know I have like three other stories I should be working on, but this idea just wouldnt go away. There will be some fluff and angst and smut and you might see a side of Steve you don't expect. Also expect some sad.

Trigger warnings for pregnancy and miscarriage.

* * *

I had always thought that I was a happy and well adjusted person. I wasn't rich by any standard, but I had never gone hungry and was provided for and supported. I had lost my mother at a very young age, leaving me and my twin sister Reagan in the care of my father. He was a good man, who owned his own auto shop, and had always worked hard to be a family man. He loved us and provided for us and raised us the best he could on his own, while teaching us all there was to know about mechanics and sports and still managing to play barbies and have tea parties. I loved my dad and it was because of him and the love of mechanics he taught me that I studied mechanical engineering with an emphasis in automotive in college.

And it was there of course that I met a guy. _The_ guy. Ian Jacobson. He was charming and sweet and funny and all the things everyone says you should look for in _the one_. He had his faults, no one is perfect, but so did I and we meshed. We dove right in, getting engaged right after we both graduated, after 6 months of dating. We were sure of each other and wanted to get married, start our lives and start a family. And I was ready.

I went back home to NY to work for my dad's auto shop, despite his insistence that I was ' _better than that'_ and could get any job I wanted with my fancy degree. I knew that was probably true, but I wanted to be close to him in his old age as well as my sister, who had decided against college.

Reagan, or Ray as my dad dubbed her, considered herself an artist, a free spirit, not one to be tied down by what society dictated as 'normal'. That also meant she couldn't hold down one job for more than three months at a time, but she lived with our dad and they supported each other, my dad doing the financial part and my sister keeping up with the household chores and making sure my dad got three meals a day. She had always been my polar opposite despite the fact that we were identical. And still we were so alike in many ways, we always got along even with differing opinions. She supported me and encouraged me, even though she didn't want the same life I did. I knew I would always have her.

' _The Snap'_ as it had come to be called came suddenly and with no warning for the regular civilians of the world. Half the population gone, in seconds, with no discretion. Men, women, children, of all races and ages, there was no pattern. There was no chance to say goodbye, no chance to tell your loved ones that you loved them. No warning that could give you the chance to say something you should have always said or make amends. Some watched in horror as their family, friends, coworkers dissolved into a pile of a dust, blown away into the breeze, too gently and peacefully for what it was. Some had no idea what had happened, their loved ones were just 'missing' and presumed 'dusted'. I considered them the lucky ones, the ones who didn't have to watch in horror as it occurred.

I had been one of the unlucky ones. Completely oblivious to the fact that my life was going to take a turn for the worst. That everything was going to change and I would lose _everything._

I found out I was pregnant 7 months after Ian and I were engaged. Ian was ecstatic. I was hesitant. I had wanted to be married first. And to be in our own home, not living in a shoebox sized apartment we paid an arm and leg for in the city. Ian eased all my fears and reservations with promises and assurances. I put my faith in him and we both decided we were going to be parents. Great parents. We had been on our way to an ultrasound appointment when The Snap occurred, bubbling with excitement to find out the sex of our child. Reagan, in the backseat, equally excited for us just as my dad was. We had been talking and laughing, Ian driving us down the freeway while discussing potential baby names. We hadn't heard the reports of the alien ship that had touched down yet, we hadn't heard that Tony Stark, Iron Man, was missing. We were living in our blissful bubble. We were too engrossed in our own lives to know trouble was brewing.

I don't remember much about the crash and I was thankful for that. I just remembered watching in wide eyed terror as Ian began to disappear, starting with his hands, his face turning to a mixture of shock and fear while he watched particles of himself float away. He turned to me, even in that moment of his own demise, worry for me in his eyes, my name echoed off his lips just before he was gone. A pile of dust in his place. I had been too stunned to do anything, time seeming to standstill. Tears were on my face and I could hear screaming, but at the time didn't realize that it was me that was screaming. I looked to the backseat to find Reagan gone, a pile of dust where she once was. And then the car crashed.

I woke up in the hospital weeks later. Injured. Alone. Confused. I had hoped that it had been a dream, that I had undergone some pregnancy induced bizarre day nightmare. A nurse and a doctor came in, explaining to me with shared expressions of confusion and hints of fear that people had just disappeared, half the population, and that included my sister and fiance. And I would later find out my father as well. More terrible news followed, my injuries, which were severe and almost life threatening to me, had caused me to miscarry. They told me that I had been carrying a girl.

The world was plunged into chaos after The Snap, the government struggling to maintain control as people panicked. There were riots and looting, people worried about a food shortage with half the population gone, it meant half the workforce that farmed and produced said food was gone too. Hospitals were understaffed. Schools closed. Businesses closed with their owners 'dusted' or due to the fact there just weren't enough people to run them or enough demand. The police and the armed forces sending who they could to try and calm the storm. And all the while people dealt with their own personal losses.

It wasn't until a year had passed that the world truly found out what had happened, what had caused the great loss. An alien, a titan with a plan, a false sense of purpose, had gathered up some magical stones, giving him enough power so that with a mere snap of his fingers he could wipe out half the planet. And the Avengers, Earth's mightiest heroes, couldn't defeat him, not that they stood a chance from what was reported. And they suffered losses of their own. Because of this alien.

Thanos.

Thanos had become the person that I hated most in the world. And I had never even met the guy.

Another year passed and things calmed down. The government stepped in and made programs to support the people in need. To make sure that everyone got food and water and that we all somehow coped and tried to move on with our lives. People actually came together, supported one another, a nice calm after the storm, a sense of community amongst humanity. It would have been nice, if we all hadn't suffered and lost much first.

After a long hospital stay I was released. I went home to an empty apartment, with no Ian, no Reagan, no dad, and worst of all no daughter. It was hard, trying to cope and understand and just survive. My father's business closed due to lack of demand, the shortage of staff, and without my father's presence it just didn't feel the same. And so I found myself with no family and jobless. I had money, from Ian's life insurance and from my father, who left me and my sister everything of course, but I knew it wouldn't last long. I could have moved back to my childhood home, but just as running the business without my dad, it didn't feel right to live there without him or Reagan. I sunk into depression and despair like most, riddled with sadness and anxiety wondering just how I was going to go on living after losing everyhing.

A friend reached out, one that I hadnt seen since college, Sarah, a young girl that I had taken a few classes with and hung out a few times. We bumped into eachother as I wondered the streets of New York aimlessly, trying to tell myself that getting out of my apartment and getting some fresh air would do me good. She offered to buy me some lunch, an offer I refused at first, but after her insistence I agreed. It was her that told me about the free group and individual therapy sessions that were offered by the government, the ones that were specifically for people who suffered great losses due to the _The Snap_. She herself went and found them helpful, offering to take me to one, another offer that I at first refused, but found myself at a group session three days later. It was the group sessions that made me want to take individual ones as well. So I became a regular, at both group and having private appointments with a therapist, I went to deal, and slowly, very slowly I started to feel like a person, finding the will to live again.

It was Sarah who told me about the open position at the Avengers compound. She worked in the Stark labs at the compound and had heard about a position that needed to be filled; and knowing that I had nothing, and needed work, needed _something_ , she encouraged me to apply after putting in a good word for me. It was because of her that I found myself in Tony Stark's office, sitting across from Tony Stark himself. He was staring at my resume with a scrutinized frown while I sat in my seat wondering how I had missed the fact that this position was to be his personal assistant.

"You're too qualified for this position," he spoke finally, looking up from my resume. He said it definitively.

"That doesn't bother me, Sir." It didn't. I would take the job.

"It bothers me. Bright girl like you, I feel like your talents could be put to good use elsewhere," he continued.

"There is no where else for me, sir. No mechanic shop in NY is hiring, they're barely staying afloat. I know this because I had to close down my father's shop which had been open for 30 years. I know I have a fancy degree in mechanical engineering, but automotive is really where my heart is and if I can't do that then I'd rather do something else." It was the truth. But again, I'd take anything.

"The job is demanding. I'm demanding," he touched his chest. He was still trying to deter me.

"That's fine, sir. I can be very accommodating."

"The hours are crazy. I might call you in the middle of the night."

I shrugged. "I don't sleep much. And I don't have anything, but time. I'm very organized. I manage my time well and I can put my heart and soul into this job." _Because I have nothing else to put my heart and soul into._

Tony's eyebrow arched, he watched me for what felt like an eternity before leaning forward and putting his elbows on his desk.

"When can you start?" He asked.

* * *

We discussed what the job entailed in detail and again Tony warned me that the job would be demanding, that _he_ was demanding and, in his own words, frankly annoying, which I picked up on quickly. He would need to be able to call me at any time, even in the middle of the night, I would need to be available at a drops notice and my schedule would be all over the place. But I would have one designated day off a week for sure, and I would be compensated well. Very well.

I started work two days later. I arrived bright and early, dressed in clothes I was not accustomed to, a black pencil skirt, navy blue blouse, and shoes with a low enough heel that my feet wouldn't be killing me and I wouldn't trip, but as Tony Stark's assistant I would have to dress a certain way or so I assumed. Jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers were more my forte, but work was work.

I met Tony in his office first, finding him sitting at his desk gazing at paperwork and looking immensely bored. He brightened when he saw me. "Ah, Andrea, right on time."

"Please, call me Andy... if you want," I said stopping just short of his desk. That was the nickname given to me by my dad and what everyone called me. Only my mother had called me Andrea.

"Andy?" Tony frowned, one eyebrow arching.

"My dad who desperately wanted two sons had two daughters," I kept the explanation short. It was enough for Tony.

"Oh," he said with a nod. "Andy it is. I have something for you." He rounded the desk and handed me something that looked like a small phone the size of an iPhone. He touched the screen and hologram appeared with regular phone icons floating above it. "This is synced up to my phone's calendar and contacts and has access to F.R.I.D.A.Y. who is your back up and basically runs this whole building. It's also how I can reach you and vice versa. It's completely secure and feel free to use it for personal use of course. F.R.I.D.A.Y., say hi to Andy."

"Hello Andy, is it okay if I call you Andy, Ms. Dawson?" A female voice with a Scottish accent asked from out of thin air.

I managed to keep myself from jumping, even though I was startled. "Uh, yes, that's fine...er... F.R.I.D.A.Y," I answered looking around.

"Come on, I'll show you around and introduce you to the team and then you can familiarize yourself with my current calendar and projects, and that's something that F.R.I.D.A.Y can help you with too. She'll have you up to speed in no time," Tony strolled past me out of the office and I moved quickly to follow. "One thing I will say is that I hardly ever want to do anything so if you can get me out of it or get someone else to do it, please do so, the less time I have to spend outside of the lab or away from Pepper the better, we clear?"

"Crystal, sir."

"None of that sir stuff, Andy, you're gonna make me feel old," he scoffed. "No Mr. Stark either. You can call me Tony."

"Okay...Tony."

"See, we're well on our way to being friends and not just boss and employee," he strode purposefully down the hall to a set of elevators. "The main floor is the entrance and security stations and a library, cafeteria, etc. You saw all that, and the second floor is the office building, the third floor holds the labs and medical center and gym, and lastly the fourth floor is the Avengers living quarters. Well what's left of them anyway," I detected a hint of sadness in his voice. "They have their own rooms up there and a shared living and kitchen area. You wont need to go up there much and you do need special clearance to get up there which you will have, you'll just have to set up a clearance code with F.R.I.D.A.Y." The elevator doors opened and we both stepped on. "Second floor, F.R.I.D.A.Y."

It was when the elevator whizzed to the second floor that I realized I was about to meet the Avengers...or what was left of them. I had saw the news like everyone else, I had seen the memorials of them as well. They were the ones that had tried to save and protect us from Thanos. And they had failed. I didn't blame them though as some had. I knew despite having abilities and being superheroes they really were just people, just like the rest of us, and they had lost people too.

We breezed through the second floor, Tony stopping here and there to introduce me to someone or point something out. We came to a closed door near the corner of the building, Tony barely knocking once on the door before he pressed it open and walked in with the confidence of someone who owned the building. My heart started to race a little, when I realized just whose office this was, spotting the broad frame of Captain America sitting at a desk, hunched over paperwork, one large hand holding his head while the other held a pen.

I knew who he was, of course, everyone did. And last I had heard before The Snap, he was a criminal and fugitive, on the run for helping the man who had bombed the UN during the accords. That all seemed like forever ago now. And I was assuming he had been forgiven, given that he was back to working and living at the Avengers compound. He wasn't the clean shaven version of him that you could see on the exhibit of him at the Smithsonian anymore. He was sporting a full beard and much longer hair that was slicked back from his face. He didn't bother to look up as Tony sauntered in, the Captain's shoulders sagging as he let out a sigh.

"What now, Tony?" He asked with polite irritation, his voice steady, only mild amounts of aggravation slipping through.

"I am not here to annoy you, Capsicle," Tony said stopping at his desk and beckoning me forward from where I had halted near the door. "I want you to meet my new assistant. Andrea Dawson. Andy. She goes by Andy."

Steve looked up at those words, his blue eyes catching sight of me. And I immediately felt breathless. The man was gorgeous, and not average mildly good looking gorgeous. He was double take, stop and stare gorgeous. He was tall, his eyes as blue as sapphires, his hair perfectly dirty blonde, and I'm certain he just paints his clothes on every morning because no one's muscles should stand out that much. The man was any woman's walking wet dream. I felt a little star struck, surprised and embarrassed at my own reaction to the man. He looked mildly surprised for a few seconds, his eyes glancing between me and Tony before he was standing and leaning across the desk offering me a hand. A polite smile was on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes.

And I was also shaking his hand way too long.

"Captain Rogers, it's a pleasure to meet you," I spoke finally.

"The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Dawson. And please, call me Steve."

There was a tingle in my cheeks, one that came out of nowhere. Was I blushing? I still hadn't let go of his hand even though we had stopped shaking. Tony stepped forward with a frown.

"Okay, I am starting to get a little jealous. She was nowhere near this giddy to meet me. Release my assistant's hand, Capsicle, thank you." I came to my senses, and I pulled my hand away. "She's not here for you, she's here for me. So no fraternizing."

Steve scowled at Tony. "I require all her attention. You know how needy I am. Come on Andy, stop gawking at the Captain."

I wasn't gawking...that much. I followed Tony out of the office, daring to look back over my shoulder to find the sapphires on me, Steve still standing, his hands in his pockets, the smile gone from his face.

"It was nice to meet you," I offered with a wave.

He lifted one hand from his pocket and waved back. "See you around Ms. Dawson."

* * *

Three months of being Tony's assistant passed by far too quickly. He had not been lying when he said that he was a needy and demanding person or that my schedule would be crazy. I got my one day off a week as promised, but it was random and whatever day he deemed fit, usually calling or texting me at an ungodly hour to say _Take the day off Andy, see you tomorrow,_ on any given day.

My day usually started at 6:00 am and I was lucky to be home by 8:00 p.m., most of my time spent answering Tony's correspondence for him, running his errands, and keeping him from doing any actual work that he didn't find enjoyable. I was supposed to be his face when he didn't want to show. Which was often. He was working on some big secret project with Dr. Banner, one that usually occupied his time far more than anything else. And one that he didn't want anyone else besides myself and his small team to know about. I still didn't know what the project _was_ , but he had told me of its importance.

He praised me constantly with a ' _good work kid' -_ even though I am well into my twenties- or a ' _what would I do without you, Andy'._ There were times of course that he was not so nice, and he was grumpy and irritable and short. It was those times that I had to remind myself that I did actually like my job and the money and forced myself to grin and bear it. He usually made up for it the following day, not actually apologizing, but offering a kind gesture of buying me lunch or letting me take off earlier than usual.

As much as I loved my job I did need a breather sometimes and enjoyed keeping to myself when I did find the time to take a break. I had gone up to the roof once, just to try and leave the hustle and bustle of the compound and found it calm and peaceful up there. It became my go to spot to take a break or eat my lunch.

I found myself working later than usual one night, having to edit a speech Tony had written to give to the graduating class of MIT and decided to take a break from the speech editing and eat my lunch I had been too busy for earlier. I was sitting on the ledge of the roof, my feet dangling over the side, enjoying a sandwich and the silence of the early evening.

"Hi."

I screamed, embarrassingly loud, nearly jumping out of my skin and falling right over the edge, my sandwich falling from my hands and to the ground below. I felt two large hands grab my shoulders, keeping me on the edge, my head whipping around to see Steve Rogers standing behind me with wide eyes and an apologetic smile. My heart hammered in my chest and I turned quickly, jumping down from the ledge and staring up at the man before me.

"Jesus fucking Christ Captain Rogers, are you trying to kill me?" I barked angrily.

I froze. I had just cursed at Captain America, the poster boy for goodness and freedom and all things perfect in this world. Also technically my superior.

"Oh my god, I just cursed at Captain America," I groaned to myself covering my face with both hands. When I found the courage to drop them I found Steve staring at me with a mixture of concern and surprise. I cleared my throat and adjusted my blouse. "Excuse my language, Captain Rogers, you...startled me."

I hadn't interacted with Steve very much in the past three months. We saw each other in passing or when I had to relay a message from Tony or pick up his notes on a mission brief, he was always polite, saying hi, but that had been the extent of our interactions. Quick and short. And me being star struck by his presence had quickly worn off. He wasn't the Captain America I had imagined from the pictures and video clips I had seen of him or the exhibits I had seen. He was quiet and sullen during the times I did see him, and when a smile did grace his face, it never reached his eyes. I imagined he was having a hard time dealing with his own losses after The Snap the same as all of us.

"No, Ms. Dawson, _I'm sorry._ I don't know why I thought saying hi to someone who wasn't aware of my presence and sitting on the edge of a roof would be a good idea," he shook his head, that apologetic smile returning to his face. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, glancing down at myself for confirmation. My heart was still pounding and I was breathing heavily, the adrenaline was still coursing through my veins, but no damage had been done. "Yeah, I'm fine, but I lost my sandwich," I sighed walking back over to the ledge and looking over to see it splattered on the ground below.

Steve came to stand beside me, leaning over to see. He rubbed the back of his head with one hand, looking guilty. "Sorry about that…"

"It's fine," I leaned against the ledge. "I probably should be having a more substantial dinner anyway…" I looked up at him. "What brings you to the roof this evening, Captain? You weren't looking for me were you?"

Steve shook his head. "No, I wasn't. I didn't even know you were up here. I just come up here to think sometimes. It's nice and quiet," he answered crossing his arms over his broad chest.

I felt stupid for asking. He'd only need to look for me if he needed something from Tony and he and Tony liked minimal amounts of communication as possible. I had barely seen them interact, unless absolutely necessary. "Oh, then I should go," I said reaching for my coat. "Give you some privacy."

"No, please," Steve replied quickly holding up his hands. "I'm the one that came up here and scared you almost to your literal death and made you drop your dinner. I should go."

I hesitated, looking around the large roof top. "I think that this roof is big enough for the two of us. I don't mind if you stay, if you don't mind the company… or I can go to the other side..."

"No. It's fine. It's uh… it's been awhile since I had company," he admitted with a timid nod. "It will be nice."

"Are you sure?" I asked. He seemed apprehensive about the idea. "I don't want to bother-."

"It's no bother," he cut in, sitting on the ledge and swinging his legs over. "Join me. Please."

I paused, just for a few seconds before I sat on the ledge putting enough distance between us that I hoped he didn't feel crowded. Silence fell over us, but it wasn't awkward, it was almost peaceful. I didn't feel an obligation to speak, just looked out at the expanse of trees that surrounded the compound as the sun set behind them. Sunsets had always been my favorite. It was during a sunset that I had kissed Ian for the first time and he had proposed during a particularly beautiful sunset. They would always be bittersweet to me because of that, I had always loved them but they would remind me of what I lost forever now.

"I like sunsets," Steve commented surprising me. I looked over to see him staring off into the distance with glossy eyes. "They always look beautiful. No two are ever exactly alike, but yet it's always the same. A sure thing."

I smiled. "Sunsets have always been my favorite."

He turned his sapphire eyes on me, catching my gaze and pondering me for a moment. "Are you new to New York?"

I blinked at his question. I hadn't expected small talk. "No. Born and raised here actually. Just outside the city. I'd ask if you were but I've seen your exhibit at the smithsonian a bunch of times and I may or may not have googled you once…" Steve's eyebrows went up and he smiled, this one seeming genuine and reaching his eyes. "So I feel like I know all there is to know about you," I chuckled.

"Well this isn't fair then," he replied crossing his arms again. "Because I know nothing about you."

"There's not much to tell," I answered looking down at my shoes. "I'm just a boring girl who happens to be the personal assistant to a billionaire." I shrugged.

"I doubt that…"

I glanced at Steve. "And how would you know, Captain?"

"Everybody's got a story. And I'm a good reader of people and judge of character," he said, his expression serious. "And you don't seem like a boring person at all."

"Well I think you'll be disappointed to find out that you're wrong. I'm not that interesting. Really," I insisted with a wave of my hand.

"Well tell me about yourself and let me decide," he urged.

"You want to hear my boring life story?" I quirked an eyebrow and looked at him incredulously.

"You know my boring life story, so it's only fair," he countered.

I laughed. "Captain, your life story is far from boring."

He chuckled softly, but gave me a pointed expectant look. "So?"

I hesitated, but sighed. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

I thought he'd ask me questions about my life or past, but instead he asked me random ones. What was my favorite color? What was my favorite food? Favorite movie. Favorite thing to do on a free evening. I answered the questions and he'd tell me his answer in return and before I knew it we were talking like friends. I steered clear of my past, keeping our talk to interest and hobbies. My guard which had been up and in place since The Snap had somehow slipped away in that moment, with no warning and without my permission.

And with that loss of my guard came an overwhelming feeling of guilt from how much I found myself enjoying the Captains company and how easily I opened up to him. I should not have been enjoying another mans company when I have a fiance. I realized bitterly that the correct term would be _**had,**_ I _had_ a fiancé. It was those feelings of guilt that had me sliding off the roofs ledge in the middle of a conversation, surprising Steve who looked at me confused.

"I… I should go," I slid off the ledge. I glanced down at my watch to see we had been talking for well over an hour. _Shit._

Steve frowned, but said nothing as he watched me pull my coat on.

"I am working on Tony's speech and he needs it by tomorrow so..." I offered an explanation he didn't ask for. Feeling silly again I turned to go with a short wave. "It was nice talking with you, Captain."

"Andrea."

I stopped at the sound of his voice. He had used my name for the first time, something I wasn't accustomed to. I guess we were past Ms. Dawson now? I looked over my shoulder at him, finding him watching me.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Would you let me bring you lunch?" He asked sliding off the ledge and stepping toward me. "To make up for the sandwich?"

 _Oh._ I opened my mouth but my words faltered. I closed my mouth and tried again. "It's fine. It was just a sandwich-."

"I insist," he cut in. "Please."

I got the distinct impression he wasn't going to take no for an answer. And I was surprised to find a part of me didn't want to say no. But there was still that guilt that hung over me like a dark cloud. Wasn't it too soon for this?

"Just meet me here tomorrow same time okay?" He continued at my worried silence.

It felt like an order.

"Okay, Captain."

* * *

He was already waiting for me when I went to the roof the next night, needing to give myself a pep talk to go. I had to tell myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong. That Steve was just being friendly and replacing the food that he had made me lose, that it didn't mean anything and was perfectly innocent. It was probably silly to feel guilty for speak to a man, especially when my fiancé was dead, and had been for more than two years, but I couldn't shake the feelings of guilt.

Still I found myself on the roof, just as he had asked, trying to ignore my racing heart. He was sitting with his back to me, right on the ledge like the night before, prompting me to clear my throat so that I didn't startle him. He turned at the sound, a small smile on his face.

"Andrea, hi," he said beckoning me over with a wave of his hand.

"I didn't want to startle you. Can't have Captain America falling to his death because of Tony's assistant," I said, joining him on the ledge noticing the paper bag sitting at his side.

He chuckled, deep and low. "Believe it or not I've jumped from higher and survived."

"Of course you have," I said shaking my head feeling embarrassed. _He's a super soldier of course he could survive a fall from this high._

"Hungry?" He asked changing the subject. He picked up the paper bag at his side and offered it to me. "I hope you like it."

"Starved actually," I answered opening the bag and pulling out its contents. It was a turkey sub sandwich with all the fixings, a bag of chips, and a glass bottle of coke. I smiled at him holding up the coke. "Old school huh?"

"It tastes better out of the glass," he shrugged.

I took a bite of the sandwich, unable to stop the groan that escaped my mouth at its deliciousness. I hadn't eaten since breakfast having to run errands instead of eat my lunch. And it really was a good sandwich.

"Good?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"So good," I took another bite and chewed and swallowed. "Where on earth did you get this?"

Steve chuckled again. "I made it."

I almost choked on the bite I was currently chewing looking at Steve in surprise. " _You_ made this?"

He nodded. "Yeah with my own hands," he held them up. I mentally noted how large they were.

I looked down at the sandwich. "Wow I could probably get a lot of money for this on EBay."

Steve blinked and laughed in confusion. I couldn't stop the smile that came across my face to hear his full laugh. "Really?" He asked when he recovered.

"Yes, people go nuts for Captain America stuff. If you sign it I could get more."

"A signed sandwich is worth money?" He asked in disbelief.

I nodded, taking another bite.

He was laughing again and I was laughing with him. "I need to start selling my stuff," he said once the laughter died down. "It never occured to me to cash in on my fame like that."

"Sell your underwear to the ladies. Then you'd really rake in the big bucks," I took another bite and watched as Steve's face fell, his cheeks turning red. I laughed as I chewed.

"My _underwear_?"

I nodded.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

His eyebrows rose and he took a deep breath before he was laughing again. "I'll consider it."

"Well if you start I expect a cut. I'm thinking 40%."

Steve huffed. "It's _my underwear."_

"Yeah and it was _my_ idea."

"I'm thinking 10%."

The negotiations for my cut continued and evolved into a whole other conversation about price differences during his time and our current time. And again soon we were talking like old friends, sitting side by side on the ledge, my sandwich and bottle of coke finished and the sun already set. It was too easy to lose track of time talking to him and after a glance down at my watch, seeing two hours had passed, I excused myself. Feeling guilty and ashamed once again for how much I enjoyed myself.

Steve looked disappointed when I announced my departure, climbing off the ledge. "Same time tomorrow?" He called as I walked off, making me stop and turn to look at him. The amount of hope in his eyes surprised me.

I thought about refusing, or making some excuse of why I couldn't, but I found myself smiling and nodding.

And so it became a routine, meeting him on the roof near the end of the day before I went home, spending two to three hours talking and chatting with him over my lunch that I always waited to eat till I got to the roof. We managed to avoid talk of my past each time, me usually letting Steve steer the conversation and do the talking. I began to feel an urgency when it neared the time that he and I would meet, an anxiousness starting in my stomach and rising to my chest. It was something to look forward too. And I really looked forward to it.

I was surprised when Steve came to my desk in the middle of the afternoon, three weeks after we had started our little ritual, dressed in his full Captain America gear.

"Steve, hi," I breathed in surprise. "Tony isn't here, but I can call him-."

"No it's fine. I'm here for you actually," he replied.

"Oh. Is something wrong?"

"No, not at all. They're sending me out on a mission, so I'll miss our…" he hesitated. What was it that we were doing? 'Hanging out'? "I won't make it to the roof tonight," he finished.

I was surprised at the amount of disappointment that I felt. I tried to hide it from my face and fixed a smile instead. "Oh. Well thanks for letting me know."

He nodded. "It's no problem I just didn't want you to expect me and I not be there."

I organized some papers on my desk nervously, nodding. "I appreciate that… I hope you have a safe mission."

"Thank you…listen Andrea," he started coming around the desk and sitting on the corner. I tensed in my chair. "I was thinking that maybe we could… spend time together… somewhere else besides the rooftop when I get back."

 _Oh._ **Oh.** Was that appropriate? Our rooftop hangouts were innocent for now, but what would happen if we moved them elsewhere? Did he mean like a date?

He looked at me with an arched eyebrow, his face falling when I was silent too long. "If you don't want too-."

"No," I blurted. "I do. I mean… I think so…"

His brows knit and he nodded once. "I'll be back tomorrow. How about you think it over and just let me know then okay?"

"Okay, Captain," I said with a nod feeling slightly relieved. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded, rising from the edge of my desk and standing over me. He didn't move, watching me with those sapphire eyes for what felt like an impossibly long time. It felt like there was something else he wanted to say or do, but was apprehensive. And it was making me nervous.

"W-Was there something else Captain?" I said hoping to break the tense silence.

He blinked, shaking his head once. "Uh no, no, sorry. I'll see you tomorrow. Think about it. Okay?"

I nodded and watched him walk off. Captain America had just asked me on a date.


	2. Snails Pace

"And how does that make you feel?"

I almost let out the scoff that swelled in my throat at the cliche phrase uttered by my therapist. She caught on because she smirked, her green eyes sparkling with amusement when I looked at her with a tight lipped expression.

"How does that make me feel?" I sighed. "Well honestly it makes me feel ashamed and guilty and…" I shrugged trying to find more words to describe it and finding none. I dropped my shoulders and looked at her exasperatedly. "Seems too soon doesn't it?"

Dr. Warren removed her glasses and took a deep breath. "The anniversary of The Snap is in two weeks. Meaning it's been nearly three years since Ian, Reagan, and your dad disappeared and your daughter died."

I felt my chest tighten. It always did when we spoke about the snap, or when the people I had lost were mentioned. I nodded. "Yes, I know three years seems like a long time, but…" I trailed off again.

"I know that for you, it all feels very fresh and that you still continue to struggle. This is all completely normal and understandable, especially under the extremely bizarre circumstances that caused the disappearance of the people closest to you."

She never said 'death', always disappearance. But given the fact that I had watched Ian and Reagan turn into a pile of dust, I am pretty sure they're dead. I still couldn't say it aloud though.

"I also know that you feel that the things you're feeling from your coworker make you feel ashamed and guilty," she continued. "And that is also normal since you did not have closure with your fiance before his disappearance." There was that word again. "But I think that Ian would want you to be happy, to continue living your life, and to make connections with people. It is okay for you to do so."

I wanted to scoff again. Sometimes Dr. Warren made so much sense, she was able to put it all in perspective for me, to pull me out of the shell that I had dwelled and hid in for so long after The Snap, and the one I threatened to go into whenever my emotions got the better of me. And there were other times when she made me angry with her rationalities. How would she know what Ian would want? She had never met the guy. She had never heard him whisper how there would never be another for him. How I was the only person he ever loved and ever could love. How could I betray a man like that? How could I be able to even think about touching another man when he had loved me so?

"Andy?"

I had gotten lost in thought and realized that my face was scrunched with my annoyance to her assumptions. I wiped the expression from my face. "Hmm?"

"What were you thinking just now?" She closed her notebook and looked at me intensely, her eyes searching mine.

I hesitated. "Nothing."

Her head tilted. "Andy, come on, we've talked about this…"

I tended to shut down. And that was not the point of therapy. "I was just thinking about Ian. And how in love we were. And how he said that he would never, could never, love anyone else and here I am with the hots for Cap-my coworker."

"If the situation was reversed and it was Ian sitting here thinking the same things what would you want for him?"

I hesitated again, trying to imagine that it had been me that disappeared leaving him behind to deal with the loss of a fiance and child. I knew he would have been devastated. I knew that he would have gone through a hard time, just like I had, but in the end I would want him to be happy again, to live, to move on, to love even at some point. I gave Dr. Warren a resigned look, but she had never been one for silent answers with body language.

"I would want him to move on and find happiness...and love," I admitted. "I wouldn't want Ian to be alone forever."

Dr. Warren smiled, nodding. "Yes, see, and I am sure that Ian would want the same for you. Would you agree?"

"Yes. I'd agree."

Dr. Warren clasped her hands, smile widening. She always got excited whenever it seemed we were making progress, she was also big on giving praise, and I was surprisingly extremely receptive to that. "That is something you should remember whenever you feel guilt or shame about any attraction or feelings you might have for someone."

I nodded silently. "So you think I should hang out with my coworker?" I had made the impromptu emergency appointment the next day after talking with Steve and was glad she could fit me in and talk me down before I had a guilt induced panic attack. I had told her everything, except Steve's name identifying him as my coworker.

"I think you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable and whatever you're ready for. I can't tell you yes or no. I just want to make sure that you are able to process your feelings and do whatever you decide with no guilt or shame or any other negative feelings about living your life."

* * *

I went back to work after my appointment with Dr. Warren, having scheduled it for my lunch hour. I felt a renewed sense of confidence about the situation with Steve. I knew that he had already returned from the mission, having seen him in the conference room with Tony and Natasha and a few other government officials giving a debriefing before I had left for lunch. I went to search him out once I made it back to the compound after checking my messages and checking in with Tony to make sure nothing had come up while I had been out. I went to Steve's office, knocking softly on the closed door and waiting for his response.

"Come in," I heard his muffled voice call.

I took a deep breath and turned the doorknob, opening the door to find him sitting at his desk, leaned back in his chair, watching the door with raised eyebrows to see who it was. A small smile crossed his face when he saw it was me, one that actually reached his eyes, and he set his phone down on the desk, he rose.

"Andrea," he said rising from his chair and walking towards me as I entered and shut the door behind me. "What can I do for you?"

I looked up into his blue eyes and almost lost all the resolve that I had gained in the short time since my meeting with Dr. Warren. _Almost_. I took another deep breath and squared my shoulders.

"If the offer for… spending time together… elsewhere… still stands I'd like to go."

Steve's smile widened. "Great...I'm free tonight."

"Tonight?" _So soon?_

"Yes, are you free?"

I nodded. I was free every night. I never had plans. "Yes. I am free."

"Great," he repeated. "Where would you like to go?"

"Umm…"

Steve's eyes brightened with an idea. "How about something really casual? What if I come by your place? I'll bring a pizza. We can watch a movie. And talk."

I felt the color drain from my face at the thought of him coming to my apartment. The apartment that I had lived in with Ian, the apartment with the second bedroom that I hadn't opened in two years that had been on its way to being a nursery. The apartment that was basically a memorial to my dead fiancé and unborn child that I lived in. I took a deep breath. _This is a part of moving on Andy. This is a step to that. This is what happens._

Steve's face fell at my reaction, concern all over his face. "Whoa, Andrea, if you don't want to that's fine-."

I held up my hands. "No, Steve, that… that sounds… perfect. Shall we say 7:00?"

He hesitated, watching me as if he were waiting for me to change my mind. A smile touched his lips again after a few seconds passed. "Yeah, 7:00 works for me."

I started backing away to the door. "Great, I'll text you my address."

"Perfect, I look forward to it."

The color returned to my face and gathered all in my cheeks as I blushed. "See you later." I reached the door and opened it, slipping through and stopping myself from looking back over my shoulder at him.

* * *

 _If I leave the compound by 5 that will give me enough time to get home and clean up a little and shower and change. We aren't going to do anything, but I don't want to smell like an office. I should smell nice right. And put on cute clothes not my work clothes. Cute casual clothes, like some leggings and a cute top or-._

"Andy!"

I startled in my chair, looking up to find an irritated Tony Stark staring down at me. "Hello, earth to Andy? Are you with me? What? Am I talking to myself? Am I boring you?"

"Oh, no of course not, sorry Sir-Tony! Sorry Tony," I said quickly, readjusting my notepad. "I am listening. Please continue."

"Oh please continue? Why, thank you, Andy for that permission. Here I thought I was the boss," Tony touched his chest.

I wanted to roll my eyes. He was in a mood this afternoon. Normally he'd be down in the lab, but he had hit a wall on whatever he was working on with Bruce and it had left him frustrated and grumpy, and in his office looking at paperwork he hated to deal with. I had suggested maybe he take a break, go home to see Pepper, but then remembered that she was gone at a conference, being the face of Stark Industries, another thing that probably added to his mood. He hated going home to an empty house as much as I did. So he was my problem.

I glanced at the clock. _4:30._ I had to get him to wrap this up otherwise I would have an excuse to cancel this 'hangout' with Steve. I was used to him being too busy in the lab to notice my leaving.

"Why do you keep looking at the clock?"

"Huh? Oh. No reason," I shifted in my seat.

Tony looked at the clock and then back at me, one eyebrow arched, irritation bright in his eyes. "Spill, Andy. What's up, you got a hot date?"

"No. Well, yes. Kind of. I don't know."

Tony frowned, shaking his head. "Want to try that again? And make sense this time?"

"I have...plans with someone. But of course my job comes first and if you need me to stay late I can do that. I can cancel. It's not serious between me and-," I broke off quickly. "It's not serious."

Tony looked skeptical. "Not serious huh?"

I shook my head, no.

"Take off, Andy," Tony sighed sitting down in his office chair. "No need for you to be stuck here on a Friday night with your grumpy boss. Go have a good time."

"Are you-?"

"If you ask me if I am sure I am going to change my mind," he warned with a head tilt.

I nodded. "Right. Will you be going home then?"

Tony sat on his desk with a sigh, eyes going up in thought. "Actually yeah, I think I will. I am going to take advantage of this opportunity to go walk around my penthouse in my underwear and drink straight from the milk carton-."

I blinked, shaking my head as the mental picture entered my brain. "Wow. Graphic imagery there," I muttered. I had to warn tony about his oversharing before. It did nothing to stop him.

"Two things my wife never lets me do," he continued despite my interruption. "So get out of here."

I nearly jumped from my chair, closing my notepad and walking toward the door. "Thanks, Tony. See you tomorrow," I said over my shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah," Tony said waving me off. "Keep your phone on, just in case."

"I will!"

"Oh, Andy, wait, quick question," Tony called as I reached the door.

I paused. "Yes?"

"Who is the date with?"

"It's not a date. And just a friend." I wasn't technically lying.

"Is it someone I know…?" He smiled.

"Does that matter…?" I asked.

Tony watched me for what felt like eternity, while I stood there holding the door open, trying to keep my face blank.

"I guess not," he relented. "See you tomorrow."

I made it home in record time, rushing around my apartment and picking up my messes. I was rarely home unless it was to sleep eat or shower, usually spending most of my time at the compound, so I tended to always leave behind a mess as I rushed through. I made sure the apartment was presentable and then hopped in the shower, shaving and washing my hair, and then stood still dripping with a towel wrapped around myself while staring at the clothes hanging in my closet.

 _Casual, Andy. Casual. Don't want to make it look like you're trying too hard and don't want to look like you dont give a damn._ I ran a hand through my damp hair and decided on some black leggings to start. I searched through my clothes for a shirt and decided against everyone, going with a white tank top and light cardigan to go over it. I pulled my hair up into a stylish, but semi messy bun, and looked myself over in the mirror. I looked like I was ready to spend the night in drinking beer and eating pizza. Cute, but really relaxed.

The doorbell rang. I actually jumped.

I went for the door noticing that the clock read 7:00 p.m. exactly. _Mr. Punctual._ I unlocked the door and removed the chain, pulling it open to find Steve standing on the other side. He was already smiling, holding a pizza box in one hand and a six pack in the other, looking too good in a brown leather jacket with a deep red shirt underneath accompanied by jeans and boots. I noticed the way his eyes traveled down the length of my body slowly and then back up, thoroughly surveying me. I felt my skin heat up under his gaze.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," he replied.

A silence fell over us as we stood there staring at each other, me clutching the door.

Steve's smile faltered a little. "Can I come in?"

"Oh, yes, of course," I stepped back pulling the door open so that he could step into the apartment.

I shut the door behind him and locked it, turning to find him setting the pizza and beer down on my coffee table, straightening to take in his surroundings. "You have a nice apartment," he commented, eyes scanning the room.

"Thank you. It's small, but it holds my stuff like I need it too," I laughed nervously, and cringed inwardly at my dumb joke.

Steve gave me a courtesy chuckle, still looking around before coming to a stop on something that made him step around the coffee table. He walked over to my bookshelf, eyes trained on a shelf that held nothing but photographs. He was looking at one in particular, one of me and Reagan in time square, one of her favorite places to go, holding each other, looking at the camera with a smile. Steve picked the picture up carefully, a small smile on his lips. He looked up at me.

"You have a twin?"

"Y-Yeah I...I had a twin…She's…gone."

His face fell at the word _had_ , he looked remorseful and guilty at once. The air around us changed, it became tense. "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." He set the photo back down with extra care.

"It's fine," I said quickly, wiping at my eyes that felt like they were threatening to water. "Shall we eat?" I wanted to get off this subject immediately. I went into the kitchen for plates.

"I got pepperoni. I didn't know what you liked and wanted to play it safe," he called to me in the kitchen.

"Can't go wrong with pepperoni," I said retrieving two plates from the cabinet.

Steve was pulling his jacket from his broad shoulders, muscles rippling and flexing against his tight shirt, nearly causing me to stop dead in my tracks. I may have felt guilty about my feelings or my attraction to Steve, but it didn't stop them from happening. I was not immune to his good looks. The man could make the simplest actions over the top sexy without knowing. I forced my eyes away from his body and moved to sit on the couch. The couch shifted as he joined me, close, but not encroaching on my space. I handed him a plate.

"Thank you," he smiled opening the pizza box, allowing the delicious aroma to permeate the air. "Ladies first."

I reached for two slices eagerly, not having eaten since the morning when I had a muffin with my coffee as breakfast. One thing I had never been shy about when it came to men was eating in front of them. I was just shy about everything else. Steve noticed my two slices, his smile widened, but he said nothing as he took two for himself. He grabbed a beer for himself and handed me one after twisting off the top for me. We both leaned back against my couch in unison, taking bites into the pizza and our pleased groans mingled in the air. We shared a glance and a laugh.

"This is the best pizza I have ever eaten in my life," I took another bite. "Don't tell me you made this too?"

Steve laughed, shaking his head. "No it's from this place called 'Antonio's'. It's actually only 6 blocks from here. So good."

"You mean to tell me I've been living 6 blocks away from this deliciousness for years?"

He nodded. "Yep, you've really been depriving yourself."

"I'll have to become a regular. I need pizza this good in my life always," I was already close to finishing my first slice.

Steve took a drink of his beer, turning his head to look at me. "So… you going to finally tell me your story Andrea?"

I blinked at him and the unexpected change of subject, taking a sip of my beer to hide my surprise at his forwardness. We always managed to avoid my past in our rooftop talks and he never questioned it. I hadn't expected him to ask, although I should have.

"Oh, well, umm…" I took another sip to buy myself more time. "Well I told you...I'm a 28 year old assistant to Iron Man." I went for the simple answer. I added a shrug as if there was nothing else to tell.

Steve watched me with calculating eyes, making me feel as though he was peering right into me. I felt a heat in my cheeks again. "There's got to be more than that," he probed, finally taking those sapphire eyes off of me to bite into his pizza again.

"Nope," I lied. Another sip of beer. "That is pretty much me now."

It was a partial truth. I was just an assistant to Tony Stark. I lived and breathed my work. I did nothing outside of it really. I had no friends anymore, save for the one that got me hired, and I rarely saw or talked to her either since starting my new job which kept me busy. There was nothing exciting to report. I had a life before. A life that I had loved, but it was gone. There was no point to talk about it.

Steve still looked skeptical and if I was being honest, a little hurt. He had shared me with me, lots of things, his past and much more. I felt something creep up into my stomach, sadness. But not the sadness I had grown accustomed to and even embraced over the past 2 years and some months, it was sadness to see him hurt that I wouldn't open up to him. And sadness that I felt that I couldn't take.

"Steve, I'm sorry," I blurted. "I want to share...It's just…" there went my eyes again, threatening to spill. I wiped at them and shook my head.

Steve's face fell again and he was sitting up, putting his pizza down and reaching over to touch my arm gently. His hand was hot, heavy, and it sent tingles across my skin. It was nice to feel the weighted warmth of someone else's touch after so long. I felt touch starved, a urge in my palm to grab his other hand and put that one on my body as well, just to feel the warm weight of it, to soak in the pressure.

"Andrea, you don't have to tell me if you don't want too," he said softly, his eyes full of sincerity. "I didn't mean to pry or upset you."

"No, Steve, it's not… I just…I'm sorry it's just hard for me to talk about." I exhaled and felt my shoulders sag.

Steve's hand came up, reaching for my cheek, his fingers brushed across the skin. I held back a moan that welled up in my throat. "Then we don't have too," he assured.

Relief took me. He didn't move at first, just sat there with his fingers creating sensations across the skin of my cheeks and his eyes gazing right into me. I felt vulnerable and tingly all over. And for one insane second I thought he was going to do it, that he would kiss me and I would absolutely let him.

But he blinked, coming out of whatever trance he was in, smiled sheepishly and pulled away. "Sorry," he said giving his head a small shake. "You have beautiful eyes. They're easy to get lost in."

Now I'm all red again. If he thought my plain brown eyes were beautiful he clearly hadn't seen his own. "Thank you, Captain," the words sounded very flirtatious, surprising even me. Steve visibly tensed, his sheepish grin turning to a smirk.

"I have to be honest Andrea, you calling me Captain does things to me," he chuckled darkly. "So we should probably stick to Steve." His cheeks reddened a little at his admittance. _Now he's flirting_. And it wasn't a threat. But a warning.

I remained blushed with red. "Sorry, Cap-," he raised an eyebrow and I caught myself. " _Steve_."

He picked up his pizza and a silence fell over us as we sipped and ate, comfortable, but a little tense and awkward. I decided to break it, clearing my throat which called his attention to me.

"Tell me more about you."

He smiled. "I feel like I'm the only one always doing the talking. Plus you googled me, remember? You know me."

"I like listening to you talk and I want to hear your version. Not the world's version."

He sucked in a long breath. "Okay then."

Regardless of how many times I had read his story or seen the exhibit in the museum hearing him tell me it was still just as fascinating. A small, skinny, and sickly kid with a big heart, wanting to fight for his country and willing to do anything to do it. Anything including taking an experimental serum that would turn him into a super soldier. Then becoming a hero, an icon, a role model for the country. Then to be frozen for 70 years and waking up to a new time and generation. The story never ceased to amaze me.

I was surprised when he didn't stop at waking up in the 21st century. He continued on well past that and told me about his friend Bucky, the Winter Soldier, the one that he had become a fugitive for. His best friend from the beginning that he had thought was long dead, but had been kidnapped and brainwashed by a secret organization. It was when the conversation turned to The Snap, his eyes glazing over as he stared off, spinning his beer bottle absentmindedly between his palms, and how he had watched Bucky turn to dust before his very eyes, that I felt a clench in my heart. I knew that he had lost people, I assumed everyone lost someone, but hearing him speak about it brought tears to my eyes. He felt guilty just as I knew he would, guilty for not stopping Thanos, for not protecting people, he took responsibility for every loss that everyone suffered and I could see the weight of it on him.

"I just wish…" he trailed off shaking his head. "I wish I would have done things a little differently." He looked at me then, with his watery eyes, and my stomach twisted in knots to see him so vulnerable and open.

I wiped away my own tears and reached over, touching his arm, my palm heating up at the skin to skin contact. "I'm so sorry, Steve. You carry the weight of others on your shoulders. So much of it actually. No one man should have to do that. I know you feel guilty about what happened, but it's not your fault. And I'm sorry for your losses."

His eyes widened a bit at my words, but they softened after a moment and his hand came over to cover mine. "Thanks…"

His thumb caressed the skin on the back of my hand, creating a myriad of tingles up my arm. The air around us changed the moment his eyes found mine, growing thick again with tension, but it was a very different tension. I thought about pulling my hand away, but it didn't move, wouldn't move.

He leaned in without warning, surprising me, his lips finding mine. The kiss was gentle, just the barest brushing of his lips on mine that sent a pleasant shock through my system. My breath stopped right in my lungs and my eyes widened. He pulled back, just enough to gauge my reaction, an unspoken question in the air. One that I answered by grabbing him by the material of his red shirt and pulling him back to me, surprising us both.

Our mouths met again, his full lips against mine until they parted and his tongue was in my mouth, his beard a surprisingly delicious irritation on my skin. He set the pace for the kiss, but I matched him perfectly, our tongues sliding against each other in the perfect dance, moans mingling in the air. He came closer, leaning against me until I was falling back onto the couch, his weight atop me and right between my legs. The kiss was desperate and needy, but his hands stayed away, clutching the couch instead of me. My hands were not as modest, spreading up the expanse of his muscular chest, feeling his muscles tense beneath my fingers. He pressed into my touch, groaning into my mouth, hips jerking against mine involuntarily.

I broke away from his lips when my lungs could no longer take the lack of air. Steve held himself above me, breathing heavily, eyes full of desire, but made no moves to continue while I caught my breath. I took in the sight of this gorgeous man between my legs and noticed the arousal that was flooding me; and suddenly Steve melted away and it was Ian on top of me. And with that image came a flood of memories, of every time he had kissed me or made love to me on the very couch I was currently kissing another man on. A shocked yelp left my throat.

 _No. No. No. This is wrong._

I pushed against his chest until he sat up, scooting away from him and rising to my feet, pushing a few loose strands of my hair out of my face. It was Steve once more when I looked again, he remained on the couch, looking up at me, puzzled. I didn't know what was happening or why my stupid brain had decided that moment to think of Ian again, but I didn't like it.

"Steve...I...I…I can't..." I felt my eyes watering. My chest was growing tight. _Fuck I am about to have a full blown panic attack in front of Captain America._

Steve noticed and was on his feet in seconds, standing before me, his hands on my biceps. "Andrea, look at me."

I was too busy struggling to catch my breath, clutching my chest, to follow his orders.

"Andrea, look at me."

It wasn't working. I was full blown wheezing now, my chest tight and vision blurry.

"Andrea! Eyes on me," he snapped. It was a tone that was different than the one I usually heard from him. It was full of authority, one that demanded respect and attention and obedience, his _Captain_ _voice_ , and it had me going rigid, my eyes focusing on his.

"Good. That's my good girl," he praised softly reaching up to caress my cheek with the slightest touch. "Now I want you to breathe with me. In real deep and out slow." He demonstrated the behavior and soon I was copying him, our breaths in sync, our eyes locked in a deep gaze, until I felt the panic start to dissipate and the tightness of my chest loosening. "There we go. That's good. Very good. How are you feeling?"

"B-Better."

"Do you have panic attacks often?" His hand dropped from my cheek and my body whined internally at the loss.

"Sometimes," I hugged myself. I hadn't had one in awhile, months actually, but I also hadn't been kissed in a long while either.

Steve nodded, his other hand still hadn't let me go, gripping my bicep gently. "I'm sorry I kissed you."

My face fell. "No. Please don't be. I'm… I have some baggage… some heavy baggage because of The Snap and I'm still getting over it, but…" I took a deep breath. "I like you, Steve. I really do. I just… I need this to go… slow… I'm talking snails pace if possible…"

I waited with bated breath for his answer, expecting him to tell me it was too much. That he couldn't handle my baggage, not when he was a walking Adonis, capable of pulling any willing woman with no problem. But he smiled instead, just a small quirk of his lips.

"I can do snails pace or even slower…"

I gaped at him in surprise, but recovered and returned his smile. "Good…"

Silence fell over us again and it was when we had been staring into each other's eyes, the tension thickening once more, that he looked at me thoughtfully and spoke. "I should go."

"You don't have to-."

"No. I do. I should," he said hurriedly, stopping me mid sentence. "I just want to respect your wishes. And if I'm being honest here sweetheart after you kissing me like that…" he let out a heavy breath. "I should go."

I was blushing again. "Okay."

He walked back to the couch and donned his jacket, pushing his hair back from his face. I walked him to the door.

"Thank you for a lovely evening, Steve," I said as I opened the door, looking up at him.

"No, thank you," he said adjusting his coat.

"I'll… see you at the compound tomorrow."

"Yes," he stepped over the threshold, stopping and turning back to me. His eyes dropped to my lips for a brief second before he was looking me in the eye again and I knew he wanted to kiss me. But I couldn't risk getting swept up in the moment again and I guessed he knew that. "Goodnight, Andrea."

"Goodnight, Steve."

I shut the door on him and locked it, pressing my forehead into the door. _I'm really doing this._ It wasn't until I was cleaning up the pizza and beer that I remembered he had called me his good girl and I hadn't even batted an eye. I had even liked it.


	3. Red

**A/N: This is short (and honestly a little rushed) but has a little smut so I feel like that makes up for the length. And theres plot I promise I'll be getting to it next chapter. Yes I mainly wrote this so I could write Steve smut, but there will be plot lol**

* * *

So I'm dating Captain America.

I think?

I wasn't sure what we were doing. Steve and I had yet to clarify it. All I knew was that Steve had kissed me and I had a panic attack and told him that I liked him and that I needed this to progress at a snail's pace and he had taken that to heart. He was completely respective of what I had asked and was the perfect gentleman every single time that we were together, which had become a frequent thing. Our rooftop hangouts were a thing of the past, Steve coming to my desk each day around the time that he knew I would be off, offering to take me to dinner, or a movie, or just go for a walk. He kept his hands, and lips, to himself. I thought for sure that he would grow bored by the slow pace of the way things were progressing, that he would stop texting and stop showing up at my desk, but it never happened, even though I still hadn't completely opened up to him and he hardly touched me.

I was surprisingly frustrated by just how respectful he was being, especially once two more weeks of us spending some time together nearly every day passed. The more time that I spent with him, the more I realized how much I liked him and how open I was now to the idea of a relationship with him (a slow one) and the idea of him kissing me again. I was a little- okay a lot- disappointed each night when he walked me to my door, ending the night with a chaste kiss to my cheek and a goodnight with a smile.

A part of me wanted to ask him to speed things up, to make a move again, knowing that I had no courage to do so myself and the other part felt fine with just enjoying his company. I still grappled with my feelings of anxiety and guilt over what I was doing, something that I was still working during my weekly visits with Dr. Warren, but I felt like I was getting better. There were no other incidents of seeing Ian when I was with Steve and no panic attacks, but at the same time I hadn't been kissed again either.

The uncertainty of what Steve and I were doing made me feel anxious enough to the point that the question sprung from my lips before I really thought what asking him that would mean for us both.

"Steve, what are we?"

He was sitting beside me on my couch, always a comfortable but still close distance away, reclined against the cushions and looking very relaxed while enjoying some twizzlers. It felt odd to see him eat candy, especially when I knew how serious his gym workouts were, but perhaps today was his cheat day? We were enjoying a movie night at my home, Tony having given me the next day off meant that I could stay up late for once. It was Steve who had suggested the movie night of course, he always suggested what we should do and I ultimately said yes each time. He paused at my question, a twizzler less than inch from his open mouth, his blue eyes turning on me.

"What do you mean?"

I found it hard to meet his gaze suddenly, taking an interest in the package of junior mints in my lap. "I mean...are we dating? Are we just hanging out? Or…"

"We're…" Steve's brow furrowed as he trailed off for a few seconds, his blue eyes darting back and forth in thought. "We're dating?"

It sounded like a question.

"Are we?"

"Yes," he gave a single nod. "Why do you ask that?"

"Well..I'm just confused and wondering and…" I shifted on the couch, sitting up a little straighter. "You haven't tried to kiss me or anything again."

"You said snails pace or slower."

"Well what if I was ready to speed things up… just a little?"

Steve visibly tensed beside me, setting his twizzlers aside, pausing the movie and sitting up. "Are you...Do you want to?"

My skin heated up under his gaze, my heart starting to race for no apparent reason other than his stare. "Well...I feel like we have been spending so much time together and I feel comfortable with you…" I shrugged.

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed and ran a hand over his hair. He looked nervous, which only made me feel nervous. "Okay, but before we do anything we should talk."

 _Uh oh._ I turned to face him on the couch and crossed my legs. "Then let's talk."

"I want you to be comfortable at all times and I want you to feel comfortable telling me when you're uncomfortable and what your limits are," Steve started carefully, watching me with those calculating eyes.

"I am."

"I know, but I just want you to remember that when- _if_ \- we're doing things. We're still going at snails pace right?"

I nodded.

"Okay good," he repeated. "I just want us to be on the same page. So if I do something you don't like you can stop me at any time. You know the colors of a traffic light?"

"Red, yellow, and green?"

"Yes, remember those colors when we're... _together..._ you can stop me by saying red. You can tell me you want to slow down by saying yellow, and green means-."

"Go?" I cut in.

He nodded, smiling almost proudly. "Yes. Green means you are enjoying things and you want them to continue. Does that work for you?"

"Yes," I replied confidently. I didn't know where he'd gotten this idea from, but I kinda liked it. It was a good and clear way to let him know my wants and needs with no confusion. "Steve...there's something else that I wanted to talk about."

"Oh?"

"I don't want anyone at the compound knowing that we're dating, least of all Tony, at least not right away. I don't want there to be... _talk_."

We had managed to keep our 'hang outs' low profile up to that point and I liked it that way. I was not one for a lot of attention and I didn't want the attention that would come from dating Captain America. At least not yet. And then there was Tony Stark, I could just hear his teasing and comments already, and I worried that he would find me dating someone in the workplace, someone who happened to be Steve Rogers of all people, would be a conflict somehow. I made a mental note to check the employee manual for any clauses on relationships in the workplace.

Steve didn't object. "Okay, I can understand that… so we're both clear? No confusion?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Can we finish this movie now then?"

I laughed. "Yes we can."

He pressed play on the remote, settling back into the couch in the same position that he had been before. I scooted closer to him, emboldened by our open and honest conversation, and snuggled into him. His arm came around me instantly, drawing me into his warmth.

* * *

I woke up sometime later, a little disoriented and confused at my darkened surroundings. The television had cut off, leaving the only light to fall in from the city and moon outside my windows. I was still on the couch with Steve, his body laid out across the couch and mine tucked in between him and the back of the couch. My head was resting on his chest, my arm over his midsection and my leg over his waist. There was a noticeable hardness underneath my thigh, the thought of which made me blush. I could tell from the slow rise and fall from his chest that he was asleep, both of us must have dozed off sometime during the movie.

I lifted my head from his chest, wanting to check my watch to see the time and Steve stirred. His eyelids fluttered open slowly, sucking in a deep breath as he looked around, looking momentarily confused. He relaxed when he saw me, a sleepy smile on his lips.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey."

"What time is it?"

I glanced at my smart watch. "It's a little after midnight."

He blinked in surprise. "I should probably get going."

He made no move to get up though, his arms actually tightened around me, pulling me closer. My breath caught in my throat. I bit back a moan that threatened to escape my lips at the feel of his body pressed into mine. Steve tensed beneath me. The air around us immediately changed, becoming thick with arousal and tension.

"Yeah," I breathed in response to his statement. "It is late."

There wasn't any conviction to my voice. It was barely audible. Steve nodded in answer, but his blue eyes were staring deeply into mine and one of his hands was coming up to caress my cheek. I was frozen in his embrace, his touch setting my skin on fire. There had been a few of these moments over the past few weeks we had been spending time together, where we got caught up in each other, but this was normally the moment where the always respectful Steve would back away or change the subject. But this time he wasn't moving.

"Can I kiss you?" Steve asked in a husky whisper, his thumb sliding across my bottom lip.

I nodded. "Yes, please."

I wanted him too. I really did. And when his mouth found mine, tongue passing easily into my mouth, I moaned loudly just to let him know how much. Unlike our first kiss Steve's hands weren't still, they smoothed up my back, leaving fire in their wake and sending pleasure throughout my touch starved body. They moved to my sides, moving up and over the sides of my breasts before cupping my face and holding me to his hungry mouth. Without warning he turned us, leaving me on my back, the weight of him between my thighs and his mouth sucking on the sensitive skin of my throat. I gasped in surprise, my fingers digging into the flesh of his back.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked between open mouth kisses along my throat, his tongue swirling over my pulse. "What's your color?"

"Green," I moaned without hesitation.

"Good," he breathed against my skin. "That's good sweetheart."

His hand was at the hem of my tank top, hesitating for just a second before his calloused hand was smoothing up my stomach. The drag of it, an odd combination of rough and soft, nearly knocked the wind out of me. My body reacted immediately, skin heating up, heart racing faster, and a very noticeable wetness growing between my thighs. And with that came the creeping feeling of a panic attack.

I tried to ignore it, to focus entirely on the feeling of Steve's mouth and hand on my skin. _I can do this. I_ _ **want**_ _to do this._ I reminded myself, but still the panic attack crept up from within. It made my bones tingle and my chest started to feel tight. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm it.

There was a shock of pleasure when Steve's hand cupped my bare breast, his hand having finally reached its destination while I was too busy trying to stop my impending panic attack. His thumb rolled over my nipple, circling it before he pinched it gently leaving a surprisingly pleasurable sting. I gasped at the wave of ecstasy that washed over me, feeling as though I was ready to burst from the simple touch. My thighs tightened around him, my hips bucking upward to feel the hardness of him aimed right _there_.

"Steve," I moaned loudly, my hands on his chest.

His teeth nipped my throat. "Still green?"

I nodded deliriously, though that creeping feeling was still there.

"Tell me, sweetheart," he demanded, pinching again before soothing it with gentle swipes over my nipple.

"I'm green," I panted. "Really green."

I felt his smile against my skin, my answer spurring him on to go further. His hand came out of my tank top, the whine that came from my throat making him chuckle. His eyes found mine, staring intently while he pulled down the top of my tank, exposing my breasts to him. My skin turned red under his gaze though I ached for his touch to continue. I didn't have to wait long, his hand closed over one breast again, kneading the flesh tenderly before my nipple was abruptly in his mouth.

 _Oh fuck._

Something was happening below, something that hadn't happened in months by my own hand, and in years by someone else's. It was imminent, swirling in my pelvis, making my toes curl and my breath come out in heavy pants. And it was happening from just his mouth.

 _Oh god. Oh. My. God._

I was mildly relieved when Steve's mouth released me, the feeling dying with it, his hand leaving my breast and descending downward slowly. And with his descent the creeping of the panic attack grew stronger. It had been so long since I had done this, since I had been touched, kissed, _loved_. Too long since I had an orgasm, and the thought of having one terrified me for no good reason. I tried to think about what Dr. Warren told me, that I deserved this, that I deserved to be touched and wanted, all things that Steve did. But the feelings of guilt and terror felt unshakeable and they were suddenly overwhelming as Steve's hand reached the top of my leggings and his fingers breached the top of them.

"RED."

The word left my mouth in a firm tone, almost too loud, startling me and Steve. He pulled away from me immediately, sitting up, his hair a disheveled mess, his lips swollen from kissing me, looking down at me with worry. I flushed with embarrassment, sitting up and hurriedly fixing my tank top, hugging myself. I couldn't bring myself to look at Steve, my eyes trained on the floor.

 _God, what the hell is wrong with me?_

"Andrea, I'm sorry, you said snails pace and I got carried away-," he started shaking his head apologetically.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said 'red'. I was enjoying it. I just-." I hugged myself tighter. "I felt like I was going to have another panic attack."

Steve's face softened and he came a little closer, hesitantly reaching for my arm. "Don't be sorry. That was too much, too fast."

I finally looked at him frustratedly. "But it wasn't. We've been seeing each other and spending time together for weeks and I _want_ you to touch me. I do. I don't know why I can't let you. I'm sorry, Steve. You don't deserve this. You can have any woman you want and here I am barely able to let you touch me. I don't blame you if you don't want to stay and keep dealing with this."

Steve chuckled to himself which made me frown. Nothing I had said was funny. "Andrea, I'm here because I want to be. I like you. I told you I can handle snails pace and I meant it. End of story," his tone was serious, but his face was so sincere.

My heart was a flutter as I stared at him in disbelief. The man was too good to be true. "You can?"

"Yes, I can."

"You shouldn't," I mumbled.

"Luckily for me thats my decision," he countered with a smirk.

I felt a smile touch my lips in spite of the frustration and embarrassment I was feeling. "Whatever you say, Steve."

"Are you okay?" He questioned again. "Do you need anything?"

 _Yeah, I need my body to stop freaking the hell out whenever you touch me._ I shook my head. "No, I'm fine."

"Okay, then I should go so you can get to bed," he sighed moving to rise from the couch, adjusting himself discreetly. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

I nodded walking with him to the door. "Same as always."

He stopped at the door and turned back to me as I opened it for him. "I meant what I said, Andrea. And don't forget it," he ordered leaning in to place a kiss on my temple. "Get some rest."

"I will," I said offering him a weak smile.

"Goodnight."

He walked off down the hall and out of sight, leaving me to shut the door and wonder just what the hell I had done to deserve to have a man like Steve Rogers in my life.


	4. Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

**A/N: So I have zero shame cause well theres more smut. i swear plot is coming though lol**

* * *

The downside to dating Captain America, which I was beginning to learn, was the fact that he had to leave. He was sent out on a mission the day after our movie night, the mission unexpected and calling him away at the early hours of the morning. Some terrorist cell was wreaking havoc in a foreign country, trying to take advantage of generous US government rations being sent to the impoverished and they needed Steve to locate and take them out. So much for Thanos' claim that there'd be no fighting over food. Steve text me of course to let me know that he had to go and didn't know when he was coming back, but would call if he could.

He hadn't.

And that was nearly 7 days ago.

"What's up Andy? Why the long face? You look a little down."

I looked up at the approaching sound of Tony's voice, finding him strolling casually towards my desk holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a tablet in another. In truth he was right, I had been feeling a little down since Steve had left, I spent so much time with him that not being around him or atleast getting to speak with him made me feel lonely in his absence. It was something I discussed with Dr. Warren of course, I worried I was getting too dependent on Steve. She suggested some time apart would be good, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', etc etc. And while I agreed I still missed him.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired," I lied with a shrug.

"I warned you the job would be hard, kid."

"It's not the job. I'm fine. And while you're here there's some things we need to go over-."

Tony sighed. "I instantly regret coming down here."

"You have a meeting today with the Secretary of State. You _cannot_ cancel again. You already have three times and his office is calling multiple times a day. So you are going," I said firmly.

Tony rolled his eyes and groaned. "I can't do it Andy. I can't. Tell him I'm sick. Tell him I was chasing lions in Africa and got Ebola."

"The meeting is at 3:00pm. I already had Pepper send over two suits from home for you-."

Tony looked down at his faded jeans and his Metallica shirt. "Uh what exactly is wrong with this?"

"The black Armani and the navy blue Brioni, which one?" I continued ignoring him.

"Again, what is wrong with this?" He motioned to himself.

"Fine I'll pick for you, the Armani it is. It will look good on you. Black is slimming."

Tony gaped at me. "Are you calling me fat, Andy? I'll have you know I work out on occasion-."

I raised my voice over his. "After your meeting you have dinner with Pepper, another reason you need a suit. 6:00pm and she said don't be late and made vague allusions to causing you bodily harm if you are," I had to keep cutting in or he'd never stop talking. Something I learned quickly about him.

"Who are you and what have you done with my normally quiet and kind assistant?" Tony questioned. He shook his head and tutted at me. "I don't like this side of you, Andy," he joked.

He was right. I normally was a quiet and kind and dutiful assistant, but sometimes Tony needed a firm hand. "Did you hear what I said, Tony?" I ignored his comment. I usually did.

"Yes. Fine. Dinner at 6:00. Got it. But can we circle back to why you can't sit in for me at the meeting with Ross?" He asked before sipping his coffee. "Isn't that what I pay you for?"

"Because it's a one on one and he wants to talk to _you_. I am not Tony Stark. And I am already sitting in on the meeting with the design team for the new building you insist on adding to this compound, which is also scheduled at 3:00pm, that you should have been attending, to take notes for you."

Tony smiled appreciatively. "Well thank you for that, Andy."

"You're welcome."

"I'm going to disappear before you give me more stuff to do," he said turning on his heel and walking briskly out of the area. "I'll be in the lab."

"Be up here at 2:30 to change, Tony Stark! Do not make me come get you! You won't like it!" I warned.

"You can't scare me, Andy, I'm Iron Man!" He called back.

The afternoon came around quickly and, like the true toddler man he is, Tony wasn't up in his office to change at 2:30 as demanded leaving me to drag him from the lab.

"Are you going to dress me too, Andy?" He quipped as I tugged him by the arm back up to his office.

"You don't pay me enough for that."

"Excuse me I pay you handsomely. Or is it beautifully? Because you're a woman."

"Tony," I sighed. "Please for the love of god, change. And then meet Ross in the conference room 5. He's already here and waiting of course. I need to go before I'm late for my meeting."

I shut the door on him before he could say anything, gathering up my phone and notepad and rushing for conference room 2. I made it just in time without being late, sitting at end of the table and diligently taking notes. We were halfway through the schematics when my phone buzzed on the table. I looked around apologetically, picking it up and checking who it was from under the table.

 **3:45pm: I'm back.**

 _Steve._ I felt relief and a smile touched my lips.

 **3:47: I'm glad. How was the mission?**

 **3:50: Long. When can I see you?**

 **3:53: Tonight?**

With Tony leaving to have dinner with Pepper he most likely wouldn't be returning to the compound. He never did on date night. Which meant that I could sneak away earlier than usual and see Steve. As long as I kept my phone on in case anything came up, I would be good.

 **4:05: Meet me on the fourth floor when you get off. I'll make dinner.**

Excitement coursed through me.

 **4:07: I can sneak away in about an hour and a half.**

 **4:09: I look forward to it.**

I was grinning widely, feeling giddy at his response. I put my phone away, refocusing on the meeting and notes. I wanted to make sure that I covered everything, but the anxiousness to see Steve was distracting. I had to work hard to focus on my notes instead of glancing periodically at the clock. I was happy when the head of the meeting adjourned thirty minutes later and released us. I rushed back to my desk and went through Tony's emails, answering a few, scheduling and rescheduling some meetings for him, and making sure nothing else pertinent needed to be handled that night, hoping that my time with Steve wouldn't be interrupted.

I called Tony, just to check in and give him a quick rundown on the meeting. He was in his car, on the way to Pepper, distractedly rushing me off the phone, letting me know he'd most likely be in late the next morning. When I made sure everything at my desk was neat and tidy, I shut down my station and slid my purse over my arm, checking the clock to see that it was exactly an hour and a half later.

I walked to the elevator, the doors opening immediately as I approached. "Fourth floor F.R.I.D.A.Y."

"I will need your clearance code Andy," F.R.I.D.A.Y answered.

"Of course. AD120410."

"Thank you, Andy."

The elevator began to rise and the bell rang above alerting me we had reached the floor. The door opened and I startled to see Steve standing on the other side, dressed casually in jeans and a blue shirt that clung to every inch of his muscle too perfectly, a glass of red wine in his hand. He smiled at me the moment our eyes met, his blue eyes shining in the low light.

"I told F.R.I.D.A.Y to let me know when you were in the elevator so that I could be right here to offer you this," he held out the glass.

I stepped off the elevator, feeling a surprised flush to my cheeks, taking the glass. "Thank you, Steve."

He came closer as he passed me the glass, his muscular form pressing lightly into me as he placed a gentle kiss to my temple. He smelled amazing, like he had just showered, the scent of his cologne fresh on his skin. "You're welcome," he said softly. His warmth was overwhelming. "I missed you."

Heat filled my cheeks and I smiled up at him. "I missed you too."

"Good. Hungry?"

I felt both relief and longing when he stepped away, taking hold of my hand and leading me through the common area to the large kitchen that sat at the back. I noticed right away that the common area was empty, the lights were dimmed, and two plates sat at the large marble topped kitchen island, still steaming and smelling delicious. The fragrance of the food making my mouth water.

"Famished," I breathed looking around as we walked through the area. "Are we...alone?"

"Natasha turned in for the night, said she has no plans of leaving her room. Bruce is down in the lab, he usually is to the early hours of the morning and Thor is out. Not sure where. Not sure when he is coming back," Steve shrugged. "So yes, we're alone. Technically. But that reminds me, F.R.I.D.A.Y Andrea and I would like some privacy, so could we get a heads up if anyone accesses the elevator to come up."

"Of course, Captain," F.R.I.D.A.Y answered.

We reached the island, Steve stopping to pull my chair out for me and allow me to slide into it. He pushed it in for me, and I recognized the chicken parmigiana on my plate. It looked incredible, smelt better, and I turned to Steve with a surprised smile.

"You made this?"

Steve smirked, nodding. "Yes. I did."

"Chicken parmigiana happens to be my favorite," I admitted sipping my wine.

"Well I lucked out then huh?" He winked.

I set my glass down and took my napkin from beneath my silverware placing it over my lap. "I feel a little bad, you just got back from a mission and here you are cooking for me. Plus I've been at work all day and I should have went home to change or-."

"Don't worry about it," Steve cut in. "You look great and I was going to be cooking myself something anyway."

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. "Let's see if this tastes as good as it smells."

It tasted better than it smelled. I cleaned my plate easily and quickly, managing to still hold a conversation with Steve between bites. Soon my plate was empty and my glass had been filled for the second time, I was turning it in my hands as I listened to Steve talk about his early days as the Captain. He had a brightness in his eyes as he spoke about those early days and his time with Bucky and the howling commandos. It was a brightness I was starting to see more frequently.

"I'm sorry. I'm rambling," he said as his story ended, chuckling softly to himself.

"No, please don't apologize," I said setting my glass down. "Your stories are far more interesting than anything I have to talk about."

He smirked. "Well you've had a long day and I've had a long mission, how about we retire to the couch? Maybe we can watch a movie?"

"That sounds lovely."

I followed him to the couch, settling in and pulling off my heels to tuck my legs under my butt as best I could in my tight skirt. Steve sat beside me, close enough that his shoulder was touching mine, and turned on a movie. It was a romantic comedy that I didn't catch the name of because I was temporarily distracted by Steve's proximity and the comfortability of the leather couch beneath us. The comfort of it called up an ache in my neck and shoulders, reminding me that I needed to work on my posture and prompting me to rub the back of my neck with my hand.

"You alright?" Steve questioned turning his head to see me rubbing my neck.

"Yeah, just a little sore," I sighed. "I have to ask Tony for a better desk chair. My neck is always acting up at the end of the day, could probably work on my posture too," I added with a soft laugh.

"Allow me?" He asked politely as ever, holding up his large hands.

"Oh, no Steve, you just got back from a mission and you've already cooked for me. You don't have to-."

He cut me off. "I know I don't have to Andrea. I want too. Let me."

I considered arguing some more, but the look on Steve's face advised me against it. The thought of Steve putting those hands on my body again made my skin hot. And after not seeing him for a week and after what happened the last time we were together, I was missing his touch.

I turned my body away from him and scooted backwards towards him, just a little closer. I felt Steve shift behind me, body turning on the couch to face my back, encasing me in his long legs, large hands dwarfing my shoulders. His skin was warm, warmer than average, like little furnaces that instantly caused my muscles and skin to tingle under his touch even with the layer of cotton from my blouse between it and his hands. His fingers moved rhythmically over the tops of my shoulders while his thumbs applied steady lines of pressure down my neck. The movements in unison felt like heaven and I found myself leaning back into his touch. Minutes of it passed and I was officially on cloud nine, a small moan escaping my parted lips when his thumbs worked through a persistent knot on my shoulder.

His beard tickled the shell of my ear as his lips came near. "I really missed you, you know that?"

His voice was a husky whisper, surprising me at the sudden change, it made my breath hitch in my throat. "I really missed you too."

"How's that? Does that feel good?"

"Y-Yeah that's… that's really good, Captain."

I felt Steve tense behind me at the use of his title. I hadn't meant to call him it. It really had just slipped out.

"Now you can't just call me Captain like that, Sweetheart," he sighed against my ear. "I told you what that does to me."

Something in me sparked at those words, starting a small fire in my abdomen that I knew was gonna consume me if I let it. I didn't know if it was the time away from him or the wine that was flushing my skin and making me feel a little dizzy if I was being honest, but the usual apprehension I had once felt was gone now, being replaced with a desire and a _need._

 _This is okay. I'm allowed to do this. I'm allowed to feel things again. Ian would want me to be happy,_ I reminded myself.

I took a deep breath and prepared to put myself out there. "Could you go a little lower, _Captain_?" I said, my voice just as husky as Steve's had been.

He tensed behind me again, his hands pausing for a brief moment. But just as I asked his hands travelled from my shoulders, down my sides, just under my breasts, fingers still moving against my flesh leaving tingles and sparks in their wake. He leaned in towards my neck, head dipping, lips brushing along my pulse.

"Like that?" He asked.

"Yes, Captain," I moaned.

There was a deep rumble behind me, one that sounded dangerously like a growl. His head dipped again and his lips were on my pulse, kissing lightly, beard tickling, his breath raising goosebumps on my flesh. I was getting hot, my heart starting to race and my breath coming out in soft pants. But still no panic.

I leaned back further, pressed against him, soaking up the courage I was feeling, my head turning to catch his mouth with mine. He immediately took control of the kiss, his tongue dominating mine and exploring my mouth. I relented happily, letting him have control, wanting to be pliable to his command. His hands smoothed down my stomach right over the front of my skirt, sending a heat wave right to my core before smoothing back up and repeating in a slow motion between the bottom of my breasts and just before the apex of my thighs. It felt like a tease, like torture. I ached for more.

"Captain," I gasped pulling away from his kiss, squirming under his ministrations.

"Color?" He was checking in. Making sure that I wasn't going to have a panic attack again.

"Green," I sighed.

I felt the scrape of his teeth against the sensitive skin of my neck. "Good, sweetheart, will you let me take care of you?"

 _God, yes._ "Please…" I breathed.

"Is that a yes?" He questioned further, his tone dark, lusty.

I hesitated, unsure of what I was saying yes to, but knowing I wanted- _needed-_ something. And it needed to happen quickly before the panic set in. "Yes, Captain."

In seconds his hands were at the hem of my skirt, working it up my thighs as my legs slid out from underneath me to straighten and help him. We adjusted ourselves until I was fully between his spread legs, my back against his strong chest, my skirt bunched at my hips. Both of his hands smoothed over the tops of my thighs before guiding them open, one traveling up my right thigh while the other went up my stomach and over my breast. Every nerve sparked under his touch and I was arching off his chest when the hand on my thigh reached the dampened material of my panties. His fingers worked lazily back and forth against the outside, the thin material barely a shield from his touch.

"You can tell me to stop at any time," he reminded between kisses along the side of my throat. "Only what you want, sweetheart. We still green?"

I nodded feverishly, my eyes falling closed, my back pressing into him harder while my knees bent and fell apart to grant him complete access. His fingers pulled the material of my panties aside, exposing me to the warm air before two of his fingers slipped between my folds and a pleased gasp escaped me. A coil instantly started to tighten inside of me, ready to snap so suddenly. I was long overdue for a release. His fingers circled my clit in a slow torturous motion, just enough pressure to start and maintain an orgasmic sensation but no where near quick enough to get me anywhere.

"Open your blouse, Sweetheart," he demanded at my ear. "Let me see you."

My hands went for my top obediently and blindly, searching for buttons, I found one and undid it and the one below and the next until it opened. Steve's free hand went for the cups, taking a handful of each breast and releasing them from their confines. He sighed heavily at the sight of me exposed, fingers going for one of my aroused nipples, rolling and tugging on it, gently but enough to have me gasping again.

"Is this all for me, baby?" He groaned into my skin when he realized just how wet I was. "God, sweetheart, you're dripping wet."

He was right. I couldn't remember the last time, or honestly if I'd ever, been this aroused. The ache that currently sat within me was too strong. "Yes, Captain… please…" I whimpered. _More._

He clicked his tongue at me, shaking his head, all while maintaining that slow rhythm of torture against my nipples and clit. "Good girls ask for what they want." Rolling and tugging and circling. I was right on the precipice and only needed a small nudge over. "So if you want me to take care of you, you have to say it."

"Please… I-I… god," I didn't know what I was supposed to be asking for, barely able to string together a coherent phrase in my ecstasy induced state.

"Tell me what you need." His teeth bit into the flesh of my throat, his mouth sucking hard enough to leave a mark on my skin. I'd regret that later but in the moment I moaned loudly, my hands gripping his knees on either side of my body.

"Shhhh….we don't want Natasha getting worried now do we?" He warned.

I had forgotten that we were on the Avengers floor, in the common room for anyone to see. I had also forgotten the close proximity of the private bedrooms of the Avengers to the common area and was certain that Natasha had heard my outburst. I hoped that she didn't come out of her room because I was so close to coming and I needed it dammit.

"I-I want to cum," I breathed in a rushed whimper to answer his previous question which was the most important thing to me at the moment. "Please, Captain..."

"There's my good girl," he praised, his fingers dipping into my entrance sending me arching away from him again. "Ah. Ah. Stay still."

It took all my strength and extra focus to force my body to still and remain as still as it could. I would do just about anything to keep him from stopping, his fingers beginning to work in and out of me now, brushing right over that sweet spot. My fingers dug into his knees, my bottom lip between my teeth, teetering right on the edge and waiting for the coil to snap so I could fall in.

"Tell me your color."

"Green, Captain, so very green. F-Faster, please," I panted disobeying his command as my hips started to rotate on his hand, desperately trying to get the pace I needed.

"Didn't I say 'keep still'?" He said it in his Captain voice, which was a drastic change from the husky, yet commanding whisper he had been using. It made my body snap to attention and freeze immediately. Surprising myself at how obedient I was just from his tone. "That's it. Good girl," he praised again. "And since you asked so nicely."

His fingers pressed upward, putting pressure right _there_ , calling to my orgasm with a repeated come here motion. At the same time his thumb came up to circle my clit, my own arousal allowing him to circle it in a fast steady motion. I bit into my bottom lip to keep from making a sound, though they still escaped my throat in small groans. _God yes. Yes. Yes._ I was still right there, dancing across that edge, caught in the sensations, rolling, tugging, in and out, and circling. And still I wasn't panicking. I knew it was coming if he didn't stop. If he'd just let me-.

"Cum, Andrea," he ordered.

I couldn't stop it, the cry that echoed from my lips as the orgasm took me over right at his command. My entire body seized around Steve's fingers, a rush of fluid coating his hand as my vision went dark. The orgasm rolled through me for several blissful seconds before my body went limp against Steve, spent and panting.

His lips were on my neck again kissing softly. "Such a good girl," his whispered praises sent after shocks through me as he pulled his fingers from my heat. "You did so good, sweetheart."

I heard a soft sucking noise right at my ear followed by a pleased groan from Steve's throat that had my eyes fluttering open to see what was so enticing. My eyes widened at the sight of him licking my own juices from his fingers, something that sent more aftershocks through me, just like his praises. He pulled his fingers from his mouth, kissing me hard, sharing my taste with me. His hips moved against me, the hardness of him aimed right at the middle of my back and I grew impossibly wetter. _Oh god._

"Captain Rogers, Dr. Banner is on his way to the fourth floor."

The voice of F.R.I.D.A.Y shattered my orgasm bliss, startling me right out of Steve's lap as I clutched my blouse closed with one hand and pulled my skirt down with the other. I felt silly for getting scared, my cheeks heating up, but I continued to fix my clothing hurriedly. Steve remained calm, sitting up on the couch and smoothing his hair back from his face.

"Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y," he answered always the gentleman. He looked to me with concern. "Are you alright?"

I nodded and finished up my buttons before rising to my feet to straighten my now wrinkled skirt. My heart was still racing and I knew that I was red and flushed, my skin was still tingling from the orgasm. I reached for my heels, pulling them back on just as I heard the elevator ding and the sound of the doors opening. Steve rose quickly, adjusting himself as best he could.

Bruce stepped off the elevator, glasses on, engrossed in whatever was displayed on the tablet in his hand. He made a beeline for his room, pausing when he noticed our presence and looking up surprised.

"Oh, Steve, Andy, hi," he said. "I'm sorry did I interrupt-."

"Nope," I said quickly, a little too quickly. Bruce blinked and Steve looked at me with an arched eyebrow. "You didn't interrupt a thing. I was just…just going over some mission notes from Tony with Captain Rogers…"

Bruce noticeably took in my wrinkled skirt and blouse. I glanced down to see that I had missed a button, meaning my shirt was off center. _Great._ I wanted to sink into the floor.

"Okay…" Bruce said slowly. He ignored it thankfully. "Hey, can you tell Tony I emailed him some important notes for the project. I need his input before I can continue so I need him to look them over ASAP."

"Yes of course, Dr. Banner," I answered.

"Thanks, Andy. You two have a good night."

Bruce nodded to us both and went back to looking at his tablet, walking to his room and opening the door to enter and shut it behind himself. I let out a long breath and ran a hand through my hair.

"I should probably go," I said glancing at Steve before walking to the kitchen to retrieve my purse.

Steve's hand caught my arm, stopping me. "Hey, wait. Are you okay?"

I shrugged off his touch as gently as I could, not wanting to hurt his feelings. The creeping feeling of a panic attack finally catching up to me. He noticed, putting his hands into his pockets with a frown.

"Yes, I'm fine, things just...things got pretty intense-."

"I know, I'm sorry. And I completely respect your wishes. I wasn't going to let things go too far. I know what you said about going slow...I just...I really missed you and I wanted to take care of you a little tonight," his eyes darkened as he said the last words, his voice soft. "I hope you don't feel pressured."

My cheeks, hell my whole body, was heating up again. I swallowed. "It was…" _great, fantastic, amazing, I want more._ "It's okay, Steve. I know. I didn't feel pressured. I was a very willing participant. I just think we should refrain from doing… that… in common areas where people might see or hear us. Remember I don't want my work reputation to get sullied."

"Of course, Sweetheart. No more public stuff," he held up his hands. He reached for me again and this time I let him, his hands coming to rest on my waist. "Are you sure you want to go?"

I nodded. If I didn't _I_ might not be able to control myself. "Yes, it's getting late and… I'm suddenly very tired," I smiled deviously up at him.

Steve smirked. "Let me walk you to the elevator."

I got my purse and slung it over my shoulder, following Steve to the elevator. He pushed the button and the doors opened. "Well thank you for a lovely evening," I was blushing again.

Steve leaned in placing a lingering kiss on my lips, one that had my whole body tingling with want. His forehead rested against mine. "Thank you for letting me take care of you tonight," he whispered.

 _He was thanking me?_ "You're welcome?"

Steve chuckled and placed another quick kiss on my lips. "I'll see you tomorrow. Get some rest."

"Goodnight."

I stepped onto the elevator, standing against the back wall and smiling at Steve as the doors slid closed. I got one small wave off before the doors closed completely on him and I was letting out another held in breath, my hands going to cover myself.

"Jesus Christ that man is gonna be the death of me," I sighed.


	5. Homework

"So how are things going with your coworker?"

There was an immediate heat to my cheeks at the mention of Steve, my eyes dropping from Dr. Warrens face to take in the large and expensive looking shag rug under her, also expensive looking, high back chair. Visions of us from the night before on the common room couch ran quickly through my brain like a movie reel.

My back to the broad muscular expanse of his chest, the rough drag of his fingers inside of me, the tickle of his beard against my throat; I was getting hot just thinking about it. I shook my head to clear the dark thoughts and cleared my throat, shifting nervously on the couch. Dr. Warren noticed my blushing and fidgeting immediately, a large smile spreading across her face.

"I take it there's been another development in the relationship...perhaps an intimate one?" She probed, a dark eyebrow arching.

Dr. Warren knew everything, save for Steve's identity, I only referred to him as my coworker, never his name or title. But she knew everything else about our relationship, knew about Steve's color system and while she had made a face when I mentioned it she had ultimately thought it was a good idea. We tried not to talk about Steve, but given that my life only consisted of work and him, there wasn't much else to talk about.

"We…" I started slowly smoothing the bottom of my dress over my thighs. "We made some progress in the intimacy department last night when he got back from his… business trip."

Dr. Warren's smile grew impossibly wider. "That's great. Any panic attacks?"

I shook my head. "Nope, we were interrupted which made me feel a little anxious, but throughout the interaction I had no problems. I even…" I trailed off as my lips snapped shut. Yes, I felt comfortable and safe with Dr. Warren, her office had always been a safe place for me, but wasn't it weird telling your therapist that you'd had an orgasm?

"You even what…?"

I swallowed thickly and took an interest in the books that lined the shelves of her office with my eyes. "I even had an… orgasm."

The good doctor blinked and her smile momentarily faltered. She recovered with a little shake of her head and the smile returned. "Andy, that's wonderful."

I gave a small shrug, trying to be nonchalant, but it was a big thing. Especially given that at one point Steve's touch sent me barreling right into a panic attack.

"So you were able to have intercourse without a panic attack?" She elaborated, jotting something down on the notepad in her lap.

"No, god no, we haven't-." I shifted against the cushions once more. The thought of having full intercourse with Steve made my skin tingle with excitement and panic. I still wasn't ready for that. Not when Steve made everything so… intense.

Dr. Warren looked at me with confusion bright in her eyes, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Andy?"

"We haven't had sex. He just touched me. That's all. I don't think I'm ready for… that," lord I couldn't even say it.

"And that is completely fine. Just think of it as baby steps and as long as your coworker is supportive-."

"He is. He's very supportive and understanding," I cut in not wanting her to get the wrong idea of Steve.

"So does this mean you've shared the complete details of your past with him?"

My face fell. I almost forgot that there was a big portion of my life that I hadn't shared with Steve. He knew nothing of Ian, only knew about Reagan from the picture, and nothing of the daughter I had lost. I had talked about my dad, but he had been a safe topic. Everyone had a dad, everyone loses a dad. It's expected, and I knew Steve wouldn't ask what happened to him when I referred to him in the past tense.

"No." I kept the answer short, hoping Dr. Warren wouldn't press it.

She did of course.

She crossed her legs, adjusted her notepad and leaned back in her chair. "Why don't you feel comfortable sharing that part of yourself with your coworker?"

"I don't feel comfortable sharing that part of myself with anyone," I answered quickly.

"You share it with me."

"You're my therapist."

"And your coworker is in an intimate relationship with you," she countered. "How can you have honesty and trust in your relationship if he doesn't know about the major events of your past?"

My face fell and I felt an unusual irritation. I didn't discuss my past with anyone, save for Dr. Warren, and those in the support group I no longer attended, and even that was basically anonymous. I didn't like to talk about it because I didn't like to think about it and couldn't do so without bursting into tears. It was a dark time in my life, one that nearly broke me, and I was just starting to put the pieces back together again. And I didn't want to relive it. It hadn't affected my relationship with Steve so far and I was convincing myself that it wouldn't. I wanted to continue to believe that it wouldn't.

The timer on her phone, a shrill tone of three bells, went off signaling that our hour was up. And I was relieved.

"Saved by the bells," Dr. Warren commented with a knowing look that made blush again. She turned off the alarm. "I'd like to continue this topic next week, Andy. I think it's important that we work past your reluctance to share with your coworker."

I nodded and rose from the comfort of her couch, slinging my purse over my shoulder. "Sure, Dr. Warren."

"In the meantime I'm going to give you some homework."

Uh oh.

"I want you to share one thing about your past with him. Big or small. Perhaps tell him more about Reagan," she suggested. "But take a baby step towards letting him into that part of your world."

I worked hard to keep the scowl from my face. I didn't want to do this homework. Still I nodded. "Okay, Dr. Warren."

* * *

I headed back to work after therapy. It had become routine to schedule my therapy appointments during my lunch hour so that it didn't interrupt my time with Steve outside of work. I was surprised to get a text from Tony just as I walked through the door.

1:04pm: meet me in my office ASAP.

I couldn't help, but feel like something was wrong. Tony hardly texted me. He didn't need to. Perhaps he had heard about Steve and I somehow, maybe Bruce had mentioned what he'd seen last night? My heart started to race at the possibility of getting in trouble with Tony or losing my job.

Don't freak out until you know something is wrong, I told myself, taking some deep nerve steadying breaths.

I found Tony's office door closed and knocked before entering, hearing his muffled call to enter. He was sitting at his desk with what looked like blueprints for a large machine hovering over his desk. He didn't look pissed which I took as a good sign. I shut the door behind me and approached his desk.

"Andy, just in time, where were you? I've been looking all over," he said leaning his head to the side to look at me past the plans.

"I had an appointment over my lunch time. Sorry. Is there something you need?"

"Is everything okay?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"Yes, everything is fine."

He looked as though he wanted to ask more, but thought better of it and looked at the plans before him instead. "This is the new building that I am having built," he said motioning to the blue prints. "We break ground tomorrow and it will take about a month apparently which is the quote I got from the contractors."

"Oh," was all I could think to say.

"I want you to oversee this while I am gone," he said. "I need it done on time or even sooner. It's important to the...project I am working on."

My brows knit in confusion. "Gone? Are you going somewhere?"

"Yeah, Bruce and I leave for Wakanda tomorrow," he said rising from his chair. "I'll be gone for a few weeks. So I need you to cancel all my meetings for the next three weeks just in case, unless it's something that you can sit it on and take notes for me. But I want to be continuously updated on this building, got it?"

I hesitated. "Umm...okay? Does Pepper know you're leaving?"

Tony sighed. "Yeah and she's not happy about it, but I have to. I need input from their science and research and development departments. Might need to borrow some of their technology also. So I am going to meet with their high council about citizenship for me to visit and sharing of information, etc. etc," he answered absently.

"And this is about the big secret project you're working on with Dr. Banner?"

Tony nodded. "Trust me, Andy. This project I am working on is going to change a lot of people's lives," he said looking back to the blue prints his eyes glazing over a bit as though he wasn't really seeing the prints and was envisioning whatever the project was. "It's going to put things back to the way they're supposed to be."

I had no idea what he was talking about, but nodded anyway. "Does this mean you want me to work less since you'll be gone?" I asked worriedly. I didn't like the thought of that at all. Work kept me distracted. Work kept me sane. I needed this.

Tony chuckled. "No way kid. You're the extension of me and with me gone I'm gonna need you here more than ever. Gotta keep this place going while I'm away. I trust you to do that. As a bonus I'll even let you decide what day you take off each week. Just send me a text so I know you're not in the office."

I felt a proud warmth flood me as he beamed at me. It felt nice to be trusted and appreciated. "Thank you, Tony."

"Just do me a favor and check in on old Capsicle from time to time while I'm gone okay? Make sure he's got everything he needs. He gets a bit down without me to brighten his world," Tony said absently.

"Sure thing." I saw Steve nearly every day, that wouldn't be a problem.

"And if Ross or his office calls you do not, I repeat, DO NOT, under any circumstances tell him that I am in Wakanda," Tony said gravely, a seriousness to his face that I hardly saw. "And if they ask about the status of the project you tell them that until he can perfect the science of it or build it himself, he cannot ask me about it or rush me."

"Umm… okay."

"Or feel free to always send them to voicemail," Tony shrugged.

"Okay… is there anything else?"

"Yes, try not to miss me too much," he grinned widely.

I rolled my eyes, but was smiling also. "Sure, Tony, it'll be hard but I'll struggle through."

"Good. We're leaving at 10am tomorrow. I'll be reachable so just text or call if you need me. I expect you to come to the tarmac and say goodbye tomorrow morning."

"Of course I will."

"Great. Now get out of here."

I turned on my heel and left his office wondering just what the hell Tony was working on.

* * *

The time passed quickly and before I knew it, it was 6:00pm. Steve's text came as it always did at end of my day.

6:03pm: Almost done?

6:04pm: Shutting my computer down as I type.

6:05pm: Dinner?

6:07pm: Yes, what did you have in mind?

6:09pm: Chinese?

6:10pm: Perfect. I'll meet you downstairs.

I gathered my things and sent Tony a text to let him know I was heading out. I exited the building with an anxiousness coursing through my veins. I hadn't seen Steve all day, he usually stopped by my desk or I saw him in the hallways, but I hadn't today. He must have taken the day easy after his mission.

Steve was already waiting for me when I walked out of the main building of the compound. He was clad in a black leather jacket and a navy blue shirt beneath with dark wash jeans and boots. He was sitting casually on his motorcycle, one I had seen a few times before. He smiled as I approached though I was frowning slightly. I had never ridden a motorcycle before and the thought made me uncomfortable. We usually took a cab, something else that took me a long while to get over, I hadn't driven a car in years. I got flashbacks of the accident whenever I had tried to drive.

"Hi sweetheart," he greeted, rising from the bike and placing a kiss on my cheek.

"Hi." My tone was short, crisp. He frowned.

"Something wrong?"

"No. I just… I've never ridden a motorcycle before," I admitted looking down at the bike. It was a beautiful machine. My father would have loved it. But the thought of even nearing it was filling me with anxiety and not the good kind.

Steve looked at the bike and then back to me. "Oh," he said, the frown remained on his face and then he was looking at me again, reaching out and touching my cheek. Fire raced through my face at his touch and I felt my heart skip a beat. "Do you trust me?" He asked softly.

I was lost in those sapphire eyes of his. I nodded. "Of course, I do."

He smiled, his thumb brushing over my skin. "Good, I promise nothings gonna happen to you. I'm an excellent driver."

He stepped back and grabbed his helmet from the handlebars, offering it to me. I looked down at the helmet warily, but put it on, it was a little too big, but if we were to crash I prayed it did the trick. Steve climbed on the bike first and then held out his hand for me to take. He helped me climb on behind him, showed me wear to hold on and offered a reassuring smile before the engine rumbled to life.

I made it to the restaurant in one piece. The majority of the ride spent with my face pressed into Steve's back, my grip on his body right, and my eyes shut. I'd only released Steve once we had made a complete stop and the engine to the motorcycle was turned off, he climbed off the bike first, offering a hand to help me off. I took the helmet off and set it on the seat.

"You okay?" He asked looking down at me with a hint of worry in his eyes.

"Green, Captain," I said with a salute.

I was trying to be playfully, but the effect those words had on Steve was immediately evident. He tensed, his eyes widening a bit in surprise before they visibly darkened and he licked his lips. He took a closer step toward me, his arm encircled my waist and drew me in close, a gasp escaping my throat. He bent down so that his lips were at my ear, his beard tickling my cheek.

"You keep talking like that sweetheart and I won't be able to keep my hands off of you," his tone was a husky whisper mixed with a warning.

I shivered. I couldn't help it. When he withdrew from me, my bottom lip was between my teeth. He winked at me dangerously and slid his calloused hand down my bare arm until he reached my hand, which he wrapped his hand around, entwining his fingers with mine. He turned and lead us into the restaurant while I made a mental note to not call him captain or mention the colors unless I intended to start something I could finish.

We were seated at a table, our orders taken and drinks brought, leaving just Steve and I in silence. My mind went back to Dr. Warren's homework assignment and I began trying to think of what I could tell him. It would have to be something small, something that wouldn't send me bursting into tears at the mention of it or induce a panic attack. Steve interrupted my thoughts by speaking first.

"How are you?" He asked watching me with calculating eyes. "After last night…"

There came the flashes of our activities again and I felt a heat, one that started low in my belly. I swallowed thickly and felt a blush in my cheeks. "Fine...last night was...good," I answered with a small voice.

Steve arched an eyebrow. "Just good?"

"Great," I corrected avoiding his gaze. I had slept better than I had in years and that was just by his hand. I could only imagine what sex would be like. The heat I felt intensified and I quickly changed the subject before it spread. "Did you get some rest?"

He nodded. "Yes, I slept very well. Might have slept better if you were with me, but I made due."

I'm certain I'm red now and I cant even hide behind a menu because we've already ordered. I take a long drink of soda instead and avoid his gaze. He's still watching me when I finally get the courage to look at him again and I take that moment to again change the subject.

"So did Tony tell you his plans to head to Wakanda for a few weeks or were Pepper and I the only ones surprised?"

"Yeah, he told me today, if it helps him get the project done then," he finished with a shrug of disinterest.

"Do...do you know what the project is?" Tony had never told me. I figured if I needed to know, he would have told me, but his sudden need to leave to Wakanda and the fact that he was building a whole building for it had my interest piqued.

Steve hesitated. "Yes, I know what it is. It's a foolish billionaires crazy dream."

His tone was definitive and I got the feeling that he wasn't going to share anymore with me. I put my interest in the project on the back burner. "You know he asked me to check in on you while he was away...said you get a bit down sometimes…"

Steve seemed genuinely surprised by this, his face falling and his eyebrows raising. I knew that he and Tony had his differences, that it was most likely The Snap and the losses of their mutual teammates and friends that had brought them back together though the relationship was strained and turbulent. But I could tell that Tony cared about Steve and vice versa, even if they both hid it behind their attitudes towards each other.

"That was nice of him, but I haven't felt down for a while," he replied, a smile playing at is lips. "But feel free to check on me."

"It was a task he assigned to me and you know how good I am at my job," I shrugged. "That means I'll have to check on you pretty regularly."

Steve chuckled. "I look forward to it then."

Our food came then, steaming plates of chow mein, sweet and sour pork, and broccoli beef set before us. Steve and I both dug in, putting food on our plates and eating in a comfortable silence until a thought crossed my mind. I took a deep breath and chewed the bite of food in my mouth before wiping my mouth with a napkin.

"My sister, Reagan, we called her Ray, she loved sweet and sour chicken. It was her favorite thing to eat actually."

Steve froze, a fork full of chow mein paused right by his lips, his eyebrows up again and his blue eyes wide. I expected surprise from him, I never spoke of my past and he had gotten the hint to stop asking. But I took Dr. Warren's homework seriously, even when I disliked the task, she hadn't steered me wrong before. She was the reason that I had come as far as I had. Steve wiped the surprise from his face and offered me an encouraging smile.

"I'm guessing as twins you were pretty close," he offered, giving me a chance to continue.

I nodded, my eyes feeling a little watery, I wiped at them quickly. "Yes, we were. She was my complete opposite. I wanted the house and the picket fence and the kids and the dog and she wanted none of it. She wanted to be one with the earth and the universe and to travel and," I shook my head with a small breathy laugh as I thought of the time she told me her plans to travel to all the mountain tops so she could carve her name in the stones there. "She was definitely free spirit, but we were very close despite that. She...passed when The Snap happened."

 _Homework_ _accomplished_.

Steve's smile shrank and a sadness touched his eyes. He reached across the table, the heavy weight of his hand coming to rest over mine. My eyes grew watery at his touch, thoughts of Reagan rushing through my head, I bit my lip to keep a sob that was rushing up to my throat at bay. Steve brushed his thumb across the back of my hand, gave it a squeeze and almost sent me into a ugly crying fit. I didn't want to say more, I knew it would definitely send me back to that dark place.

I was saved by the waiter coming to check in, forcing Steve to withdraw his hand and me to wipe away the tears brimming my eyes with a napkin. When the waiter left I changed the subject, asking Steve if he had any missions coming up and he took the hint, not broaching the subject of my sister again.

He lead the conversation as he usually did and I gladly let him. We finished the rest of the meal and left after paying, heading back to my apartment after a motorcycle ride that hadn't seemed as scary as the first. I invited him in of course, I always did. We always ended up watching a movie until I fell asleep and Steve put me to bed and left himself.

We were curled up on my couch, laying across it, Steve on his back and me at his side, my head on his chest with some comedy movie on that wasn't exactly holding my attention. It apparently wasn't holding Steve's either because he turned his head toward me, looking down to find my eyes.

"I want to ask you something and please don't feel the need to say yes, you can say no."

I couldn't stop my hesitation or the worry that rushed through me, but nodded for him to continue.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" He asked.

"Oh," I breathed the word in the shock. "Steve, I'm not ready for-."

"I mean just to sleep, Andrea. That's all," he cut me off with a smirk, raising his free hand like he was making an oath. "I just want to sleep next to you all night. Will you let me?"

I hesitated again, looking up at him nervously through my lashes. I almost shook my head to say no, the thought of sharing the same bed with him that I shared with Ian almost too much, but I startlingly realized that a larger part of me wanted to say yes. So I did.

I nodded silently and the uncertain smile on his face grew into a grin.

Soon the movie ended and the hour had grown late. Without a word Steve sat us up, rising from the couch and offering me his hand. He helped me to my feet, and started a slow walk, leading me to the hallway. He had never made it past my living room all the times that he had come over, he had never even taken a bathroom break. I always closed all the doors when he was coming by, mainly to hide my mess though he never saw. He paused at the closed door, the one that had once been on its way to being a nursery, reaching for the doorknob, no doubt assuming it was my bedroom.

"No!" I shrieked hurriedly stepping in front of him, blocking his path and making him frown. I took a deep breath. "That's… I don't…" My chest was getting tight. I tried to shake the feeling off and instead turned him in the right direction, opening the door to my bedroom. "This is my room."

I saw his eyes glance back at the closed nursery door, but he said nothing, just stepped into my unkempt bedroom. I set about tidying up what I could, picking up discarded clothes and shoving them into the hamper. Grabbing the many books that adorned my night stand and some that had fallen to the floor and putting them back on the shelf in my room. Most of them were self help books or books that talked about getting through grief, all of them were suggested by Dr. Warren. They were homework. Steve stood watching me fuss, eyes bright with amusement, and crossed arms.

"Sorry, I don't usually expect you to come in here so I didn't clean…" I admitted.

Steve arched a eyebrow. "Don't expect me to come in here huh? That's definitely a confidence boost for me."

My face fell. "Oh, Steve, no I didn't mean-."

His laughter made the words die in my throat. "Andrea, I am joking. And I don't care if your room is messy," he shook his head. "Do you mind if I take my clothes off?"

My throat instantly dried. "W-What? What for?"

"You want me to sleep fully clothed?" His tone incredulous.

"Oh, no, of course not. Yes. That's fine. That's… fine," I stuttered. "I will, uh, turn around?"

He chuckled and kicked off his shoes, setting them neatly against the wall. "Whatever makes you comfortable."

I knew it was silly especially after everything we've done, he had seen and felt parts of me already, but I had yet to even see him shirtless. It only made sense to turn around, right?

Steve's large hands reached for the hem of shirt and suddenly time slowed. My eyes were glued to the scene as he lifted the material up and over his head revealing a toned and muscular body that the shirt didn't do proper justice. My throat was dry again and I swallowed, which did nothing to help. His hands went for his belt next, unbuckling it with practiced ease, the material of his jeans hitting the floor seconds latter, showing off tight black boxer briefs that clung to him like a second skin. He was definitely a sight to behold. A sight that I couldn't seem to look away from. A sight that had that fire returning. A sight that Steve noticed me taking in as he neatly folded his clothes and set them on my dresser.

"Changed your mind about turning around?"

His voice startled me from my thoughts so badly I actually jumped. I turned around then for no reason at all, I had already seen him in all his nearly naked glory. I flushed with embarrassment as I heard Steve's soft chuckle behind me. I decided to strip myself to what I usually slept in, my underwear, while my back was turned. To save myself from the embarrassment of Steve watching, but I could practically feel his eyes roaming my skin. I pulled my hair from its bun and covered my bare breasts tastefully with one arm thankful that I'd worn some decent underwear today.

Instead of looking back at him I walked over to my bed and pulled back the covers to get in. Ian and I had chosen this bed together, arguing over the mattress, he wanted firm, I wanted soft, we finally settled on something in between. The fight about the headboard followed, he wanted something wooden, heavy, old looking like a four poster, something to 'withstand our vigorous sex life and perhaps add some music to it' he had said in the store with an exaggerated wiggle of his eyebrows that had earned him an equally exaggerated eye roll. We again compromised and went with a more modern looking design that had wood but was lined with a sleek metal design and wasn't going to damage the wall. And once he was gone, the thought of sleeping it in without him was unbearable.

I had slept on the couch until I started going to therapy and Dr. Warren made our first goal to be to get me back to sleeping in my bed again. She suggested a new bed entirely at first, but I still wanted the memories that came with the bed. Our daughter had been conceived in that bed, we had made love and shared many a lazy afternoon of reading and snacking. There were too many good memories of that bed to get rid of it. So Dr. Warren suggest new sheets, a new comforter, and new pillows, to change the ones that she and Ian had picked out together too. I had gone with black sheets and a black comforter, not the white comforter with blue and green swirls, a mixture of each of our favorite colors. And it had helped, it had gotten me back in the bed. But I still couldn't bring myself to sleep on his side, I put a large body pillow on his side and it kept me on my side.

But now I would be sharing the bed with someone so I found myself putting the pillow on the floor. I slid into the bed first, making sure to cover my exposed breasts with the sheet. I looked to Steve who was still standing near the door watching me with those blue eyes. He hit the light switch, darkness falling on the room, but the moonlight spilling in illuminated him enough. He approached the bed slowly, hesitantly.

"Okay if I lay here?" He pointed to the empty side, Ian's side where the body pillow once was. He must have sensed something was up.

I nodded and scooted a bit more to give him room. He climbed into the bed beside me. He settled onto his back, pushing his hair back from his face and running his hand over his beard. Once he was comfortable he lifted his arm and looked at me expectantly, beckoning me over with his other hand. I blushed as I slid over and placed myself in the crook of his arm.

The touch of Steve's bare skin on mine almost set me ablaze. His skin was almost overwhelmingly warm, but it felt nice against mine and I soaked in his warmth. I snuggled into him as much as I could, the sensation of his touch and the feel of him intensifying that fire in my belly.

Calm yourself, Andy, I told myself with a shaky breath.

Steve's arm tightened around me, pulling me closer if possible, his lips against my forehead. "Thank you for sharing with me today," he said softly. "I know that was hard for you."

I stiffened in surprise, blinking up at him. Again he was thanking me for something that he shouldn't be thanking me for. First for letting him touch me and bring me pleasure and now for opening up to him, something that I should do anyway to the guy that I am dating.

"You're welcome?" I replied smoothing my hand up his bare chest, feeling goosebumps prickle under my palm.

"I hope you know you can tell me anything Andrea," he continued the tips of his fingers working up and down my back making me shudder.

I tensed beside him, but nodded. "I know, Steve… it's just… snails pace."

He let out a small breath and kissed my forehead. "I know, Sweetheart. Just know that whenever you want to talk. I'll be here to listen."

There was a small smile on my lips and again I was thanking the gods or whoever was up there for bringing Steve into my life.

He lifted his head enough to press a soft kiss to my lips before it dropped back to the pillow and his eyes drifted close. "Goodnight Andrea."

"Goodnight, Steve."


	6. The Office

**A/N:This is basically filth. I apologize in advance.**

* * *

"Andrea."

The voice, low and right near my ear, dragged me from the depths of unconsciousness. I struggled to ignore it because I was in the middle of a particularly good dream, one that I was suddenly having trouble remembering or holding on to, but all I knew was the sensations the dream was causing within me were pleasurable. I wasn't ready to wake up yet.

"Andrea," it repeated. More urgently this time and with a demand for me to be conscious.

My eyes snapped when I remembered just who the voice belonged to. It was _Steve._ And he was currently in my bed. I looked up to find him beside me in bed, leaning on his bent elbow. His cheeks and the tops of his ears were a bit red, a small smile on his face, his blue eyes alight with amusement. I blinked up at him in confusion, momentarily disoriented wondering if I was still dreaming or not _,_ until it hit me.

An overwhelming sense of dread washed over me when I took note of my body and found that one of my hands was gripping my breast and the other was beneath the covers. In my _panties_.

I had been _touching_ myself.

I had been having a sex dream about Steve while I shared a bed with him.

I promptly turned red and wished to die.

I withdrew my hand quickly, the flames of embarrassment touching my face. I could tell he probably knew exactly what I was dreaming about and exactly what I was doing. It was written all over his face in a mixture of amusement, secondhand embarrassment, and arousal.

"Sleep well?" He asked arching one eyebrow.

I covered my face with the blanket to hide from his gaze. I couldn't respond. This was not happening to me. I hadn't touched myself in months, consciously or subconsciously, I had no desire before. And of course the time my body subconsciously decides to start up again is when I'm sharing a bed with Captain America.

The blanket was pulled away from my face, Steve's large upper body bending towards mine so he could meet my gaze. I wanted to melt into the bed. _Lord, take me now._

"You want to tell me what you were dreaming about?"

 _Nope. Negative ghost rider. No way._ I shook my head, pulling the covers back up over my face.

Again he pulled the blanket down. "I'm guessing- well hoping-that it was me. The evidence suggests it," he chuckled softly.

I hesitated, doing everything I could to avoid his gaze. "... Was I saying 'Captain' in my sleep?"

The muscle in Steve's jaw twinged. "You were moaning it actually…"

I covered my face with my hands. _Of course I was. "_ Steve, will you excuse me while I die of embarrassment in the bathroom?"

I moved to get up before he could respond even though I heard his soft laugh behind me. I didn't make it out of the bed. His hand wrapped around my arm and tugged me back, leaving me to land on my back beside him. I blinked up at him in surprise, his hand coming across my face to touch my cheek.

"Don't be embarrassed," his voice was soft and husky, his nose coming down to brush against mine. "I woke you because I couldn't take watching you touch yourself and moan my title like that…it was very arousing." My throat went dry as his eyes visibly darkened. "It made me really want to touch you, but of course I want to respect you," he continued. "I thought I should ask first."

 _Oh._ I swallowed, trying to lube my dry throat.

Steve licked his lips, my eyes trained on the action and I felt my inner walls clench in response. _Oh god._ "Can I touch you, Sweetheart?"

I was nodding before I could really think about it. My subconscious was clearly on to something because that same need I felt on the couch in the common room had returned and it was practically roaring with want for him.

"Yes, _Captain,_ " I answered in a whisper.

Steve let out the smallest groan, his gaze falling to my lips. He moved quickly, his mouth coming to find mine, leaving me moaning into his mouth. His hand came next, warm and heavy, resting on the inside of my thigh. He wasted no time before it started to rise upward toward the center of my desire.

I heard my phone go off at that moment, buzzing loudly on the bedside table. Steve froze, his hand still on my thigh, his mouth pulling slowly away.

"Do you need to get that?" He panted.

I unfortunately did. The only person that called me was Tony or someone looking for him, and Steve of course. But since Steve was in my bed, I assumed it was the former.

"Yeah...sorry. Hold on," I sat up and clutched the sheet to my chest, reaching for my phone and seeing Tony's name on the caller ID. _Oh great_. I held a finger to my lips to signal to Steve to be quiet, he nodded and made a show of running his fingers across his lips and simulating locking them and throwing away the key. I stifled a laugh.

"Hello?"

"Kid, where the hell are you? Told you I was wheels up at 8," came Tony's frantic voice. I glanced at the clock, it was 6:45. My normal start time for work was 8:00am. Also he had definitely said he would be wheels up at 10:00 am. "I'm in the lab, have you seen my third tablet? The one with the Lynard Skynard sticker on the back. I keep all my designs on that one. I can't find the damn thing."

Steve leaned in and pressed his full lips to my shoulder. I stiffened, but made no move to stop him. It felt nice. "I uh...I am certain that you said you were wheels up at 10:00, Tony."

"Did you not get my text?" He replied with an irritated huff.

I pulled the phone away from my ear, tapping the screen to open and see the notification of his text. He had sent one at 2:13 am.

 **Tony (2:13am): Change of plans wheels up at 8. Get here early to help me prepare.  
**  
 _Shit_.

Steve was still trailing kisses up my shoulder, which was terribly distracting. "Sorry, no…" I stuttered. Steve reached my neck and latched on, sucking and licking the skin, the words died in my throat. I forgot the rest of what I was going to say.

"Andy? Hello? Full sentences please, what the hell is going on with you?" Tony asked. I heard a clatter in the background followed by a rough curse uttered by Tony.

I pushed against Steve's chest, but it was a weak and half hearted effort. I couldn't think when his mouth was on me. He didn't relent. His hand came to my stomach and pushed me back down to my back. I quickly put a hand over the receiver so Tony didn't hear my moan. I struggled to focus.

"Your tablet is in your top left desk drawer and I am sorry I didn't get your text. I will be in soon."

"How soon? Like I said I can't find a damn thing and it's your job to help me with these things. Remember that's what I pay-."

Steve's hand was sliding down my stomach, nearing the top of my panties and Tony's voice suddenly seemed distant. My brain wasn't registering a thing he said. Steve's mouth was following his hand in a descent and had reached my breast, his mouth closing warmly over a peaked nipple. I had to cover the receiver once more, looking down at Steve exasperatedly while I bit my lip. He ceased his suckling long enough to smile devilishly up at me, before reclaiming my nipple. He knew exactly what he was doing.

"Hello?" Tony's voice was dripping with impatience and irritation.

"Y-Yeah...I'm here. I'm here," Steve's tongue was licking its way down the middle of my stomach now. And there was no panic in sight, save for the fear of Tony hearing Steve's antics. But I could not cum with my boss on the damn phone. "I will be there by 7:30, Tony. I promise. See you soon."

I hung up before the billionaire could complain and looked down at Steve. He was spreading my thighs open, his mouth nipping at the skin below my navel. "Steven, are you trying to get me fired?"

Steve's breath tickled my skin as he chuckled. "No, Sweetheart." He at least had the decency to try and sound innocent.

"Then what are you doing?"

"You said I could touch you…so that's what I'm doing. What's your color?"

"We...we can't do this right now," I shuddered when I felt his tongue trace along the skin near the edge of my panties.

"I think we have a little time," his fingers brushed the outside of my dampened panties. "I said, 'what's your color'?" I arched off the bed a little with a pleasured sigh of his name, his fingers starting to rub in a slow circle. "You don't know how badly I want to feel you cum on my tongue, Sweetheart," he slid his body lower, mouth moving to place wet kisses on my inner thigh.

 _Fucking hell_. The arousal coursing through me intensified while I couldn't help but think that America's Golden Boy had a filthy mouth.

"Will you let me do that for you? Make you cum all over my tongue?" He asked, brushing his lips on the outside of my panties. My body jerked in response as pleasure zinged up my spine.

 _Maybe just a few minutes… No!_ I shook my head. I couldn't. Tony was already on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

"While I am very, _very_ , green right now," Steve hummed at those words. "We can't. Tony is freaking out and I have to be at work in-," I paused to glance at the clock. 6:50. Shit. "40 minutes." Which would take a miracle.

Steve sighed, looking disappointed, before he sat up, leaning over to kiss my lips. "Have you considered quitting?" He joked.

"Very funny, Steve."

"We'll continue this later?"

 _I surely hope so_. I nodded.

"Go get dressed. I'll drive you."

* * *

By some miracle I made it to the compound by 7:32, catching Tony just as he and Bruce were prepping the quinjet. As expected he was less than pleased by my arriving so close to his take off. He rattled off some last minute reminders in a short and crisp tone until it came time for them to go. He seemed a bit less angry then, telling me not to miss him too much and gave another reminder to keep an eye on 'Cap'. I promised I would and watched him board the quinjet with Bruce, staying until it had taken off disappearing into the horizon.

Work was the same even with Tony gone. He hardly liked to do any actual work, besides be in the lab working on his top secret project, so I was used to having to sit in on meetings and cancel and reschedule and make excuses for him. The day went by fairly quickly, and I had just returned from my lunch hour when my desk phone rang.

"Tony Stark's office."

"Ms. Dawson, it's Stephanie, Steve's secretary?"

Stephanie was a tall leggy brunette who always gave me a tight lipped smile whenever we had an interaction. She never said she disliked me, but I could sense it despite her slightly overly cheerful surface personality. I had seen the way she looked at Steve, a lot of women looked at him the way she did, and I didnt blame them. And while Steve and I tried to keep our distance at the compound to keep the gossip at bay, there were times where I had to go see him for work purposes and it was those times she showed that she had a crush on Steve and did not like him interacting with any woman. I had mentioned it casually to Steve and he had, of course, laughed it off, saying she was harmless and to ignore her.

"Yes, Stephanie, hi," I replied. "What can I do for you?"

"Captain Rogers would like to see you in his office. And he's asked that you bring Tony's notes from the last mission brief. He wants to discuss them with you."

"Oh, right now?"

"Yes, he's asked that you come immediately."

"Okay, tell him I'll be there in a moment."

Steve cared very little about Tony's notes or judgements on the missions he went on, but I figured if he was asking for them it was for a reason. Perhaps questions about the mission had come up from 'The Panel'. Since the Sokovia Accords and The Snap that followed, any acting Avenger still had to answer to a government ran panel, headed by Secretary Ross no less, that oversaw their actions. But Steve and Natasha were the only 'acting' Avengers, Thor always somewhere else and Bruce and Tony choosing to spend their time in the lab rather than fight what few terrorists threats there actually were. Ross liked to be a hard ass from time to time, but overall the panel hardly met and there had yet to be a situation that they refused to let Natasha and Steve handle. As long as they submitted their documentation and mission briefs, they hardly ever heard from 'The Panel'.

I pulled up the notes on the last mission brief and printed them, taking them to Steve's office. Stephanie was sitting at her desk which sat just outside of Steve's corner office. She gave me that tight lipped smile and rose from the desk, walking me to the door and knocking. I heard Steve call for us to enter and Stephanie opened the door, stepping in before me and blocking my path. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"I have Ms. Dawson for you, Captain Rogers."

Steve was sitting at his large glass desk, dressed in his Captain America gear. His broad frame was hunched over, writing something down on a piece of paper and he didn't bother to look up as we entered.

"Thanks, Stephanie. Come in, Andrea." He still hadn't looked up.

"Just a reminder that you have training in ten minutes," Stephanie said.

"Thank you. Can you let the guys know I am going to be a bit late? Just tell them to start out their normal routine, they know what to do," he said with an absent wave.

Stephanie frowned. I imagined that there wasn't many things that Steve was ever willingly late for. He was always so punctual. Something definitely was up.

"Of course, Captain Rogers. Will you be needing anything else?"

"Just privacy," Steve answered finally looking up from his paperwork and offering her a strained smile.

Stephanie nodded, passed me that tight lipped smile again and exited the room, shutting the door behind her. I abruptly felt like I was in the lion's den. I tried to shake the feeling off, I hadn't done anything wrong to be in any sort of trouble. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and took a step away from the door.

Steve's office was large and obviously not decorated by him. It was a barrage of silver, greys, and whites. It was far too modern looking for Steve's tastes with floor to ceiling windows. I was sure that it had been decorated by Tony and Steve didn't care to add his own touches to it.

"Lock the door."

I froze at the sound of his voice, his Captain Voice. He had finally looked up from his paperwork, his piercing blue eyes on me. There was a dangerous look in his darkened eyes, one that I hadn't seen before, one that had goosebumps raising on my skin. It had my mind racing with worry. Had I done something to upset him?

I did as I was told, sliding the lock in place on the door, the lock sounding too loud in the silence of his office. He had risen from his chair when I turned back, silently standing in front of his chair.

"I, uh, I brought the notes you asked for," I said holding up the papers in my hand.

He remained silent, eyes trained on me. He was staring into my eyes like I imagined a lion stared at a gazelle, his jaw clenched so tight that the muscle stuck out prominently against his skin. I swallowed thickly and tried not to look afraid, wondering just what the hell had gotten into him. I had never seen him like this.

"S-Steve?" I stuttered when he said nothing.

He raised his hand, holding up two fingers, which he beckoned me with. I stepped toward him slowly, feeling my heart start to pound in a thundering rhythm in my chest. I stopped in front of his desk and he beckoned me again. I moved around his desk until I was near him, within arms reach.

"Steve...what's going-?" I finished the sentence with a surprised yelp when he grabbed my arm, pulling my body to his, his lips finding mine.

I lost all ability to think the moment his mouth came down on mine, not slow and sweet, like I was accustomed too, but hard and passionate. His arms gripped me tightly, drawing me in, pressing me into the rough material of his uniform. I couldn't do anything, but moan and kiss him in return, relenting to his hungry pace and feeling heat flood me from head to toe. The papers slipped from my hands, scattering on the floor at our feet, my arms wrapping around Steve's neck.

He set us in motion, turning me and moving backwards until the sharp edge of his desk met my ass and I pulled away from his kiss with a surprised gasp. His mouth went for my throat without hesitation, kissing, licking, and biting the skin, pressing me tighter between him and the desk.

"Fuck, Sweetheart," he panted into my neck. I tensed in surprise. _Did he just curse?_ I didn't think I had ever heard him curse, save for a hell or dammit. "I can't stop thinking about you. You're making it impossible for me to get anything done when I all I can think about is you touching yourself and moaning my title. God, I needed to see you, just for a few minutes."

It hit me then what exactly was up with Steve. He was horny. _Really_ horny. And apparently it was my fault.

My skin heated up at his words, that same ache from the morning returning, stronger than ever. My heart was still thundering and my breathing was coming out in fast pants, but there was no panic. Not even a creeping inkling of it. I wanted him and in that moment I was damn near ready to let him take me right on his desk.

Steve's hands gripped my hips, pulling me harder against him, his erection pressed right into my stomach. He pushed me up on the desk, leaving me seated at the edge, his upper body bent to continue his exploration of my exposed skin with his mouth.

"Talk to me, Sweetheart," he grunted. "Tell me you're okay. Tell me this is okay."

I struggled to move through the fog of arousal and find my voice. "I-I'm fine. I...I...Captain, please." I couldn't find the words to voice the need that was coursing through me. I just knew I needed him to do _something_. My inner walls clenched, throbbing and aching to be filled.

Steve groaned at my use of his title, his mouth finding mine once more to kiss me hungrily. "Please what, Sweetheart? You want me to take care of you?"

"Y-Yes, please, Captain," it came out in a whiny beg, all desperate and breathy.

With one final deep kiss to my lips he dropped down to his knees before me. In my hurry to get out the house this morning I had donned a simple dark blue and black summer dress with a cardigan over it. Which gave him easy access. He watched me as he pushed the skirt of my dress up my hips exposing my blue panties. Leaning forward, he slowly ran his nose up and down the material covering my slit, sighing longingly, his fingers digging into my thighs.

I moaned loudly, my breath halting in my throat and in that moment the apprehension returned and coming up after it was the panic. Steve immediately sensed it, most likely from the way my body tensed rigidly. He withdrew just a little, his lusty gaze softened a bit.

"Only what you want, Sweetheart. You can tell me to stop, but I promise we won't go too far. Just trust me okay?" He insisted, licking his lips. "We green?"

I did trust him. I trusted him more than I trusted anyone these days. And the arousal that was vibrating in every cell of my body was too much to ignore. I took a deep shaky breath and nodded at him.

"Good girls use their words," he reminded. He slid his hands up the outside of my thighs, fingers hooking into the sides of my panties before he stopped and regarded me with a small tilt to his head, waiting for me to use my words.

"We're green, Captain," I whispered.

That was all he needed to get him moving again. Our eyes locked in a heated gaze and slowly he pulled my panties down my legs, balling them up and pocketing them. I briefly thought to ask him if he would be returning them, but lost all the words when he gripped each one of my thighs and spread them wider. He gripped my ankle and lifted it until my heel rested on the edge of the desk. He tucked his shoulder under my other thigh, my leg resting against the broadness of his back. I was completely exposed to him now.

And more aroused than I could ever remember being and nervous as hell.

He inched forward on his knees until he was close, very close, close enough for me to feel his warm breath on my center. My eyes slipped closed because I couldn't watch him do it. I felt like I would cum the moment he touched me, watching him do it would just be too much.

"Christ, you're gorgeous, baby," I heard him whisper.

I couldn't think of a single thing to say I was too busy being racked with anticipation.

"Eyes on me, Andrea," he ordered in the Captain voice.

My eyes opened immediately, taking in the sight of him kneeling between my legs, inches away from the wet heat that was throbbing for him. It was erotic and obscene and god if he didn't do something soon I felt like I would die.

"And don't take them off of me," he added.

He held my gaze and I held my breath, watching wide eyed as his tongue slipped slowly from between his lips and licked a long languid stripe right up to my clit. Pleasure raced through me, my body jolting on the desk, a loud moan echoing in the room.

"Quiet, Sweetheart," he breathed against me. "We don't want Stephanie getting any ideas."

I could have laughed, I was sure that Stephanie was already getting ideas. I didn't get the chance to respond because he started his oral assault on me with more enthusiasm than I was prepared for. It felt like he was everywhere, touching everything, all tongue and lips and just the right amount of teeth, licking and swirling, sucking and nipping gently to have me shuddering and panting on the desk. And that deliciously rough rub of his beard to accent it all. He groaned and sighed like he was enjoying the best meal of his life, one arm locked around my hips to keep me in place for the assault, the carnal sounds of his tasting filling the room amidst the moans and groans.

"Fuck...Cap-Captain...I…God."

I wasn't sure what I was trying to say. I didn't know if I should try and stop him, because something was definitely happening, brewing and burning low and threatening to take me over, or beg for more because _fuck_ it was _good_. The apprehension and panic had seeped away, just like everything else. I forgot that we were in his office where someone might hear and forgot all my other cares. There was just Steve and his amazing mouth and an impending orgasm that I was desperate for.

"So good, Baby," he managed to get out between licks and kisses. "I've wanted to do this for so long," I whimpered at his words. "Gonna make you cum all over my tongue." _Oh my god, yes please._ He paused long enough to pull back and look up at me, his lips swollen and wet, hair falling over his forehead, his face flushed, a flash of concern in his eyes. "We still green?"

"Y-Yes…God, yes...," I gasped. "Please don't stop."

Steve groaned loudly in response, lips closing over my clit, alternating between suckling and swiping his agile tongue over it. I cried out, my head falling backward, my arms shaking with the effort to keep me upright.

"I said _eyes on me_ , Andrea."

Steve's grip tightened at my disobeying his command, making me inhale sharply at the borderline painful pressure. It made my head pop back up, my eyes finding him once more. I couldn't stand it any longer. The pleasure was too much, I felt like I was going to burst. Always seeming to know what I needed before I did, Steve pressed two fingers into me, aiming them upward, rubbing right over that spot while his mouth focused on my clit.

And just like that I went rocketing into oblivion.

I came, quivering and gasping, his name coming off my lips loudly, too loudly, so loud I'm certain that Stephanie has heard even through the thick office door. My arms gave out and I collapsed backwards on the large desk sending Steve's papers scattering, narrowly missing his computer. Steve continued until I was just a skin bag of bones on the desk, placing one final open mouth kiss over me before he was straightening to his feet.

"I have to go now, Sweetheart."

 _What?_

My eyes snapped open, seeing him use one hand to push his hair back from his face and the other to wipe the remnants of me from his lips and beard. He still looked flushed, his lips still red and slightly swollen, his chest heaving. He looked as wrecked as I felt.

"W-Where are you going?" My voice was shaking. My whole body was still shaking actually. I couldn't find the strength to sit up.

"I have training. I'm already-," he glanced at his watch. "Ten minutes late. But you stay in here as long as you need. I'll tell Stephanie you're making changes to the notes for me and not to bother you. Are you feeling okay?"

All I could do was blink up at him. He really planned to leave me a shuddering, sweating, panting, and still slightly aroused mess on his desk.

"Yes, I feel fine, but-."

He leaned over and cut my sentence off with a deep tangy kiss. "I'll see you after work. I'm thinking Italian for dinner. We'll go to that place you love."

He straightened and with a quick adjustment to hide the prominent erection he was sporting, he was off. I heard the door click shut behind him and struggled to regain feeling in my legs as I stared up at the ceiling.

 _What in the actual hell was that?_

It was then I remembered that he had taken my underwear.


	7. The Hurricane

I shakily pushed myself up into a sitting position on Steve's desk, moving the stray hairs that had fallen loose from my ponytail out of my face. I hadn't completely recovered, the aftershocks still sparking throughout me randomly, the feeling partially returned to my limbs, the shaking had subsided enough that I felt it safe to move. And I was still wondering just what in the actual hell had happened.

I looked around at the mess that we had made, the papers strewn across the floor and his desk, the few items that did sit on his desk askew and pushed aside, and I hurriedly set about tidying up. Knowing Stephanie, there was a possibility she would come to check on me, despite Steve telling her not to, curiosity and nosiness might get the better of her. There had been one or two rumors that had gone around the office of her eavesdropping, multiple people saying they'd caught her with an ear to a closed door. And the last thing I needed was for her to find me on Steve's desk amidst a mess and pantiless.

I made sure everything was back in its place, including my clothing and hair, and checked my reflection in what I could see of it in one of the very large windows that walled Steve's office. I looked okay save for the flush of my skin and my still slightly swollen lips. I made for the door quickly, wanting to get back to my desk, but hesitated. I couldn't leave too soon, not if Steve told her I was making changes to the notes, so I decided to wait, at least ten more minutes.

I settled into the desk chair, putting the notes in front of me and grabbing a pen in case Stephanie did come in to check on me. My mind wandered back what had just occurred on the very desk I was sitting at and I tried to process the fact that my boyfriend, who was also a superior, had devoured me on his desk and then left me a mess in a blur of Kevlar, leather, and red, white, and blue. I expected feelings of shame and embarrassment as I'd never done anything that sexually adventurous and never in the workplace. Yet, I astonishingly found that I was proud of myself. I hadn't panicked and the thought of trying to stop him hadn't crossed my mind. It _was_ the most adventurous and spontaneous sexual experience of my life. And I normally wasn't one for adventure or spontaneity. I liked planned and scheduled and _expected_ things, those things didn't give me a panic attack. But with Steve, everything was different.

Ian had been a predictable, dependable, and slightly rigid. Our sex was routine, expected, consistent, none of which I had ever considered a bad thing. Steve wasn't Ian. Steve was a hurricane, a force to be reckoned with, leaving me a wet destructed mess at his discretion and wherever he pleased apparently. While he was very dependable, he had made it clear that he wasn't predictable, nor was he rigid. He wasn't entirely the Steve that I imagined him to be from his exhibits at the museum and the image that America had put upon him, making him the symbol of freedom, justice, perfection, and everything that was good and holy in the world. He had showed me a whole other side I'd only caught small glimpses of up to this point. A side that excited and scared me all at once.

The ten minutes passed easily before I came out of my thoughts and decided that it was safe to go back to my desk. I hadn't brought my phone and for all I knew Tony was calling me nonstop. I checked myself and my surroundings once again before heading for the door, pausing when I saw Stephanie sitting at her desk. She looked up from her computer when I stepped out, shutting the door behind me and trying to look like I hadn't been devoured on a desk by Captain America and brought to one of the best orgasms I'd had in my life. A small scowl creased her lips while she looked me up and down, a knowing look in her eye that had me blushing.

"All finished?" She asked crisply, folding her hands in front of her.

I nodded. "Yeah. Yes. Uh, tell Ste- I mean Captain Rogers, I said 'thanks' and umm…" I trailed off when I couldn't think of anything else to say. I should have spent more time on thinking of something to say.

Stephanie arched an eyebrow.

"I need to get back to my desk. Tony Stark's office never sleeps," I chuckled at my own joke.

Stephanie did not.

"Ooookay. Goodbye."

I couldn't get back to my desk quick enough.

* * *

The rest of my day was boring compared to the excitement I'd experienced. I sat in on two meetings, fielded calls for Tony and went through his emails. I looked forward to the arrival of 6 p.m. I felt eager to see Steve and discuss just what the hell had gotten into him. I also was starving and wanted to eat.

It was 5:57 p.m. and I was already in the middle of shutting down my computer, and expecting Steve any moment; when I looked up to see Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross, who was approaching my desk with quick strides of purpose.

 _Shit._

He was here for Tony. Tony was well on his way or probably had arrived in Wakanda. And he had expressly forbid me telling Ross any of that. All of my interactions with Ross were unpleasant. He was a short tempered, brusque, and could easily be described as rude. Everyone loathed when he came to the office, including me. And given that Tony hated Ross's guts and never wanted to meet with the man, I was always an obstacle in Ross's way to get to Tony. Which only made Ross dislike me. Although I was pretty sure he liked no one.

I squared my shoulders and nodded to him. "Secretary Ross, good evening, I wasn't aware you had an appointment."

Ross stopped at my desk, clearing his throat loudly, and placing his hands behind his back. "I don't. Where is Mr. Stark, Ms. Dawson?"

I forced a polite smile onto my face. "Mr. Stark is currently out of the office now. His schedule is very tight, but if you'd like I can try and pencil you in sometime in the next few weeks if anything is open."

"Out of the office _where_?" Ross spat with a hefty sigh.

"I am not at liberty to say. It's a personal matter. Like I said, if you'd like to make an appointment-."

"I don't want to make a damn appointment. I want to know his whereabouts," Ross barked loudly, making me flinch.

I took a deep breath and tried to not be intimidated, though I had always handled conflict very poorly. Reagan, who was hell on wheels in situations of conflict, used to always say I needed to be more assertive and stand up for myself, which was nothing like me, I usually succumbed to a panic attack.

"Secretary Ross, I am unable to tell you Mr. Starks whereabouts. I was only told that the nature of the reason he is out of the office today is personal, therefore I did not ask for specifics." I had never lied so calmly. Tony needed to give me a raise for this added stress.

Ross's face set into a deeper scowl, he was seething with anger. "Personal huh? Then perhaps you can explain to me why I was told a quinjet with Stark and Banner on it took off this morning?"

I hesitated. Who the hell was feeding Ross information out of this office? That was something I'd definitely have to share with Tony. I shook my head and put a mask of confusion on my face. "I'm not sure why you were told that-."

He placed both hands on my desk and leaned in, his face coming far too close to mine. He spoke in a low threatening tone. "I know Stark is up to something, the sneaky bastard always is, but I feel the need to remind him that everyone in this building is still under the supervision of and answers to the United States government and Starks secrets won't stay hidden for long."

"Secretary, I'm not sure what you're talking-."

"TELL ME WHERE HE IS NOW DAMMIT."

I jumped at the boom of his voice, staring up at Ross wide eyed as my body went rigid. I could feel my hands starting to shake, a hint of panic creeping up my spine, my breath coming out a little quicker.

"I-I...I don't...I-," I stuttered flustered and bordering on panicking.

"Ross!"

The new voice sent chills down my spine. It dripped with anger, and disdain. And it belonged to Steve Rogers. Ross turned, allowing me to see Steve standing behind him, dressed casually in jeans and a navy blue shirt and a black leather jacket, the anger written all over his face and burning in his eyes. I felt a hint of relief at the sight of him, a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding passing through my lips slowly.

"Kindly back away from Ms. Dawson's desk. _Now_ ," Steve ordered.

Ross snorted, a sneer replacing the scowl. "The righteous Captain Rogers graces us with his presence."

"I will not ask a second time," The muscle in Steve's jaw twinged as he stared Ross down.

The sneer left Ross' face slowly and he straightened squaring his shoulders. "Is that a threat, Captain?"

"Andrea is only Tony's assistant. She's done nothing wrong and is not required to answer for her bosses actions. There is no need to threaten or intimidate her and I will not stand for it."

"You, Captain Rogers, are lucky to be a free man. If it'd been entirely up to me you'd be rotting away on The Raft until that serum coursing through your veins finally ran out. With a snap of my fingers you could be detained and held accountable for your actions during and after the Sokovia Accords," Ross held up one hand and demonstrated the snap he spoke of. "So instead of mouthing off how about you tell me where Stark is before I shorten your leash."

Steve's teeth clenched, his hands flexing at his sides before tightening into fists. "I don't know where Tony is, Secretary. I'm not his keeper. And I'm on no ones leash, feel free to try and make me a fugitive again, but remember that the United States government came to _me_ and _begged_ for my help after The Snap, so think twice about it."

The smug smile Ross had been wearing disappeared and he glowered at Steve. He opened his mouth, but closed it again, shaking his head once before storming off, he paused before he reached the elevator and turned back to us.

"This isn't over," he promised before storming off again.

Steve watched him go with the same fiery anger burning in his eyes until Ross was out of sight. The moment he was gone, Steve's face softened and he was moving to my side in a second. I rose from my chair as he rounded my desk, allowing him to take me into his arms and hold me to his chest.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just… I hate when he comes into the office he's such a…" I sighed frustratedly. I couldn't come up with an adequate word to describe just how big of a dick Ross was.

"He has no business yelling at you like that. I'm sorry, Sweetheart."

"You don't have to apologize for him, Steve," I said pulling back to look into his eyes.

"I know. I just don't like to see him treat you that way. Took everything in me to not…" he stopped short with a shake of his head. "Are you hungry? Let's go eat."

An hour and a half later I found myself in my apartment sitting beside Steve on my couch as we enjoyed some Italian take out. Steve had said he wasn't up for sitting in a restaurant and I didn't blame him. I was more than happy to go home and change into a comfy pair of leggings and a tee shirt and enjoy food on my couch with him, which is exactly what we'd done.

I knew something was going on with Steve. He had been quieter than usual. He normally maintained and steered the conversation, but tonight he'd barely spoken save for asking me about my day and what he should order. We had turned on a movie, one that had interested me, but it wasn't holding Steve's attention and when I looked over I found him pushing his spaghetti around on his plate.

"Is everything okay?" I asked him hesitantly.

He offered me a weak smile. "Of course, Sweetheart."

"You're quiet."

"I know. It's just been a long day."

I set my plate aside and turned on the couch to face him. "Do you want to talk about it? Was it Ross?"

He shook his head. "I certainly don't want to talk about Ross...but there is a particular part of my day that I'd like to discuss." The slight darkening in his blue eyes made me immediately aware of which part he was referring to.

I felt a blush creep up the skin of my cheeks. "Right. Okay."

He set his plate aside as well and took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Andrea. I went too far and was a little too rough and I know you how you feel about… _things happening_ at work. You've asked me to go at snail's pace and I keep pushing you when you aren't ready-."

My face fell at his words, jaw going slack as I stared at him in confusion. I was not expecting an apology. Especially when I felt there was nothing that he should apologize for.

"Steve," I cut in with a small giggle making him look at me with raised eyebrows. "What on earth are you apologizing for?"

His brow furrowed. "I thought…"

"Steve, that was one of the most exhilarating and adventurous sexual experiences of my life. And you apologizing for it is kind of diminishing it."

Steve's cheeks reddened enough for me to notice which only made me laugh more. The man who had ravished me with his mouth on his desk this afternoon was somehow shy. There clearly was two sides to Steve, the straight laced side that adhered to morals and principles and values and then the other which I was only beginning to see and learn about.

"I know I said snails pace. And a part of me still wants that, but there's another part, a part of me that you coax out, that is thrilled and excited by you pushing me to do new things and test my boundaries. Honestly, if you didn't push me we might never move past snails pace. I _need_ a push every now and then, and I trust you to stop if you push me too hard and I am completely comfortable telling you so."

A smile played at Steve's lips, a hint of relief in his eyes. "So you _liked_ what I did to you?"

 _Liked is an understatement._ "Yes, I thought my orgasmic response was a good indication of that," I answered feeling the heat in my cheeks burning now, my eyes dripping from his gaze.

"I just worry that if I push you too hard I'll push you away," he admitted.

That statement had my eyes shooting up and looking at him again. I slid closer till we were an inch apart, taking his face into my hands.

"Steve, I'm not going anywhere. I thank whoever is in charge up there for bringing you into my life every day. You've been so patient and understanding and giving and have gotten almost nothing in return from me. You've brought something back into my life that I thought I'd never have again after The Snap. And you make me feel things I thought I'd never feel again. So don't worry about any of that."

The small smile on his face turned into a full fledge grin before he was taking my face into his hands and kissing me slow and sweet.

"Don't think I've got nothing in return from this Andrea," he whispered when he pulled away. "I've gotten plenty."

I don't know what on earth he was referring to, but if he felt that way I wasn't going to argue. I just knew that I wanted to give him _more._

"In the interest of that how about we move up from snails pace to… turtles pace," I offered.

Steve arched an eyebrow. "Turtles pace huh?"

"Yes, and with continued pushes from the _Captain_ I feel like we could be at rabbit pace in no time," I whispered.

Steve blinked and his grin returned. His arms encircled me. "Is that so?"

"Yes, Captain."

I felt him tense against me, that familiar growl rumbling from his chest as his teeth clenched. I don't think I'd ever cease to be surprised at the response I got from simply calling him Captain.

"Andrea, before we start upping the speed there's something I think you should know and we should discuss."

"Oh?" I pulled back from him with a slight frown. What could he possibly bring up now after all this time? I felt a hint of nervousness sit low in my belly.

Steve's shoulders squared and his expression which was soft, turned hardened and serious. "There's something about me that you might have picked up on already," He continued as I remained silent, trying to hide how worried and a little scared I felt to hear what he would say next. "I like having control in all aspects of my life. And that includes sex."

"Oh?" I repeated the word because it was the only word I could think to say. What the hell does that mean?

"Meaning that, to put it simply, in the bedroom, I am the boss. I make the rules and I expect you to follow them," he elaborated. "If not there could be...consequences."

 _Consequences?_ I was shocked at the heat that filled me at those words. I was vaguely aware of what a dominant and sub was, Reagan had gone through a hardcore Christian Grey obsession and had filled me in some. I had told her that it was nonsense and sounded unhealthy. But for some reason I was not surprised that Steve liked to control things, he was the Captain after all, he oozed authority. I imagined that he got off on that authority and the respect he got from that. And after losing so much and most likely feeling like he had no control over anything since The Snap, that was probably another reason why he liked to be the 'boss'.

"So, like a dominant person?"

He hesitated. "Yes, I guess that's the term for it, Sam made me google it once, but not entirely. There are things that some dominants do, that I don't. I'm a semi-lighter version of one."

"You're not going to...hurt me are you?" I didn't handle pain well and I didn't think that I could handle him spanking me or anything, or maybe I could. There was an odd mixture of fear and excitement at the thought.

Steve's face fell and his hand came to rest on my arm. "God, Andrea, no. I'd never-," he shook his head. "No. I won't ever do anything that you aren't comfortable with. If we do this we're going to do this slow...I'm talking snail or turtles pace," he smiled as he used my own words on me. "Ease you into things. Take it one day at a time."

"And if I don't like doing it how you're _accustomed_ to doing it?" I asked, suddenly unable to hold his gaze again.

Steve chuckled. "I am not accustomed to doing it that way. Believe it or not I haven't dated or been with a woman in a while. And not all women are open to the idea anyway. We can try it and if you aren't then we do it the old fashioned way, no rules and no consequences," his finger came under my chin to lift my head and meet his gaze before he shrugged. "I am flexible."

I felt relieved to hear that. I had never done anything like _that_ with Ian or the two short term boyfriends I had before him. Though, I couldn't help, but think of how patient and understanding Steve was being with me, the least I could do was _try_ things his way at least once.

"I'd be willing to try...a little bit…" It came out softly, my eyes going downward again. "When we get to that point," I added quickly. And we were not at that point. _Yet._

He was raising my chin again, forcing eye contact. "Only what you are comfortable with," he reassured with a nod. "And like I said before: snails pace. Just like everything else, unless you give the go ahead for faster."

I nodded. "Okay."

Steve looked me over worriedly. "I hope that's not too much to tell you after earlier…"

"No, it's fine. I appreciate your transparency."

He was back to looking relieved. "Good, I'm glad we're on the same page… and if I'm continuing with transparency I've been a little dominant with you during our... _encounters..._ and you've responded very well."

Heat flooded through me and I thought back to every time he used the Captain voice on me, the way my body instantly snapped to his command, the way it only aroused me further. I liked his commands and his praise at my obeying. My heart quickened at the thoughts rushing through my head and I felt a wetness gathering at my core.

 _God what has he done to me._

"You know Steve… I did plan to ask what exactly had gotten into you today, but not in a bad way, in a…" I swallowed nervously and met his gaze again. He looked at me expectantly to continue. "In a…'what can I do to get him to do it again' way."

I saw his shoulders rise as he tensed, his gaze darkening. His tongue swept over his lips slowly and the action had my body tingling at the memory of his head between my thighs and just what that tongue could do.

"If you want it, Sweetheart, all you have to do is ask… like a good girl," he answered in a gruff voice.

It was suddenly very hot, the air around us thick with tension and heat. I felt nervous and was a little embarrassed to ask, but that ache had returned and was demanding fervently to be satisfied. I couldn't help, but think myself greedy. He'd already gotten me off once today and here I was ready to beg for more. But the look in Steve's eye told me he wanted to do it just as much as I wanted him too.

"Ask me." He ordered at my silence, his gaze penetrating me.

"Captain," I started in a low voice noticing the way his chin lifted at the word. "Will you… taste me again?"

Steve sighed low and deep. "With pleasure."

In a blur of movement I was suddenly on my back, my leggings discarded, thighs spread wide enough to fit broad shoulders and his tongue doing things had me gripping the couch for dear life. All I could do was lie back and close my eyes and let the pleasure hurricane sweep me away.


	8. Selfish

"So it's been 3 months since you started seeing your coworker?"

I couldn't stop the smile that broached my face and the blush that accompanied it. I nodded. "Yeah it'll be three months tomorrow actually."

I shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant, but it was a big deal. It felt like a big deal. I was growing more comfortable with Steve with each passing day, it had begun to feel like we were in a real relationship. I had stopped waking up every day expecting it to end, to be forced to go back to the sad existence I had lead before. I thought of my life and relationships before The Snap less. I almost felt _normal._

Dr. Warren smiled. "And how are we coming on the homework?"

I sighed inwardly and resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I should have expected this, she had warned me that she would want to dive into why I was so reluctant to share my past with Steve and how we could overcome that at my next appointment. She wanted my relationship with Steve to be healthy and honest and she believed it would never truly be unless I told Steve _everything_. And while things were going well with us and I was comfortable with him, I still wasn't ready to share that part. And I wasn't entirely sure why. I didn't think it would send him running off, not after everything we'd gone through already, but still I didn't feel _ready_. I liked keeping it buried inside, locked tight in a box, where I didn't have to deal with it.

"I spoke to him about Reagan. I told him that she liked to eat sweet and sour chicken."

Dr. Warrens smile shrunk. "And….?"

"And he said that as twins we must be close and I told him about how opposite Reagan and I were, but still very close."

"And?"

"And the waiter came and we continued eating."

"That's it?"

I nodded silently.

Dr. Warren sucked in a breath, shaking her head a little and writing something down in her notes. I knew she was disappointed and I felt a little shame at my disappointing her. "Well that is certainly a start. I was hoping that a small share would prompt you to continue to share more, perhaps even about Ian, but progress is progress."

"Yeah…" I breathed.

"And in the intimacy department? How are things there?"

I couldn't stop the blush this time, it bloomed across the entirety of my face and heated my skin. Steve and I were excelling in the intimacy department, or at least I thought so. It had been a week since the day that Tony had left, the same day that he devoured me like his last meal on his desk in the middle of the work day, and Steve had spent the night at my apartment every night since. It had become an unspoken routine, leaving work together, having dinner, watching a movie and on some nights, at some point during the movie Steve set his sights on me.

It would all start with a kiss, generally chaste at first, then the tightening of his arm around me, a heat racing straight to my core and the room filling with a palpable tension. He'd take me to my bed, explore me slowly and teasingly and very _thoroughly_ , quickly learning all the right buttons to push to have me writhing. He'd take me apart piece by pleasurable piece, always checking in on my color, while I panted and moaned and squirmed beneath him; before he put me back together with an earth shattering orgasm, almost too quickly and easily, either by his fingers or his mouth. I was always left satiated, spent, and ready for bed. He was always left with a raging hard on.

"Things in the intimacy department are going… well."

Dr. Warren arched an eyebrow. "Have you had intercourse?"

My blush deepened. "No, not yet…I'm still not ready..."

Dr. Warren made another note. "I see. So you guys engage in sexual activities aside from actual intercourse?"

She made it sound so technical. I shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "Yes… well… I just…" I cleared my throat as Dr. Warren watched me with calculating eyes. "H-He does things… to me."

That piqued the good doctors interest. "And you reciprocate?"

"Well no…"

"So it's a one sided arrangement?"

I frowned. "Yes I suppose…"

"And your coworker-," I had yet to even tell her a name, "is okay with that?"

I hesitated. I realized I had never thought about that. We had been dating for nearly 3 months and I'd yet to give him any pleasure in return. He insisted that it was okay, that he could wait until I was really ready, and while he seemed to take pleasure in _my_ pleasure, it didn't seem fair. Our relationship couldn't continue one sided forever. I had to give him _something_ in return. And it was incredibly selfish of me that I had yet to do it. Dr. Warren's question brought that thought right to the forefront of my brain.

"He says he is..."

"Do you think your reluctance to reciprocate coincides with your reluctance to share the complete details of your past with him?"

I didn't. But I'm sure Dr. Warren did. And with our track record she was right. I hadn't shared myself fully with Steve about my past or sexually, and as much as I hated to admit it to myself it wasn't fair. It was incredibly selfish of me, hiding behind my insecurities and excuses, and I was lucky that Steve had stayed thus far. I sighed and put my head in my hands.

"I'm being selfish aren't I?"

I glanced up to see Dr. Warren give a noncommittal shrug. "I suppose in a sense you could describe it like that, from an outside perspective it can seem like a very unfair relationship, especially if your coworker has shared all with you."

Ugh. She was right.

"But I do think you are being a little hard on yourself. You've undergone a traumatic experience and while you've been closed off and guarded I can see that he has opened you up some. And that he's changed you for the better. And as long as you're _willing_ to _eventually_ share with him and _truly_ open yourself to him then I see no reason that you can't continue on as you are now at your pace. It's all about what both parties are comfortable with and willing to accept and deal with."

"I just… I don't know why I can't tell him. I am so comfortable with him and I have very strong feelings for him, but there's just something…"

"I understand and I get it. Baby steps, Andy. Don't pressure yourself to share everything. Just continue sharing the bits and pieces that you can and with time more will come. I can almost guarantee it. I just want you to be _willing_ to share."

I sighed again, but nodded. "Okay."

"So that's your homework until our next appointment. Each day just share something with him about your past or even aspects of your present that he doesn't know. Perhaps opening up about your past will also open you up sexually."

I was blushing again. "Okay."

* * *

F.R.I.D.A.Y alerted me to an incoming video call as soon as I was seated at my desk. A video call from Tony Stark. The area near my desk was fairly deserted, but I still opted to take it in his office for the sake of privacy and the fact that the technology in Tony's office was fancier. I sat in his cushioned ergonomic chair and answered the call, a projected image of a video screen hovered over Tony's desk. Tony's face greeted me, a tired look in his eyes and an expensive looking white laboratory as his background. I could see Bruce in the background working away on a tablet.

"Hey kid," he greeted cheerily, a smile brightening his face. "Glad I caught you. I was worried you'd still be at lunch this time difference has me all messed up. Miss me?"

I smirked at him choosing to ignore his question. "How are things in Wakanda?"

"They're going. Slowly," he rubbed a hand over his face and sighed heavily. "Very slowly. So please distract me from the standstill I'm currently at by telling me how things are back home."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear you're stuck," I answered honestly. I knew how frustrated Tony could get and hoped he wasn't being too hard on Bruce.

"Don't worry about it. How is the building coming?"

"Well actually, I got an update this morning from the foreman and they're ahead of schedule by two days."

Tony's grin returned at good news. "Good. See I knew I left things in capable hands. Did Ross come sniffing around?"

I soured at the memory of Ross's last visit. He thankfully hadn't returned, but I knew that he would come back. "Yes, he showed up the day you left actually and he was an asshole."

"No surprise there. What did he want?"

"He wanted to know your whereabouts and I told him I could not tell him that. But, someone told him that you and Bruce had taken off on the quinjet to destinations unknown."

Tony frowned at that, a hand coming up to rub his chin as he gazed off in thought. "We have a mole then? Someone reporting to Ross…" he said absently.

"Yes, luckily whoever it was did not know where you were going, but still."

"We're gonna have to flush that mole out somehow," Tony whispered determinedly. He visibly shook it off and returned a smile to his face. "Don't worry about Ross. I'll touch base with Cap and figure out a way to keep him off our backs. You just keep deflecting and if he mouths off call security and have him escorted off the premises."

I nodded and saluted him. "With pleasure, sir."

Tony chuckled before changing the subject. "And speaking of him, how is Cap?"

I kept my lips in a firm line to hold the smile at bay. "Last I checked, Captain Rogers is doing well."

"He's not working too hard is he?"

"He's working as he usually does." To all outsiders Steve could certainly seem like a workaholic.

Tony shook his head and groaned. "I keep telling him that he needs a hobby or a _girlfriend_. I thought he and Stephanie would hit it off, which is exactly why I hired her, plus she's competent of course. I figured I'd have to bring the girls to him, especially when I can't get him off the premises to even meet a girl."

My face fell. He had hired her purposely for Steve? An irrational anger burned in my gut.

"I mean Steve and Stephanie isn't that cute? Tabloids would go nuts. But far as I can tell he doesn't even glance in her direction," Tony grumbled exasperatedly. "Maybe I should just tell her to ask him out. I know for a fact she's interested."

"Perhaps Captain Rogers isn't ready to date," I answered trying to keep my teeth from clenching.

"You don't have to date to get _laid_. And the Captain could certainly use a good laying. Perhaps it'd brighten his mood for once."

"Okay, Tony, as much as I love office gossip," which was a complete lie I hated gossip, it was the exact reason I had wanted to keep my relationship with Steve on the down low. "You pay me to do a job and I should get back to it."

"Yeah, you're right. Sorry kid," Tony replied. "Keep me informed on the building and definitely let me know if Ross shows up."

"Will do."

"Also I want to send Pepper…. 200 red roses. Or however much is enough to fill her whole office. And a card that says I miss and love her. Can you handle that?"

I blinked at him. "200?"

"Too little?"

He was being serious. I laughed. "Tony how about a dozen? You know sending 200 is just going to annoy her!"

Tony scoffed. "She'd love it!"

I shook my head. "She most certainly would not. I will send your wife a _dozen_ roses and have a florist attach a card. She'll have them by tonight. Remember Tony sometimes less is more."

"Don't know what I'd do without you kid."

"I'm nearing 30, Tony. Feel free to stop calling me kid."

He chuckled again. "Thanks, Andy. Talk to you later, kid."

The line disconnected before I could say goodbye.

* * *

"Hey Sweetheart."

Hours later I felt my ears perk up at the sound of Steve's voice, looking up to find him approaching my desk. He was clad in his usual denim and tee with a leather jacket over it, his motorcycle helmet in one hand. A glance at the clock told me he was right on time to collect me to take me home as usual.

I beamed up at him. "Hi."

"Ready to go?" He came around the desk and placed a kiss on my temple.

"Yeah," I rose to my feet and shut off my work staton, pulling on my coat.

"What are you in the mood for? Dinner wise I mean."

With his question came an idea. I had been struggling with the realizations of my selfishness and just how one sided our relationship was, since my appointment with Dr. Warren. And in addition to my homework I tried to think of something selfless to do with Steve tonight.

"What if… I cook for you?" I offered. "Here at the compound."

Steve blinked in surprise, hesitating and eyeing me suspiciously. His suspicion was warranted. We always ate out or ordered in for dinner and Steve always insisted on paying. And we always went to my apartment, it was a part of our routine, so my changing it was definitely a red flag to him.

"If you'd like sweetheart, but I'm perfectly fine with getting some restaurant food, you've been working all day." he started slowly.

"No, please," I insisted. "I'd love to cook for you for once. I'll go out and get groceries. I'm not taking no for an answer."

Steve grinned. "Okay then I'd love for you to cook for me."

"Great, what would you like?"

Steve shrugged. "Surprise me."

"Okay, I'll meet you upstairs in a little while."

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you? Or you can just cook at home-?"

"Steve," I interrupted. "Please, let me do this. I _want_ too."

He relented finally and kissed me once more, this time on the lips. "Fine, I'll see you in a bit."

I rushed home to change into something a little more comfortable, meaning leggings and a tank and oversized sweater for the cold weather, and headed to the grocery store. I rarely did any serious shopping, I usually got quick microwaveable meals and cereal and fruit to eat in the morning and sandwich fixings for lunch. I rarely at a real meal at home. It wasn't that I didn't love to cook, because I did. With my mom passing while we were young and my dad being a disaster with a stove, and Reagan's free spirit and lack of desire to do any chores or make food, it fell on me to do the cooking and keep us all fed. I learned to cook watching the food network and buying recipe books to try. But with The Snap happening and the food shortage that followed after due to a lack in production, I lost my desire too. But with my recent desire to do something for Steve I felt the spark of inspiration.

I decided to make him what any usual red blooded American man would want to eat: a steak. I decided on mashed potatoes and asparagus to pair with it and got all the ingredients including some wine to drink. I was back at the compound a little over an hour later and in the elevator on my way up to the fourth floor.

The doors opened to the fourth floor and I was met with the sounds of Steve and a female voice I recognized as Natasha's talking lowly. And it didn't sound like a pleasant conversation.

"We're not sure it's going to work at all, Nat. It's science fiction nonsense and I'm not getting my hopes up," Steve sounded irritated, his tone short and crisp.

"But if it does-."

"And that's a big if."

" _IF_ it does it could change everything, Steve. Bucky and Sam-."

"Like I said I'm not getting my hopes up, Nat. And I'm not ending my relationship with Andrea on the off chance it does work."

I felt my eyebrows raise at those words and wondered just what the hell they were talking about. The talking stopped the moment that the elevator dinged above signaling my arrival to the fourth floor. My cheeks reddened as I heard footsteps and Steve stepped into view. I forced a smile onto my face and tried to look like I hadn't been eavesdropping.

"Hey, you're back faster than I thought you'd be," he smiled. "Let me take those."

He took the two bags of groceries from my hands, pausing to kiss me, and headed for the kitchen, leaving me to follow. Natasha sat at the kitchen island and turned to me with a forced smile on her lips. I could count one hand how many times I had seen Natasha since starting to work for Tony. She always kept to herself and while I knew she was one of the few close friends Steve had left, I knew he spent little time with her because if he wasn't working he was with me. She kept to herself and now I wondered if it was because she didn't like me. And considering she was one of the last of Steve's close friends I _wanted_ her to like me.

"Hello Andy," she greeted with a nod.

"Hi Natasha, it's nice to see you," I replied warmly, trying to seem genuine. "Would you like to join us for dinner?"

She shook her head before I had finished the question. "No, thank you. I'll be in my room. You two enjoy your dinner."

She slid out of her seat with more grace than anyone should have and walked out of the room without a backwards glance. I watched her go with a slight frown until she was out of sight and I heard the sound of her room door closing.

"Did I interrupt something?" I asked hesitantly looking to Steve.

He paused from pulling groceries out of the shopping bags and looked puzzled. "No, Sweetheart, Nat and I were just talking while I waited for you."

I nodded. "Is everything okay?"

Steve chuckled nervously. "Yes? What's wrong?"

"Nothing I just… nothing," I shook my head. I shouldn't have been listening in on their private conversation even if it involved me. If something was wrong I trusted Steve to tell me. I forced those thoughts to the back of my mind.

He approached me slowly, wrapping his arms around me and drawing me into his warmth. "Are you feeling okay?" He asked, concern on his handsome features.

"Yes, everything is fine. Now let me cook for you," I smiled up at him before pressing a kiss to his lips.

Steve sat at the kitchen island and watched as I prepped and cooked the food. Soon we sat down to eat with wine and enjoyed our meal. I worried that with my break from cooking that the food might be bad, but Steve cleared his plate quickly and asked for seconds which I took as a good sign.

"Andrea, that was amazing. I haven't had a steak that good in forever," Steve sighed pushing his empty plate away.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I haven't cooked in so long I was a little worried," I admitted with a giggle.

"It was delicious," he assured. "I didn't know you liked to cook."

"Yeah, I cooked a lot growing up. My mom died when I was young and it was just me and Reagan and my dad and neither of them could make anything in the kitchen without burning it so it was up to me," I explained with a deep intake of breath. "So I taught myself."

Steve smiled. "It shows. Again it was delicious. Thank you."

I blushed crimson. "You're welcome."

I rose from the island to clear plates when Steve grabbed my arm. "No, you cooked. I'll clean up. I won't take no for answer."

He gathered the dishes up and rinsed them quickly before placing them all in the dishwasher faster than I anticipated. When he was done he went for his coat almost on instinct.

"It's getting late we should get you home-."

"I was thinking that we could watch a movie here tonight," I interrupted quickly.

Again Steve blinked in surprise.

"I-If you want," I added.

"Sure, that's fine," Steve answered after a puzzled pause, slipping his partially put on jacket from his shoulders. "Come with me."

My heart started to pound when I grasped just what was happening. I'd never been in Steve's room before. I had no idea what it looked like. We always went to my place and that was just another reason why I was doing this. I rose from where I sat and took the hand that he offered, allowing him to lead me to his bedroom.

He pushed the door open and pulled me inside, leaving me to look around with a slack jaw. His room was easily the size of my apartment, with a small built in modern looking kitchen and dining area, a small living area with a couch and television hanging on the wall that was three times the size of mine and could easily be seen from the bed as well. And speaking of larger than mine, his bed was king sized with a navy blue comforter and crisp looking white sheets that was neatly made, of course. And looked way more comfortable than my bed.

I gaped at Steve.

"How the hell do you want to spend so much time at my apartment when your bedroom looks like this?" I demanded motioning to the room. "I mean I'm scared to see the bathroom for godsake."

Steve chuckled, shutting the door behind us. "Well you're more comfortable at your apartment. And I want to be where you are and where you're comfortable," he reasoned with a shrug.

A blush touched my cheeks. _God, what did I do to deserve this guy._ "This place is bigger than my apartment. Your bedroom has a kitchen!"

Steve waved it off. "A kitchen I hardly used," he lead me by the hand to his bed where he sat and patted the space beside him. "I'm glad you like it though."

I looked around the room, noticing some expensive looking art that I knew Steve himself hadn't picked out. "Yeah, I do like it actually. Now I'm wondering why you never invited me in here," I eyed him with fake suspicion and a smirk as I joined him on the bed.

"Well like I said, I wanted you to be comfortable. And I didn't want you to think I expected anything if i did invite you in here."

 _Oh._ I nodded. "Well I'm glad I'm in here now. Feel free to invite me into your luxurious bedroom anytime."

Steve smirked, chuckling softly. He eyed me curiously making me feel nervous suddenly. "You seem… different today…" he commented timidly.

I hesitated, thinking back to my therapy session and realizations and my homework. I took a deep breath and looked into Steve's blue eyes.

"I um… well I'm in therapy. I have been since The Snap to help me get over my…" I wanted to say the death of my fiancé and daughter, but the words wouldn't come out, they halted right on my tongue and nearly choked me. There was a tingling in my chest, one that felt dangerously close to a panic attack. I clenched my fists. _I can do this. Baby steps_ , I reminded myself. I looked to Steve again and found him looking at me with far too much patience and understanding in his eyes. He nodded at me to continue. "To get over my… losses. And today at my appointment I realized that I've been a little… well a lot selfish."

Steve frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well you've shared everything with me and I've shared the bare minimum with you. We always go to my place. You pay whenever we go out to eat and you do…" I swallowed thickly and my eyes dropped from his gaze. "Well you always… _do things to me_ and I never return the favor."

"Hey," Steve sighed reaching over and lifting my chin to meet his gaze. "None of those things bother me. Don't feel like you need to start changing or feel pressured to share with me if you aren't ready."

"No, Steve that's the thing, I _want_ to be ready. I don't want to be selfish with you," I took his hand in mine and squeezed it.

"Sweetheart, I know that. I do. And I don't think you're being selfish at all. I'm on your timetable. That's a choice I made. So don't think you have to do anything for me. Do things because you want too."

My heart warmed at his continued understanding and I felt like butterflies were swarming in my stomach. I looked at him, almost in awe as a smile spread across my face.

"You're too good to be true, Steve Rogers."

The bearded man before me had the nerve to blush. "I could say the same thing about you, Andrea. Now would you like lay in my bed and watch a movie with me?"

"Yes I would."

Steve turned on the television, picking a movie on Netflix that we both agreed on before we settled back into his comfortable bed. I rested contentedly on his chest, my arm around his muscular middle, and attempted to focus on the movie.


	9. Turned Tables

**A/N: Theres filth in this chapter. Im not sorry though. Enjoy. lol**

* * *

Waking up in Steve's arms was quickly becoming my new favorite thing. Though this time was unexpected. I didn't remember falling asleep, but I had at some point during the movie and had easily slept through the night. We were both still fully clothed, lying atop his navy bedspread, my head on his chest and his arm around me. He stirred the moment that I did, shifting and stretching, his eyes sweeping the room once before landing on me.

"Goodmorning," he said with a sleepy smile.

"Goodmorning," I whispered, snuggling into him further. "Your bed is ridiculously comfortable and puts mine to shame."

Steve chuckled. "You haven't even slept under the covers yet."

"I wasn't planning to spend the night, but I am glad I did because now that I know this bed exists I don't want to leave it," I sighed. "I still can't believe that you like spending the night at my apartment in my lumpy old bed when you have this bed."

"Like I said before _you_ are at your apartment in your lumpy old bed and you're comfortable there and I like being where you are," he pressed his lips against my temple sending heat through my face.

"I'm pretty comfortable here. I haven't slept that good in a long time."

"Well my room is available to you anytime you want. Feel free to spend the night whenever."

"I don't know if you really want to give me permission for that, Steve. You're gonna start finding me in here sleeping even when you aren't here."

"Hmm, coming to my bedroom and finding a beautiful woman asleep in my bed? I could think of worse things," he reasoned.

I felt a blush touch my cheeks, one that had me looking up at him through my lashes. After three months of dating I still blushed red like a tomato whenever he complimented me, which he did often. His phone chirped loudly on the night stand, Steve leaned over me to retrieve it. His brow furrowed as he read the notification and let out a hefty sigh.

"What is it?"

"They're sending me out on a mission."

"When?"

"Natasha and I leave in two hours."

I felt my face fall. "Oh. That's very soon."

"I know," he set his phone aside and rested back into the pillow, running his hand over his beard. "I knew there was a possibility of being sent out. The Panel was debating on whether the mission was approved or not. It's been up in the air for weeks actually, but I guess they made a decision."

Most of the missions Steve was sent on were deemed classified. Even the mission briefs I received for Tony were redacted for my eyes until Tony himself saw them. So I never bothered to ask where or why he was going on a mission.

"How long will you be gone?" The thought of not having him around had my stomach in knots.

"I really don't know, Sweetheart."

The knot in my stomach twisted tighter. I tried to hide the disappointment from my face and sat up. "I should go then, so you can get ready."

"Hold on a second," Steve grabbed a hold of my arm to stop my attempt of getting off the bed. "I have two hours. I can take some time to properly say goodbye to my best girl."

I should have been ashamed at the heat that swept through me at those words and hope that by 'properly say goodbye' he meant putting his mouth on me. He pulled gently on my arm until I was falling back onto the bed. I landed flat on my back, my heart starting to race a little when Steve turned on his side beside me and rested his palm flat against my stomach. He leaned in running his nose along my jawline.

"Do you really think I could leave for an undetermined amount of time without taking care of you first?" He whispered, lips replacing his nose to trail kisses to my mouth.

He shed me of my clothing quickly and with more finesse than any man should have, kissing me passionately all the while, leaving me completely exposed. His eyes were dark as he surveyed me after tossing my panties over his shoulder carelessly, my legs pressed together tightly and my hands over my breasts. I was trembling under his gaze, I'd never been completely nude for him though he'd seen all of me in a sense. His hands came to rest on my knees.

"Come on, Baby," he whispered running his hands down the outside of my thighs. "Be a good girl and open up for me."

I hesitated, felt a flush to my skin, and my knees start to shake as I spread them for him baring it all. He sighed low and deep, his eyes traveling across my body from head to toe in slow sweeps as if he were trying to memorize me. He settled himself into the space between my hips, the rough denim covering his lower half brushing against me sending a wave of shivers through me.

He kissed me, slow and deep, gradually picking up speed until we were both breathing heavily, only breaking apart when I couldn't take the lack of air. Without hesitation his mouth latched onto my skin, blazing a trail of kisses and licks down my throat. The warmth of his hand was abruptly as my center, fingers stroking my lips slowly and lightly, seeking access. They parted, the pads of his fingers rubbing over my clit before he slid two of them into the wet heat that was throbbing for him.

"Oh god, Steve," I panted beneath him, eyes fluttering closed, allowing the sensations to swarm me.

This was the way that it always was. Him taking charge, doing all the work while I laid beneath him, a panting and desperate aching mess. He'd tease and toy with me, filling me with pleasure until I burst. And he got nothing in return aside from the satisfaction of bringing me pleasure.

But not this time.

With a deep breath of what I hoped was determination and confidence, I reached between us, having to angle my body to reach the hard bulge between us. Steve grunted in surprise, my eyes opening to find him looking down at me with a mixture of arousal and confusion in his eyes. I never tried to touch him save for gripping onto him for dear life as he sent me rocketing to orgasm. Still his fingers never stopped, moving in and out of me slowly, making it very hard to focus on my attempt at an unselfish act. It was too distracting in fact.

"Take your shirt off," I ordered hoping to deter him for just a moment to gather my wits.

He was always fully clothed during these experiences. He truly made it all about me. He hesitated, just for a second and then he was sitting back, granting me a brief reprieve from the pleasure, and pulling his dark blue tee over his head, tusselling his hair. He tossed the shirt over his shoulder as carelessly as he had tossed my clothes and then he was back on me with a soft growl, mouth on mine and fingers back in place.

I pushed against his chest until he relented, rolled onto his back, me following to straddle his hips. He blinked up at me, his hands coming to find my hips. I didn't give him a chance to ask any questions, I kissed him hard, wanting to take advantage of my determination before any doubt or anxiety set in, smoothing my hands down his chest to his belt, unbuckling it slowly. It was then he stopped me, grabbing my wrists and pulling my hands from the belt.

"What are you doing, Andrea?"

I put on my best seductively pouty look, prayed it didn't make me look like a fool, and bit my lip. "You touch me all the time. I want to touch you this time."

Steve's jaw clenched, his adams apple bobbing as he swallowed. "Baby, I'd love that, but are you really ready?"

I smiled at him, loving the way he was always so concerned about my comfort. "Steve I appreciate your concern-."

"After last night and now this I'm worried you're pushing yourself for my sake and again I have to say I am fine with the pace we are at-."

I cut him off with a kiss instead of words, my hands returning to his buckle and undoing it. He wasn't going to stop me from doing this. Not when I felt a determination, a desire, and zero panic. The thought of pleasing him turned me on and I wanted to do something selfless and change the dynamic of our one sided relationship. He kissed me feverishly in return, taking the hint apparently, no longer protesting, cradling my face in his hands, letting out a moan that I swallowed when my hand finally made its way into his pants.

 _Holy mother of god._

Steve was carrying a weapon in his pants.

A large, _thick_ , weapon.

"Jesus, Steve," I breathed against his lips, the words blurting from my mouth before I could stop them. I couldn't help it. _Does he have a permit for this thing?_

He had the decency to blush, red tinge on his cheeks and ears. "It's uh, cause of the super serum," he explained bashfully. "It really enhanced _everything_."

I could tell. I was suddenly very apprehensive. Ian wasn't small, he was a little over average, what he lacked in thickness he made up for in length. I sometimes had trouble even handling him so I had no idea what I was supposed to do with _this_. Still, touching it was making my skin hot. My hand wrapped around him, giving it a testing squeeze, feeling the steel rod beneath velvety skin throb in response. He groaned, thrusting upward, pulling me back to his mouth for another kiss.

I stroked him slowly, testing the waters, listening for positive sounds that said I was doing something right. I went a little faster and he groaned again, louder this time. _That's the ticket._ His head drew back against the pillow, eyes shut tight, his teeth clenched and little pants escaping his parted lips. Seeing Steve aroused and in the throes of pleasure turned me on far more than I expected. I could feel the new moisture between my thighs and a new wave of heat that overtook me.

It was that feeling that urged me to move down his body, without a second thought, stopping when I was between his slightly parted legs. I used my free hand to open his pants further and pulled him from the confines of his jeans. His erection stood up straight, angry red and throbbing, and my mouth watered at the sight.

"Andrea, we don't have to do this," Steve whispered, lifting his head from the pillow to gaze down at me.

The desire in his eyes and the desire coursing through me were too much to ignore. I ignored him instead. I had done this fairly often for Ian, but no two men were the same, and Ian had been the _only_ guy I had done it for which didn't leave me much of a varied experience. Still, I leaned forward, tentatively licking a slow stripe up the underside with the flat of my tongue. Steve's hips bucked and he let out a long moan, one that sent a shiver right through me aimed at my core. It spurred me on to grip him a little tighter, take him into my mouth. I took as much as I could, barely making it halfway, sucking hard and pulling off of him with a slow _pop_.

"Oh _fuck_ ," Steve moaned, his fingers gripping the comforter beneath him, abs flexing tight.

 _Yes._ I went to work, trying everything I could think of from past experiences or remember from cosmo magazines, reveling in Steve's gasps, groans, moans, and sighs. Seeing the normally controlled and collected Steve Rogers falling apart at my hand was the most arousing thing I had ever experienced. It kept all the panic and anxiety at bay as I was too focused on getting Steve to come undone. I knew he was close when his hips started to thrust lightly, his breath coming out in his heavy pants, incoherent praises that had me tingling, passing through his lips.

"Jesus, Andrea, baby," he gasped in strangled groan, reaching out to comb his fingers into my hair. " _Please._ "

 _Oh boy._ He was begging now and that sent an unexpected thrill through me. For once _I_ was in control. With a renewed sense of determination I increased my efforts, stroking him as I took him into my mouth and worked him. The grip on my hair tightened and his hips moved with me. I watched his face intently, taking in his shut eyes, his full bottom lip between his teeth, the ecstasy written all over his face; and all I could think was how much I wanted him.

 _All of him._

"Oh god, that's good sweetheart, that's really fucking good," Steve groaned, his muscles tense. The curses only seemed to come out when he was in a heightened state of arousal. And it shouldn't have turned me on, but god help me, it did. "Fuck, baby, you gotta stop. You have to sto-."

He came then, with a loud strangled groan before I really thought about how it would end. I did the only thing that I could at that point and swallowed it, pulling off him slowly once he had gone limp on the bed, still panting. I sat up, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and feeling a blush take me over. I'd done it. I'd made Captain America come undone. The tables had turned.

Steve took a few more seconds to recover and then he was sitting up with a concerned look of panic on his face. "Are you alright? I'm sorry. I didn't ask if that was okay or check in on your color-."

"I'm fine, Steve," I cut in. I really was fine. There hadn't been even a small moment of panic. "I _wanted_ do it. Thank you for letting me."

Steve huffed. "You're thanking _me_?"

I laughed. I knew that feeling all too well. I experienced it every time Steve thanked me for letting him touch me or for sharing something. "Yes, thank you."

Steve said nothing, only stared at me in awe with a small smile on his face, his head shaking. "Come here."

I crawled over him, letting him take my face into his hands before he was kissing me again. The heavy fog of arousal returned rather quickly, leaving me needy and breathless due to his hungry kiss. I was surprised to feel him still hard and hot against me when he pulled my body harder against him. Apparently there was little to no recovery time when you were a super soldier.

He turned us so that I landed on my back, feeling his hand sliding up my inner thigh between us. "Think it's time I return the favor, Sweetheart."

Some time later I was dozing beneath the ridiculously soft sheets of Steve's bed while he showered. It had taken him no time to return the favor, twice. Once with his fingers and then his mouth. He had me all figured out, knew my body all too well and could play me like a finely tuned instrument. I was a panting wreck when he finished, as usual, an almost proud smile on his face. He'd excused himself to the shower and I had told myself that I was just going to take a moment to recover which had ended with me lying under the covers and sleep seconds later.

A knock on the door woke me. I could still hear the shower going and figured that it was someone looking for Steve. Rising from the bed I took Steve's shirt from the floor, quickly picking it up and pulling it on. It hung to mid thighs, covering me completely. I smoothed down my hair which I was sure was all over the place and opened the door just as the second impatient knock sounded.

It was Natasha, standing dressed and ready in her gear and with her hair pulled back. Her face fell at the sight of me for a fraction of second before she fixed it and put a tight lipped smile on her face, her eyes noticeably taking in Steve's shirt and my lack of other clothing. It was confirmed in that moment, with the look of disapproval in her eyes and her stiffened posture, that she didn't like me. And I had no idea why.

"Good morning Andy, I didn't realize you had slept over," she looked past me into the room, no doubt taking in my clothes tossed around.

I was blushing again, feeling judged, and finding it very hard to maintain her intense gaze. "Steve is in the shower."

Again she looked behind me as if to confirm. "Will you tell him that we are leaving in twenty? And not a minute later."

"Yeah, sure, no problem," I nodded.

"Thanks."

She turned and walked off without so much as a backward glance or another word. I watched her go until I shut the door, hearing the sounds of Steve stepping out of the bathroom. I turned to find him still damp and glistening, his hair damp, with just a towel around his waist. That was definitely a delicious sight for my eyes.

"Was that Nat?"

"Yes, she said you have to leave in twenty," I moved back to the bed and sat down.

I must have done a poor job at hiding what I just confirmed. Steve's face scrunched in concern. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah I just…" I shifted on the bed. I briefly thought of asking him if Natasha didn't like me, and then thought better of it. I didn't want to be _that_ girlfriend. I smiled instead. "It's nothing. But I should get going so you can finish getting ready."

He looked a little disappointed, walking toward me as I started gathering my clothes. "You don't have to go. You can stay if you'd like. I told you my room is at your disposal even if I'm not here."

"I know and that's sweet, but I have to shower and brush my teeth and put on fresh clothes," I sighed, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his body into mine dampening his shirt. I felt a zing of pleasure at being so close to him.

"Maybe you could bring over some clothes and toiletries and…" he paused to shrug casually. "And keep them here." There was far too much hope in his eyes, it made my smile falter.

Was he asking me what I think he was asking me?

"Steve," I breathed. "I don't know-."

"I don't mean move in, Sweetheart," he cut in with a soft chuckle. "Just keep a few things here so that if you do spend the night, which I hope you do more often, you'll have clothes to change into, soap to use, and a toothbrush."

I could live with that. I grinned up at him. "Trust me I desire to spend the night here _often_ so I will take you up on that offer."

"Hopefully you'll be waiting here for me when I get back from the mission?" He arched an eyebrow.

" _If_ you're lucky, _Captain_ ," I whispered.

He growled softly, pulling me harder against him. "Now don't start that up, Sweetheart, I'll never be able to leave."

I redressed while he hurriedly put on his gear and packed a go bag. I walked him to launch pad for the quinjet and said goodbye with a long hug and quick kiss that only Natasha was present for. She offered me a stiff single nod when I said goodbye and good luck to her, beckoning Steve when he lingered too long. Watching him walk into the quinjet had my stomach twisting. Knowing that he was going somewhere dangerous for an undetermined amount of time and with little chance of communication for us had that creeping feeling panic and worry threatening to take me over. He paused right before the quinjet door started to close looking back at me and smiling brightly before winking, sending my heart leaping in my chest, momentarily diminishing the panic I felt and putting a smile on my face.

And that was the moment I realized I was in love with him. Madly, and far too deeply, in love.


	10. The Plan

**A/N: This is a little short. But a longer chapter is on the way.**

* * *

I refused to let Steve leaving affect me.

At first.

The first few days I was quite productive. I focused at work. I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom, well every room except the nursery whose door handle I couldn't bear to even touch. I got caught up on laundry and organized my closet, went and bought groceries and cooked myself dinner each night, even going so far as to try some new recipes.

I felt good.

Almost like my old self, but a new version of me.

And then a week passed with no word from Steve or his return and the worry set in. I thought of all the things that could have happened, the worst being that he had been killed and I was promptly sent into a panic attack. One so bad that I had to take the day off of work to recover and have an emergency appointment with Dr. Warren.

It was how I found myself sitting on her comfortable couch, nervously tapping my foot like it was our first session all over again, while she watched me with calculating eyes.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" She questioned with a hesitant smile.

"I had a panic attack," I shrugged.

"How bad?"

"It wasn't too bad." That was a damn lie. It was dust off my medication, use my inhaler, call into work bad. I hadn't felt a need for medication or my inhaler in over 8 months, not since Dr. Warren had helped me to wean off them.

"You are here for a morning appointment on a work day so I imagine you must have called in meaning it must have been bad. Let's talk through it?"

I sucked in a heavy breath. It was what I had come for so I had no idea why I felt so apprehensive. Dr. Warren had talked me through tougher situations than this. "I had to take my medication and use my inhaler. The breathing exercises weren't working. And you're right, I also called into work today, which I never do. So yes, it was bad."

"And what triggered the attack?" She asked jotting down some notes.

I felt it was finally time to come clean to Dr. Warren about who it was exactly I was dating. "My coworker, the one I've been seeing… well he's… it's Steve Rogers."

Dr. Warren blinked. "Steve Rogers as in _Captain_ _America_?"

I felt a blush creep up my skin at her incredulous question. Me dating Captain America was still just as much a surprise to me as everyone else. "Yes. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want the attention. And honestly I wasn't sure how long this was going to last so I figured why tell anyone when it just might end?"

"The thought of telling people about your relationship with him is what triggered the attack?"

I shook my head. "No, he's been gone on a mission for 8 days now and I haven't heard from him. This is the longest I've gone without seeing him. And while I was fine at the beginning, now I'm worried that something has happened to him or is going to happen to him and it sent me right into a panic attack because… well I think I love him. I think I'm _in_ love with him. And the thought of losing him after losing Ian and everything else is just too much."

The words had fell from my lips in a long breathless rant. And suddenly my eyes felt very watery. But the moment I was done it felt like a weight had been lifted to have said them aloud. Dr. Warren was watching me with a mixture of surprise and sincerity on her face, reaching over to the box of tissues she keeps on her side table and offering me two. I took them and wiped at my eyes as she jotted down more notes. I knew she was giving me a minute to get my shit together.

"You worry that something will happen to Steve and it will be like losing Ian all over again," Dr. Warren reiterated.

I nodded. I didn't want to go through that dark time of my life again, especially when I couldn't talk about it. "I know that's probably ridiculous, given that Steve and I have only been seeing each other three months and Ian and I were together for years, but I don't know I'm just… scared."

"Do you think this is another reason you've been apprehensive about sharing your past with Steve completely? And perhaps this is also why you are reluctant to have sex with him?"

I paused. It had to be the reason. It would make everything finally make sense. It would explain my apprehension to share or go all the way, the way I was nearly sent into a panic attack when we first began dating when I would _feel_ anything for him. I was scared to share myself with him when the possibility of losing him loomed over me like a dark cloud.

"Of course it does," I answered pushing my hair out of my face. "I mean, it has to be."

"Andy, if you let that fear dictate your life and relationships you will never truly be open or _live_ again. Bad things happen. They happen to everyone. And those bad things sometimes include loss. But living in fear and worry helps nothing, it only limits you and keeps you from enjoying your life, relationships, and experiences."

Her words hit me like a wave crashing on the rocks. As usual she was right. I supposed that was why she was a successful educated therapist. I leaned back into the chair, letting the realization wash over me. If I wanted to continue with the growth I had been experiencing due to my relationship with Steve I'd have to let all the negativity of my past go. I couldn't let all my old fears and worries take hold in my new relationship. If I didn't want to go back there I'd have to finally move forward.

"I do have to add that it is _normal_ to worry sometimes. And dating a guy like Captain America, who willingly puts his life in jeopardy for others, it is reasonable to worry when he's away and you haven't heard from him," Dr. Warren added.

"So I'm not silly for worrying?"

"Absolutely not. But don't let the worry send you into another panic attack. I know it can make you feel helpless when he's away, but worrying helps nothing."

I absorbed that, my mind going back to what she had said before. "So I have to just tell him then right? The truth about everything?"

"Do you feel ready for that?" She asked.

I took a deep breath. "I feel like I'm ready. To really move all the way forward. I have to tell Steve everything and put it behind me."

"If you feel ready then I fully support it," Dr. Warren gave me an encouraging smile.

I left Dr. Warrens with a renewed sense of confidence and determination. I formulated a plan and made a mental list of the steps needed to accomplish said plan. I wanted to tell Steve everything, including telling him how I felt, and finally give myself to him completely. And as I thought about it I realized there was no panic at the thought, and it felt _right_.

It was when I was walking home from the appointment that my cell phone buzzed in my purse. A number I didn't recognize displayed on the caller ID. I answered it anyway, assuming it was probably someone calling for Tony.

"Hi Sweetheart, it's me."

The sound of Steve's voice wafting into my ears was an immediate relief. The worry that I had been feeling, while momentarily abated by my appointment with Dr. Warren, completely vanished and my stomach swarmed with butterflies.

"You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice," I admitted, the smile on my face so wide it almost hurt.

"Trust me, I can say the same," he sighed. "I miss you so much, Sweetheart. I don't have a lot of time, but I just wanted to say hi, let you know I'm okay and I'll be back in 3 days."

Another wave of relief hit me. "I'm glad you're coming back soon. I miss you too."

"Any chance I can talk to you into being in my room waiting for me when I return? The thought of holding you in my bed is the only thing keeping me going out here," he asked in a low voice, chuckling softly.

"You're twisting my arm, but I guess I can make that happen," I gave a fake heavy sigh.

He chuckled again. The sound sending tingles throughout me. "Good, We should be back in the evening around 7."

"I'm looking forward to it." I was. I really was.

"Me too, Sweetheart, me too. Listen, I've got to go, but I'll see you soon."

"Okay, bye."

He hung up without another word and I felt excitement coursing through me.

* * *

It took three days to enact my plan. The plan being to be waiting in Steve's bed, in something that would certainly let him know I was ready to move up to rabbits pace, and after the sex, if I was able to, we would talk. _Really talk_. I would finally tell him everything and our relationship could truly begin.

The first step of the plan was to see my gynecologist to get started on birth control. If I was going to have sex it would certainly be safely. She had gaped at me when I nervously asked to get started on the pill because I intended to have sex. She had known about Ian and my daughter of course, she has been the one to treat me before and during my pregnancy. She smiled proudly at me as she wrote the prescription and told me how to take it for it to be effective, patting my hand for good measure when she handed me the script which I got filled and started taking that day.

The next step was shopping for lingerie, which is something I hadn't done in years. I didn't want to have to tell Steve I was ready, I just wanted to show him. And what better way than to be waiting in his bed wearing lingerie when he returned home from the mission. It took me almost an hour of walking around the store with a nervous blush feeling out of place and indecisive, and three times of the clerk asking if I needed anything before I finally decided on something. It was a navy blue, a color I was certain he liked, babydoll set. Something tasteful, didn't show too much, I didn't want to shock him too much nor was I ready for that _yet_ , but was also sheer so it showed just enough to get the point across.

The last step was to get groceries, my plan to at least make dinner so that he could eat _after_ he worked up an appetite. I'd make something in the crockpot that would keep warm while we were… busy, and we could enjoy while I told him about my past. I decided on a roast with potatoes, celery, and carrots with some rice to accompany it.

The day that Steve was to return arrived and I made sure everything was in place so that I could slip away a little early to prepare. I had brought everything I needed with me and was in the elevator holding a duffel bag with my toiletries, lingerie and a change of clothes inside, my purse and a crockpot when the doors opened to the fourth floor revealing Thor Odinson waiting for the elevator. He looked up when the doors opened, his face setting into a confused frown. He looked different. A lot different from the Thor I had seen years ago. His hair was cut short and close to his head and his eyes were two different colors, hazel and blue, when I distinctly remembered they'd both once been blue. He also was not wearing his typical Asgardian garb and was clad in jeans and a hoodie. He hadn't been to the compound in months as far as I knew from Steve, no one knew where he had been or if he would return.

"Ummm…. hi Mr. Odinson, I wasn't expecting to see you," I said nervously in greeting when the silence lingered.

"Who are you?" He demanded.

"I'm Andy- Andrea. Andrea Dawson. I'm Tony's assistant."

He remained silent, obviously unsure of what to do with that information. He stepped onto the elevator and I stepped off of it, watching him hesitantly.

"Are you leaving again?" I asked, knowing it was none of my business, but feeling a strange urge to ask.

"I was hoping to speak with the Captain or Stark, but he clearly isn't here so I will be taking my leave," he answered adjusting the bag that was slung over his shoulder.

"Oh Tony is in Wakanda with Dr. Banner," I answered to which his frown deepened. "And Steve and Natasha are on a mission, but he will be back in a few hours if you want to wa-."

"I will return later. Thank you."

The elevator doors closed on him and I wondered briefly what had brought the God of Thunder back to NY. I tried to shake the experience off, heading to Steve's room and getting everything set up. I started the roast in his kitchen first, the rice already cooked and just needing reheating. I went to take a shower after that, not shocked at the large shower with waterfall spout that sat in his bathroom. It matched the rest of his room perfectly. The shower was amazing, the water pressure much better than at my apartment and I honestly found it hard to get out.

It took me a full hour after getting showered to prepare myself. Most of which was spent giving myself repeated pep talks that this was a good idea and I _wanted_ to do this and was ready. I changed into the lingerie, let my hair cascade down my shoulders and put on the only makeup I owned, mascara and a nude lipstick. I set up a few candles on Steve's nightstand, because what is a romantic evening without candles, and checked on the roast which was filling the room with a delicious aroma before settling onto the bed. It was another 15 minutes before I settled onto a position I deemed, and hoped, looked sexy lying on my side, propped up on one elbow.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y, can you tell me when the quinjet lands and when Steve is coming up?"

"Certainly, Andy."

"Oh and can you make sure to tell me if he is alone when he's coming up?" The last thing I needed was for someone who was not Steve to see me in his candlelit room nearly naked on his bed.

"Yes, Andy."

I glanced at the clock, it was only 6:40. So I waited.

It was 6:45 when F.R.I.D.A.Y alerted me that the quinjet landed. It was 6:55 when she told me that Steve was in the elevator alone. And it was 7:00 when the door to his room opened. He was punctual as usual. My heart was pounding in my chest, my nerves tingling with anticipation as I watched the door open and Steve stepped into view still clad in his gear, his duffel in one hand.

He froze when he saw me, eyes widening and face falling in surprise, the duffel fell from his hand to hit the ground with a heavy thud. I did my best to look alluring, sitting up just a little, thinking: _here we go._

"Welcome home, _Captain._ "


	11. Surprise

"Welcome home, _Captain_."

Steve turned red, the crimson creeping up his face and onto his ears. He seemed torn between taking me in and speaking. "Umm, Sweetheart… I'm not exactly alone."

I blinked at him in confusion before Thor stepped into my line of sight as if on cue. I shrieked, loudly, snatching a pillow from the head of the bed and using it cover myself as I too turned crimson from embarrassment. Thor seemed completely unphased by my near nakedness, only arching one eyebrow in mild interest.

"Ah, Tony's assistant, I was unaware that you and the Captain were-."

Steve stepped in front of me, trying and failing to block me from Thor's sight and cutting him off. "Thor, can you give me a minute."

Thor nodded. "Of course, Captain. But it is urgent."

"I understand. I'll be just a minute," Steve assured taking the larger man by the shoulders and turning him around before practically shoving him out. He shut the door behind Thor and turned back to me with a mixture of surprise and amusement on his face.

"Oh my god, Steve, I'm sorry. I'm mortified. I….I…" I covered my face with both hands and prayed for the floor to open up and swallow me. I heard Steve's footsteps approaching the bed. "F.R.I.D.A.Y said you were alone in the elevator. I specifically asked her to make sure you were alone when you came up. I just wanted to surprise you-."

His warm hands closed around my wrists pulling them from my face, the bed sinking in under his weight as he sat beside me. "I'm certainly surprised," he said with a soft chuckle and a grin. "And I was alone in the elevator. Thor was here waiting for me."

I still refused to look at him, my eyes trained on the navy bedspread beneath me. The confidence and determination I had feeling was instantly zapped the second I saw Thor. The night, and my newfound sense of confidence, were ruined. Thank you, God of Thunder.

"I-I should go, you obviously have business to attend to. I'm sorry again, I didn't-," I attempted to slide off the bed when he stopped me.

"Hey, hey, hey," he said softly shaking his head. "Stop apologizing. I don't want you to go anywhere. This does not have to ruin whatever you had planned. And from the looks of things, I was going to really enjoy it."

I flushed when his blue eyes traveled down my body taking me in slowly before he was looking in my eyes once more. I felt an almost immediate heat.

"Will you wait here for me?" He asked. I hesitated. "Please?" He added with a persistent look.

When he asked like that I would give him just about anything he wanted. I nodded bashfully. "Yes, I can wait."

"Good," he leaned in and kissed me softly, his hand caressing my cheek before he was pulling away. "Is that a roast I smell?"

I nodded again. "I figured you'd be hungry… after… and wanted to make sure you'd have something to eat."

Steve's face softened again and he was kissing me once more. "I can't wait to taste it," he whispered against my lips. "And you."

I went rigid at his words, feeling the heat intensify and rush through me when I noticed his accompanying dark gaze. He gave me one more peck and straightened reluctantly.

"Don't you move," he ordered in the Captain voice.

"I'm not going anywhere, Captain," I promised.

He grinned at me and headed for the door, slipping out and leaving me alone in the room again. I looked around the room boredly, deciding that I could watch television to pass the time now that the element of surprise was gone. I blew out the candles, got beneath the covers, snuggling into the soft comfort of the bed and reached for the remote.

* * *

I had dozed off, the comfort of Steve's bed too much to ignore and the fact that in my excitement for today I somehow skipped my usual morning cup of coffee. I awoke to the sound of Steve's room door opening and then closing with a slam. I blinked past the sleep and sat up, finding Steve pacing near the door, his head hanging, his hands on his hips, his body stiff with tension. His head whipped around when I moved, his eyes widening in what I imagined was surprise, an apologetic look on his face.

"Shit, Sweetheart, I'm sorry, I forgot you were here. Did I wake you?"

I hesitated. He had forgotten that I was here? A quick glance at the clock on his bedside table told me that it was a quarter past ten, meaning that whatever Thor had needed to talk to him about had taken three hours and had clearly upset him. I clutched the sheet to my chest, feeling uneasy. Something must have happened.

"I dozed off. I'm sorry. Is everything okay?" I asked worriedly.

Steve shook his head, approaching me quickly. "Yes, I'm sorry. My talk with Thor turned into a team meeting including a video call with Tony and Bruce; and then Natasha and I got into it pretty bad," he shook his head once more and ran a hand over his face. "I didn't mean to be gone so long. I'm sorry that you had all this planned and I was busy dealing with...crap."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. Do you want to talk about what's-?"

"No," he cut me off rather quickly, making me frown. His face softened once more. "I'm sorry. I'm still a little worked up. I don't mean to snap. I'm just tired."

"I should go then, so you can rest. You had a long mission-."

"No, please, don't go," he took hold of my hand with an almost desperate look in his eyes. "I want you to stay."

I hesitated for a few seconds before I nodded. "Okay, I'll stay."

He kissed me then, deeply and passionately, his arms encircling me to hold me against him. I tensed in surprise, but relented to his dominating kiss with a soft moan. When he pulled away, his arms stayed around me, his eyes staring deeply into mine and I knew then that something was certainly wrong. I could see it all over his face.

He released me and straightened. "I'm gonna shower real quick and then I'd love to have some of that roast you made."

"Sure, I can make you a plate."

"Thank you, Sweetheart. I'll be just a minute."

Steve showered quickly and I fixed him a plate. I opted to change while he was still in the shower, knowing that what I had planned tonight was no longer happening. I changed into the spare clothes I had brought, my leggings and a t-shirt and waited for him to get out. He made no comment about my change of clothes while we sat together and ate. I could see the tension leave his shoulders over time, the smile on his face finally reaching his eyes. Seeing the tired look in his eyes prompted me to make him go to bed once we'd finished eating. He asked me to stay the night and I agreed, despite the uneasy feeling that still sat in my gut. I laid beside him, my back to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me as if he were afraid that I was going to run off while he slept. I was up for hours, listening to his breathing, feeling his heart and warmth at my back, and unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong. Something didn't feel right and I was left worrying about what Thor needed to talk to him about and just what was discussed at the team meeting. And what on earth could he and Natasha have to fight about? Was it because of me?


	12. Signs

The drag of fingers down my spine woke me. It sent a shiver through me, dragging me from the depths of unconsciousness. I blinked my eyes opened slowly, finding myself still in Steve's bedroom, which was filling with early morning light. There was a weight behind me, a muscular arm outstretched under my head, the silkiness of skin against my back, and warm breath at the nape of my neck.

I was still getting used to waking up with someone in bed with me and momentarily felt disoriented. It took me a few seconds to remember that it was Steve, that I had stayed the night at his place, and that _that_ was _okay_. I shifted a little, pressing back into him as I tried to fully wake up and felt _something_. My ass brushed right against the hardness of him and I bit my lip to stifle the gasp that welled in my throat. The same hand that had run down my spine curled over my hip, slipped under my tank top, coming to rest against my stomach, hot and heavy and pulling me closer to him, leaving no space between us.

"Goodmorning," came his gruff voice, thick with sleep, right at my ear.

"Morning," It came out a whimper, because he chose that moment to press his lips to the juncture where my shoulder met my neck. I had discarded my sweater in the middle of the night, Steve's body heat overwhelming as he had clung to me for most of the night, leaving my shoulders bare.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he breathed against my skin.

"It's f-fine."

His teeth scraped along the skin of the back of my shoulder and I couldn't stop the soft gasping moan this time. "How did you sleep?"

"G-Great, I slept really great," I answered feeling my skin heating up under his touch. It was getting hard to think, let alone speak.

His lips were kissing along the line of my bare shoulder, inducing shudders and tingles that had me biting my lip. "I'm glad to hear that. I'm sorry that your plans last night got ruined. And I'm sorry that I was being a bit of a jerk."

"It's okay," I stuttered in reply. "You had a long mission and then you had other things to deal with..."

The hand on my stomach started to slide across my skin at an agonizingly slow pace. It inched upward, towards my breast and I felt the skin there tingle in anticipation. There was no panic, no creeping feeling of anxiety, just that desire and need that I was growing accustomed to. His presence, his smell, his touch, the feeling of him against me was almost too much. It was driving me wild.

"Still. I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you, baby," he whispered at my ear, his tone dripped with lust and it had me pressing my thighs together, trying to quell the ache that had started.

I knew what he wanted, I could _feel_ it pressed against my ass, hard, long and thick. And while I had been so confident yesterday and ready to give myself to him and tell him how I felt, the uneasy feeling that had kept me awake for hours returned at the thought. There was something he wasn't telling me, I could feel it in my gut and I wasn't so sure I was ready to go there completely anymore…

But I knew I couldn't resist another taste. Another dose of pleasure at his hand. I hadn't seen him in over a week. I had missed him terribly. And that was currently outweighing the worry I was experiencing. I still _wanted_ him _._ And I knew just what to say to let him know what I wanted. Steeling myself I pressed back into him harder.

" _Captain_ ," I sighed, feeling his hand brush the bottom of my breast. "I am feeling really _green_ this morning."

There was a rumbling growl, deep and from his chest, echoing right at my ear. He used the hand on my sternum to flatten me to my back, his body lying alongside mine. The early morning light illuminated his face, allowing me to see the desire in his eyes.

"Is that so, sweetheart?"

I nodded, gazing into those sapphires. "Yes, Captain."

Steve licked his lips. "How far do you want to go?"

I hesitated. I still had no idea. I just knew that I wanted his hands on me. "Just touch me, Captain," I begged. "Please."

Steve let out a lusty sigh. "You'll get everything you want when you ask like that."

He kissed me, deep and passionate, taking control again, leaving me to let him explore my mouth with his as he pulled me to him. I moaned into his mouth, my thighs pressing together, while the fire of desire consumed me. He made everything so intense, almost overwhelming, just like the ache that currently sat between thighs. His hand slid up and cupped my breast sending pleasure rushing through me and my back arching off the bed.

"Andrea," he groaned my name in the sexiest manner, his breath hot against my cheek as he kissed his way to my throat. "I missed you so much, baby."

"I missed you too," I sighed gripping the sheets beneath me as his mouth descended lower and lower.

He spread my thighs wide, blue eyes on me as his tongue licked its way down the space between my navel and the top of my leggings. Gripping the hem at the waist he pulled them down my legs, taking my panties along with them until they were off my body and being tossed towards the end of the bed. The feel of his full lips against the sensitive skin and the rough scratch of his beard on my inner thigh had me panting heatedly in anticipation. He moved at a snail's pace, working his way via kisses up to my center at the slow and torturous pace.

"Captain, please," I begged impatiently, feeling Steve's lips curl into a smile at my pleading.

"Patience, baby," he whispered. "We have time."

And he was right. I had taken the day off in anticipation of a late night with him, and he usually took a few days for himself after a mission. For once we did have nothing but time. The thought only made my heart speed up and sent my body squirming. His hands clamped down on my thighs, forcing me to stop moving, I looked down to find him staring at me intently.

"Be still, Sweetheart."

It was said with a commanding authority that had me going still as a statue at his word, an accompanying thrill rushing through me. He waited until I followed his command to slide his hand over my heat. Thick fingers separated my lips, circling the swelling bundle of nerves with his thumb, his tongue resuming its ascent up my thigh. I struggled against the urge to squirm, forcing my body to remain still, biting my lip to try and keep the whiny noises coming from my throat at bay. His mouth finally reached its destination, replacing his thumb and suckling on it.

The pleasure took me over instantly, starting at my center before shooting through the rest of me. The impending orgasm was creeping over me rapidly, the sensations rolling through me in time with each lick of his tongue. I couldn't stop the shivers or the moans from my parted lips or the trembling of my thighs around his head, but I did my best to stay still just as he ordered. It was almost too much, to try and be still when I wanted nothing more than to squirm and roll my hips against his greedy mouth.

Steve devoured me like I was his last meal, moaning and groaning in pleasure sending my toes curling as I felt the pleasure build up nearing its peak. I gripped the sheets beneath me so hard my knuckles cracked in protest, my body going rigid in preparation for the pleasure to implode.

And a knock sounded at the door. Loud and insistent. Not one easily ignored.

I froze, the pleasure receding despite the fact that Steve hadn't stopped. "Umm Steve...the door?"

He grunted negatively, his mouth never ceasing it's tasting. But I was too distracted now, wondering who was knocking and why the hell they were doing it so early.

"Ignore it. Focus on me," Steve demanded, fingers digging into my thighs.

I tried, closing my eyes and lowering my head back to the pillow.

The second knock sounded.

"Steven Grant Rogers, I know you're in there and we need to finish our discussion."

It was Natasha's muffled voice coming through the door full of irritation and impatience. The moment was definitely over. I sat up and scooted away from him, making him frown at me. I pulled the sheet up over my exposed body and gave him a pointed look, gesturing to the door. There was no way that I was cumming with Natasha on the other side of that door.

Steve sighed heavily, scooting off the bed, pausing to retrieve some sweats from his dresser which he pulled. He opened the door just as the third knock sounded and I could see Natasha standing on the other side, the irritation bright in her eyes and expression. A quick glance past him had her face falling, her eyes darting back and forth between us.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't realize you had company," she said. "But we do need to talk, Steve."

"I'm done talking about this Natasha. There's nothing more to discuss," Steve answered firmly in a hushed tone that I heard anyway. "Now as you can see I am a little busy-."

"Steve," Natasha cut him off. " _This is important._ "

"And I said I am done talking about it."

I could hear the anger in his voice now, mixed in with frustration and irritation. And I decided then that I should go. Between Thor yesterday and Natasha today it was clear that the universe was trying to tell me something. And that something was that Steve had things to handle and I was probably distracting him. I slid out of Natasha's view, moving across the bed to climb out and retrieve my clothes as they continued to argue in a heated and hushed whisper. I waited till I was redressed and had my things in my bag before speaking.

"Steve," I called making both of them turn to look at me. "I think I am going to head home."

Steve frowned shaking his head. "Andrea, no-."

"No, I am going to go. Natasha needs to talk to you about something important and you should _listen_. I will go so that can happen. We will catch up later."

"Nat, I need a minute," Steve said without passing her a glance and shutting the door on her before she could protest. He approached me quickly, taking hold of my waist. "I don't want you to go."

"And I don't want to go," I admitted. I didn't. I wanted to stay and continue with the plan that I had put in place. I wanted to tell him about Ian and my daughter and that I loved him and I was _ready_ to be with him completely. But that clearly wasn't happening today. "But you obviously have things to take care of and I am in the way of that."

"You aren't," he insisted, drawing me in against his warmth.

"I feel like I am and I just want to go home, Steve," I found it hard to meet his gaze as those words left my mouth. "Call me later, okay?"

I reluctantly withdrew from the warmth of his embrace unable to even look at him, but feeling his disappointment in the thick tension in the air. I walked quickly to the door before I was called to stay. Natasha was still on the other side of the door when I opened it and I couldn't bring myself to hide the frown that graced my face at the sight of her. I brushed past her and headed to the elevator.


	13. The Talk

I didn't hear from Steve for the rest of the day. I busied myself with some self care and cleaning my apartment in a futile attempt to keep my mind off him and the sotuarion. While I usually didn't like being away from Steve, it did give me a chance to think things over and clear my head. I still wanted to tell him the truth and my feelings, but I also needed to ask him what was going on. And why exactly Natasha didn't like me. But I couldn't exactly ask for honesty from him when there were things I hadn't told him. As the hours pressed on I decided that the first step to getting Steve to tell me what was going on was to tell him how I felt. I wanted to get it off my chest before I chickened out or doubted myself so much that I ended things with him. I'd tell him how I felt and deal with everything else later.

I made myself a simple dinner, took a long shower, donning a large overnight shirt and settled into bed with a book. I didn't open my book for the first twenty minutes of me sitting in bed, it sat closed in my lap while I turned my phone in my hands, debating on whether or call Steve or not. Ultimately I decided against it even though I missed him and wanted to hear his reassuring voice. We could talk about everything when I saw him the next day.

The sound of my doorbell ringing surprised me, especially since it was nearing 11:00pm. I had a feeling of who it was before I opened the door, only feeling a hint of surprise when I saw Steve standing on the other side, clad in jeans and a customary blue T-shirt with his leather jacket over it. He regarded with me a small hesitant smile, looking unsure of himself for the first time I'd ever seen.

"Hey," he said stepping closer and leaning against the doorway. "I'm sorry I know it's late. Did I wake you?"

"It's fine. I wasn't sleeping."

"I got the feeling you needed some space, which is why I didn't call, but I couldn't go a whole day and night without seeing or talking to you. I hope my stopping by is okay."

Those words warmed my heart and I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. "Want to come in?"

Relief crossed his features and he nodded. I stepped back, opening the door wider to let him in. He stepped in past me, looking around the apartment as if he expected to find someone there.

"Looking for something?" I asked with a smirk shutting the door behind us.

"No," he shook his head with a nervous chuckle. "I'm just wondering how much trouble I'm in exactly."

"Trouble?" I frowned.

"Yeah, I know you're upset-."

"I'm not upset."

"Well, you left like you were upset," he countered.

I sighed. "I'm not upset. I just… I was disappointed. I had a plan in place and all this courage and confidence from Dr. Warren to do it and then," I threw my hands up exasperatedly. "We just kept getting interrupted. I felt like I was in the way so I thought I should give _you_ some space to handle whatever was so important."

Steve looked at me puzzled, one brow arched and a frown to match. He left out a soft sigh and reached for my hand, leading me over to the couch. He sat first before pulling me down beside him. It seemed all our important discussions happened on this couch.

"One, you are never in the way. You're _important_ to me. And second, what did you need the courage and confidence for?" He asked.

I took a deep breath. _It's now or never._ "I had some things I wanted to tell you. Things about me… about my past."

Worry crossed the blues of his eyes and creased his forehead, but then his features softened. "You can tell me anything, Andrea. You know that."

"I do know that," I said. "You've been amazing and patient and understanding this whole time and I can't thank you enough for that. And I've selfishly been holding back out of fear, but I don't want to do that anymore. It's time that I be honest with you. Completely honest."

"Sweetheart, I've already told you-."

"No, Steve I know. I don't feel pressured. I _want_ to do this. I'm ready. So please, let me."

Steve hesitated, but nodded wordlessly. "Okay."

"Just promise me that you won't say anything until I'm finished. I'm afraid I won't make it through if you stop me," I admitted with a timid look.

"Go ahead, sweetheart. I won't interrupt," he promised.

I shifted nervously on the couch and took a moment to steel my nerves. He waited patiently for me to start, giving a short nod to encourage me. I started at the beginning.

"I grew up in New York with my dad and my twin sister Reagan. My mom died when we were 8 from breast cancer. It was just the three of us after. My dad owned a mechanic shop, which you know, and my sister and I spent a lot of time there learning about cars and stuff and it was because of that I wanted to be a mechanical engineer. Which is what I went to college for. And that's where I met Ian. Ian Jacobson."

Steve's jaw clenched a bit, but he said nothing.

"We fell in love. Madly in love. And Ian was… _the one_ for me. We got engaged and finished college and moved back home to New York. Ian and I worked for my dad's shop and made plans to start our life together. We were going to get married and buy a house and start a family, you know the whole _American Dream_. And seven months after we were engaged I found out that I was pregnant," I saw a hint of surprise dawn on Steve's face. I nervously played with the hem of my nightshirt. "We were on our way to find out if we were having a boy or a girl when it happened."

My eyes started to water at the thought, the memory of watching Ian disappear, the pure terror in his eyes and the sound of my name echoing off his lips, playing in my mind. I looked away from Steve then, unable to hold his blue gaze.

"The Snap happened when we were driving down the freeway. Reagan was in the back seat, Ian was driving, we were discussing baby names. Everything was… great. We had no idea about Thanos. We had no idea there was anything wrong," I shook my head and felt a tear falling down my face. I wiped at it quickly. "Then Ian started to… disappear. He just… faded into dust. And by the time I looked back at Reagan, she was gone too. The car crashed and I don't remember much after that. I woke up sometime later in the hospital and found out that Ian and Reagan and my dad were gone and my… I'd had a miscarriage from the severity of my injuries. I was… it was a girl."

I found the courage to look at Steve then, finding his blue eyes watery and a look of shock and sadness on his face. His lips parted as though he wanted to speak, but they clamped shut after a second and he reached over to take hold of my hand, his fingers intertwining with mine. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze, a squeeze that almost sent me into a crying fit. I bit back a sob and blinked away more tears.

"After that… I was alone. I had lost everyone that I had cared about and… it was a dark time for me. A friend told me about group therapy and it was because of that, I started one on one therapy with Dr. Warren who lead the groups. She helped me to get past the depression and the anxiety and get back to some semblance of a life. I got a job at the compound and then I met you…and you changed everything."

The surprised returned to Steve's watery eyes, his face falling the slightest bit. I would have laughed had the moment not been so serious. How couldn't he know how much he meant to me by now? It just further went on to show how sucky I was at showing it.

"I never thought after losing Ian that I could find someone who could make me feel anything again. Or who could put up with all my anxiety or my past. I didn't think anyone could ever compare or help me pick up the pieces that losing Ian, Dad, Reagan and my daughter had left behind. But you did, Steve. I was so scared at first, to be feeling things again, to have someone like you wanting someone like me. I didn't want to get attached because I was scared to lose someone I cared about again. It's why I've been holding back on sharing my past with you and my body, but I want too. I want to share everything with you because…"

Steve arched one eyebrow as I trailed off, his head tilting just the slightest towards me, waiting for me to finish.

"I love you, Steve. I'm _in love_ with you."

The words left my mouth easier than I thought they would, which only made me realize just how true they were. I watched him absorb my declaration, my heart pounding, waiting for him to say _something._ But he didn't say anything, he leaned forward instead, taking hold of my face to kiss me deeply. I tensed in surprise, but melted into him, returning the kiss until I needed air and was forced to pull away. It was then he chose to speak, his forehead pressed against mine, both of us breathing heavily while he gazed into my eyes. There was so much raw emotion in his eyes, enough to make my heart swell and my already watery eyes overflow with tears. I knew what he was going to say before he spoke.

"I love you too," he whispered. "I love you so much, Sweetheart."

He kissed me again, before I could respond, harder this time, with more passion that stole the breath right out of me. His arms came around me tightly, hugging me to him as he continued to kiss my breath away and send fire rushing through me. I pushed at his coat, wanting to feel his skin on mine when he stopped me.

"Wait," he said pulling away from my kiss, panting heavily. "Are you okay? After telling me everything? I don't want you to feel-."

I put a hand over his mouth to silence him, looking into those sapphire eyes intently. "Take me to bed, Steve."

I saw the worry drain from his eyes to be replaced with lust. He didn't need to be told twice. He rose to his feet, pulling me along with him, to lift me into his arms. My legs wrapped around his waist, my arms around his neck, my mouth eagerly finding his. Blindly he made his way to my bedroom, kissing me all the while.

In a blur of movement my back was on the mattress and Steve's weight between my legs. Gripping the hem of my nightshirt, he steadily pushed it up and over my head, pulling it from my body with one hand while the other started an exploration of my naked flesh. His mouth went for my breasts, gathering them both in two large hands to press them together and lick and suck at them simultaneously. My thighs tightened around his waist, feeling the roughness of the denim rubbing against my center which started a new wave of sensations.

The warmth of his hand was abruptly between my legs, fingers brushing back and forth over me until they were coated in my arousal and pressing into me carefully. I clenched around them, unable to stop my hips from thrusting on their own in a desperate search for friction and release. For once Steve didn't order me to be still as he usually did in his Captain voice, the dominant in him wanting to be in charge and solely responsible for my pleasure. He instead let me set a rhythm of my own, clinging at the leather of his jacket, moaning and rocking back and forth on the thickness of his fingers. The orgasm came hard and fast, taking me over without a chance for me to prepare. I fell completely apart with a loud cry, arching upward, my body pressing into his, inner walls trembling while I road out the orgasm.

I thought he might stop, give me a chance to recover, but he didn't. Curling his fingers upward, he called me to another orgasm. Then another. And another. He relented after the fourth one, withdrawing his fingers and popping them into his mouth to greedily suck them clean with an obscene moan. He pulled them from his full lips slowly, watching me with those sapphire eyes and sending electric charges right through me. Tearing his eyes away from mine, his lips kissed their way back to my breast, taking his time once more to dabble on each.

I should have felt sated then. Four orgasms was usually plenty, and I'd be well on my way to a nap in Steve's arms by now. But it wasn't. I was still on fire, burning from head to toe, every nerve throbbing with desire for _more._ I gripped his jacket tighter, my hips thrusting against him to try and let him know that I _needed_. And I needed badly. And I'd be his good and _very_ green girl to get it.

"Captain, please," the whiny whimper escaped my lips in a desperate plea. I almost didn't recognize my own voice, so achy and wanton.

To my surprise, and frustration, he stopped at those words, lifting his head to look at me. His hair was a disheveled mess, falling into his face, his lips red and slightly swollen from kissing. He was a beautiful mess.

"No 'Captain' tonight, Sweetheart," he whispered leaning up to kiss me once more, gentle and slow. "It's just Steve."

I hesitated in surprise and a hint of confusion, but nodded at his words. As much as I loved the 'Captain' and his orders and the thrill that came with them, I loved sweet Steve all the more.

"I know what want you though," he finished at my silence, releasing me to shrug his jacket from his shoulders. The material fell to the floor, my eyes immediately fixating on his muscles which bulged and stretched against the blue cotton covering them. "And you'll have it."

He reached behind his head, gripping the nape of shirt to pull it off and reveal all the tan and toned muscle hiding beneath. I watched his hands, fixated and wide eyed, go for his belt next, undoing it with practiced ease seconds before denim and cotton were dropped to the floor.

My heart was a jackhammer in my chest, thrumming so loud I could suddenly hear it in my ears. As much as I was aroused, aching, and anticipating, a hint of nervousness creeped over me. This was _happening_ , finally, and it would change everything. It meant letting go, of the past, of Ian, and moving on. Taking a step forward into the unknown, where the risk of heart ache and loss was, once more. But for Steve, I was willing to take that risk.

Intuitive as always, Steve sensed something, his movements slowing and his touch gentle as he settled on top of me. Resting on his forearms, the length of him grazed over my folds, making me shudder, his mouth finding mine once more. The kiss started out slow and sweet, my hands roaming the bare expanse of his muscular back, until it turned heated and desperate in no time, his hips rocking his length against my opening, teasing and torturing me all at once.

"I'm ready," I moaned breathlessly, pulling away from his kiss. "Steve, please."

He was nodding before I was finished with my plea, leaning away to reach over the side of the bed. I realized what he was doing when I heard the metallic rustling of packaging over denim. He was getting a condom. I grabbed his arm to stop him.

"We don't need that," I whispered feeling a blush on my cheeks.

Steve arched an eyebrow looking puzzled. "Oh?"

"While you were gone on the mission, I got a prescription for birth control. And I started taking it," my shoulders came up in a nonchalant shrug. The subject of my lack of taking or using birth control had come up before during one of our steamy make out sessions turned fingering session, turned oral sex session, that had nearly turned into _actual_ sex before we both came to our senses.

A grin crossed his features, the eyebrow lowering. "Is that so?"

"I told you I had a plan," I answered.

He gave a small shake of his head, mouth coming back to mine to reawaken the fire between us. Lifting himself on arm and using the other to grip the throbbing erection between us, his eyes found mine and he hesitated again.

"You sure, Sweetheart? We can still stop," He asked the concern knitting his brow though his eyes burned with lust, pupils wide and nearly taking over the blue.

I nodded, biting my lip, feeling like I was going to burst (and not in the good way) if he didn't just do _something._ I expected him to tell me to use my words like a 'good girl', the Captain would tell me to, but he didn't. He just kissed me again, tongue slipping into my mouth to start a distracting dance as he pressed forward.

Just the stretch of his head breaching my core was enough to have me pulling away from his kiss with a pleasured gasp. My teeth clenched, a low hiss escaping me as he inched forward with unbearable slowness. The stretch was just the right side of painful, an overwhelming fullness followed it, reaching a point where he could go no further. He paused then, looking down at me the worry and concern had returned, though I could see his brow furrowed with the effort of remaining still.

My body was rigid with the sensation of fullness, tense and panting, my eyes shut tight. This was definitely a new feeling. I was honestly scared for him to move.

"How we doing, Sweetheart?" He asked in a husky whisper, his lips brushing against mine.

"I… I … god, Steve," I couldn't form a coherent enough sentence to answer. It was so much. _Too_ much.

I heard his soft chuckle. "We're gonna take it real slow until you say otherwise."

A very small, barely considered actual movement, roll of his hips had me arching and tightening around him, which only resulted in increasing the shock of pleasure that crashed through me. Steve let out his own hiss, his body tensing beneath my fingers. The second roll of his hips sent another zing of pleasure and had my fingers digging into his flesh. The third wasn't a zing, but a wave, a pleasure wave that crashed over me and had my thighs tightening and trembling around his hips. And with the fourth roll I fell apart again.

The orgasm hit me without enough warning, igniting every nerve, rolling through me like a steady throbbing current. I saw actual stars, Steve's name coming off my lips in a loud cry, the shudders taking me over once the orgasm started to die down. I was so engrossed in the ecstasy of my release, that it took me coming back down to earth to realize that Steve had abandoned the rolls of his hips and was thrusting now. Tiny thrusts, that also would barely count as actual movement, but was more than enough to have me well on my way to my sixth orgasm of the night.

"Fuck, Sweetheart, you're so tight," Steve groaned between opened mouth kisses on my throat. "Is that good?"

"Y-Yes, yes,...oh god, Steve…" I moaned, my hips pushing back to meet each thrust. The stretch and mild uncomfortability had dissipated with the orgasm, there was only the intensity and the fullness. And still it wasn't enough.

"You want more?" Steve asked no doubt sensing my eagerness by the desperate rocking of my hips and the dig of my fingers into his skin.

"Please… please… please…" the words fell from my lips in a chanted prayer. It wasn't a yes, but I felt it got my point across.

He shifted then, sitting back to hook my legs over his arms and grip my hips. With a heavy moan, his hips drew back, till just the tip remained, then he was pressing forward so deep and quick that the bed thudded against the wall and I felt him hit my cervix. The stars were back, my eyes rolling, and the control of my body leaving me. The sounds escaping me and the movements of my body were completely involuntary. I was a slave to the pleasure, unable to do anything but relent. I let myself get lost in the sensations, blindly reaching out to find purchase on anything. The sheets became my anchor and I held onto them for dear life as I felt the tingles of the impending orgasm threatening to take me over.

Steve didn't look far behind me, his face a mask of ecstasy, blue eyes hidden behind closed lids and lips parted as he let out soft pants. The way his muscles rippled beneath velvety flesh with each coordinated thrust was its own aesthetic. I could watch him move this way all day, especially when his movements were creating intense sensations that were rapidly forming into orgasm within me.

Then again it wasn't enough. It was damn good. Amazing. Fantastic. Frankly the best I'd ever had. Yet, I couldn't go over that edge, couldn't fall into the pleasure abyss to drown in its heaven for just a few minutes. I needed _something._ And in his usually extremely perceptive way Steve knew.

Dropping one of my legs, he smoothed his hand down my thigh to my center. Gathering up slick from where our bodies met, using it to slowly circle my clit with his thumb, immediately getting a response from me in the form of clenching walls, an arching back, and a cry of his name. I heard the rumble in his chest, growl echoing past clenched teeth. A string of barely intelligible words followed.

"Jesus, Sweetheart, yes just like that," the pace of his circles increasing as well as his hips. "Cum for me. I'm right there with you."

I was so close, the tingles of the orgasm just right out of my grasp. My hips moved against his desperately, chasing my own release. Steve groaned, gripping my hips tightly, fingers digging into my skin, as the steady thrust turned to a rapid snapping of his hips. It was just what I needed, my toes curled, my breath catching in my throat, my body going rigid. With one well placed _deep_ thrust I obeyed his command.

I burst around him, shattering into a million orgasmic pieces, and pulling Steve right along with me. His hips stuttered and then stopped once he slid home, a shudder running through him as my name rolled beautifully off his tongue. He somehow managed to remain upright while he recovered. I on the other hand was a puddle of jelly with bones that was still trying to regain its sight, a steady heart rhythm, and the ability to move.

"You okay, Sweetheart?" He asked once a few moments of just the sound of our panting in the air passed.

I was still dazed and tingling all over, but I summoned up the strength for minimal shreds of mobility and nodded.

I felt the weight of him come back over me, his lips kissing a soft trail up to my mouth. "How was that?"

I huffed. How could he have to ask? "I'm surprised you have to ask, Captain. Weren't you here with me?" I whispered with a smirk.

The redness that was already on his face from all the exertion turned deeper crimson. The familiar growl from my using his title followed. "You can't call me that when I'm this close to your naked body. I was already struggling to control myself."

 _Control himself?_ I felt a frown cross my lips and I was forcing heavy lidded eyes open. "You were struggling to control yourself?"

"I wanted our first time to be slow. Easy. I wanted you to be sure about it and didn't want to scare you off with any of the… _Captain stuff._ "

An expected thrill rushed through me at the thought that there was more to sex with Steve than just _this._ And the _this_ was already amazing.

"Let's get cleaned up and get some water and food in you huh?" He said easing out of me with a slight wince.

An hour later we were back in bed, both freshly showered, Steve in just his boxer briefs and me in a new night shirt, enjoying some late night Chinese take out. The beauty of New York was that you could get delivery at any hours, the city never slept after all. I was still buzzing from everything that had happened, telling Steve about my past, our declaration of feelings and then the _sex._ But despite it all there was a feeling in my gut telling me that something was going on. And I couldn't ignore it.

"Steve," I said softly, tilting my head back against his chest so I could see him from where I was laying between his open legs, my back to his chest.

He was trying, and mostly failing, at using chopsticks to eat chow mein. It was adorable. He sucked up some noodles that were hanging from his mouth and chewed them quickly, using one hand to wipe his beard for any noodle remnants, before looking down at me.

"Yeah, Sweetheart?"

"If there was something...going on… or wrong, you'd tell me right?"

Steve blinked, arching an eyebrow. "Of course, Sweetheart. Why do you ask?"

I sat up and set my sweet and sour chicken aside, turning to face him. "I just feel like there's something you aren't telling me," I admitted with a small shrug.

He sat up as well, setting aside his chow mein. The redness had returned to his ears, something I had learned meant he was nervous. "It's about Tony's project. _If_ it works, I'm the only one that can do it. And they're… well Natasha is worried that I won't want to… because of you."

"Because of _me_? Why?" I frowned shaking my head.

"Natasha thinks my feelings for you would keep me from wanting to go back and change things."

"Go back? Change things? What do you mean? What exactly is Tony's big secret project?"

Steve took in a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. "Tony's trying to build a time machine."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This is really short! sorry in advance but I wanted to get something out.**

* * *

"Andrea, sweetheart, it's okay. Just breathe."

But the thing was, I couldn't. My chest was tight, like a huge boulder was sitting on my chest and my throat felt like it was closing tighter and tighter by the second. I was past the panting phase of my panic attack and was well into the gasping for air phase.

Steve had known. He had known that my brilliant billionaire boss who could do just about anything he set his mind to, given that he had the intelligence and resources, was trying to build a time machine. A time machine he could use to go back and fix it all. My dad, Reagan, and Ian could come back.

 _My daughter could live._

And Steve had known.

My chest got tighter.

I dodged his touch and stumbled from the bed, rushing for the bathroom. My medicine was in the mirror cabinet and with shaky hands I opened my anxiety pills, taking two and using the faucet to scoop water into my mouth to swallow them. I went for my inhaler next, using it always help to take away the tightness in my throat.

"Andrea."

I looked in the mirror and saw him standing behind me, worry all over his face. The world blurred around me as I turned to him. "You knew. You knew what Tony was doing and you didn't tell me? Why wouldn't you tell me that?"

"He hasn't done anything yet. I told you already it was a foolish billionaires dream."

I huffed. "He's not just any billionaire! He's TONY STARK. The man can do _anything._ And it's not like he doesn't have the resources to help him!" It clicked then why he had suddenly gone to Wakanda. He had gone there to get help and to use their technology, which I had learned was far more advanced than what we had going on over here. Tony wasn't _trying_ to do anything. He was going to build this machine.

My chest got tighter again.

Steve stepped toward me. "I know you're upset, but I didn't tell you because there was-IS-no guarantee that it will work or this will happen."

"You have known Tony longer than I have. When has there ever been anything he couldn't do that he set his mind too?"

Steve frowned, his face falling. "There's limits when it comes to science-."

"This isn't just about science! An alien wiped out half the population with MAGIC stones. _Gods_ with magic hammers and axes walk amongst us. Dr. Banner turns into a giant green monster. Even the scarlet witch used magic. There is no reason to think that Tony _can't_ do this. He WILL."

I was shouting now. My heart pounding in my chest, but not from the panic, but the anger. After everything that had happened and how far we'd come together in this relationship, it was all about to change. It was just a matter of time.

Steve sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "There's still a chance that none of it will work. And the same way I didn't want to get my hopes I didn't want to get yours up either. I know it seemed selfish I didn't tell you, especially after you told me about Ian and your daughter, but there is no guarantee it's going to work. And I love what we have. I love you. And I wasn't going to give that up for a _chance_ that Tony makes this happen."

"That wasn't just your decision to make!" I snapped.

Steve's face fell once more and I forced myself to close my eyes and take a deep breath. I was angry and hurt, but I also wasn't a fighter. Ian and I never really fought. We'd always find a way to talk it out, but I wasn't ready to talk right now. I needed to think.

"Steve, I need some time okay? I just-. I need to think."

The look of hurt on his face was enough to make me feel like I'd been punched in the gut. I half expected him to argue more, but instead he hung his head and nodded turning his back on me to leave the bathroom. I waited in the bathroom for him to redress and then for the sounds of his leaving the apartment. I fought the part of me that wanted to go after him.

The sound of the front door closing echoed in the quiet of the apartment.


	15. Bittersweet

I'd grown accustomed to calling Dr. Warren any time I experienced a crisis in my life over the past years since The Snap, but this time I couldn't. I got the distinct feeling that Tony's time machine, or his attempt to build one, was meant to be a secret and I'd signed a very wordy nondisclosure agreement when hired. I was going to have to sort out my feelings on this one alone, something I hadn't had to do in a long while.

I couldn't sleep after Steve left, despite the late hour and the fact that I had to get up early. There were too many emotions swirling around in my body and too many thoughts running through my head.

Steve had been right in saying that Tony had yet to actually _build_ the machine, but there wasn't a bone in my body that doubted he wouldn't build it. And I couldn't ignore that it would change everything.

If it worked and things could go back to the way they were before, I could go back to my old life. I could have the people that I loved back. And I could be a mother to a daughter that I had loved without even knowing. I had loved my life, every part of it, and I still struggled with missing it and the people that had been in it.

But then there was Steve.

He had become an integral part of my new life. He had become someone that I loved dearly and couldn't imagine a life without. He had changed me, in most ways for the better, and I liked who I was when I was with him. I loved what we had, what I was becoming, what we were becoming. And there was a part of me that didn't want to give that up for anything. How could I go back to my old life when I had started something so beautiful with Steve? How could go back to loving Ian when I loved Steve too?

And there was a possibility, slim in my mind, that this wouldn't work. That Tony Stark couldn't do this. That nothing would change. I could end up pushing

Steve away for something that might never happen. And that would mean that everything that Steve and I had would be a waste.

I felt like a zombie the next morning. After barely an hour of sleep I was nowhere near capable of truly functioning, but I needed something to do, to take my mind off of everything that was going on around me. So I forced myself into the shower, downed two cups of coffee and some toast, and headed into work.

I was extremely startled to see Tony Stark sitting at my desk waiting for me. He was spinning around in my chair, his head reclined against the back, his arms crossed over his chest, looking impatient and tired. He perked up slightly when he saw me approaching, stopping his spinning and putting his elbows on my desk to cradle his chin on his steepled fingers.

"Tony, you're back," I said trying to hide the worry from my voice. This couldn't be a good thing. "I thought you'd be gone longer."

He huffed, a smile creeping onto his face though it didn't seem genuine. "Yeah, I hit a wall in Wakanda. I needed a break. I need to see Pepper. But I think we need to talk, Kid."

This definitely wasn't good. He must have known about Steve and I, maybe Steve had told him or Natasha had when she worried that Steve wouldn't be able to go back. A sickening feeling sat heavily in my gut as Tony rose and beckoned me into his office with a wave of his hand. He held the door open for me while I set my things down at my desk and then stepped into his office. I sat in one of the cushioned chairs in front of his desk and forced myself to take a deep breath to calm my heart that had started to race the moment I heard the door click shut behind Tony. He didn't speak until he settled into his desk chair opposite me.

"I need your help, Andy," he said with a heavy sigh.

I blinked, eyeing him suspiciously. This wasn't what I was expecting. I'd half expected him to tell me that he knew about Steve and I, that he had the same concerns as Natasha. He pressed a few buttons on his desk and a projected image appeared hovering over it. It looked like the blueprints of some sort of machine, a rather large one. It took me only a second to realize that _this_ was probably the time machine.

"As you know Bruce and I have been working on a secret project," he said eyeing the blueprints in front of him and gesturing to it. "This is that project. It's a time machine." He said it simply, as if it were no big deal. As if him building such a machine was standard and wouldn't change the past of millions, including myself.

I hesitated, unsure if I should tell him that I knew about the machine. I didn't want to get Steve in trouble for sharing top secret information with me.

I feigned ignorance and surprise. "A time machine?"

"Yes, a time machine. Sounds crazy I know, but if we can go back, if we can stop Thanos before he does anything or get all the stones before he does, then none of this will have ever happened. Did you lose someone in The Snap?"

I blinked at the question. He'd never asked before. "My fiancé. And my twin sister…" I answered feeling the familiar watery eye sensation. "And my daughter."

Tony's face fell, the pity and remorse entering his eyes. "Wouldn't you like to go back? Wouldn't you like to have _them_ back?"

 _I would_. It was the first thought that came to my mind.

Tony continued at my silence. "We're still perfecting the science, but I have some of the most brilliant minds the world has to offer, me and Bruce, working on it. It _will_ work," he added determinedly, turning his brown gaze on me. "And once the science is perfected we're going to need the actual machine to be able to go back. And that's where you come in."

"Me?" I breathed.

"There are people who would want to get their hands on this, for example Mr. Temper Tantrum. Also known as Secretary Ross. I can't just have anyone working on this and Bruce and I can't do it alone. I have very few people I truly trust, but you're one of them, Kid. I trust you to help me keep this a secret, and to help me build this when the time comes."

I felt my face fall. He wanted _me_ to help him build a time machine? "You want _me_ to help you build this?"

"Yes, Andy," he chuckled. "You can stop letting that fancy mechanical engineering degree collect dust while you answer my emails and get my coffee and put it to good use. Really good use. We go back, we stop Thanos before he even starts. People can have their lives and families and loved ones back. Don't you want to be a part of that kid?"

All at once I was swarmed with conflicting emotions. Excitement and hope filled me to the brim and so did fear and anxiety. To be a part of something so groundbreaking that could change the fate of millions of course would be amazing, and admittedly I missed the days of having my hands in a machine, but then it all circled back to Steve. If we built this machine and it worked, I would be giving him up and I still wasn't sure I was ready for that.

"Andy, you with me?"

Tony's voice broke through the thoughts rushing through my head. I startled slightly. "Yes, I, um, I just… it's a lot to take in."

Tony sighed, running a hand over his face as he leaned back in his chair. "I know. I don't mean to spring this all on you, but we're making headway. I know we can do this and I need your help."

The tired billionaire before me looked desperate. And without thinking I answered him. "Yes, Tony I will help you."

"Great, I want to set up a meeting with Bruce get you all up to speed."

"How long do you think this is going to take?"

 _How long before I lose everything with Steve?_

Tony paused in thought. "A year. Two tops. Like I said we're still working on the science and the machine, but it _will_ _work._ "

I nodded slowly. "Okay. I'm in."

Tony beamed. "Great."

* * *

After a busy day at work I felt I had made up my mind about what I wanted to do. And the only thing left to do was tell Steve.

I went to his office, intending to catch him before he came to find me and was surprised to hear from Stephanie he hadn't come in. He hadn't shown up for training either. Both things were very unlike Steve. And it made me worry. I went to the living quarters floor next, hoping to find him there.

The living quarters were dimmed and silent when I stepped off the elevator, the silence almost eerie as I walked through to Steve's room. I knocked softly on the door and waited. I could hear the sound of shuffling feet before the door opened just a crack and I saw Steve's sleepy face gazing back at me. He was shirtless and barefoot, wearing only a pair of plaid pajama bottoms, a mess of bed hair on his head. He blinked at me sleepily before he perked up slightly, the door opening more.

"Andrea," he whispered in surprise. "Hi. I wasn't expecting to see you so soon," he added sheepishly, running a hand over his beard.

"Well, I wanted to talk, but are you alright? Stephanie said you never came in?" I asked worriedly.

He nodded, a tinge of red touching the tops of his ears. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep last night, not after…" his eyes dropped from my gaze. "I had to take the day off. I felt terrible."

My heart sank in my chest. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," he stepped back so I could come in.

His room was neat and tidy as usual, save for his bed which was in a disarray. The door shut behind him and I felt his presence come up behind me prompting me to sit on the edge of his bed. He joined me, looking wary, as if he were expecting bad news.

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted," I started slowly. "I understand why you didn't tell me. You didn't want me to get my hopes up and you were trying to protect my feelings. And I appreciate that."

Steve looked relieved, letting out a small sigh. "I'm still sorry, Sweetheart. I know what this would mean to you if it happens. You'd get Ian back and your sister and… your daughter. And I want that for you… if that's what you want. But if I'm honest, I don't want to lose you."

"I do want the people I lost back," I admitted with a shake of my head. "It's all I've thought about the past three years, but…. I want _you_ too. And I know that's selfish. I know that I can't have it all. But this isn't just about us. If we do this, if Tony and Bruce make the machine, if it works and you go back and stop Thanos, then _everyone_ will get back what they lost. You'd get Bucky and Sam back."

"I know. And I want them back too. I know we have to do this. That _I_ have to do this, but the thought of _this_ ending," he motioned between us. "The thought of losing you in the process even though I get Bucky and Sam back, and everyone else comes back," he shook his head and looked into my eyes. "I'm just not sure I want to give you up."

I didn't want to give him up either, but I knew we couldn't have it both ways. If Tony made this happen and Steve went back I wouldn't remember him at all. I had never met Steve Rogers before Thanos had come. I would get to continue on in the life I had before, but as the person going back, would Steve remember me? Would he have to live with all the memories of these three years and the sacrifice he made? That didn't seem fair.

But I knew that Steve would do it, as much as he didn't want to, he would. He was a righteous man who believed in the greater good. He would make the sacrifice, he would suffer if it meant others, _I_ , was happy.

"I've been thinking about this a lot and you're right. As much as I believe in Tony Stark, I know there's a chance that this won't happen. That he won't be able to do this. And given that there is that chance, I don't want to give up what we have," I reached for his hand, smoothing my palm against his until our fingers intertwined. He squeezed my hand in response. "So I want us to be together, still. As if none of this is happening. Like we have no idea the time machine might exist. No getting our hopes up."

Steve nodded slowly, a small smile on his lips. "I'd like that."

" _But_ if Tony does get the time machine to work, we both have to agree here and now, that you'll go through with the mission for the greater good. That you won't let me stop you from doing this. We both have to know that this might come to an end, but it will be for the betterment of the world." My eyes grew watery at the thought, a mixture of hope and fear within me. It was bittersweet, my wanting him to go back, and everything I stood to gain from it, and the fear of losing him.

Steve sighed, shaking his head. "I can agree to that, Sweetheart. _If_ Tony makes this happen I'll go back. You're right, it's not just about us."

He squeezed my hand again, lifting it to his mouth to press his full lips against the back of it. I felt tingles shoot up my arm.

"There's something else," I whispered making Steve look up at me with a hesitant frown.

"What is it?"

"Tony's asked me to help him build the time machine when the time comes."

Steve's face fell. "Oh."

"There's still no guarantee. And I'm not getting my hopes up. But if I can do my part to help save half of the world, then I have to, right?"

Steve didn't look thrilled with the decision, but nodded again. "You're right. And if that's what you want, I won't stop you."

A silence fell over us as we both processed the information and our decision. There was a chance that it wouldn't work, that Steve and I could live out our lives together, happily, and I felt okay with that. But if it did work, if there were a chance to stop Thanos and bring everyone back how could not say yes to that? I took a deep breath of resignation, making peace with my decision. We were going to make this work somehow. And for the time being I just wanted to put it all behind us.

"I missed you today, Captain," I whispered.

Steve's eyes darted up to mine immediately, a familiar darkness taking over the blue. I saw his shoulders tense and the muscle in his jaw twinge. Apparently my using his title still had an effect on him. A smile touched his lips.

"Is that so, Sweetheart?" He asked reaching out to touch my cheek.

"Yes," I breathed, feeling a heat beginning to burn within me. "Will you hold me?"

He nodded already pulling me into his embrace. "I'd love too."

I stopped him long enough to kick off my shoes and discard my coat, before falling back into his strong arms. He pulled me onto the bed, wrapping his arms around me, my head resting on his chest, my legs tangling with his. He let out a contented sigh, his chest resting on my head, his fingers massaging my back. Before I knew it I was drifting, somewhere between consciousness and slumber, the steady and rapid thrum of his heart lulling me to sleep.


	16. Captain pt 1

A/N: Theres smut in this chapter. I apologize for nothing though. lol

* * *

The sound of FRIDAY speaking at what could only be described as an ungodly hour had me stirring in Steve's arms.

"Captain Rogers, this is your wake up call. It is currently 5:30 am."

I groaned, feeling Steve begin to move, his chest falling and rising as he sucked in a deep breath and let it out in a sleepy huff/yawn. "Thank you FRIDAY."

I was curled into his side, my upper body draped over his chest and I was quite comfortable, though I had no idea how Steve slept so soundly with me practically clinging to him all night. In my barely conscious state I had no will to move in spite of knowing he intended to get up at this ungodly hour, most likely to exercise. He carefully dislodged himself from me, gently replacing himself with a pillow and pausing to kiss my forehead and brush my hair from my face. I was still too tired to open my eyes, but gave a whiny groan.

"I'm going for a run," he whispered against my skin. "Go back to sleep."

I had every intention too. Tony had given me the day off, prompting Steve to take the day off as well, though not from his normal exercise routine apparently, and I planned to spend the day in his glorious and ridiculously comfortable bed. I settled back into the comfort of his plush pillows, shifting under the blankets and shivering in delight at the feel of soft Egyptian cotton against my naked skin.

It had been three weeks since I told Steve everything about my past and that I was in love with him, since I'd learned that Tony was building a time machine and there was a possibility that my life could go back to what it had been. Three weeks since Steve and I decided that we would continue on as we were, in love and happy, until we knew for sure it was all coming to an end.

And it had been three of the best weeks of my life. There was no apprehension in our relationship anymore, nothing that I was hiding or he was. We had honesty and transparency and I felt like I was my best self with him. Not to mention the sex was incredible. Steve was a giving and insatiable man, I thought once we'd finally done it, once that tension between us had been cut, that his desires might wane, but if anything they'd been ramped up. He could hardly keep his hands off me when we were alone, wanting to make love at least once every night, two or three times if he got his way and I wasn't too tired. I found myself spending more time at the compound with him than I did at my apartment, my clothes taking over a portion of his closet and my toiletries in his bathroom. I had been reluctant to leave things before, but after our talk I didn't feel the hesitance. It had happened so seamlessly that I had hardly noticed. It'd been a week since I'd been home, but I didn't miss it.

We were still keeping our relationship on the down low, only Natasha and Thor, who Steve had kindly asked to keep the information to himself, knew. I was comfortable with Steve and our relationship, but I still didn't want the attention that it might bring. And I was still wary of Tony finding out for some reason. I knew that eventually it would get out, that'd I'd have to deal with whatever being Captain America's girlfriend came with, but for now I liked it being just us.

I awoke again to a shifting of weight on the bed, the warmth of Steve's body flush to my back, his lips on my shoulder. I could smell the familiar scent of his body soap in the air and feel a slight dampness to his skin. He must have showered already. Which also explained his complete nakedness. I was still naked from last night's activities.

"Good morning," he whispered. He trailed kisses across my shoulder until he reached the nape of my neck where he bit gently.

I moaned, a shiver racing down my spine. "Good morning to you too."

"I'm a little pumped from my run, I have some energy I am in desperate need to expend," he sighed, continuing his trail of kisses back down my shoulder blade, accenting it a few with bites. He was definitely making his intentions clear.

"Is that so, _Captain_?"

Despite all our lovemaking in the past weeks, the _Captain_ still hadn't shown. Steve insisted that he was just _Steve_ while in bed and that I call him as such. It admittedly had me a little worried, especially when he had made sure to warn me long ago of _what_ he liked and _how_ he liked things. I had thought after the first few times, once he knew I was comfortable, we'd delve into it, but we hadn't. And I was surprised at how disappointed I was at that.

Steve growled at my use of his title, the effect clearly still there. "Sweetheart, I told you to just call me Steve," he kissed my throat, arm encircling my waist to brush his fingers over the skin of my stomach.

"What if I _want_ to call you 'Captain'?" I whimpered pressing back into him and feeling the growing hardness there.

"You know what that does to me," He groaned, using the hand on my stomach to press me back into him even harder till there was no space between us. His hips thrust forward, rubbing his rapidly growing erection on my bare ass. I pressed my thighs together, trying to quell the throb that had started there. "I don't think we're ready for the Captain."

I sighed, both in longing and frustration, because I _was_ ready. As much as I loved Sweet Steve, I longed for the authority and thrill of the Captain too. "Captain-."

"I told you we would take it slow," he cut in, teeth nipping the skin of my throat, soothing the bite with a sweep of his tongue. He rolled me to my back and resumed his tasting of the other side of my throat. "I want you to be comfortable. I don't want you to feel rushed."

"I don't," I gasped. I had been too distracted by the open mouth kisses across my throat and his denial of what I wanted, to realize his hand had trekked down between my thighs. He palmed me first getting another gasp from me, two fingers slipping into my lips to rub the aching bundle of nerves waiting for him there.

While his fingers were certainly persistent, his face was hesitant. A battle of apprehensive concern waged in his eyes. But I knew what I wanted and I'd just have to make him see it. I rolled my hips, my inner walls clenching on his fingers, and let out the moan that welled up in my throat. Steve groaned in response, his eyes darkening.

I looked up at him through my lashes. "I really _want_ to, Captain."

Steve's teeth clenched. "You're killing me, Sweetheart."

I rolled my hips on his fingers again, clenching and gasping as they stroked me. " _Please_ , Captain."

I saw the resolve break in his eyes and felt a sense of triumph. He kissed me hard, his tongue slipping into my mouth to dance with mine. I moaned, pressing my hands to his chest, feeling my fingers dig into the firm skin as the fire in me burned hotter. His fingers hadn't ceased their slow languid movements, creating orgasmic sensations within me, but not anywhere near fast enough to get me somewhere I desperately wanted to be.

He pulled away from my kiss, panting heavily, his heart thudding against my hands. His pupils had blown wide, the black over taking the blue. A growl rumbled deep and low from his chest. I suddenly felt a hint of panic. _What did I get myself into?_

"You want the Captain, Sweetheart?" He asked huskily, his fingers speeding up making long sweeps over my clit and down to my entrance.

"Y-Yes," I gasped, my eyes fluttering closed. I was suddenly very, _very,_ close.

"Eyes on me," he ordered. The rigid authority was back in his voice, the tone demanding obedience.

My eyes snapped open immediately, locking with his, seeing the heated lust in them. I was still so close, my hips still rolling with his fingers, trying to create the friction I needed.

"Are you going to be a good girl?"

"Yes, Captain, please."

He changed the movement, stopping the long sweeps to focus entirely on my clit, rubbing it in quick short circles. I moaned loudly, making sure to keep my eyes open and on him, though I wanted to toss my head back and let the pleasure take me over. I was seconds away from cumming.

"Are you going to do as I say when I say it?" He arched an eyebrow, his gaze intense.

"Yes, I'll be good," I whimpered wantonly in a desperate ramble. "I promise. I'm so close, Captain." The orgasm was right there, within my grasp, ready to wash over me and I wanted it badly.

With no warning his fingers stopped, both withdrawing from me. I felt my eyes widen at the loss, a petulant groan falling from my lips. "Steve-."

"Ah. Ah. Quiet," he pressed a finger to my lips, cutting off my protest. "Steve's not here, baby," he slid away from me and off the bed.

I instantly regretted this decision, though I had to admit the view of him walking completely naked towards his dresser was quite nice. The man had an unbelievable ass, and considering I had never given a guys ass much thought, that was saying something. Still I felt irritable and huffy about the theft of my orgasm I was so close to receiving.

He opened one of the drawers I hadn't taken over and pulled out something small and neatly rolled. I realized what it was before he held it up and let it unroll, it was a navy blue silk tie. One I had never seen him wear, but imagined looked amazing on him. The unexpected thrill and fear that raced through me had my heart skipping a beat.

"You'll address me as Captain, we clear?"

I shakily nodded.

"Speak, Andrea."

"Y-Yes, Captain."

"You remember your colors?"

I nodded once before I remembered I was supposed to be vocal. "Yes, Captain," I hurriedly added.

"What are they?"

"Green for good. Yellow for slow down. Red for stop."

He walked slowly back toward the bed. I struggled to keep my eyes on his face and not let them wander to drink in the rest of him. "I'm not stopping unless you say 'red', we clear?"

"Yes, Captain," my voice was shaking with excitement.

For just a moment he hesitated, a softness returning to his features. "You're sure you want to do this, Sweetheart?"

"Yes, Captain." The words were blurted from my lips before I really considered if they were true. Clearly my body had already decided.

The darkness returned to his eyes and his lips curved to a smirk. "Well then, let's get started."


	17. Captain pt 2

**A/N: This is basically all smut. You're welcome. Sorry it took so long though.**

 **Also I saw Endgame and well to summarize, its epic and amazing.**

* * *

My heart started to race as Steve weaved the silk tie around my wrists, the fabric sliding smoothly across my flesh. I forced myself to take a deep breath, the inkling feeling of a panic attack creeping up on me.

 _This is fine_ , I reminded myself.

He pulled on the tie, forcing my wrists together, and then pulled them above my head. Taking the length of the tie that remained, he secured it to the headboard with a knot that looked complicated. Tugging on it twice to make sure that it wouldn't come loose, he looked down at my wide eyed expression with a devious smirk and a wink. I knew my hands weren't getting free unless he released me.

I was at his mercy now and the thought both scared and thrilled me. Another deep breath. I wasn't going to panic. I was _not_ going to panic.

 _You asked for this remember?_

I had asked for this.

Actually I had practically begged.

But that did nothing to ease the mild fear that I felt. I knew Steve would never really hurt me, intentionally or otherwise, unless perhaps I _asked_...

I also knew he would stop if I said ' _Red_ '. But this was all new for me. I was venturing far past my vanilla boundaries and I might have went running into the territory without really thinking it through.

"How do you feel about being blindfolded?"

My brain snapped back to attention. Somehow while I was lost in panicked thought he had returned to the dresser and was now holding another tie, a red one this time.

 _He wanted to blindfold me?_

I swallowed past a lump that had formed in my throat and tried to find my voice. "H-How will I see?" I stuttered in question.

Steve chuckled, walking slowly back toward the bed, turning the red material in his hands so that it was horizontal. "That's the point, Sweetheart." He rounded the bed, sitting down on the edge.

He must have took my silence as an acquiescence because he gave another order.

"Lift your head."

I did as I was asked, raising my head off the pillow. He leaned in toward me, placing the material over my eyes, tying it securely around my head, the darkness taking me over.

My heart raced faster. This was also new. The kinkiest thing Ian and I had ever done was some very light spanking during a particularly adventurous- for us- sex session that admittedly had been fueled by alcohol, which I had surprisingly enjoyed, but had proven too much for Ian. He mentioned regretting it the next morning, the idea of causing me pain, even though I found it more pleasurable than painful, didn't sit well with him. I didn't protest when he mentioned it. And he'd never done it again.

The weight of the bed shifted as Steve came closer, the smell of his body soap filling the air. My body was rigid with anticipation. The warmth of his skin touched my side and the whisper of his voice was abruptly at my ear. The heat of his breath tickled my neck, my shoulders coming up on instinct until I urged them down.

"Is anything too tight?"

"N-No…"

There was a pause.

Steve cleared his throat.

I hesitated, wondering what he was waiting for when I remembered his first command. I was to address him as 'Captain'. I tensed again, worried that I had screwed up already. "I-I mean no, _Captain_."

"Good. Just relax for me, Sweetheart. Remember you can stop me at any time. You say 'red' and it's all over."

I sucked in another deep breath, urging the tension to leave my muscles, my body relaxing into the soft mattress. "Okay, Captain."

"What's your color?"

"Green, Captain."

"Good. Now, you can make all the pretty sounds you want to make, as loud as you want to make them, but you have to be _still_." That was most definitely an order. One that I knew would be hard to follow. An innocent touch alone from Steve was enough to make me shiver. "We clear?"

"Yes, Captain."

I felt like a live wire, every nerve ending along my skin sparking in suspense of what was to come. The seconds ticked by like minutes while I waited for him to do _something_. His hands came first, large and hot, coming to rest on my stomach, moving at the slowest pace imaginable up to my breasts which he cupped and kneaded.

Without my sight, my other senses were on high alert, his touch felt more intense than usual, calling forth a wave of pleasure that rolled back and forth through me in time with his touch. I wanted to arch into him, to rub my thighs against the ache that had started there and was growing by the second, but I bit my lip instead, using every ounce of will within me to remain still.

That was until Steve's lips met my skin and I felt the first uncontrollable tremor. I bit my lip harder, sparking a hint of pain, my hands wrapping around the length of tie between the headboard and my wrists, trying to find something to anchor myself to. He placed wet kisses down my throat, leaving a trail of fire to my breasts that he was still kneading. His mouth replaced one of his hands, wet warmth closing over a peaked nipple, tongue and teeth teasing, the freed hand sliding across my stomach once more this time in the opposite direction.

I moaned loudly, the pace of my breathing turning to heavy pants, the closer he came to my center. He hummed in approval at the wetness he found there.

"You are _dripping_ , baby," he groaned. "I think you like being tied up."

If this would be the treatment I received while being tied up and submissive then yes, I could thoroughly enjoy this. I moaned again in answer, too distracted by his fingers which were coating me with my own arousal so he could slip two fingers into me, right to the knuckle and circle my swollen bundle of nerves with his thumb with ease. He set the pace, slow and torturous, in and out and circling all at once, barely moving his fingers, enough to certainly start something, but again not enough to finish it. I fought the strong urge to roll my hips on his fingers to set the pace I liked. He released my nipple to give the other proper attention, teasing it with his tongue and then his teeth to have me gasping and tensing. He sucked it into his mouth, nearly sending my back off the bed into an arch. My inner walls clenched tightly on his fingers, the slow torture beginning to build towards something.

"You're doing so good, baby. You look so gorgeous all tied up and being a good girl for me. I think you deserve a reward, don't you?"

I hardly recognized the desperate voice that answered. "Yes...Yes, Captain, _please_."

He responded with a pleased groan, increasing his fingers to the speed that he knew I liked which ramped up the pleasure and the struggle to stay still. The orgasm built and quickly, I was close, _very_ _close,_ dancing on that edge of oblivion and I desperately wanted to fall in.

With no warning Steve slid a third finger into me, more than what I was accustomed too, and my hips bucked involuntarily, my legs trying to close on his hand.

Steve froze immediately. His fingers withdrawing from me, the absence only further irritating the ache that sat between my legs waiting to be sated.

When he spoke I knew I was in trouble. "What did I say, Andrea?"

"I-I didn't mean too," I stuttered quickly in apology.

"That's not what I asked." His tone was calm, but there was a sharpness, an assertive authority that wasn't meant to be questioned.

"You said not to move, but-."

"So you disobeyed a direct order."

I hesitated.

"Well… technically-."

He put a finger to my lips. "Quiet now. No excuses, Andrea.

My excuses died right in my throat, lips closing tightly. My heart started to race once more, this time with worry. The very vivid memory of him stating that there would be ' _consequences_ ' for disobedience blaring loudly in my mind. His presence was still near, but he was quiet and unmoving.

"S-Steve?" I said when the silence lingered.

"That's three orders you've disobeyed only minutes in, Andrea. I'm starting to think you _want_ to experience the consequences."

 _Crap._

The lusty darkness to his voice had my heart skipping a beat. I briefly contemplated saying 'red', perhaps he was right. Maybe this was too much, maybe I wasn't ready. But I couldn't ignore the thrill and arousal that I felt. I was excited and the ache had never been stronger. I thought about all the months he ignored his own pleasure for the sake of mine. And even though we engaged in sex regularly it was still all about me, Steve doing all the things that I liked. I wanted to please him for once, do something that he enjoyed. To have him really let _the Captain_ out. I wanted this and now I got it and it meant dealing with the consequences.

Clearing my throat and sucking in another shaky breath, calling forth my inner submissive, I answered him meekly. "Captain, I'm sorry...are you going to...punish me?"

"Do you think you should be punished?"

"I… I disobeyed an order, Captain."

"That you did. How do you think you should be punished?"

I hesitated. I had no idea. I didn't know what he liked. I should have googled dominate and sub stuff before partaking. My extent of the dynamic of the two were only what Reagan had told me from the fifty shades of grey novels, the tying up, the toys, the spanking. I knew that I could handle playful spanking, but punishment spanking...that was a different story. I didn't like pain _that_ much. Still if it was what Steve wanted…

"I…I should be…I should be spanked, Captain?"

Steve inhaled sharply, there was an audible swallow that followed. I wondered if I'd gone too far. He'd said that there were things that dominates did that he didn't. That he was a _lighter_ version of one. Perhaps spanking was one of those things. I felt my skin heat with embarrassment at the possibility that I'd offended him with my suggestion.

"I don't think we're quite there yet," he answered. So it _was_ something he was into. "Given that it's your first time, I say we take it easy...Have you ever heard of delayed gratification?"

I had of course, but as it pertained to our current situation, I hadn't. So I answered in the negative. "No, Captain."

I couldn't stop the surprised gasp when he gripped my thighs tightly and spread them, his presence moving between them. "To put it simply," he said softly, I could feel him shift again, the warmth of his breath spread over my inner thigh. "Your punishment is that I am not going to let you cum until I feel that you're really, _really_ , sorry that you disobeyed me."

 _Oh god._

"And remember: _be still._ "

With that said he went on the attack, in a hungry fashion. I steeled my bones and muscles to keep from moving, which was extremely hard while trying to deal with the sudden onset of pleasure. Steve knew my body all to well, knew everything that I liked and just how I liked it and boy was he good at doing it. The pleasure took over, the feel of his mouth more intense and pleasurable, my body honed in on it without my sight to distract me. There was nothing else to focus on save for the feeling of it all and the sounds of his actions which only added to the pleasurable. His aroused grunts and moans while he feasted on me vibrated through me. In no time at all I was back at that edge, Steve's tongue slipping back and forth rapidly over my clit while his fingers pressed in and out.

"Captain-Cap-I… oh god," the words fell incoherently from my lips as the pleasure neared its peak.

 _How on earth is this a punishment?_

And just as the pleasure threatened to burst and wash over me, drowning me in orgasmic bliss, Steve stopped.

I relaxed into the bed when he withdrew completely, breathing heavily, and feeling thoroughly irritated. _Now_ I could see how this was a punishment.

I think I would have preferred the spanking.

"That's one," Steve said allowing my body to descend from nearing its orgasmic peak.

Before I could ask him how many times he intended to do this to me he resumed my 'punishment'. I tried to ignore the pleasure this time, to think about anything other than how amazing his mouth and fingers felt and all the glorious things they were doing to me, but it was no use. Every time a thought threatened to pull me away from the sensation, Steve changed up the style dragging me right back into the moment until again I was right on that edge. He let me come closer to the orgasm this time, till I felt the beginning tingles of it creep over my skin and the flutter of my inner walls started.

Then just as before he stopped again. "That's two."

I closed my mouth to hide the frustrated whine that sat on the tip of my tongue. I could imagine the smirk on his face. _Damn him._

He did it once more, the same number of times I didn't follow orders, dragging me right to that blissful edge only to deny me and leave me panting and whining. After the third I could take no more. Desperate and thoroughly annoyed I let out the loud and more frustrated petulant whine that had welled up from each denial, but didn't dare move.

Steve teased my inner thigh with his lips and beard. "Are you sorry yet?"

" _Yes_ , Captain," I breathed. I was sorry. Very sorry. I just wanted to cum for god sake.

"Say it."

"I'm sorry, Captain. I'm _very_ sorry. Please can I cum," I moaned.

There was a growl and the sharp sensation of Steve's teeth biting my inner thigh. "You sound so pretty when you beg. Ask me again."

I licked my lips, resisting the urge to squirm impatiently as I said it. " _Please_ let me cum, Captain. I'll be good, I promise."

"There's a good girl. You keep staying still for me and you'll get what you want."

I wanted to protest, my muscles felt strained from the effort, but I held back the protest and the sigh that wanted to follow it. His fingers came first this time, two of them sliding in with ease, pressing upward and calling to my orgasm. His mouth returned, focused right on my pearl. It was suddenly very hard to stay still, my body desperate to squirm as the pleasure again reached its peak and threatened to explode. I worried he'd stop again, deny me the release.

But he didn't.

I went tumbling over that edge, the pleasure racing up my core before bursting through the rest of me. My body tensed tighter, Steve's title falling from my lips in a loud cry that I'm sure anyone who happened to be on the fourth floor heard. I somehow managed to stay still through all of this, save for the uncontrollable tremors that ran through me.

It wasn't until I went limp against the sheets, still panting, that Steve's mouth relented, kissing and licking his way back up my body until his lips were right at my ear. The orgasm had been amazing, as usual, and I did feel momentarily spent, but it had done nothing to stop the ache of desire sitting at the apex of my thighs. Having him so close, the weight of him over me, I wanted more.

"See what happens when you're a good girl?" He growled against my throat, teeth biting into my skin.

I was shivering all over now, want and need raging through me, my wrists unconsciously rubbing together with the urge to get my hands on him. I jumped when Steve's hand gripped the tie and I realized I'd been trying to get free.

"Ah. Ah. None of that now," He tutted at me. I felt him right at my entrance and gritted my teeth to keep from grinding down on him. "You don't want another punishment do you?"

I shook my head feverishly. I certainly did not. I'd had enough of the teasing and torture, although I knew that this was probably nothing compared to what he might really like. I could tell he was holding back, probably still worried about pushing me too far. This was probably the mildest version of what the Captain wanted.

"Captain," I breathed, my voices a mix of a moan and a frustrated sigh. "I can't take it anymore."

"Are you saying red?" There was worry in his voice.

"No, I'm saying…" I trailed off in frustration, unable to think of a way to nicely get my point across.

"Saying what, Andrea?"

"I'm saying _fuck me,_ Captain," I blurted impatiently.

There was another sharp intake of breath from Steve, which didn't surprise me, I'd surprised myself at my own harsh language. I flushed with embarrassment. Not that I hadn't heard Steve curse, he regularly did during sex, it seemed the only time that he let his inner foul mouthed dirty soldier, who hid behind the mask of Captain America every day, out. I wasn't innocent either and had dropped a few f bombs in my day, especially while in the throes of passion, but I had yet to use my favorite four letter f word to demand sex. I regretted the blindfold then, it wasn't allowing me to see Steve's reaction.

I relaxed a little when I heard him chuckle. He finally broke the silence. "Ask me _nicely_."

I bit my lip hesitantly, feeling too embarrassed to repeat it. Then remembered that the man had me tied up and blindfolded and calling him _Captain_ for god sake. I should be way past the point of embarrassment.

"Please fuck me, Captain," I whimpered it.

A growl rumbled above me. He flipped me to my stomach, making the tie twist, his hands taking hold of my hips to pull my knees up beneath me. I yelped in surprise.

"Is that what you want?" His voice was husky and almost strained sounding, his grip on my hips tight. "You want to get fucked by your Captain?"

"Yes," I breathed. I don't think I had ever wanted anything more in my life.

"Say it again."

I swallowed. "Please fuck me, Cap-ah!"

Foregoing the warning, he entered me, right to the hilt with one swift thrust cutting off my request. The immediate fullness had my back arching, which I quickly corrected when I remembered the order. I was thankful when he stilled, groaning behind me, giving me an adjustment period I really needed. We'd never done it in this position and he was touching spots I wasn't aware I had. He leaned over me, his chest pressed into my back so his lips were at my ear again, growling an order.

"You can move, but you don't cum unless I say so."

I didn't get the chance to answer, he withdrew and slid back home in a harsh snap that rocked my whole body, pleasurable waves rushing through me. He picked up a quick almost animalistic pace, one that I was not used too, but my body was thoroughly enjoying. With my new found freedom to move I was arching and squirming, pushing back to meet his thrusts. Keening, and admittedly embarrassing, sounds were echoing from my throat, broken praises and pleading falling from my lips. It was good, far _too_ good.

 _Don't cum._

 _Do. Not. Cum._

 _Don't-_

"Captain," I gasped when I felt it, the signaling tingles of the beginnings of an orgasm. "I-I-."

"What's that baby?" Steve asked, making me wonder just how his voice was so calm and even when his hips were pumping into me at a rapid pace.

I was about to disobey a direct order. I was going awol. "I'm gonna- _oh god-_."

His hand was suddenly in my hair, grasping it at the root and pulling my head back with a surprisingly gentle, but firm yank. His chest was at my back again. "Don't you dare, not until you ask nicely."

It was getting very hard to form words, I was too busy fighting the feeling that was threatening to implode at any second. It was like trying to hold back a tidal wave.

" _Please_ ," was the only thing I managed to get out in my desperation.

"Please what?"

I was seconds away from shattering, my brow furrowed and starting to cover in a sheen of sweat from trying to hold off the inevitable. I forced myself to form words.

"Captain ple- _fuck_ -please let me cum," I gasped.

He reached between my thighs, using his thumb to rapidly circle my clit making stars burst behind my closed eyelids. "Cum, Andrea."

The added stimulation and permission was all I needed. I exploded, trembling, gasping, a cry loud enough to alert the whole damn compound echoing from my lips. Liquid poured down my thighs and I heard Steve's grunt of pleasure when my walls clamped down on him like a vice. I floated in orgasmic bliss for fifteen glorious seconds until I came back down, my body boneless and basically jelly.

I was vaguely aware of Steve withdrawing and my body being moved, my back hitting the mattress and Steve's weight coming over me. My hormone riddled brain tried to come back to the moment, the lingering tingles of the orgasm spreading through me. I felt drowsy and ready for a nap, but the way Steve was holding me tightly and teasing my neck with love bites while he rubbed his still raging erection against me told me we were not done.

"You with me?" He asked in a husky whisper.

I nodded deliriously. "Yes, Captain."

"Color?"

Green. _Extremely_ green. I'd had orgasms before, plenty of them, but the one I'd just experienced could easily be described as the best. The evidence of it still coated my center and thighs and Steve. I vaguely thought I should be embarrassed, but I was still very much on a high from the orgasm and couldn't find it in me to be.

"Green, Captain. Very green," I answered breathlessly licking my dry lips.

"Good, because we're not done yet."

He kissed me, hard and hungrily as he slid home and resumed his rhythms without hesitation. I was overly sensitive, swollen and a little sore, but despite the mild discomfort, he still felt incredible inside of me. Steve's hands were everywhere, caressing and groping, his mouth alternating between kissing me and tasting my neck and chest, all the while maintaining that pistoning of his hips dragging me right back to the edge. My legs trembled around Steve's hips, my grip on the tie so tight I was sure my knuckles were white.

"Oh god…" I panted feeling the pleasure overwhelm me. "Captain, I-I'm close."

He must have felt generous because there was no order to ask nicely. Instead he pushed himself up, splaying one large palm on my stomach to hold me down with the perfect amount of pressure leaving me with nothing to do, but take it when the angle changed and he repeatedly brushed over _that_ spot. If I'd thought the orgasm before had been the best I was mistaken. Because the one coming on felt earth shattering. I was shaking from the intensity of pleasure, my legs tightening around Steve, my back arching off the bed as I prepared for it to hit me. It was when I felt the first tingles of the fall that I gasped his title again, trying to warn him.

"Cum, Andrea. Let go, now."

I did exactly as I was told, taking the fall with another compound alerting cry. The pleasure burst, flooding every nerve in my body, muscles tensing and shaking, my heart jack hammering in my chest until my brain went dark.

When I came to again it was to the sensation of Steve's fingers brushing against my cheek, his lips at my temple. My hands were free and the blind fold gone. I blinked a few times to give my eyes a moment to adjust, looking up to see Steve looking down at me with a worried smile. His hair was falling into his face, his skin flushed, and lips slightly red, but there was a sparkle to his blue eyes.

"Welcome back," he whispered sounding relieved.

I smiled sleepily at him, feeling drunk off the after effects of hands down the most amazing sexual experience of my life.

"Hi," I replied.

"You had me a little worried there," his ears tinted red as he spoke, a nervous chuckle falling from his lips. "I've never had a girl pass out on me before."

I huffed a laugh. "And I've never cum that hard before."

He turned redder making me laugh more. Sweet Steve was certainly back. "You're okay though? I didn't go too far?"

I nodded. "I am better than okay. I enjoyed every second of it, I promise."

He smiled, leaning in to kiss me. "How does breakfast at that diner you love sound?"

I didn't much feel like moving, I wanted more sleep after my rigorous morning activities, but my stomach rumbled with hunger. I could always come back to bed after breakfast.

"It sounds amazing, but I think you broke my legs, Captain. I'm not sure they work anymore," I grinned at him. "I don't think I can walk to the bathroom."

"Is that so?" Steve chuckled before sliding out of bed. "I suppose you want me to carry you to the shower then?"

I nodded innocently. "Only seems fair."

He laughed more and lifted me into his arms wedding style. We showered together, spending more time kissing and playing than actually washing, before getting dressed. I was in a great mood, my morning starting off perfect and I expected the rest of my day to go just as well. Steve also seemed to be in a good mood, a bright smile on his face whenever I looked at him. His mood was playful, and he couldn't seem to keep his hands off me, despite spending the morning with his hands all over me.

He had me pressed into the wall, holding my hips and kissing my neck while whispering promises of a repeat of this morning later in the evening, while I giggled like a schoolgirl. We were waiting for the elevator, intent on going to get breakfast, though Steve's lips were very distracting. It was why I didn't notice the ding of the elevator doors opening, my eyes having slipped closed, the giggle replaced with a moan as he squeezed my ass and sucked on my pulse.

"What the-."

We broke apart at the shocked exclamation, both turning to see my boss, Tony Stark, standing in the elevator, a mask of surprise on his face.


	18. The cats out of the bag

**A/N: This is short. Sorry. But an update none the less. Tony finds out and theres some fluff after because well... I feel like they deserve it. Enjoy.**

* * *

 _This isn't good. This is NOT good._

I knew he'd find out eventually, the truth always comes to light whether you're ready or not, but I'd hope to work up the courage to tell him myself. Instead of being caught red handed with Steve's lips on my body and his hand on my ass.

The look on Tony's face said it all: he didn't care for it. His eyes, wide and round, darted between Steve and I as he stepped off the elevator. Steve's shoulders squared and his jaw set, his body moving to stand in front of me slightly as though he expected a fight. I struggled to compose myself behind Steve, my brain firing through explanations and excuses and coming up with none.

"Please tell me I'm imagining this."

"Tony-," Steve started.

"Please tell me I just had the most bizarre hallucination and you _weren't_ just feeling up my assistant against the wall."

I stepped out from behind Steve, the both of us sharing a hesitant glance, I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"Are you guys a thing?" His eyes moving back and forth between us rapidly as he motioned to us. "Or am I catching the breakfast after- a hopefully very drunken-one night stand? Has this happened before? Is this a new thing? When did this start? Better yet, how long has this been going on?"

I couldn't keep up with his rapid fire questions. It was Steve who answered. "We've been seeing each other for almost six months."

Tony's jaw dropped. "Six months? You've been keeping this from me for _six_ months?"

"Tony, I really don't see how it's any of your business," Steve replied irritably.

Tony blinked, frowning at the larger man. "She's _my_ assistant. _My_ employee, who I expressly remember telling you not to fraternize with. I now see why Natasha said she had some concerns about you and who you were ' _seeing_ '."

"Concerns?" I blurted finally finding my voice.

"Wait, Natasha told you about us?"

"No, not exactly. Vaguely. She mentioned you were seeing someone. She didn't name names, but she said she was worried you'd be backing out of our _project_ because you were getting attached, that you were…" he broke off, looking between us again. "That you were falling in love. She asked me to talk to you. It was why I was coming up here."

I felt my blood boil at the thought of Natasha going to Tony with the intention of him breaking us up. After we'd come to a decision about our future, Steve has said that he had talked to her, that she understood and was no longer worried about him fulfilling any duties he had for the greater good. That she had given us her blessing, not that we needed it. But as his best friend I had wanted it. Clearly she still had some doubts.

Steve took my hand and held it in his own. "I do love her. Very much actually. And if Natasha came to you thinking you can talk me out of that then you both are mistaken. What's going on between Andrea and I is no one else's business. I know what I have to do, she knows as well, and we've both made a decision about it, which is also none of anyone else's business. So we don't have anything to discuss, now if you'll excuse us we're on our way to breakfast."

My stomach flipped at Steve's words and my heart warmed. Tony's face fell, his mouth still slightly agape as Steve lead me past him. I didn't know what to do or say, so I remained silent, watching Tony watch us leave. We made it onto the elevator and it was then Tony reached out and put his hand over the doors. Steve sighed again and I chewed my lip worriedly.

"Look, Cap, Andy, I'm happy for you guys. I am. I've been saying for awhile now Cap needs to get laid," Steve's face fell, a deep frown covered his face, Tony continued ignoring it. "But the project-."

"I will do what needs to be done when the time comes, Tony. I told you already, Andrea and I know full well this has an expiration date," Steve cut him off, looking down at me, a sadness in his eyes that had my stomach flipping once more. "The project isn't in any danger."

Tony hesitated, his eyes darting to me as though he needed confirmation that what Steve was saying was true. "Andy…" he said slowly.

"Its true, Tony. I know this is going to end, but it's for the greater good of everyone else and I'm willing to make that sacrifice," I replied looking up at Steve who smiled hesitantly back at me before squeezing my hand. "We both are. So don't worry. The project is not in danger."

Tony didn't look like he believed us, he looked like he wanted to argue more, but he stepped back removing his hand from the elevator. "Enjoy your breakfast."

He locked eyes with me as the doors shut on him and I couldn't ignore the bad feeling that I suddenly got in my gut.

* * *

Once Tony knew word spread quickly around the compound about our relationship. It had only been a week since he had found out and now it seemed _everyone_ knew. With half the population gone and our office being so small I figured that it wouldn't be too bad. Still I caught people whispering whenever I walked past. Stephanie was the least pleased. If I had thought she'd been brusque and borderline rude before, the cold stare that now accompanied it whenever I came to Steve's office was worse.

Steve was completely oblivious to it all, pleased now that we no longer had to hide, and having zero issues with PDA. He kissed me whenever he got the chance, wanted to hold my hand whenever we were walking somewhere together. He told me to ignore it all, most of all Stephanie, that even though people knew nothing had changed. And he was right, we still felt the same about each other, and I was _happy._ Happier than I had been in a long while.

The holiday seasons were quickly approaching and with it came the flu season. I found myself infected promptly. In addition to the gossip and news about my relationship with Steve, an office bug had been going around and I had caught it. When I woke up feeling like hot garbage I called in to Tony, who imposed a quarantine on me, and told me not to return to work until I was better. Steve had left already for his morning run and I sent him a text to warn him that I was sick and reluctantly went back to my apartment before he got back. I didn't know if super soldiers could get sick, but I didn't want to chance it.

I had only been at home for a few hours, not enjoying my solitude at all when I heard a knock on the front door. I didn't get the chance to completely rise from the couch, where I had planned to ride out my fever, congestion, sore throat, and terrible hacking cough, before the door opened and Steve stepped in holding a full plastic bag in one hand and a smaller brown paper bag in the other. I frowned at him, covering my face with my throw, not only did I look terrible, I didn't want him to get sick. The throw was sheer enough that I could vaguely see him through it.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned.

"Coming to take care of my girl because she is sick," Steve answered with a smile. He shut the door behind himself and approached me.

I sunk lower into the couch. "You're going to get sick, Steve."

"Super soldiers can't get sick, sweetheart. The common cold is nothing against the super serum."

I considered that for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," He replied opening the brown bag to pull out a styrofoam soup carton.

"Aside from the fact that I am sick and can infect you-."

"You can't," he interjected.

I narrowed my eyes and continued, still hiding behind my throw. "I am absolutely gross right now. I look terrible. I told you I am in quarantine."

Steve chuckled. "You really don't. I could never find you unattractive, Sweetheart."

"That is a lie and you know it."

"It's not a lie and I can't stand being away from you, so we both will be in quarantine."

That warmed my heart, but I did not want him to see me sneezing snot rockets and coughing up a lung. "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Andrea," he replied simply.

"Steven," I replied mockingly.

He narrowed his own eyes and looked me over. "Are you going to lower that throw so I can show you what I brought you, or am I going to have to come under there and get you."

As much as that thrilled me, I was in no shape for that. Sex was the last thing on my mind, even when my boyfriend was Captain America and was looking particularly delicious in a leather jacket, blue shirt, and some jeans that just hugged his ass in a glorious fashion. I sighed in defeat and lowered the throw.

"Okay, show me."

"Chicken noodle soup from one of the best rated cafes that's still left." He pulled out a spoon and handed it and the styrofoam container over. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face as I took it. "I brought tissues for your nose, the soft kind, a nasal decongestant and fever reducer that FRIDAY recommended after I asked her to search for the best cold medicines, some stuff to rub on your chest to help your cough, that old movie you mentioned you wanted to see the other night and chocolate, because well… you love chocolate."

My smile widened as he laid all the items out on my coffee table and then grinned proudly at me. I had no idea what I had done to deserve him, but I felt like the luckiest girl in the world in that moment.

"Can I stay now?" He asked with an arched eyebrow.

I considered it, tapping my chin and really pretending to think it over. Steve looked at me expectantly. "Only because you brought chocolate," I said finally, making him chuckle.

I took the medicine he'd brought while he put the movie on and joined me on the couch. He slipped his jacket from his shoulders and wrapped his arm around me, allowing me to snuggle into him. I heard him let out a small contented sigh, his lips brushing over my temple, before he relaxed against the cushions.

"I love you, Andrea," he said surprising me. We didn't say it to each other often, what was felt didn't need to be said and Steve made me feel loved every second we were together. But hearing him say it would always send my heart a flutter and put a smile on my face.

"I love you too, Steve."

He smiled at me. "Now eat your soup."


	19. Christmas

I returned to work on a Monday after the flu had taken me out for two weeks, feeling relieved and happy to be back. I had missed it, although I did as much as I could from home with the help of my FRIDAY enabled phone. I kept in touch with Tony via text and continued to maintain his schedule and respond to his emails. I had missed coming into the building though and seeing what coworkers I did associate with.

I tried to get back into a normal routine and realized that I hadn't seen Dr. Warren in nearly two months. I schedule an appointment with her for that week and was soon sitting in her office, feeling nervous.

"It's been a while since we've seen each other."

The guilt showed clearly on my face, my eyes dropping from Dr. Warrens gaze. It had been awhile since I'd had an appointment with her. I had last saw her at my appointment where I had decided to tell Steve the truth. I had honestly been avoiding her since then, wary of letting it slip that Tony was building a time machine and divulging any other top secret information that would get me in trouble. I didn't want to worry her though, knowing that after me being her client for 3 years she'd notice my absence from her schedule.

"I know. I'm sorry. I've been busy."

She smiled warmly. "I am happy to hear that. I'd much rather my patients be busy enjoying their lives than needing to see me. Although I am happy to see you again. I've been looking forward to an update," she opened her notepad on her lap, her pen poised to take notes. "How are things?"

"Things are… good. Things are really good. I'm happy. Happier than I have ever been since the snap."

"That's wonderful. I take it the discussion with Captain Rogers went well and your feelings for him were reciprocated."

I nodded. "Yes, they went very well. We're still seeing each other and things are going great," my smile widened as I thought of Steve and our relationship. "He's… he's just amazing."

Dr. Warren nodded, writing something down in her notepad. "And how are you feeling about your relationship?"

"I feel good. It's a happy, healthy, mutual relationship. We're honest with each other and we don't fight and…" I trailed off with a shrug. "I really care about him and feel like he feels the same."

"And how are you feeling about your past?"

I hesitated then. It was rare that I thought about my past these days, not when I spent so much of my time wrapped up in work and Steve. I hadn't forgotten, not with the possibility of going back to that old life, but I had made a promise to Steve, to not think about the time machine, though I occasionally slipped up, and thinking about the time machine meant thinking about my past.

"I'm living more in the present now thanks to Steve," I answered clasping my hands together. "I dwelled in the past for a long time and I feel like I can finally start to _really_ let go, not forget of course, but… move on." _If only until the time machine is built._

"It sounds like being with Steve has really helped you to find yourself again," Dr. Warren replied with a proud smile. "I'm very proud of your progress, Andy."

A smile crossed my face. "Me too, Dr. Warren. Me too."

* * *

A week had passed since I had seen Dr. Warren and I was struggling with the approaching holiday, mostly due to the fact that I couldn't think of a single thing to get Steve for Christmas. He was a very simple man, but surprisingly hard to shop for. I was scrolling through an online store trying to find something from the 1940s that might make him nostalgic and happy, when Tony's voice sounded.

"I've got good news for you kid. The project is put on hold."

My head popped up as I hurriedly closed the browser, eyeing my boss who was approaching my desk with a hesitant smile. He was wearing an obnoxious Christmas sweater, one that looked cheery and bright with Christmas ornaments, until you looked closer and saw it was a Black Sabbath Christmas sweater lined with guitars and the bands logo. He'd prided himself on wearing it around, calling attention to it, his mood unusually cheerful. I guessed that it was due to the fact that Christmas was two days away, a holiday I had recently learned was Tony's favorite, largely due to the fact that the man had endless amounts of money and a woman he loved to purchase gifts for. I'd already purchased six gifts for her in Tony's name, two of which were too big to fit under a tree. I knew Pepper would find all of them over the top and unnecessary, but Tony refused to be deterred.

"The project is put on hold?" I repeated with a frown.

Tony nodded. "Indefinitely."

" _The project_?" I asked my eyes darting around the office. "Like the… project-project?" I had to clarify because Stark Industries was working on many things, most of them humanitarian in nature, including keeping the peace, finding new ways to produce crops and farm animals with a lack of workers and said animals to farm, as well as providing energy to some cities that were lacking without the proper people to maintain the equipment. So there were plenty of projects he could be putting on hold.

Tony lowered his voice as he stopped close to my desk. "The _time machine_ , Andy. It's on hold. Indefinitely," he repeated.

"That's good news?" I balked.

Tony nodded. "Good news for you and Steve. There is no longer an expiration date on your relationship."

The way my heart fluttered at those words I was unsure if it was relief or disappointment. Steve and I had both agreed to act as though the time machine didn't exist and continue our relationship until the day came where the machine was built and worked, but realistically neither of us could forget or ignore it. It sat at the back of my mind always. And as much as I didn't want things to end with Steve, I wanted him to have the people he cared for back, I wanted that for everyone.

"Why?" I questioned.

Tony beamed at me proudly, his eyes glossy with the threat of tears. "Pepper is pregnant."

My face fell for a moment before I was shaking my head with a smile. "Tony, that's wonderful news!"

I was out of my chair and hugging him without thinking. He seemed mildly surprised, but hugged me in return. "Thanks kid, I've been waiting to hear this news for a long time. It's honestly the best Christmas present I could have ever received. And I'm beyond excited for baby Starks arrival. So you can see why I can't go through with the time machine now…"

I pulled back, looking him in the eyes. "Well yes, but-."

"I know how selfish that sounds, Kid. I _know_. But I can't risk it. I want to help everyone, but…" he shook his head, the smile still on his face. "I can't erase an existence where Pepper and I have a little miniature version of us running around. Not when I've wanted this for so long. Besides I still haven't completely figured out the science and everyone is generally happy. So why not just _stop_. Put it in a box and leave it be. You and Steve can just be together. It's for the best."

He sounded so sure that I found myself nodding along. I was happy for him, truly, and I knew that he and Pepper had been wanting to start a family. I just never thought that the possibility might stop him from completing the project. But if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. And as Tony said, Steve and I could just be together without the threat of our relationship having to come to a end, not because of the time machine anyway, looming over us.

"Congratulations, Tony. I'm really happy for you and Pepper."

"Me too, kid," he sighed. "Me too. And I'm happy for you and Capsicle. It's going to be an extra Merry Christmas now huh? Speaking of which, here you go," he reached into his pocket and withdrew a small folded piece of paper, handing it to me. "I know you just got back, but take the next few days off. It is Christmas time after all. You and Cap deserve a break. We all do. Send out an email that the Stark offices will be closed until after the holidays."

I blinked up at him, opening the folded piece of paper, that turned out to be a check made out to me with the words _Christmas bonus_ written in the memo section. My jaw dropped at the amount of zeros I saw.

"Tony," I breathed shaking my head. "I cannot accept-."

"Uh uh. Nope. Don't want to hear anything, but 'thank you Tony for this lovely christmas bonus. You're my favorite boss'," he gave me a pointed look, holding up one finger at me which he wagged.

"Tony, this is too much-."

"What did I say?" He frowned.

I sighed, but a smile graced my lips. "Thank you Tony for this lovely Christmas bonus. You're my favorite boss."

Tony beamed at me. "You're most welcome, Andy. You are my favorite employee, just don't tell the others. Send out that email and then get out of here. Happy Holidays kid."

I nodded watching him walk off until he paused and turned back to me. "Oh, Cap doesn't know the good news yet, I figured you might want to be the one to tell him," he shrugged with a wink. "Later kid."

I sent out the email as Tony asked and shut down my work station, deciding to go right to Steve's office to tell him the news. I still wasn't sure if it was good or bad. Stephanie's desk was surprisingly empty, but Steve's wasn't. He was sitting at his desk, clad in his captain America gear and writing something down. He looked up when I slipped through his door, shutting it behind me, his face brightening with a smile.

"Hey Sweetheart," He rose from his chair as I approached, pulling me into his arms without a seconds hesitation. "This is a nice surprise."

"I come with news from Tony," I answered after a quick kiss.

Steve's smile was replaced with a worried frown. "Oh?"

"Pepper is pregnant."

Steve blinked in surprise, a confused smile gracing his face. "That's good right?"

"Yes, but because she is pregnant, Tony has put the time machine on hold… indefinitely."

"Oh."

"He doesn't want to go back and change anything that would risk a future where he and Pepper have a child," I explained further. "Which I can understand."

Steve's brow furrowed in thought. "So this means that…"

"Things are going to keep going on as they are. Tony won't build the machine."

There was a hesitant smile to his face now, a brightness of realization in the blue of his eyes. "So you and I…"

"No longer have an pending expiration date," I finished for him. "At least not one from the time machine."

His face brightened into a full blown smile for just a second, then he was frowning once more. His hold on my hips tightened a bit.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I know you were hopeful for the machine to work to get… the people you care about back."

I was. I had been. But the thought of things not having to end with Steve, at least not one anyone else's or machines terms, left a warm feeling in my chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled up at him.

"I was. But knowing that you and I are okay and we can be together as long as _we_ want makes me really happy too."

Steve looked a little relieved and then he was kissing me again.

* * *

"Andrea."

I was being drawn away from the hug of unconsciousness by Steve's excited voice. Groaning I pressed further into the pillow beneath my head.

"Come on Sweetheart, wake up, it's Christmas," he gave me a little shake.

Managing to crack one eye open I saw that he was sitting beside me in bed, clad in only a pair of sweatpants. His hair slicked away from his face and his eyes bright with excitement. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face to see him so happy.

"Good morning," he beamed reaching out of my line of sight to produce a steaming mug. "Coffee?"

"Yes please," I groaned shifting in bed to sit up and lean against the headboard. I took the mug and sipped the coffee carefully, sighing at the taste of liquid energy just how I liked it. "I'm guessing you want to exchange gifts now?"

"I've been waiting for you to wake up since my run at five am," he chuckled.

A quick glance at the clock told me it was a little past nine. I could imagine just how impatient he grew as time went on, but was thankful he had let me sleep in, especially since I had been up late wrapping up the gifts I had come up with very last minute. I'd only gotten Steve and Tony a gift, both of whom had been hard to shop for. I got Tony a "#1 Dad" mug, something small and inexpensive and something I knew he didn't have, but would hopefully mean a lot to him. It was very hard to shop for a man who literally could buy anything he wanted.

I had the hardest time shopping for Steve and ended up not finding a single thing I liked. Instead I went for sentimental and had to go to Tony for help. Together we found a photo of Steve with the howling commandos, one of him and Bucky before him becoming the winter soldier back in the 1940s, and one of him with Sam, taken from security footage of the compound. I framed them all in a collage frame and wrapped them, hoping that the gift wouldn't upset him. In addition to that I bought him a new sketch pad and some quality drawing pencils, knowing how much he enjoyed drawing. I regularly found him sketching to pass the time. He had drawn some particularly beautiful sketches of me that always made me blush to see myself captured through his eyes.

"I'm going first!" I said quickly imagining that his gift for me would be far better than mine. Steve was always so thoughtful, it wouldn't surprise me if his gift blew me away.

I set my coffee down and reached under the bed to retrieve his gifts before he could protest. I placed them both in his lap, seeing Steve's smirk at the red white and blue Christmas paper encasing them. He opened the sketch book and pencils first, his smile widening as he looked up at me.

"Thank you, Sweetheart. I needed a new sketchbook," he leaned over to place a lingering kiss on my lips.

"You're welcome, open your other gift," I said eagerly.

My heart pitter-pattered as he ripped through the paper and opened the box, moving the tissue paper inside. I saw his eyes widen when he noticed the frame, his eyes darting back and forth across the pictures. I waited with bated breath, watching him take it all in, lifting the frame carefully from the box and holding it in his hands as though it were delicate. I worried a little when he didn't speak.

"I-I noticed you didn't have any photos of the guys from your team or Bucky or Sam around and… well I just thought that you might want to have some," I explained nervously. "I hope that's okay…"

He looked up then, his eyes watery and his face blank. My stomach sunk. "Oh Steve, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to upset you. I just thought-."

To my surprise he cut me off with a kiss, the largeness of his hand cupping my neck to pull me closer. I was breathless when he pulled back seconds later, looking at me with a smile.

"I love it."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "You do?"

"Yes, I do," he nodded, sitting back to look down at the photos once more. "It's very thoughtful of you."

The smile that graced my face was large enough that my cheeks momentarily hurt. I watched him stare at the photo with glossy eyes before he set it carefully on the nightstand and turned back to me.

"Go get dressed so you can get your present."

"I gave to get dressed for this?"

"Yes and dress warmly, it's snowing."

"Warmly? We're going outside?"

"Less questions. More getting dressed," he ordered with mock sternness.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face quickly, donning fleece leggings, a long sleeve shirt, a hoodie and my snow coat with a beanie and gloves. Sufficiently dressed I turned to see Steve, who never got cold, in just a pair of jeans and a t shirt and his leather jacket. I frowned at his lack of layers while he winked at me and beckoned me closer.

He took me out into the cold snowy day, hailing a cab easily and helping me inside. I was bubbling with excitement, wondering what kind of gift that he had thought of that would make us have to leave the compound.

"Are you going to tell me where we are going?"

Steve shook his head, smirking at me. "Nope."

"How about a hint?"

"Nope. You'll just have to wait."

The cab took us outside the city, to its suburban edges, which was practically deserted these days. Most of the houses were empty due to the Snap, but there were still some inhabitants in the area. It actually wasn't too far from the home that I'd grown up in. I was surprised when we stopped in front of a moderately sized two story house with nice curb appeal. It looked vacant which was evident when we climbed out of the cab, Steve asking the driver to wait for us, and I could see the emptiness of it through the large bay windows. Steve took my hand, leading me up to the porch steps, my eyes wide and confused. He opened the unlocked door, making me frown, pulling me inside.

The floor plan was large, the foyer open and inviting despite being empty and the walls bare. I took in the wooden staircase and the large openings to the dining room and the living room on either side of the foyer. The design of the house was vintage, not completely modernized which was surprising in this day and age.

"It's got three bedrooms, nice yard in the back, upstairs downstairs. I like the molding and the staircase," Steve commented behind me. His voice sounded odd, I could tell he was nervous, his voice while usually steady and sure, was shaking.

I looked at him over my shoulder, taking note of his nervous features. "You're buying a house?" I asked in confusion.

Steve ignored my question. He asked with an arched eyebrow, "Do you like it?"

I turned my back on him again, looking around and even venturing a few steps into the dining room. "Well yes, it's beautiful, and that's just from what I've seen from here, but I'm confused. What's going-?"

The words disappeared on my tongue as I turned around, the sight before me nearly stopping my heart. Steve had descended down on one knee and was looking at me like I held his fate in my hands. His eyes were wide, shoulders tense, and his swallow was audible. In his hands, a small velvet black box, still closed, his fingers spinning it timorously in his hands.

"Andrea Evelyn Dawson," he started slowly, opening the box and raising it up in offerance to me.

I found it hard to tear my eyes from his face, but they dropped slowly, running over his muscular chest down his leather encased arms to the black box. There was a solitaire princess cut diamond attached to a intricately engraved silver band. It was beautiful. My breath stopped in my throat, my vision blurred as water welled in my eyes.

"I missed my chance once, to be with a woman I loved," he continued. I knew immediately that he was referring to Peggy, someone he'd never been shy about speaking of. It had been daunting at first, to hear about this miraculous woman who had held Steve's heart. But a man, I considered amazing and wonderful, had once held mine and it only made me understand and appreciate Steve more. "She's gone now, been gone a long time actually, and I never thought I'd love again, but then I met you. I love you. I love you more every day. Now that we know that the time machine isn't going to be built, I'm not going to miss my chance again. I want to be with you, until the end of the line. I want to live in this house with you and I want to have kids with you and I just want _you_ ," he paused to lick his lips and blink past some tears. "So, will you marry me?

I hesitated. I couldn't help myself. My previous life, the one before the snap flashed before my eyes, and I could feel my hand reach for the engagement ring that already sat on my finger. It was a gold band with a small emerald cut diamond that was smaller than the one in the box before me. Ian has worked his ass off to save up for it and he'd looked just as nervous, if not more so, than Steve did when he had proposed during a sunset after a walk around my favorite park. I knew Steve noticed it, though he never asked about it, aside from asking if I was single during our early conversations, which I had answered ' _yes'_ too and he'd left it at that. And once I'd told him about Ian I'm sure he had put two and two together. Even after falling for Steve, and falling hard, I couldn't bring myself to take it off. It was a piece of the life I had before, a reminder of that, evidence of my stubbornness to let go.

But that life was gone now. And Tony had placed the final nail in the coffin with his decision to put the time machine on hold indefinitely. There was nothing stopping me. And I loved Steve, more than I could probably admit to myself.

Looking into the blue of his eyes I removed the engagement ring slowly, the weight of it slipping off my finger would forever be engraved in my memory as a turning point in my life. I slipped the ring into the pocket of my coat, seeing the look of slight relief on Steve's face.

Holding out my left hand to Steve I nodded. "Yes, Steven Grant Rogers. I will marry you."

Steve let out a breath of relief, his smile wide and beaming, rising he took my hand and slipped the ring on. It fit perfectly, just like I knew it would. Steve's arms wrapped around me tightly, drawing me closely into his chest, I could feel his heart thudding against mine. He pressed his face into the crook of my neck, his breath warming my skin, his lips kissing my pulse.

I felt tears sliding hotly down my cheeks. But they were happy tears. "Your gift was far better than mine," I whispered, wiping at my eyes.

Steve laughed.

* * *

This isn't the end! There are a few more chapters. There will be a time jump in the next chapter.


	20. Change

**A/N: So I intended to do a time jump, but the story wouldnt let me. It had other plans apparently. There will be one...eventually. Either way, heres an update.**

* * *

"It sounds like you made a very big decision."

Taking a deep breath I nodded in answer, spinning my new engagement ring around my finger. I was seated on Dr. Warren's comfortable couch two weeks after Steve had proposed. So much had changed in the last two weeks between learning that the time machine wouldn't be built, Steve proposing and buying a home that he'd put both our names on, beginning to think about wedding plans and arrangements to move into the house, as well as dealing with everyone _knowing_ that Steve and I were engaged.

I found myself reeling, feeling like I was spiraling out of control and unable to grasp onto anything to stabilize myself. I tried to ignore it at first, until I'd had a panic attack in the shower that morning while thinking about packing up my apartment. I'd hidden it from Steve, staying in the shower longer than usual and practicing my breathing exercises until I was sure that I was okay and then proceeding to rush back to my apartment before work and take my medication that I'd left there. I'd called Dr. Warren right after that, asking her if she could squeeze me in, thankful that she had an opening during my lunch hour.

I'd told her about the proposal to which she'd smiled hesitantly as if she were unsure of my decision to say yes.

"Do you regret that decision?" Dr. Warren continued at my silence.

I went rigid with surprise shaking my head without hesitation. "No, I don't. I love Steve, very much, I just…"

"You just…"

I shook my head again feeling flustered. "It's just a lot of change all at once."

"Yes it is," she replied with a sympathetic smile. "What is it exactly that is bothering you?"

I shrugged slowly, trying to find the words to express it. "I don't know. If I am being honest, I haven't felt like myself the past few weeks and there's so much going on. I just...I need to feel grounded and I don't."

Dr. Warren nodded and wrote something down in her trusty notepad that was perched on her crossed legs. "What do you think would make you feel grounded?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. Maybe once we're moved and settled and…" I swallowed. "Married, I'll be okay? I... I... just know that this morning I had a panic attack in the shower and I haven't had one in awhile."

"Mmm hmm. And when you say you haven't felt like yourself, can you elaborate on that?"

"I'm just tired mostly, a little irritable, my stomach has been in knots since the day Steve proposed and…" I trailed off again. I couldn't describe it. "I just feel...weird."

And it was the truth. I was more tired than usual, but that could be from my late nights and early mornings. Tony was spending less and less time at the office wanting to be home with Pepper, who was dealing with the worst pregnancy symptoms, which meant more work for me. I spent long hours at the office and then went back to Steve's room, he was now calling it _our_ room, and did my damndest to stay awake to spend time with him. I knew my irritability resulted from my tiredness. And my stomach was uneasy these days, but I figured it was bad nerves from my anxiety about the engagement and my new schedule and workload. But despite the anxiety I was still sure that I wanted Steve. I wanted to marry him.

Dr. Warren's eyebrow shot up. "And you think feeling weird is a result of the recent, and frankly, sudden changes in your life?"

"Yes...well I don't know… I have been working a lot more with Tony out of the office for...personal reasons. I'm not used to the schedule and workload change yet, I suppose."

I glanced up to see her gazing at me skeptically.

"But I feel sure about my decision like I said before," I added quickly. "I love Steve. I love what we have and I _want_ to have it every day for the rest of my life."

Dr. Warren smiled, tilting her head. "I believe you, Andy. I am just trying to help you get to the bottom of what is going on."

I suddenly felt silly for making the appointment. Yes, I'd had a panic attack and it had been awhile since it happened, but I _was_ tired and stressed and panic attacks could be induced by many things. The panic attack and the odd feelings were probably from my crazy schedule and the changes going on, none of which were bad.

Shifting on the couch nervously I smoothed the skirt of my dress over my thighs, feeling my cheeks heat with embarrassment. "I suddenly feel like I've wasted your time, Dr. Warren coming in here for a silly reas-."

"Andy, no, please," she interrupted leaning forward in her chair. "This is not silly. You had a panic attack. Which isn't always a bad thing, they can happen to anyone suffering with anxiety and those who do not. I trust that you made the correct decision when it came to Steve's proposal and that you truly are happy and _ready_ for some change. But I do want to help you get over this...weird feeling you are experiencing. To keep you from having anymore attacks. But first we must find the cause-."

"I think it's just work and the stress of work and me being tired…" I started cutting her off.

Dr. Warren fell silent though her smile remained. "Andy, I am going to ask you a question and I don't want you to freak out. But is there a chance that you could be... _pregnant_?"

I blinked, feeling my face fall. "Excuse me?"

She closed her notepad. "Forgive me, but the symptoms you explained and the odd feeling just made me think that it might be a possibility."

I laughed then, heartily. Dr. Warren looked at me expectantly, the smile still remained.

"I can't be…" I said, the laughter dying in my throat.

"When was your last period?"

"My last period…" I muttered in confusion.

Surely, she couldn't be serious. Steve and I had a lot of sex, _a lot_ , but I took my birth control pills regularly and faithfully. There was no way that I could be-.

I frowned thinking back to my last period, I couldn't remember exactly when I'd had it, but I was sure that I had. Reaching into my purse I pulled out my cellphone to check my calendar. I kept track of everything in my calendar app including my period. I'd definitely had one, same as always, except…

I counted the days with my fingers. Once. Then twice. And then a third just to be sure. I felt my stomach twist.

"Oh my god," I breathed, my head snapping up to look at Dr. Warren, who was watching me curiously. "I'm late. _Very_ late."

Aunt Flo had been due to arrive just before Christmas and with the usual stress of the holidays and Steve's subsequent proposal and everything after, I'd completely forgotten. I was three weeks late, far past the 'it's just a few days late, it could be stress' excuse. I'd only been this late once before and that was when I was pregnant with my daughter. But by this time with her the symptoms were completely set in, full blown morning sickness and achy body and boobs and zero reasonable nonpregnant excuses for it. Only this time aside from the weird feeling and being tired and mildly irritable I had no other symptoms. But what other reason could there be?

"I'm...I...I…." I jumped up to my feet. I _was_ pregnant.

Dr. Warren set her notepad aside and I started to pace. My chest was feeling tight and I was panting. I startled when I felt soft warm hands on my arm forcing me to a halt. Dr. Warren was beside me, a hesitant smile on her face and her hands taking my own.

"Tell me what you're feeling," she urged. "Let's talk this through."

I shook my head, overwhelmed and confused. "We're safe. Very safe. I take my birth control every day, on time, the _same time_ every day. I don't understand. I can't be. I'm…" my heart was racing now as I thought about the potential life inside of me. A part of Steve and a part of me, growing inside of me. My stomach did another flip and I felt my knees start to buckle.

Dr. Warren eased me back onto the couch, sitting beside me. I was in full blown panic now. I could hardly breathe, my throat tight, short gasping sounds echoing out of me. Dr. Warren kept her grip on my hands, squeezing them almost too tightly which caught my attention and had my eyes darting to hers.

"Andy, listen to me, focus on me," she said holding my gaze. "I want you to breathe with me for a moment. In deeply, out slowly."

I nodded quickly, following her demonstration and found that while normally the breathing exercises helped almost immediately, this time it did nothing to stop the tightness in my chest or my racing heart.

"It's not working!" I blurted in panic. "It's not. I can't breathe." I pulled one hand away to clutch my chest, feeling my heart pounding.

She reached for my hand again, grasping it firmly. "Okay. Its fine, Andy, listen to me, tell me 5 things you see."

"Five things I see?" I panted.

She nodded.

"Okay umm…" my eyes darted around the room. "Umm the door, you, your desk, your fancy chair, the rug."

"Now tell me four things you can feel," she released my hands then, letting them fall to my lap.

I sucked in a shaky breath. "The cotton of my dress," my hand smoothed down it touching the bare skin of my leg. "My skin…"

"What else can you feel?" She prompted when I fell off.

I reached up to push my hair from my face, feeling the silky strands with my fingers. "My hair…. the couch beneath me," I smoothed my other hand over the fabric covering it.

"You're doing great. Three things you can hear."

My ears perked at that, truly trying to listen, hearing the sounds of traffic outside and the hum of the heater in her office as well as the sound of my own much steadier breathing. All of which I told her.

"Two things you smell?"

Her perfume. The scented candle she always had lit whenever we had a session. It was lavender.

She reached into the candy dish she kept on the end table offering me a small wrapped mint. She looked at me expectantly till I opened it and popped it into my mouth.

"And one thing you taste?"

"Peppermint," I answered around the mint.

"How are you feeling now?"

I took a second to take myself in. I was much calmer now, my heart steady, my breathing even, there was still that inkling of panic, but not nearly as much as I had felt it before.

"Better… I'm sorry that I-."

"No, do not apologize for feeling things you feel. After everything you've been through and all these changes that are happening quite suddenly it is perfectly normal for you to have this kind of reaction. Especially given that your last pregnancy ended so…" she hesitated. She didn't have to finish. I knew what she meant.

"I'm actually glad that you learned the news here with me," she smiled and reached over to squeeze my hand. "I imagine it may have been a worse reaction if you were alone."

I nodded, picturing myself in the bathroom of my apartment holding a positive pregnancy test all alone, much like I had been when I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter. I hadn't had a panic attack then, I had felt an almost instant excitement and love for that baby. I had been scared, very scared, until I had stepped out of the bathroom seeing Ian lounging on our couch, chuckling at whatever he was watching. He'd known something was up the moment that he saw me, his eyes falling to the stick in my hand and then back up to my face, a wide grin taking over his face. He'd been more excited than I was, hugging me tightly, kissing me deeply, putting his hand on my belly that was still flat. He'd assured me that everything was going to be just fine, that _we_ would be a family.

That all felt so long ago now. A distant life that I was unsure if I could truly let go of.

"I know we don't know for certain. A missed period could be a result of many things." But I knew. Deep down. I could practically feel the life inside of me. "But how are you feeling about the pregnancy?"

I shook my head, trying gather my thoughts and feelings which were in a disarray. "I am… I don't know. I'm…"

Children were definitely a part of the future I envisioned with Steve. I could picture our family in the home he'd bought, living happily together. I knew Steve could make me happy, _did_ make me happy, and he'd be a wonderful father. Yet in this moment I was unsure of how I felt. Everything was changing so fast and I'd thought I'd come to terms with it all, that I was ready to move on, but it was clear that I hadn't and might not be.

"It's so much. So fast," I breathed looking at Dr. Warren. "I want to be happy. I should be happy. This is what I want with Steve, but…it's a lot of change."

"And it's perfectly fine to feel that way. The last time you met a great guy, got engaged and then subsequently got pregnant it ended tragically and I think subconsciously you're reacting to that trauma. This change scares you because the last time things changed like this you lost it all."

I would never cease to be amazed at how well Dr. Warren put it all into perspective for me. I let her words wash over me, soaking them in and found I could only nod in answer. She was right, I felt she was right, there was nothing more to say.

"Talk to Steve," she continued. "Let him in. Let him know you're concerns and fears and doubts, if you have any. Remember that things got better when you let him in before and if you do intend to share your life with him you should definitely make letting him in, a habit."

I nodded again, rubbing my hands together in an unconscious effort to battle my nerves. "I will. I definitely will."

* * *

I went right to the pharmacy on my way back to work and bought three different pregnancy tests. All of which came back positive, one with two lines, another with a plus sign, and one with the word _pregnant_ blinking in the screen. I leaned against the counter of the ladies bathroom in the compound staring at the tests numbly. I didn't want to take the tests in Steve's room, afraid that he'd come back early and see them and I didn't have time to make it back to my apartment before my lunch hour was over, but I felt the needed for confirmation, even though deep down I knew, and I couldn't wait.

Seeing the results didn't send me into a panic attack, but my stomach was still in knots. I had to tell Steve. I couldn't keep it from him despite the apprehension and unease I felt. I envisioned how he would react to the news, the words I would say to tell him, I could clearly imagine the wide smile on his face, the pure joy and excitement in his eyes; and just picturing that brought a smile to my face. Steve's happiness was infectious for me, I'd always want to see him happy, but I couldn't ignore the feelings racing through me.

I startled when the bathroom door swung open and Natasha stepped through. In my haste I'd forgotten to lock the door and froze in surprise, my eyes darting to the pregnancy tests that still sat on the counter and back to Natasha. Her eyes followed and then narrowed, a hint of surprise crossing her face before she looked back to me.

"Sorry, I didn't know anyone was-."

"It's fine," I blurted, reaching for the tests and shoving them in my pocket of my cardigan. "I forgot to lock the door."

"I should have knocked."

"I should have locked it. Excuse me-."

"Are you alright?"

She sounded genuinely concerned, so much so that I blinked at her in surprise. "Yes," I lied. "I'm fine."

The disbelief was evident on her face. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, reminding me very much of Steve.

"Andy, I've been meaning to speak with you."

I hesitated. "You have?"

She nodded. "Yes… about a lot of things. I feel like… we got off on the wrong foot."

That was an understatement considering I thought she hated my guts. "Oh?"

"There were two things that worried me about your relationship with Steve. The first being that he was… in a fragile state when you met him. He was vulnerable. I didn't want him jumping into something because when Steve jumps he does so head first and he's all in. I was afraid he'd be hurt again, and after everything that he has been through that is the last thing I wanted for him. As his friend, one of the few that remain, I felt it was my duty to look out for him."

That was true. When Steve set his mind to something there was no changing it. It was a trait he shared with Tony and probably the reason they butted heads. But to think that I would hurt Steve only proved she didn't know me at all. I had never been afraid of me hurting Steve. It had been the exact opposite.

"There was also the matter of Tony's _project_. It was very important to me that we get back the people we lost, for many reasons. I was afraid your relationship might jeopardize that," she continued, her eyes dropping from my gaze. She looked nervous and unsure for the first time I'd ever seen. It was unsettling especially when she she always looked so poised and strong, something I envied. "But now I know he wouldn't have let your relationship jeopardize his mission. Steve will always choose the greater good. I still didn't want him to get hurt again by losing you and thought it'd be better if the relationship ended before it came to that. I realize now it wasn't my place to butt in or try to make that decision for either of you. I was just looking out for Steve, I hope you can see that."

I was briefly stunned into silence. Of course I could see her side now that I _knew_. If she'd just taken the time to talk to me from the beginning she could have saved us both some worry and tension. It was understandable that she was protective of Steve, they'd been through so much together, a lot of which I'd heard about during my talks with Steve. I would be as well if I were in her position.

"Natasha, the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt Steve," I replied shaking my head. "I felt that way since the beginning. And I would never put my own happiness over that of so many others. I never would have stopped him from going back to change things."

"All of which I realize now… and I'm…" she sucked in a deep breath and squared her shoulders once more. "I'm sorry."

This day was chock full of surprises. "Thank you, Natasha that means a lot," I replied with a small smile.

She smiled, it was small and tense, but a smile nonetheless. An awkward pause followed and I took a step toward the door in hopes to escape it. I was glad we'd cleared the air, but there was still a lot on my mind. The tests felt very heavy in my pocket.

"I'm glad we had this talk," I reached for the door handle. "I don't mean to bail I just have a lot on my mind-."

"Are those what I think they are?" She asked boldly, nodding to my pocket.

I stopped my attempt from opening the door, feeling the heat of a blush touch my cheeks. I wasn't sure why I felt embarrassed. Natasha's gaze was unwavering, she'd seen them already there was no point in lying.

I nodded. "Believe it or not it was my therapist that made me realize. We've always been so safe I don't know how…." I trailed off, I didn't need to get into the details with her. "But yes, I'm pregnant."

"Steve will be very happy," she offered. She took a careful step toward me. "Are _you_ happy?"

I couldn't stop the hesitation and the briefly scared look that followed. "Yes, I'm happy. I'm…. adjusting to the news is all. It's a lot of change all at once."

"I can imagine," she agreed.

"I haven't told Steve yet… so if you could not mention this…"

She raised her hands and shook her head. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you…" I reached for the door handle again. "Good talk. We should do this again…" I looked around the bathroom. "Maybe somewhere else though," I chuckled.

Natasha huffed a laughed and nodded. "I'd like that."

The response seemed genuine and warmed my heart a little. I'd always wanted her to like me, to be okay with my relationship with Steve, and now it seemed she was. It put me at ease for the moment. I offered a brief wave and stepped out of the bathroom.

* * *

I attempted to distract myself with work which was easy to do when I had so much of it. Tony was out of the office again, taking care of Pepper, and I had multiple meetings to reschedule and emails to respond too. I was seated at my desk doing just that when I heard the sound of expensive loafers walking on the carpet. I knew who it was before I glanced up, feeling my stomach twist violently at the sight of Secretary Ross making a beeline right for my desk with four armed men in tow.

 _Uh oh_.

"Ms. Dawson, I hear congratulations are in order," Ross sneered as he approached my desk. "I was unaware you were in a relationship with Captain Rogers, imagine my surprise when I got wind of the engagement."

I frowned up at him, wondering just how he'd heard. Of course the compound was buzzing with the news, but who would feel the need to share that with Ross? "Forgive me for not telling you personally, Secretary," I replied crisply. "I just don't see how it is any of your business."

The smug smirk slipped from his face, his eyes narrowing in anger. He reached into the coat pocket of his suit and pulled out folded papers, tossing them onto my desk.

"That is a subpoena for you, Rogers, and Stark."

I snatched up the paperwork, eyes scanning the papers. It was all a bunch of lengthy legal terminology that I didn't readily understand.

"A subpoena?"

"You are to appear before the panel two days from now at 9:00 am."

"On what grounds?"

The smirk returned and he stepped forward, towering over me. "On the grounds that we know Stark is up to something and we want to know just what. If Stark is building something the people of this world, what's left of them anyway, have a right to know, especially given how badly all his other creations have gone. As his secretary I'm certain you are aware of what he's up to and you will tell us. And might I remind you that perjury against the panel is considered treason and is punishable with jail time. _Prison_ time in fact. Although it would be fitting of you to commit perjury, considering the man you are going to marry is a felon."

My frown turned to a scowl. "Steve is _not_ a felon."

Malice and anger danced in Ross's eyes. He leaned forward and placed his hands on my desk, coming uncomfortably close. "He's not as good as you think he is, Ms. Dawson," He said softly eyeing me. "If I were you I'd think twice about committing yourself to a man who-."

"Ross."

The familiarity of Steve's voice laced with anger and irritation sounded from behind Ross, saving me from having to hear him slander my fiancé any further. Ross straightened, turning his back on me to face Steve.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you are specifically targeting and harassing Ms. Dawson every time you enter this compound," Steve accused, stepping closer as I rose from my chair.

"Your _fiancé_ is a person of interest for the panel. We know she knows something. And so do you," Ross turned to snatch the papers from my hand and strode toward Steve, who was tensed as he approached. "And we will find out exactly what it is you both know when you appear before the panel." He shoved the papers into Steve's chest, stepping past him as he did. "It is mandatory. Failure to show is considered a crime and you'll both be behind bars so I wouldn't skip it if I were you. Oh and congratulations on your engagement," he added with a scoff.

Steve watched Ross and his men leave with a frown, looking down at the papers now in his hands before his eyes found me. He came around my desk, tossing the papers on top of it and taking hold of my waist.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. How did you know he was here?"

"I told security to let me know when he enters the building after what happened last time," he answered looking back over his shoulder to where Ross had walked away.

I felt flustered, looking down at the paperwork. "Ross wants me to appear before the panel. He expects me to tell them about what Tony is working on. I promised Tony I would keep it a secret, but Ross says I'll go to jail if I don't tell them. I don't know how he could have known about the time machine or our engagement. Someone here is telling him-."

Steve touched my cheek, halting my words when I looked up into his blue eyes. "Sweetheart, everything is going to be fine, alright? I don't want you getting worked up. Just take a deep breath for me, please."

I did as he asked, breathing in deeply and feeling a little calmer when I breathed out. He smiled down at me reassuringly, caressing my cheek. "I'm going to call Tony and let him know what's going on. You don't worry about anything. Okay?"

"Okay," I whispered.

His eyes searched my face, making me feel like he was seeing right into me. I realized startlingly that this was the first time that I had seen him since I found out I was pregnant. I felt different in his arms having this secret from him. I didn't like it. I wanted to tell him, to just get it out in the open and we'd handle it together like we did everything else. But this wasn't exactly the setting or the time to tell him.

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked in concern, clearly seeing something in my face that worried him.

"Yes, I'm just… a little shaken," it was true. And it was true for multiple reasons. "I have a lot of work to do, but there is something I want to talk with you about. So can we talk later?"

He looked worried, but smiled and nodded. "Sure, Sweetheart. We can talk over dinner."

"Sounds good," I tried to smile and hoped it showed.

He kissed my temple and picked up the papers as he rounded my desk. "Don't you worry about this. I've got it handled. And we'll talk tonight. Okay?"

I watched him go with a nod. "Okay."

As much as I trusted him to handle it, it did nothing to ease the bad feeling I had in my gut.


	21. The Panel

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. It's honestly a little rushed, but I wanted to get something out. The time jump starts next chapter.**

* * *

"Is everything alright?"

I looked up from my untouched dinner that Steve had been kind enough to make. It was chicken parmigiana, my favorite dish, something Steve knew and had probably cooked to cheer me up after the Ross fiasco. But my stomach was still in knots, a mild case of nausea sitting at the back of my throat, and my nerves were all over the place. To say the least, I wasn't hungry. And I still had no idea how I was going to tell Steve the news. It seemed simple enough, saying three words that I know would make him happy, but the thought terrified me. It was another change, another big change, and while a part of me was excited and happy, a larger part was still overwhelmed and again terrified.

I looked into my fiancé's eyes, his bright blue eyes, saw all the concern and love in them, and swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. His brow furrowed as he studied my face, he knew something was wrong, he knew me like the back of his hand by now. He could read me like an open book.

"I'm pregnant."

My face fell after I word vomited those words. I hadn't planned to say them, in fact I had been thinking of excuses, one of them being that I was just tired and shaken from my ordeal with Ross, but the other words, _those_ words I hadn't been sure I was ready to say had fell out of my mouth with ease.

Steve blinked, his eyes widening a bit and his lips parting. He let out a shaky breath. "What?"

I swallowed again, my heart racing with anticipation, my hands fiddling with the napkin beside my plate. "I'm… I'm pregnant," I repeated. It wasn't as easy as the first time.

Steve's eyes remained wide, his lips still parted, his head shaking the slightest bit before he was bursting from his chair. It toppled over as he did, making me jump in surprise, then I was being lifted from my chair by his hands followed by his strong arms wrapping around me. I was crushed into the hardness of his chest, Steve's face pressed into the face of my neck. He held me closely, saying nothing and then he was pulling back to look me in the eye.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly reaching up with one hand to caress my cheek.

I hesitated. Not the question I had been expecting. "I'm… fine…" I wasn't. I was not far from fine, but still not close enough to classify myself as such.

The concern was still in his features. I was expecting a happy, overjoyed reaction. Steve had made it clear that he envisioned our future with kids in it. But his brow remained furrowed, the concern stayed in his eyes.

"This makes me happy," he admitted with another small shake of his head. "It's a bit earlier than I wanted, but I'm happy," he smiled hesitantly. "But I want you to be okay with this… I know that it might be hard for you after… after losing your daughter."

I felt my face fall in surprise again. How did he always know?

"I was hoping that we'd have time to discuss when we wanted to have a baby and make sure you were completely ready before we tried," he continued. "So you can tell me if you're not okay. I'd understand, Sweetheart."

I was momentarily at a loss for words, stunned again by how well Steve knew me and how he was always so understanding. My eyes got watery and I shook my head, wiping at them quickly which got another worried look from Steve.

"Sweetheart-."

"It's okay, I'm just… today has been a lot and I wasn't expecting this reaction from you," I admitted.

Steve blanched. "What reaction were you expecting?"

"For you to be happy, overjoyed, to smile real big and maybe even cry and fall to your knees and hug me or something," I shrugged, getting a smirk out of Steve. It was the truth, I expected a lot more than this reserved and calm reaction.

"I am happy, very happy, but I want you to be okay and happy too-."

"I _am_ happy. I promise. I am…" I took another deep breath. "But I'm also terrified. A lot is changing, and it's for the better and it is what I want," I added hurriedly at the frown that crossed his face. "I want a life with you Steve and all it entails, but if I'm being honest it's still hard for me. All the change and starting over."

The frown didn't leave his face. "Have you been feeling this way for a long time?"

I nodded timidly.

Steve sighed. "Sweetheart, why wouldn't you tell me this? Was it the proposal-?"

"Steve, I haven't agreed to anything that I didn't want to do. And I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry or feel like I don't want this."

"I want you to be comfortable talking to me, telling me what you feel, even if you think I won't like it or I'll worry. I'd rather know than be kept in the dark. I want to be here for you, for anything and everything, and in any capacity that you need," he insisted, he gripped my hips tightly pulling me closer. " _Always._ "

I don't think I would ever cease to be amazed at how understanding and compassionate Steve was. Nor did I think I would ever feel I deserved to be as lucky as I was that he loved and wanted _me._ I wiped my eyes some more, a small smile on my face.

"Thank you," I whispered looking up at him. "Thank you for being amazing as usual."

Steve huffed, pulling me closer. "I'm not the one who is amazing in this relationship. It's you. It's always been you."

I rested my head against his chest, feeling him sigh and hold me tighter. "Everything is going to be just fine, right?" I knew it would be, but hearing him say it would seal it in for me.

"Yes, Sweetheart," he breathed kissing my temple. "Everything is going to be just fine."

I believed each word he spoke with every ounce of my being. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders in that moment, my anxiety had greatly diminished just with his comforting words. I could handle anything as long as Steve was by my side.

"Marry me?" He said pulling back to look into my eyes again.

"I already agreed to that remember?"

"I mean soon. Tomorrow, well go to a courthouse and get the license and when they approve it we'll go back and get married there."

I frowned at him. He'd talked before about wanting to see me walk down the aisle in a pretty white dress. "But I thought you wanted-."

"I don't need a big wedding, _all_ of the people we care about wouldn't be here to see it anyway. I just need you, me, a judge and a witness."

He had a point. What was the point of a big wedding when not all of our loved ones would be there?

"I'd like to make an honest woman out of you before our baby arrives," Steve continued.

I laughed again. "You're so 1940's."

He shrugged. "What can I say, I'm old fashioned because I'm old. So will you?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck, rising on tip toe and still barely managing to reach his chin. "Yes, Steve, I will let you make an honest woman out of me _soon_."

With a widening smile he kissed me again, slow and sweet, but when he pulled back he looked worried once more.

"Have you seen a doctor?"

"No, I just found out the news today. I wanted you to know first."

"Promise you'll make an appointment soon? Just to make sure that everything is alright?" He put a hand on my stomach then, warm and heavy. "That you _both_ are alright?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" I asked.

"There's never been a baby born from a super soldier before and I just want to make sure things are…normal."

It hadn't occurred to me that the super serum might affect our baby. That thought caused the anxiety to return just a little, especially when I saw how worried Steve looked at that moment, a hint of fear in his eyes. But for once I wanted to be the one to ease his fears, so I hid my own worry and smiled up at him, taking his face in my hands.

"Everything is going to be just fine, Captain," I promised.

* * *

To my surprise The Panel, that I was subpoenaed to two days later, consisted of Secretary Ross. Just Secretary Ross. And a stenographer to record the interaction. I had imagined that it would actually be a panel of a few people, at least four or more. Tony informed me that the actual panel had twelve members, seeming to prove that Ross showing up on his own meant this was all a vendetta to get back at Tony or Steve, for whatever reason Ross had to not like them, and it made all the anxiety and worry I'd released before return.

I undoubtedly believed that Ross would like nothing more than for Steve and Tony to be locked away on The Raft, and probably myself in jail for association, and that he would find some excuse today to do just that. The Panel was the reigning governing body of all 'enhanced' individuals and those associated with them, biologically or otherwise, and if they found any cause, _anything_ that made them a danger to the people of the word, they had the power to lock them away without question. Tony assured me everything would be fine, made me promise to tell Ross the truth no matter the consequences so that I wouldn't get myself into any trouble. And I was, unsurprisingly, the first to be called in.

I sat in a chair in conference room three of the Avengers compound, where Ross had decided to conduct his investigation, across from Ross, the stenographer in the corner, feeling nervous and very much like I was going to puke. The morning sickness I had never experienced with my daughter had reared its ugly head and done so quite viciously. I had spent the last two days with my head in the toilet during a lot of my free time. I didn't know why they called it morning sickness when it seemed to last all day.

Ross cleared his throat. "State your name for the record."

"Andrea Dawson."

"And your occupation."

"I'm Tony Stark's personal assistant."

"And what does that job entail?"

"Well… I manage Mr. Starks schedule, run errands for him, answer phone, text, and email correspondence-."

Ross interrupted me impatiently. "And how much access do you have to his projects?"

My teeth clenched at his rudeness, but I maintained a calm appearance. "That's not a part of my job. I'm not involved in the projects, he has project managers for that."

Ross frowned. "But you were aware of a certain recent project that Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner were working on."

"Well yes, but I didn't have access to that project nor was I really involved in it."

"What was he building?"

I hesitated. "He wasn't building anything. He was _attempting_ to build something."

Ross rolled his eyes, bristling in his seat. "Ms. Dawson do not argue semantics with me, just tell me what he was working on."

"It was a time machine, Secretary," I answered. "Mr. Stark was _attempting_ to build a time machine."

Ross seemed unsurprised by that information, finally looking away from me and writing down something on the paper that sat before him. He then looked to the stenographer in the corner, who nodded as if to say she had it recorded. I had expected him to react to that news, but it was clear that he had known. That still left me wondering just who was telling him.

"And the purpose of this machine?"

"To travel back in time," the answer sounded snarkier than intended.

Ross noticed. He was scowling now. "To do _what_?"

"To stop Thanos, I imagine."

Ross huffed, the idea of that happening obviously seeming unthinkable to him. "And how far into building this machine did Tony get?"

"I'm not entirely sure, Secretary. Again, working on Mr. Starks projects is not a part of my job."

Ross shifted the papers on the table, picking one up, his eyes darting across it. "It says here that Tony was having a building constructed on the property to house this machine. And you were put in charge of overseeing that it was done."

"Only because Mr. Stark was out of town-."

"In Wakanda? Correct?" Ross cut in with a pointed look.

I hesitated again. Tony had told me to tell the truth about the machine, but I wasn't sure if I was supposed to mention that Tony was working on secret projects with foreign countries. Could that be considered treason somehow? I glanced nervously at the door that I knew Steve and Tony were waiting on the other side of.

Ross cleared his throat loudly. "Ms. Dawson, need I remind you that lying to or withholding information from The Panel is a federal offense?"

"No, Secretary, I don't need reminding," I continued, shaking my head. "Yes, Mr. Stark was in Wakanda."

"And the nature of his business there?"

"Unclear, Secretary. I did not ask too many questions." This was technically true, Tony had been vague about his reasons to go to Wakanda and what he'd done there.

Ross didn't seem pleased with that answer, his scowl remained. "Are you aware Ms. Dawson, that Tony is directly responsible for the Ultron disaster that happened years ago?"

I remembered the attack on Sokovia by the crazed robot Ultron, but was unaware of Tony's involvement save for Iron Man and the rest of the Avengers stopping it. I shied away from watching the news and knew very little details about the situation.

"I was not aware that Tony was responsible-."

"He created the AI that went mad, used his iron man suits to build itself a body out of an indestructible metal alloy, and then tried to destroy the planet."

I blinked. "I had heard about the situation, but hadn't-."

"That single disaster lead to a multitude of other problems including the Sokovia accords. So you can see how we like to keep an eye on anything that Tony Stark has a hand in since we have already seen the destruction his creations can cause," Ross interrupted. "A time machine in the wrong hands, _Tony's_ hands, could have disastrous consequences for the world as we know it. We're lucky that half the population survived, imagine if Tony or some other imbecile, like your husband to be, went to the past and screwed things up more than they already have, we all could end up dead or wiped from existence."

I felt the frown cross my face, my eyes narrowing in anger at his insults. "Tony is a brilliant and good man. For every one bad creation he may have a hand in, there are a hundred other _good_ things that he has done or his company has done on his orders. I don't believe he would ever _intentionally_ set out to cause harm to anyone-."

"We're not here to assess what you believe," Ross snapped. "We're here to determine if Tony Stark is going to put people in harm's way _again_ as history has proven. Now tell me what you know about the time machine."

I clenched my fists, seething with anger, but swallowed hard and forced myself to relax. Working myself up and getting angry at Ross would accomplish nothing. He was probably trying to provoke me just to get a rise out of me and have an excuse to put me behind bars.

"The project was a secret to me. I only learned what it was when Mr. Stark decided to pause the project indefinitely." This was mostly true.

Ross was frowning again. So whoever his mole was, did not have this information. "Tony is no longer building the time machine?"

I nodded.

"Use your words, Ms. Dawson," Ross reminded motioning to the stenographer who was watching me.

"Yes, I was informed by Mr. Stark he has put the project on hold indefinitely. The machine was not constructed, it is still simply an _idea_ ," I shrugged.

Ross looked frustrated by this news, deflating slightly though the irritation still burned in his eyes. "Why did Tony stop building the machine?"

I wasn't about to tell Ross about Pepper's pregnancy. It was no business of his nor was it my information to tell. "It was due to personal reasons I won't divulge. You can ask him yourself-."

"Withholding information from the panel-."

"It is not my business to share, Secretary so I will _not_ do so," It was my turn to cut him off, my tone bolder than usual, so much so that Ross's face fell in surprise. "If you want to know so badly ask Tony."

He blinked at me.

I crossed my arms and resisted the urge to shift nervously in my seat. "You're not here to assess what I believe or gather my opinion on Tony, and as I have already stated I don't know much about the time machine Tony was _attempting_ to build. And since Tony is no longer building the machine there is no danger meaning you, and the rest of the absent panel, have nothing to worry about. Are we finished here?"

Ross, for the first time in his life, most likely, was temporarily speechless. The look of surprise shifted into one of annoyance, he clasped his hands together. "Yes, Ms. Dawson we are finished here, for now," he answered through clenched teeth.

"Thank you, Secretary," I rose from my seat, straightening my skirt and made for the door.

"Send Mr. Stark and Captain Rogers in," he barked as I reached the door. I paused to glare at his rudeness, he cleared his throat again. " _Please_ ," he added.

Tony and Steve were rising from the chairs they had been sitting in the moment they saw me, moving past the security detail Ross had brought, and coming to stand in front of me. Steve's hand was on the small of my back, concern in his eyes. He had been especially clingy since he heard the news of the pregnancy, hovering around and trying to wait on me hand and foot. It would have been annoying if I didn't find him so adorable.

"How'd it go, Kid?" Tony asked.

"He asked me everything we thought he would. What were you building. Why did you go to Wakanda. Why aren't you building the machine anymore. He thinks that you would put people in harm's way if you had built the time machine. He says you're a danger to others," I told him hesitantly. I didn't want to upset him, but I wanted him to know what he was up against. "He wants to see you and Steve now."

Tony ran a hand over his face with a hefty sigh. "Anything else?"

"I didn't tell him why you stopped building the machine. I didn't know if you wanted him to know about Pepper's…" I paused, glancing at the guards within hearing distance. "Condition. I told him it was personal and that if he wanted to know to ask you himself."

Tony smiled. "Thanks, Kid. I'm gonna take it from here. You did your part, now don't worry okay? Okay."

I usually had a lot of faith in Tony, but as much as I believed in him, I knew that Ross had it out for him. "Just… be careful, Tony. Reiterate you aren't building the machine, therefore you are no danger to anyone and you shouldnt be in trouble."

"I promise you, Andy, I got this," he assured heading for the conference room. "Andy take the rest of the day off. Come on, Cap."

Steve remained where he stood until Tony was out of earshot. He turned to me then, putting his hand on my stomach. "Are you okay?"

He was a worry wart, same as me. I put my hand over his. "I'm fine, just a little nauseous."

"Ross didn't hurt you or-?"

"No, I am okay. I promise. You should go before Ross loses his mind," I motioned for him to follow after Tony.

"What will you do?"

"I think I am going to go up to our room and rest… and hope that Ross doesn't find a reason to toss you or Tony or _me_ in jail."

"Everything is going to be fine. Ross can't do anything because we haven't done anything wrong. You rest. I will come up once we deal with this and fill you in," Steve kissed my temple, squeezing me into him.

I smiled weakly at him. "Good luck."

I waited until Steve had disappeared into the conference room and went up to the fourth floor. I changed out of my professional work clothes and into much comfier sweats and t-shirt before crawling into the softness of Steve's king sized bed. Snuggling into the pillows I found my sweet spot and sighed heavily, trying to release all the tension I had been holding in. I was worried about a multitude of things, but the most pertinent worry was what would happen at the end of Ross' 'investigation'.

I'd dozed off at some point despite the worry, waking when I felt the weight of the bed shift. Steve was at my side, smiling, resting his hand on my hip. I sat up, suddenly alert.

"What did Ross say? What's happening?" I asked hurriedly.

"Relax, Sweetheart, Tony and I aren't going to The Raft any time soon," he assured. "We handled it as promised. Even figured out who the mole was..."

"Well tell me! Don't keep me in suspense! How did you handle it? Who's the mole?"

Steve took a deep breath, seeming to drag it out which only made me more anxious. "Stephanie."

I felt my face fall. "Your secretary?"

"Yes, Tony did that thing he does where he gets people all worked up and Ross let it slip that she worked for him. He planted her to be his eyes and ears and what better way to see what I am up to than to be my secretary?"

I had never cared for Stephanie, but this only made the dislike I had for her stronger. "I knew she was a nosey little…" I trailed off before I said some very unkind words.

"She's cleaning her desk out as we speak."

"And Ross?"

"Since Tony isn't building a time machine there's no threat so there's nothing that Ross can do. He can't punish Tony for having an idea as much as he'd like too," Steve shrugged.

"So we're in the clear?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

Steve nodded, his smile widening. "We're in the clear, Sweetheart."

It instantly felt again as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was a very good feeling.

"I got something today," he said rising from the bed and walking to his desk. He opened the drawer and pulled out a piece of paper.

I could see in thick bold letters at the top ' **Marriage License** '. I gaped at him. "You got it? So quickly?"

"Well when you're Captain America, you have some pull," he approached the bed and sat down again, offering me the paper to look over. The document had already been signed and approved.

"This means that…"

"We can get married whenever. You could be Mrs. Rogers as soon as tomorrow… if you wanted," he added bashfully.

I smiled, feeling butterflies swarm in my stomach and hoping that it was excitement and not nausea. I set the paper aside to lean forward and kiss him. "I'd love to be Mrs. Rogers as soon as tomorrow."

His grin was wide, his hand coming up to touch my cheek. "Then let's do it."

He kissed me then, silencing my response and I melted into him. The kiss felt different with the weight of worry gone, we no longer had to hide our relationship, Ross was no longer a threat, for the time being, and we were going to be married. We had nothing but time and happiness ahead of us and I was eager for it, despite still having some small anxieties, which I didn't think would ever go away. I tried to pour all my relief and happiness into his kiss, pressing myself into him and feeling a fire ignite within me. When he pulled back I was breathless and needy.

"Should we be…" he trailed off glancing quickly down at my stomach.

"It's perfectly safe to have sex during pregnancy, Steve," I chuckled.

He still looked hesitant. "I don't want to hurt you. Either of you."

I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him down on top of me. He blinked in surprise, but a sly grin slid across his face.

"Make love to me, Captain," I demanded.

He chuckled darkly. "Is that an order?"

I rolled my eyes exaggeratingly and gave him a pointed look. "That is an _order_ , Captain, are you going to comply?"

He was still chuckling as he sat up, pulling his shirt from his body, retaking his place over me once more. "Yes, ma'am."


	22. To The Moon

**A/N: This took forever because I was agonizing over how long I wanted the time jump to be and how to get to the end I have planned and blah blah blah and I felt like it needed some more substance before the big jump I intended.**

 **This is short, but important I think. It's sappy and emotional, but again important so here it is.**

* * *

 _6 Months Later…._

I stood in front of the door to the second bedroom of my apartment. The second bedroom that I hadn't opened in almost 4 years. The second bedroom that was painted yellow, the one with the gender neutral "I love you to the moon and back" theme that Ian and I had agreed on and started early because we were so eager. The doorknob was marked with dust, proof that it had been untouched for years, evidence of my cowardice and inability to let go.

I could never bring myself to open the door again after The Snap. To cross the threshold. To see the room that I had planned to bring my baby girl home to. The room that I had planned to feed her in, play with her in, to rock her to sleep in, to read her my favorite children's books in. I couldn't bring myself to look at the perfect white crib or the soft baby blankets with little moons and stars all over them folded neatly on the matching white dresser.

But the time had come for me to open that door.

The home that Steve had bought for us was finally move in ready. We'd put off moving in, both comfortable with the way things were and using the excuse that it was unfurnished and needed a few repairs as a reason for putting it off. But it was furnished and decorated it in a style we'd both agreed on and Steve had made the repairs that were needed himself and I had to admit that it was perfect. And while I enjoyed staying with Steve at the compound, I was nearing the eighth month of my pregnancy and Steve wanted us moved in and settled before the birth. I didn't feel completely ready, nor was I ready to give birth, but I didn't think I'd ever be _truly_ ready.

Steve had been patient and understanding about the process of packing up my apartment, something I had been putting off for awhile. I'd basically been living with him at the compound full time for nearly a year, but I always had my apartment to go back to whenever I wished. I sometimes would go sit there when I needed some time to myself, especially when I reached a milestone in my pregnancy. It was a safe place for me, despite it being filled with things that made me sad, it was an integral part of my old life, one of the last remaining things that I would have trouble letting go of.

Dr. Warren and I had been talking about the process for a few months now, her bringing it up casually at each appointment, even going so far as to offer to help me pack. An offer I'd taken her up on. I knew it was mostly so she could help me through the emotional aspect of the situation, but appreciated the help nonetheless.

The apartment was packed up save for the nursery, leaving it the only thing for me to finish. It had been somewhat easy to pack up everything else, with Dr. Warren and Steve's help, to pack up the rest of the apartment, including Ian's things. Steve had taken it upon himself to rent a storage unit to put Ian's and my daughters things in, knowing that I wouldn't want them to be thrown away, and that I couldn't bear to have them in the house we were moving into. I'd nearly cried when he had told me what he'd done, never ceasing to be amazed at how understanding he was.

But despite that, I still was having trouble opening the nursery door. Even with Dr. Warren's help, Steve's patience and understanding, knowing that I wasn't truly getting rid of anything, I felt my heart race at the thought of just touching the doorknob.

"Sweetheart."

I startled, turning to find Steve behind me, a small and worried smile on his face. I touched my chest and let out a soft sigh.

"You scared me I didn't hear you come back up," I said. He'd been taking down the last of the boxes to the u-haul. I looked around the barren apartment behind me and felt my heart twist.

"Sorry," he apologized looking down at me. "I'm all finished loading everything up… there's just this room left," he said looking at the closed door.

My heart twisted again and I nodded. "Yeah, I know, I just-."

"We don't have to do this today. We can come back tomorrow," he cut in touching my back. "We've done a lot today and you need a rest. Dr. Mills said you shouldn't be doing too much."

Dr. Mills was my OB, one that I trusted, one that knew me and was monitoring my pregnancy very closely given the special circumstances. Steve had grilled her with questions at my first appointment, telling her everything he knew about the effects of the super serum. He all but demanded I have extensive testing done to see if the baby would be affected by the serum and that I be seen weekly to monitor my pregnancy. He was concerned, more than I had thought he was, about me and how my body would handle carrying a super serum enhanced child.

He became more worried when we found out that I was carrying _two_.

We'd learned that I was carrying twins at my first appointment, when they'd done an ultrasound to determine how far along I was and found two embryos. They were fraternal twins and we'd opted not to learn their sex because for some reason that made me less anxious about it all. The news that we were having twins had come as a shock to say the least, though I shouldn't have been surprised as twins ran in my family. With my last pregnancy being a single I'd figure the twin thing had skipped a generation. Apparently it had not. The shock of it all took time and work with Dr. Warren to get through, I had been worried about having just one child and here I was about to have two. Two children whose father was Captain America and were affected by the super serum.

Dr. Mills was perfectly understanding of why Steve wanted extensive testing and weekly check ups to see how my pregnancy was progressing. And aside from an unending appetite, still experiencing morning sickness in my third trimester, fatigue, and the twins measuring a few weeks ahead, everything had been progressing just fine. It didn't stop Steve from worrying, hovering, and trying to wait on me hand and foot, but I had expected nothing less from him. Despite his worry and objection to it I continued to work, stating that I would do so until my ninth month, if I made it that far. I'd noticed that Tony had lightened my load, delegating the work that required me to leave my desk to someone else and allowing me to leave earlier than usual. I told Tony that I was fine, that I wanted to work, it was a nice distraction, but I got the feeling that Steve had talked to him and insisted on lighter work for me.

Tony probably listened to Steve's demands considering his own wife was pregnant. He'd had the same argument with Pepper about her working and just like me, Pepper hadn't planned to let her pregnancy slow her down. I'd developed a surprisingly close relationship with Pepper after she'd stopped in the compound once and we'd both lamented over the over the joys and woes of pregnancy. It was nice to talk to someone who understood and we found ourselves having lunch regularly, spending time together in their lavish penthouse apartment, and shopping for baby items together. We were due around the same time, though Dr. Mills was convinced I'd deliver early, a c-section was still a possibility, as the twins were measuring ahead.

"I'm fine," I insisted touching the enormous swell of my belly. I felt as big as a house even though Steve insisted I'd never been more beautiful to him. I considered it all lies. "I'm supposed to turn in the keys tomorrow so it will have to be done today."

"I can do it for you. You don't have to step foot in there-."

I shook my head. "That's sweet, but I have to do this myself."

Steve didn't look like he liked the idea, I knew he hated to see me upset. But I needed some closure on the whole thing and _I_ needed to do it. He stepped closer, putting both hands on my hips and pressing his forehead to mine.

"You're sure?"

I nodded. "Yes, can you bring me some more boxes please?"

"Of course," he straightened, his lips brushed my forehead as he spoke. "I'll be right back.

He lingered for just a moment longer and I watched him go. I waited until I heard the front door shut behind him and turned back to the door, taking a deep breath. I wanted to do it quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. I steeled myself and gripped the doorknob, turning it and pushing the door open.

I was met with the smell of stale air, but the room looked just the same as it had the day I had shut the door on it. It was the day I came home from the hospital after The Snap and subsequent crash. Everything the same, just as I remembered it. I took a shaky step into the room, looking around at the things I'd once purchased happily and now gazed upon sadly.

I walked to the dresser where a white dusty frame sat, a picture of Ian and I inside. It was a photo that Ian had taken of us, his long arm holding the camera while I stood behind him in the background one hand on my flat stomach and holding up an ultrasound photo in the other, a large smile on my face. Ian was pointing at my belly with his free hand, an equally large and bright smile on his face. He'd snapped it after one of our doctors appointments, the one where we decided it was a good and safe time to tell everyone that I was pregnant. He'd posted the picture on Facebook as our announcement and surprised me later with the photo in the frame. It'd been the first thing we'd put in the nursery, something we hoped our daughter would look at fondly one day, to see the joy on her parents face at her impending arrival.

I picked it up, feeling a smile touch my lips, and my eyes grow a little watery. I heard the floorboards cream behind me and knew it was Steve without having to turn. His presence came up behind me and I peeked back to see him gazing at the photo over my shoulder.

"Everything okay?" He asked softly.

I blinked past some tears threatening to spill. "Yes, I haven't been in this room in so long I'd forgotten about this photo."

Steve touched my hip. "It's a nice photo and it's a beautiful room," he started slowly looking around.

I had to admit he was right. I'd loved what we had done in the room, it looked perfect, like a picture of a nursery you'd see in a fancy baby furniture catalog. It was just as nice as the nursery that Steve and I were creating for the twins.

"Thank you," I answered finally taking in the room once more. "I was pretty proud of it before…"

"You can still be proud of it, Sweetheart," he said giving my hip a squeeze.

I took a deep breath. "I should probably get started."

"I'll help," he said starting to put together some boxes.

I managed to pack things up fairly quickly, ignoring each pang I felt in my chest when I packed up the little gender neutral clothes I'd bought and the stuffed animals and decor. Steve worked alongside me silently, boxing things up with extra care, pausing when it came time to box up the photo that I had set back down on the dresser. He hesitated with it in his hands, kneeling beside an open box, a stack of newspaper nearby so he could wrap it protectively. I noticed his hesitation, but didn't say anything thinking he was admiring the photo, lost in thought.

"Sweetheart?" He said looking up at me.

"Hmm?"

"Do you… do you maybe want to keep this one?"

I paused. I hadn't packed up all my photos, I'd kept some out of course. A few of Reagan and I, especially the one of us at Time Square, a couple of Reagan and my dad and myself, as well as a photo of Reagan and I with our mom when were little. I had packed up all of Ian's things, including the photos of him. I felt like it would be disrespectful to Steve to display pictures of Ian in our new home, in the midst of our new life, though I didn't think he'd ever say anything about it. That wasn't Steve. I had a photo of Ian in my phone, my favorite one of him, a picture I had snapped of him eating pizza at our favorite hole in the wall pizza joint we regularly visited. He was smiling, with a trail of cheese from his mouth to the drooping pizza in his hand. We'd been in college then, on our third date, and I'd found him so adorable in that moment, that I'd wanted to capture it forever. Which I had.

But as much as it pained me I _was_ ready to let that life go. I was married, moving into a home that the man that I was madly in love with had purchased, and pregnant with twins. My life was all about to change and I _wanted_ that.

"Oh. No, Steve, I don't want it to be awkward for you-," I started in answer.

"It won't be," Steve cut in straightening as he approached. He knelt beside where I was sitting crossed legged, packing up the books. He took the books that I was holding in my hand and put the pictures in its place. He looked at me with sincerity bright in his blue eyes. "I promise it won't be. I feel like you're trying to box up your old life and put it behind you for me, but you don't have to do that. I don't want you to forget it. Because as painful as everything was, it brought you to me."

He reached into his pocket, withdrawing something I'd seen him carrying since I'd met him, opening it. It was a gold compass, something I knew was from his previous life, but what I'd missed was the picture of Peggy inside. He showed it to me then, there she was in black and white as stunning as ever. I wasn't mad that he had the photo, I had the photo of Ian after all.

"I haven't let go completely of my past. It'd be easier and less painful to forget, but I can't, because in the end it lead me here. To you. And I am so glad to be here with you, all of you," he reached out and touched the swell of my belly then, the twins squirmed in response, the feeling still felt new each time. Steve smiled down at me. "So take the photo, please, _remember it_ , don't leave it all behind."

I smiled up at Steve, feeling a tear slide down my cheek. "Why are you so perfect?"

He smirked. "It's the super serum."

"No, it's you," I assured leaning up for a kiss. "It's definitely you."

We finished packing up the nursery and stood in the doorway to my empty apartment just as the sun set. I took one last look around, clutching the photo of Ian and I to my chest, with Steve's arm around my shoulders. With another deep breath I resigned myself to say goodbye and looked to Steve.

"Ready?" He asked with an arched eyebrow.

I nodded. "I'm ready."

It was the first time that I'd felt like I actually was.


	23. Date Night

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. But you know, life got in the way and all that.**

* * *

 _Two years later… (5 years total after 'The Decimation' aka The Snap)_

"Are you sure she's asleep?"

Steve nodded, never ceasing his trail of kisses down my throat, his fingers digging into my hips as he held me against him. "I just checked the monitor, She's fast asleep," he mumbled between kisses, voice muffled by my skin.

Our daughter had woken me up three times already that night, the most recent time being only an hour ago at almost 5 am. I felt exhausted, but couldn't go back to sleep and was lying in bed restless which had woken Steve and prompted him to take me in his arms. And while I was eager for the intimacy with my husband, I was paranoid that she would wake up again.

I arched into him, pleasure zinging up my spine when his hand found its way beneath my nightshirt. "You're sure?" I panted.

He nodded again, thick fingers pressing between my lips to tease my entrance. He groaned approvingly at the wetness he found there, slipping two fingers in right to the knuckle. I clenched around him, hips bucking and a loud moan escaping my lips. I was abruptly dragged to the edge of the pleasure abyss, teetering and ready to fall in with just one thrust of his fingers. It'd clearly been too long.

"I'm sure," he grunted finally in answer to my question, his mouth cutting off my response when he kissed me.

I kissed him in return, a clashing of tongue, teeth and lips, our bodies grinding together in a search for friction. He was hot and hard against me, I could feel his erection through his pajama pants, pressing insistently into my pelvis. I rocked on his fingers, chasing my orgasm, fingers digging into his bare biceps.

"Fuck," he growled into my neck, picking up speed, thrusting his hips into me. "You are so wet for me."

I could feel the beginning tingles in my core, the orgasm starting to blossom, the pleasure reaching its crescendo. "Steve," I gasped, my toes curling, the tingles starting to spread through my abdomen.

The orgasm rushed me, fast and hard, my body going rigid with pleasure overload. My eyes rolled and I tightened around him, Steve's lips catching mine to swallow my loud cry. He never ceased his movements, groaning into our kiss, hips rolling insistently into me. When I started to come down from my peak he withdrew his fingers, pausing to suck them into his mouth and moan heatedly at the taste. His mouth was back on mine, sharing my taste, nipping my bottom lip with his teeth.

"You taste so good baby," he whispered between kisses, pushing my nightshirt up to my neck impatiently.

I squirmed, his mouth explored me, tasting, biting, licking, and kissing in a steady descent. "We don't have much time-," I started to remind him. These days we didn't. Our sex, when it managed to happen, which was few and far between lately, always seemed to be in a rush, a quickie before a cry sounded over the baby monitor.

He interrupted my reminder by shushing me, shaking his head as he bit into the skin above my panties making me gasp. "Let me enjoy this," he whispered.

I smirked, relaxing into the mattress and allowing him to continue his exploration. I pushed all my usual worries to the back of my mind, tried to forget the long to-do list I had to get done today, and instead revelled in the feeling of Steve's lips and tongue as they kissed and tasted; his beard rubbing delightfully into my skin. His shoulders slipped beneath my thighs, teeth sinking into the flesh of my inner thigh. My breath caught in my throat in anticipation, the desire for him to put his mouth on me strong and impatient. I didn't have to wait long, one slow lick right up my center preceded an all out devouring. Hands gripping my hips firmly to keep me pinned to the mattress, he tasted everything, groaning hungrily as he did. I bit my lip in an attempt to keep quiet, one hand gripping the sheets and the other tangled in his dirty blonde locks, and already right back on that edge once more.

Arching off the bed I felt the beginnings of the fall, thighs trembling, I bit down harder on my lip until the sounds welled up in my throat and I couldn't hold them back. "Stev-Oh...Oh...fuck I'm gonna cum," I gasped, fingers digging into his scalp.

And just as the orgasm bloomed and then exploded, rocketing through me I heard it, the sounds of a fussing toddler coming from the baby monitor on our nightstand. It shortened my orgasm extensively, my brain snapping out of arousal mode and right into parenting mode. Both of us freezing and eyes darting to the monitor. There was my daughter, now standing in her crib, and in the middle of a full blown melt down.

That was when the second cry rang out, this one louder than the other, both mixing and coming out of the baby monitor. I sighed. We were certainly done now.

"They're both up," Steve said with a heavy sigh as he sat up.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, feeling the need to apologize, sitting up to correct my nightshirt.

Steve chuckled, adjusting himself, leaning in to press a kiss to my temple. "Don't be. These are just the joys of parenting right?" He grinned. "One day they'll both sleep through the night and I can ravage you uninterrupted."

I blushed crimson but grinned at him.

"I'll get them, you hop in the shower," he finished.

"You sure?"

"I am sure. Enjoy your shower. I got this."

I sat in bed watching him push his hair out of his face and put on a smile. He winked at me once before walking out of our bedroom. I turned to the monitor seeing him entering the twins room, his smile brightening when he saw the twins standing in their cribs, both reaching for him with tiny outstretched arms and impatient wails.

"Alright guys, it's okay," He shushed them both, reaching for our daughter first, scooping her up into his arms. She quieted almost immediately, resting her head against his shoulder. "There's my girl. Good morning babydoll," Steve cooed at her, rubbing her back as he approached the second crib.

Our son was bouncing with impatience by then, arms still outstretched for his father. "And there's my big guy. Good morning to you too," Steve grinned adjusting our daughter in his arms to hold them both.

I'd gone into labor in the middle of the night near the end of my seventh month of pregnancy. I'd wanted to try delivering naturally instead of a c-section, which was common with twins, and though Dr. Mills and Steve were both reluctant due to the risks, they agreed. I labored for ten hours before I gave birth to a healthy and beautiful baby boy and girl.

Our daughter Emma Reagan Rogers was born first followed two minutes later by her brother Evan James Rogers. I'd hardly contributed much to their looks as they both were the spitting image of Steve, with his blue eyes and dirty blonde hair and other perfect features. They only grew to look more like him as they got bigger, and favored him in personality as well. They were quickly approaching 16 months of age, both walking and already beginning to talk, and were a little more advanced than the typical toddler, something Steve and their pediatrician attributed to the super serum. They had been closely monitored since birth, to make sure that the serum would have no adverse affects on them, but aside from a healthy appetite and seemingly endless amounts of energy they both were normal and happy toddlers in my eyes.

Steve was every bit of the perfect father that I had expected him to be. Patient, gentle, and present without having to be asked. It seemed he had read every pregnancy and parenting book he could while I was pregnant. He'd never lost his patience or seemed overwhelmed like I did, something I both admired and envied about him. He took the sleepless nights and late night feedings and diaper changes in stride and with a smile and never complained.

We'd both taken time off after the twins were born, six months in total, continuing to be paid generously by Tony Stark who, after the birth of his own son Howard, Howie for short, understood. It was Tony's idea to incorporate a daycare into the compound so that he and Pepper could return to work also, going so far as to add another building just for the childcare with the latest and greatest baby items and toys for the kids. And while it was only Howie, Emma and Ethan at first, soon more kids started attending when Tony offered child care free of charge to all employees.

Life was good. Very good. We were busy, but what parents weren't? I'd once craved this fullness of life, a house, a husband, some kids, and a career, and now I had it. It wasn't with who I had imagined it would be with and some key people were missing, namely my father and Reagan, but I had no complaints. I still struggled at times, with my anxiety, mostly due to worrying about my children and something happening to them, something I discussed twice a month with Dr. Warren. But in general there was nothing more that I could ask for.

The world itself had finally moved on from The Snap, returning to a semblance of what it had been before it occurred. With help from the government and Stark industries and the remaining Avengers, the world was thriving and people were generally happy from what I could tell. Even I had managed to move on, the dark thoughts and sadness from my past rarely reared its ugly head. I still missed the ones that I had lost, but it was easier now.

In the thirty minutes it had taken me to shower and make myself presentable, Steve had changed and dressed the twins, himself, and made breakfast. The twins were in their highchairs happily eating some cut up eggs with a side of cheerios while their father cleaned up the dishes from breakfast. A steaming plate of eggs and bacon was waiting for me at the table.

"How did you possibly do all this in such a short amount of time?" I asked motioning to the kids and my plate of eggs with a huff.

He smirked. "I can't reveal all my secrets, you'll lose interest."

"Impossible," I replied stopping to kiss him before sliding into my chair.

Steve finished washing the pan and set it in the drying rack. "If you don't mind I'd like to head into the compound now, get a work out and shower in before the meeting. You okay with that?"

"You did all this and brought me to orgasm multiple times this morning, I think I can handle taking our kids to daycare alone. It's the least I could do," I grinned at him.

Steve had the decency to blush, the smirk widening. "I will see you at the compound then," he replied drying off his hands with a dish towel. He approached the twins, both of them bouncing in their seats excitedly as he did to press a kiss to each of their temples. "I will see you two later. Be good for mommy." It was my turn then, him planting a lingering kiss on my lips. "Don't be late," he added with a look as he grabbed his gym bag and made for the door.

"Aye aye, Captain," I responded.

Steve stiffened at that, passing me a smirk before slipping out the door. The sound of his motorcycle revving to life was heard moments later. I turned back to the twins who had returned to eating their food and were babbling to each other. I watched them with a smile still amazed that I was someone's mom, two someone's actually, and their dad was Captain America of all people.

I wasn't as efficient as Steve when it came to dealing with the twins, especially while alone. It took me twenty minutes alone to get them into the van (the one Steve insisted we buy after having FRIDAY choose the best one based on safety and performance ratings). I had to go back into the house three times for things I'd forgotten. I arrived to work ten minutes late, which of course made me ten minutes late to the meeting. I hoped to possibly slip in unnoticed, but of course all eyes fell on me the moment I opened the door quietly.

Steve stood at the head of the table, his sentence dying off when I stepped on, a semi frown on his lips. "How nice of you to join us Mrs. Rogers," he said eyeing me. "Please, have a seat."

He motioned to the empty chair beside Natasha, who beamed at me and offered a wave, one that I took with an apologetic look. I settled into my seat and Steve resumed his presentation. Natasha leaned in once Steve was back in the zone, smiling and whispering in my ear.

"And how are my two favorite little people today?" She asked.

"Good, I had to take them to daycare without Mr. Efficient so of course I was running behind," I replied nodding to Steve.

Natasha chuckled. "Well we don't all have that perfecting super serum."

I huffed a laugh. "Right."

Steve's voice rose when he noticed our talking, calling both of our attention. He gave us a pointed look, one mostly directed at me. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. Natasha and I fell silent until he continued and she was leaning in again.

"Someone is in a mood today," she chuckled.

"Well...kinda tmi but we attempted… _adult activities_ … this morning and we were interrupted. I think he's a little pent up."

Natasha gave a knowing nod. "I see. So the Captain hasn't had a _release_ in a while."

I shook my head. "No, he hasn't."

"Speaking of release, you remember we have an appointment today right?" She asked with an arched eyebrow.

I groaned. "Oh Nat, can we have a raincheck? Emma woke up three times last night and I-."

"No, you have tried to bail three times already. I am not letting you off that easy. I will see you in the training room at 12."

I opened my mouth to further protest when Steve cleared his throat loudly. Natasha and I froze, looking forward to see he had stopped completely and all eyes were on us. Steve looked less than pleased.

"Perhaps you and Mrs. Romanoff would like to share what's so interesting with all of us or maybe save that private conversation for later?" Steve all but growled in annoyance.

"Sorry, Captain Rogers," I mumbled. "We are finished."

Natasha nodded in agreement, mumbling a half hearted apology.

Steve resumed once again and Natasha and I both stifled a laugh. My relationship with Natasha had blossomed slowly after our talk in the bathroom. It had taken some time but after the birth of the twins and her having shown up one day randomly to help with the babies, it got better and I finally felt close to her now. We spent time together regularly and she had a very active role as 'Auntie Nat' in the twins life. She'd even offered to train me, to help me get back in shape and 'learn to kick ass', her words, and I had foolishly taken her up on her offer. Something I was regretting as she normally left me sweating profusely and very sore mess in the end.

Steve wrapped up the meeting twenty minutes later. Natasha and I finished our interrupted conversation with me trying to get out of our training session one more time and her ignoring that and promising to see me in the training room. By the time we were finished the room was deserted save for Steve, who watched Natasha go with a wave. I started to gather my things when I heard the door close loudly, making me jump. I whipped around to see Steve leaning against it with crossed arms. The look on his face said I was in trouble.

"You were late," he said simply, his blue eyes burning into me.

"Only a few minutes," I lied.

"Ten in fact," he countered. "And you were talking while I was speaking. Not once, but twice."

"I'm sorry," I smiled innocently at him.

He chuckled, pushing off the door and walking closer to me. "I don't believe you are, Mrs. Rogers. I'm going to have to start separating you and Nat during meetings."

He took hold of my hips, pulling me to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Well believe it or not I am _very_ sorry, Captain. Please forgive me."

Steve's muscles tensed and his blue eyes darkened. "Don't start that now, Sweetheart. After this morning I don't think I can take it," he groaned, his grip tightening.

Before I could respond he kissed me, hard and deep, his arms wrapping around my waist and drawing me in closer. I wasn't sure if he intended for the kiss to get heated, but it did. Steve stepping forward until my butt hit the edge of the table and him relenting to allow my to catch my breath. His mouth made it ways to my throat then, fingers digging into my flesh.

"S-Steve," I struggled out, trying to regain my faculties, and ignore the desire that was about to take me over. "I have a meeting in ten minutes."

"You were late to my meeting, you can be late again," he grunted into my neck, lifting his head to kiss me again.

I laughed against his lips, the laugh turning into a moan as his hand found its way under my skirt. I grabbed his wrist then, halting his attempt. It didn't stop him from kissing me.

"Steve, we are in the conference room," I blushed, pulling away from his kiss.

He sighed, looking over his shoulder to the closed door and back to me. "No one will be coming in here. It's booked it for the next twenty minutes. The meeting ended earlier than expected," he resumed his kisses along my throat.

I couldn't deny the heat or thrill that I felt at the thought of us screwing in the conference room, but the threat of being caught was looming over me. Also the meeting I had two conference rooms down.

"We are not screwing in the conference room," I moaned, feeling my eyes roll when he found that sensitive spot on my neck.

Steve groaned frustratedly, pulling his hand from my grasp to press his knee between my thighs and fully against me. I couldn't stop the moan or the buck of my hips that sent pleasure rushing through me which did nothing to help in my attempt to deter him. It only spurred him on, his mouth coming back to mine, tongue licking into my mouth.

"I miss you, Sweetheart," He panted against my lips, temporarily distracting me long enough to get his hand back under my skirt. He slipped past my panties with ease, fingers teasing my slit.

That was when I heard the squeak of the conference room door opening, both of us breaking apart in time to see Tony in the doorway. He frowned when he saw us scrambling away from each other, me fixing my clothes and Steve adjusting himself.

"Christ you two, get a room. Is this what I pay you for? To book conference rooms and use them to boink?" Tony asked with a disgusted and over exaggerated eye roll.

"Boink?" Steve frowned.

I flushed with embarrassment. "We weren't doing anything," I lied, pushing my hair from my face. "We were just wrapping up a meeting."

"Mmm hmm. Sure. Of course you were. Twins not sleeping through the night huh? Making it hard for some 'Capsicle-Mommy adult time'?" Tony asked stepping further into the room with his hands in his pockets.

"Was there something you needed?" Steve asked, ignoring his question with a deepening frown.

"Yes, I need my assistant please. I have actual work for her to do. So stop distracting her with your inappropriate behavior," Tony said with mock sternness.

Steve regarded Tony with blatant irritation. I gathered up my things quickly and gave Steve an apologetic smile and kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry. I'll ask Nat if she can babysit tonight? We'll have a date night," I offered in a hushed voice.

Steve nodded with a small smile. "Tell her she owes me anyway. She'll have to do it."

I wasn't sure what she owed him for, but nodded as well. "See you at 5:00."

Tony paused on his way out of the conference room looking at Steve. "Get janitorial services down here to clean that table," he ordered pointing at it.

Steve's frown returned.

* * *

Tony rarely showed up to do work these days so I was surprised to see him in the compound. He preferred to spend all his time with his son, opting to be a 'mostly stay at home dad' as he had called it and let Pepper work and be the face of the company, which she was quite good at it. He'd work remotely from home if there was a project he was really interested in, unless his presence was absolutely required. And when he did grace us with his presence at the compound it was usually just to show off Howie to everyone and fart around in the lab. It meant that I had quite the workload, keeping Tony from actually having to do work. I still loved my job and Tony had offered me quite the raise when I returned, but it still was a lot at times.

"I wasn't expecting you in at all this week," I said as we walked down the halls back to his office.

"I am just checking in on things and you," he shrugged looking around. "F.R.I.D.A.Y and you keep me updated, but I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes out there in that cabin."

Tony and Pepper had abandoned their penthouse for a quiet and large cabin thirty minutes outside the city. It was another reason I often didn't see Tony, he hated the commute.

"Oh well, things are going smooth here. You don't have anything pressing to handle till the end of the month and all projects are running smoothly."

He nodded. "Good. Good. That's good. How are the little Capsicles? Aside from not sleeping to let their parents have 'alone time'."

I blushed again. "The twins are fine. And they do sleep… sometimes. Steve and I are just busy that's all," I shook my head wondering why I felt the need to explain. "Anyway the twins are great. You didn't see them when you dropped Howie to daycare?"

"No, Howie stayed home with Pep. She's taking some time off to spend with him. She mentioned having you all over for dinner. Says she misses you guys, wants Howie to hang with the twins more."

My friendship with Pepper, while strained due to our hectic schedules, was still ongoing. We'd spent a lot of time together while we were both on maternity leave, letting the twins and Howie play while we commiserated over motherhood. We hadn't seen her in a few months. "I will text her to set something up. We miss all of you."

"Great she'll be happy to hear from you. I think I'm going to head down to the lab, see what the people I pay down there are up to. Pretend I'm not here okay?"

"So keep going like usual then is what you mean?" I answered with a smirk, watching him veer off to the elevators.

He chuckled. "Still don't know what I would do without you, Kid. We'll catch up more later."

* * *

At 12:00 pm exactly I met Natasha in the training room. She kicked my ass, as usual, for forty five minutes of my lunch break. I was sweaty and aching already while I followed her into the locker room to shower quickly and change back into my work clothes.

"So I was wondering if you could do me a favor?" I asked once we'd both showered and redressed. "Well a favor for Steve and I."

"Oh?" Natasha said tying up her combat boots.

"Could you possibly babysit the twins for us tonight? Just so Steve and I can have some alone time?" I asked her with a hopefully convincing smile.

I fully expected her to say no. She hadn't been alone with both twins before and the twins, while sweet and usually well behaved, were still a handful. We had never asked anyone to watch them before, aside from the compound daycare, and there were very few people we trusted to do that. To my surprise Natasha nodded with a shrug, as if I'd asked her to water my plants or some other undaunting task.

"Sure, I can pick them up from the daycare so you and Steve can have your _release_ ," she teased. "They can hang on the fourth floor with me."

I blinked at her. "Oh, are you sure? I honestly thought you'd say no," I laughed.

"I am never kidding when I say that the Emma and Evan are my two favorite people. And I'd love to hang out with them so you and Steve can have alone time. You and Steve go have a good time, pick them up after," she shrugged again.

"Thanks Nat," I huffed. "I really appreciate it."

She smiled at me and slung her gym bag over her shoulder. "And tell Steve now he owes me."

I left the training room with a smile pulling out my phone to send Steve a text.

 _Nat agreed to babysit. Date night is a go._

His reply came seconds after.

 **Steve: I say we skip the customary movie and dinner and go straight to dessert.**

My cheeks flamed and my smile grew and I typed my response hurriedly.

 _Whatever you want Captain._

The rest of my day breezed by and I eagerly awaited 5:00 p.m., excited to get to spend some one on one time with my husband. I text Natasha to let her know Steve and I would meet her at the daycare so we'd get to kiss the twins goodbye. When the clock hit 5 pm, I hurriedly started to gather up my things, sighing when my desk phone rang.

"Tony Stark's office."

"Mrs. Rogers, this is Dan from security."

"Yes, Dan, hi, what can I do for you?"

"There's a man here in the front demanding access to the building, though he doesn't have a badge or an appointment."

"Well what does he want?"

"He's saying he needs to speak with Mr. Stark or Captain Rogers. That it's urgent."

"Mr. Stark isn't here and Ste- Captain Rogers will be leaving shortly as will I. Did he say exactly what it is he wants to discuss?"

"He's saying it can only be discussed with Captain Rogers or Mr. Stark."

I rolled my eyes. "What's his name?"

"Lang, ma'am. Scott Lang. He says he's...Antman?"


	24. One More Night

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. Also we're getting into Endgame now, so if you haven't seen the movie I suggest you stop reading because there will be spoilers. So read at your own risk! Also enjoy!**

* * *

By all accounts Ant Man had been presumed 'dusted' and there'd not been a peep from him in the past five years. At least that's what FRIDAY had told me when I asked her to tell me everything she could about the man demanding to see my husband and Tony and interrupting my attempt to leave for date night.

This news and Scott's miraculous return from wherever he'd been the past five years left me feeling shaken, an uncomfortable sense of dread taking hold of my gut. It was a feeling that told me that Ant Man, or Scott Lang, showing up now was a sign that things were about to change. I just didn't know if they were for the better. Because if he could come back from being dusted did that mean that others could? And what was so urgent that he needed to discuss with only Tony or Steve? Forcing myself to take a deep breath and talk myself out of a panic attack, I asked Dan to send him up and went to the elevator to meet him.

I refused to worry or panic, not until I knew what it was that Scott wanted to talk to Steve and Tony about. One of the things I had been working on with Dr. Warren for years was my pre-worrying when there was nothing to worry about. Giving myself anxiety for no reason had never done me any good. I had made so much progress over the years, I hadn't had a panic attack since my pregnancy with the twins, and I didnt want to take any steps backwards now after such great progress.

I stood outside the elevator, waiting to greet Scott. The doors dinged and opened revealing a middle aged decent looking, albeit very fidgety, green eyed man with a five o' clock shadow.

"Mr. Lang, follow me please," I smiled kindly, ushering him in the direction of my desk. I would talk to him first, find out exactly what it was he wanted, make sure that it was in fact urgent before I let him talk to Steve or Tony.

His head whipped around, eyes darting back and forth, while he followed me back to my desk. I gestured to the empty seat near my desk, which he hesitantly took, and stood before him, arms crossed and doing my best to hide my worry and impatience.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Lang?"

He blinked up at me. "Oh, well I wanted to speak to- wait, who are you?"

"I'm Mr. Stark's personal assistant, Andrea Rogers-."

Scott's face fell. "Rogers...as in.. _.Captain America_ Steve Rogers?"

"Yes, Steve is my husband."

"Holy shit, Captain America got married? I really have been gone for five years," Scott interrupted running a hand through his hair. He rose from the chair, making me take a step back, beginning to pace, muttering to himself. The man was clearly rattled.

"Mr. Lang, are you okay? Can I get you some-."

"I need to speak to the Captain. Or Stark. Hell I'd even settle for the redhead. Any Avenger will do, really," he cut in, his pacing ceasing. "So can you call them? Your husband or whoever? It's urgent. Like the fate of the world urgent and I really need to speak with them."

I hesitated, knowing that the sinking feeling in my gut that said everything was about to change was right. For a brief moment I thought about calling security, to have them escort this man away, before he ruined the perfect existence I had come to have with whatever he needed to see Steve about. But I knew I couldn't do that. Mentally scolding myself for the terrible thought I sighed.

"This urgent matter does it have anything to do with...The Snap?"

Scott frowned. "Is that what they call what happened?"

"You mean Thanos snapping his fingers and wiping out half the population on Earth?"

"Is that what-? Whose Thanos?"

"Mr. Lang, is that what you are here to discuss with my husband? Do you have information about that?"

Scott nodded. "Yes, I think-."

"I don't want to know the specifics, Mr. Lang," I said, raising my hands. I swallowed hard. "I-I will get Steve for you. Wait right here, Mr. Lang-."

"Scott, please, call me Scott."

"Scott," I forced a smile onto my face. "Please have a seat."

He nodded again, sinking back into the chair, gripping the arms so tightly his knuckles went white. I made my way to the elevator, taking it down to the first floor where the compound daycare was located. Steve and Natasha were already there, standing outside, Emma in Steve's arms and Evan in Natasha's. They both turned at the ding of the elevator and the look on my face must have given something away because frowns graced both of their faces. The twins smiled though, happy to see me, Evan calling out 'mama', and while that usually melted my heart, today it only added to my dread. _What if whatever this news was stole all of this away?_

"Sweetheart?" Steve called, brow furrowed in concern.

"Andy, what's wrong?" Natasha questioned. "You look like somebody died."

"There's a man here. A man named Scott Lang."

Natasha and Steve shared a puzzled look before they both turned back to me with blank stares. "He says that he is Ant Man."

That brought some recognition to their faces.

"Ant Man?" Natasha breathed.

"He's here? In the building?" Steve asked.

"He's upstairs, sitting at my desk. He says he needs to speak to you, or Tony, or Natasha."

"I thought that Ant Man was-," Natasha started.

"Speak to us about what?" Steve interrupted.

"He wouldn't specify, but he said it was urgent. Fate of the world urgent." Saying the words, only increased the dread that I felt. "He has information or something about...about The Snap."

Steve and Natasha shared another look, this one longer, their eyes searching each other's, some unspoken conversation happening. I knew that date night was not going to happen now, Avenger business came first, it always had. And from the frazzled state of Scott Lang and his sudden reappearance I knew that whatever it was, it was most likely big and earth shattering news.

"I will take the twins home," I said before they finished their silent conversation. "You guys go handle your business."

Natasha looked apologetic, kissing Evan's cheek and handing him over to me. "I promise to watch them for you another night," she said putting a hand on my shoulder. "Maybe tomorrow night?"

"Sure," I nodded, holding Evan close. He snuggled into me, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I'll give you both a minute," Natasha said leaning over to plant a kiss on Emma.

She walked off to give us space, leaving Steve and I in awkward silence. I knew that I could be prematurely freaking out, thinking the worst when it could all be nothing, but the look on Steve's face said that he was thinking similarly to what I was. His soft features had hardened, like he was preparing to hear some news. Bad news. He placed Emma in my free arm and kissed us all, the kiss he gave me lingering.

"I'll be home right after," he promised. "You going to be okay?"

I nodded silently.

"This could be nothing sweetheart," he insisted touching my cheek. "Don't worry."

Again I nodded. "I won't. I'll see you tonight."

* * *

I took the twins home and set about our normal night time routine. The chaos of taking care of the twins alone kept me from thinking too much about Scott and what information he may have, but once I had made dinner, fed them, bathed them, and put them to bed I was alone with my thoughts. I took a long shower, trying to keep my mind blank and dusted off my anxiety medication to take some. After checking on the twins once more, both of them fast asleep by some miracle, I went downstairs and tidied up. I had settled onto the couch with a glass of wine and some Netflix.

I awoke with a start sometime later, looking around my living room that was darkened. Netflix asking if I was still watching the series I had put on. The clock told me it was after 10 o'clock. Steve still wasn't home. I tried not to worry and locked up the house, heading up to bed. I briefly considered calling Steve, just to check in, but thought better of it. He was probably still at the compound, dealing with whatever it was that Scott Lang had to say.

I awoke to the sound of our bedroom door opening, the familiar squeak of its hinges rousing me from my sleep sometime later. The shuffle of Steve's feet on the carpeted floor followed and the sound of him undressing. There was a soft thud of material hitting the floor and the covers being lifted, the bed shifting. Steve's weight was behind me, him letting out a soft sigh, his body pressing in close, his arm wrapped around me tightly.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered.

Of course he knew I was awake, though I hadn't moved. The man knew me all too well.

"It's alright," I whispered back, taking hold of the hand that rested over my middle and intertwining our fingers.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here to help put the kids to bed. I know how challenging that can be."

"Believe it or not they went down pretty easy. I don't read the bedtime story as good as you do, but they put up with me."

Steve let out a half hearted chuckle and sighed again, this time heavier, the warmth of his breath fanning across my neck. I knew there was something weighing heavily on him, no doubt it was whatever news Scott had told him, but if I was being honest with myself I was afraid to ask.

"Can we just sleep, Sweetheart?" He asked in a tired whisper. "I know you probably want to know what Scott had to say and why I got home so late, but I just-."

"Steve," I cut in. "It's fine. I actually don't think I am ready to know. You can tell me in the morning."

His lips were on the back of my neck, sending all too familiar tingles down my spine. "I just want one more night," he mumbled into my skin.

I froze in his arms. "One more night for what?"

"One more night before everything changes," he answered.

The dread that had been isolated to my stomach filled me to the brim. I swallowed it down though, refusing to freak out, refusing to let the possibility of change send me into a downward spiral. I had dealt with change before, I could do it again. No matter what it was. As long as I had Steve by my side.

"Let's sleep, my love," I whispered to the darkness, snuggling back into him, squeezing his hand.

I could feel him nod, pressing himself harder into me, holding me so tightly that I felt like he'd never let go.

* * *

My alarm didn't wake me the next morning. Neither did a cry or call of 'mama' from Emma or Evan. It was the bright sunlight streaming into my bedroom and the sound of children giggling, the quick pitter-patter of feet. I hesitated for a moment, wondering how the twins could have gotten out of their crib when I noticed Steve's absence from behind me. I heard his footsteps also, his hushed voice through my partially open bedroom door.

"Quiet now you little rascals, you'll wake mommy," he said over their continued giggling, the pitter-patter of their feet stopped and he let out a grunt. He must have lifted them into his arms. "Boy you guys are getting heavy, what is mommy feeding you?" He chuckled.

A smile touched my lips, there was the sound of them descending the staircase, their giggles growing distant. I sat up in bed slowly, their mission to not wake mommy clearly not working, glancing at the clock to see that it was almost ten am. It was a work day for Steve and I, but my alarm hadn't sounded and he hadn't woken me up. Nor were we rushing about to get the twins ready for the day and leave. I reached for my phone seeing that Tony hadn't called and nor had anyone else from the office, so I wasn't being missed at work.

I slipped from the bed, taking advantage of the twins being distracted by Steve to use the bathroom and brush my teeth in peace before I headed downstairs. The twins were in the living room with Steve, Bubble Guppies playing on the tv, their toys scattered about, but neither was interested in that as they were playing their favorite game; jump on Daddy. I stopped in the doorway, watching Steve interact with the kids, seeing the smiles on their faces and listening to their laughter, feeling that dread again while I did. Steve's words from last night ringing in my ears.

 _I just want one more night._

 _One more night before everything changes._

The twins noticed me first, Evan spotting me and crying out 'mama' before toddling over as fast as he could, Emma on his heels. They embraced my legs first, me kneeling down to wrap my arms around them both and squeeze and kiss them. Steve remained on the floor where he was previously subdued, watching us with an almost sad smile.

"Good morning my little loves," I said to them, placing one more kiss on their dirty blonde heads before releasing them. I turned my sights on Steve. "Is there a reason we aren't at work."

Steve nodded, rising to his feet. "I made breakfast. Are you hungry?"

"Yes, but I also should have been at work three and a half hours ago. And so should you."

Steve moved into the kitchen beckoning me to follow while the twins got momentarily distracted by a song on the tv. He set about silently making me a plate of the feast he'd prepared. Bacon and eggs and waffles and country potatoes. I blinked at the sight of it, he usually made breakfast, but not one as grand as this.

"Steve-."

"I wanted you to be rested. I wanted you to have some time with the twins and I wanted you to be well fed," he cut in stopping my attempt to question him.

"Okay," I answered slowly sinking into a chair at the kitchen table.

He set my plate and a fork in front of me, sitting across from me. "We have a meeting at 1:00 with everyone."

"Everyone?"

"Bruce, Natasha, Scott."

I frowned. "Bruce?"

Two years ago, Bruce had decided to take a break from the Avengers tower, needing time to "find himself" as he had put it. We'd all been understanding, wishing him the best, had even thrown him a little going away party, but we hadn't heard much from him since. I'd honestly thought I'd never see him again, same as Thor.

"Yes."

"And this meeting is to discuss…" I prompted.

Steve hesitated, his blue eyes on me, his chest rose as he sucked in a deep breath. "Scott thinks...that he knows a way to bring everyone back."

I nearly choked on my eggs, my fork dropping from my hands. I felt an odd sense of elation mixed with my dread, a rush of feelings followed, my face falling. I didn't know what news I had expected from Scott though I knew it would be _something_. I took a moment to compose myself, Steve said nothing during that time.

"Thinks?" That was the only word I could think to say.

"He has the missing piece that Tony never had. A quantum realm or something like that in the back of his van."

"The back of his van?"

"It sounds crazy, but he's sure of it. He wasn't dusted as we thought. He was in the quantum realm and it only felt like five hours to him instead of five years. Time moves differently in there. The quantum realm is the key. And if we can get Bruce on board then we think we can do this."

There was hope and sadness in his eyes. And I didn't know which one scared me more.

"Do this how?" I snapped, surprised at the bite to my voice. "By erasing all of this?" I motioned around me. "By erasing them?" I gestured to our children who were still engrossed in their favorite show.

"No. No. God, no, Sweetheart," Steve shook his head, practically falling from his chair to kneel in front of mine. "I don't want to do this if it means losing all we have. I _won't_ do it if it means that. Tony backed out because he has the same fear."

My head was spinning with all the information. "Tony backed out? Backed out? What does that mean?"

He pushed his hair from his face and looked at me with a heavy sigh. "Scott wants to use the quantum realm to travel back through time and collect the infinity stones, the ones that Thanos used, and bring them back to _this_ time and have someone snap their fingers to bring everyone back to the here and now. Nothing will get erased, nothing will change except that everyone we lost will be here."

Everyone that we lost meaning Reagan and my dad...and Ian. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to say. I still didn't quite understand the plan or quantum physics or realms, but I knew that despite Steve saying nothing would change, it was a lie. Everything would change, the people would come back. I could live in a world where my dad and Reagan were alive, they could meet my children, be more than just a story and photo them, they could be a part of their lives.

Then there was Ian. Ian would be back as well. I'd have to look him in the eyes and tell him that I had moved on, that I was married and had kids with someone else. I would have to live in a world where he and I weren't together and at one point in my life that had been unimaginable. I'd put my dreams of Ian coming back to rest a long time ago and now that the possibility had returned, I didn't know what to feel.

Steve and I had made a promise that if there was ever the chance to go back, to change things, to fix what Thanos had done, he would do it and I wouldn't stand in his way. It was for the greater good. We wouldn't put our happiness over that of so many others. But I didn't know if I could keep that promise, not now, not after Emma and Evan.

My eyes wandered over to the twins, watching them dance and sing along to the tv show, so happy and carefree, and I felt my stomach twist. I thought about the countless other people who might have lost their child in the snap, who couldnt have these moments because of it, who were living in sadness as I had been. I had come to find my happiness again, but I knew there were so many others who hadn't, _couldn't_ , and who was I to be the one to stand in the way of that. Three years ago, before Steve, I would have killed for something like this to happen, for the people I love to return. For someone to fix it.

It had to be done, and by the determined look in my husbands eye I knew that he had made up his mind about doing it. The greater good would always come first in Captain America's eyes, and rightfully so. I had made a promise once and I had to keep it.

Steve took hold of my hands, forcing my eyes to meet his. "I know what this will mean for you. I know that it will be difficult to have _him_ come back. But think about-."

"I know," I cut him off with a sad smile, releasing his hand to touch his bearded cheek. "I _know_. We have to do this. And it's okay. I'm sorry that I reacted badly. I will be fine."

Steve looked mildly surprised, but nodded once. "Don't be sorry. I love you, Andrea. And nothing that is about to happen can ever change that."

"I know," I repeated leaning forward to kiss him. "And I feel the same."


	25. Hope

Bruce Banner was no longer the average height, middle aged, curly haired man that I had grown to admire over the course of my time working for Tony. Nor was he the same man that I had said goodbye to two years ago. He was the big hulking monster that I had only seen footage of. The one that frightened everyone, the one I had seen bring buildings down, the one I had seen rip aliens apart. He stood towering over me, large, broad and green, and _wearing_ _clothes_. And glasses. I forced my slackened jaw to close and felt Emma's grip on my leg tighten.

"Andy, it's so good to see you," Bruce- or the hulk?- said adjusting his glasses and smiling nervously. The hulk was wearing clothes...and glasses...and _talking_. "The kids are so big."

Steve shifted Evan in his arms and smiled proudly at the mention of our children, clearly less phased than I was about Bruce's new...look. Aside from Emma being shy behind my leg, as she usually was, and Evan staring Bruce down with wide eyes, they both also weren't as shocked by Bruce's appearance as I was.

"Did you get the photos I sent?" Steve asked.

Bruce nodded. "Yeah, but they don't do them any justice. You guys have a beautiful family."

"Thank you," I said finally managing to find my voice. "Umm forgive me here, but Bruce is this...did you...are you…?" I trailed off looking him up and down and unable to find the words to ask if he was _okay_. Had there been some terrible accident I hadn't heard about?

"I promise, I am fine Andy," Bruce chuckled. "Believe it or not this was on purpose."

"Okay then," I said with a nod. If he was happy then I was happy for him. I wasn't going to question him further though I had plenty of questions, but given my limited understanding of gamma radiation and what exactly made Bruce turn into the hulk, I probably wouldnt understand it if he explained it anyway.

"Shall we?" Steve said ushering us into the compound.

It was noticeably deserted and I wondered briefly how Steve had gotten Tony to shut the compound down. It felt eerie and large without the staff, we didn't have a ton of employees, about seventy five or so, nothing compared to the thousands Tony formally employed pre-Snap, but that was enough of us to make it feel like a business. And without anyone there it just felt weird.

Without the staff there, the daycare was closed meaning Emma and Evan would be joining our meeting. Steve took the lead, taking us the largest conference room where Natasha and Scott were already waiting. Scott was wearing the same clothes as before, but looked noticeably calmer. Natasha rose from where she had been sitting on the conference table and opened her arms to her two favorite people. Emma and Evan both ran into her arms and I felt a genuine smile cross my lips.

"Is this everyone?" I asked looking from Bruce to Scott and then Steve. There was a noticeable absence in the room. _Tony's_ absence.

Steve nodded, smiling at me almost sadly. "For now."

"We still need to iron out some details, before we try to get anyone else on board," Natasha added. "Before we...get anyone's hopes up."

"Right," I nodded.

I took a seat in one of the conference chairs. Bruce, who was too large for any of the chairs was left standing. Natasha sat beside me, pulling Emma into her lap while Evan crawled into mine. Steve remained standing with Bruce. I tried to calm my nerves, reminding myself that it was just a meeting. That nothing had been done. Yet. And even if something were to be done, that it would be for the greater good, that doing it was _right_.

Steve looked to Scott, who was still standing at the other end of the table. "Scott? Wanna run us through it again?"

Scott had a portal to the quantum realm in his van. A quantum realm that he could use to travel through time. _In theory._ Scott's original plan was to go back and alert someone early that Thanos was coming, to give the Avengers time to assemble and prepare. But Scott and Natasha had quickly shut that down. They didn't want to do anything that would change this future, but there was also a fact that Bruce mentioned; it wouldn't work. Changing things in the past wouldn't change the future, it old nylon create a new future for whoever went back.

At this point, Scott began arguing time travel with him for twenty minutes bringing up various movies about time travel he'd seen as evidence. SBruce maintained his position.

My brain felt fried. I didn't understand it all, honestly I didn't understand what was in the back of Scott's van. All I knew was that I didn't want my current existence, the one where I was happily married, employed, and a mother, to change. I didn't want my children erased.

"This all sounds crazy," I finally spoke, stopping Scott's latest time travel movie evidence rant.

Natasha shrugged. "I kind of have to agree with Andy here… I want this done as much as everyone else here. But...is it doable?"

Scott hesitated, shrugging. "In theory?"

"Bruce?"

"This is outside my expertise, guys. Tony and I tried at one point and...well you see how that turned out."

"Yeah, but you didn't have the quantum realm," Scott reasoned.

"Well yeah…"

"And there was a time that you thought this," Natasha gestured to the length of Bruce's body. "Was impossible."

Bruce smirked. "Well you have a point there...I guess nothing is impossible."

"Scott, have you used your van to go back in time before?" I asked.

Scott blinked. "Well… no…"

"Shouldn't we test to see if that's even possible first?" I recommended looking between the three of them.

Scott shrugged. Bruce scratched the back of his neck. Natasha nodded in agreement. Steve suddenly looked determined.

"Andrea is right. We need to test this theory out," he said.

"Okay we can do that," Scott said placing his hands on his hips. "Now. Let's do it now," he added eagerly.

There was an excitement in Scott's eyes, Bruce's too. A part of me felt a hope return, a hope I'd squashed long ago. But it still didn't feel right. Something was missing. Some _one_ was missing.

"Are we sure that Tony shouldn't be a part of this?" I blurted bringing multiple sets of eyes to me.

Steve's face softened. "Honey, Tony made his decision clear."

That didn't sit well with me, but I still nodded. "Okay."

"We should run the test in the hangar," Bruce suggested. "Scott bring the van around."

Worried that there might be a negative occurrence during this test Steve suggested I take the kids to lunch. We said our goodbyes and I loaded the twins into the van. I set out on the road, unable to think about anything else, besides what Bruce, Scott, Natasha, and Stever were attempting in the hangar. It still didn't feel right, without Tony none of it seemed right.

Before I had truly made up my mind to do it, I was on the way to Tony's cabin, taking the freeway to the outskirts of the city, then the winding roads through the forest, and then the long private road along the lake until I was pulling into his driveway.

Tony was outside, sitting on his large wraparound porch, Howie in one arm and a steaming mug in the opposite hand. There was a blanket laid out on the soft leaves near the steps of the porch with an assortment of toys on it, where I imagined Howie had been playing recently. Tony rose when he saw my van pulling in and was at the bottom of the porch steps, standing at the edge of the blanket by the time I got the twins out. They went running to him of course, putting a beaming smile on his face, he kneeled down to their level, placing Howie on his feet to embrace them. Emma and Evan had always loved Tony, he could make them laugh like no other.

"Look who's here Howie! It's the Capsicle twins!" He exclaimed releasing them and herding the three of them toward the blanket of toys. "You guys play, I got the feeling that Auntie Andy didn't drive all the way out here for a spontaneous play date."

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't resist the smile that spread across my face. Tony straightened, regarding me suspiciously.

"Capsicle send you?"

"No."

"Did everyone die in a fiery explosion from trying to use a faulty quantum realm in the back of a van to travel through time?" He arched an eyebrow, tilted his head.

I frowned. "God, Tony, really?"

He shrugged. "I'm gonna take that as a 'no'. That's good. What brings you then? Don't tell me it's to talk shop because I thought you of all people would be on my side."

"Tony-."

"Do you know what they're trying to do?" He interjected, stepping toward me. "Do you know what their plan is?"

"Go back in time to stop Thanos?" I offered.

Tony scoffed. "Yeah, that, but _how._ Did you hear _how_ they intend to do this?"

"Well yeah… Scott's van…?" I said with all the certainty of a person who had no real idea what the plan was.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Yes. The van. Scott's van with a portal to a quantum realm. Well guess what? Quantum fluctuation messes with the Planck scale. Which then triggers the Deutch Proposition," he looked at me then, like I should have known that. I stared back blankly. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "In layman's terms that means no one is coming home."

"Well Scott came back-."

"Nope. Scott was a fluke. He _accidentally_ survived. That was a one in a billion chance."

I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. I didn't know what I was doing here. Tony had clearly made up his mind and I couldn't argue for Steve and the others side because I truly didn't know how they would pull this off. My fancy education that lead to my mechanical engineering degree did not delve into quantum physics or time travel.

"Look, Andy," Tony exhaled, shaking his head. "This whole time travel thing can't be done. Bruce and I tried. You know we did. And It eats me up, every day, that we lost. That I couldn't stop Thanos. I damn near died trying, I got the scars to prove it. But _this_ ," he paused to look down at his son. His beautiful son with his dark hair and deep brown eyes. "I've got too much to lose. And without knowing that we can do this, _safely_ , I can't roll the dice on this."

I hated how much I understood him. I hated how much I agreed with him. I had made a promise before, to do whatever it took to help the people who were left, but I couldn't shake the feeling that this wouldn't end in disaster. He was right. He did have a lot to lose. I couldn't beg him to help when I was unsure of the plan myself.

Before I could tell him that the screen door to the cabin opened and Pepper stepped out. "Andy!" She descended the porch steps gracefully and greeted me with a hug. "Tony didn't tell me you were coming."

"I didn't tell him I was coming," I explained.

Pepper's features immediately turned to concern. "Is everything alright?" She looked between Tony and I, I was sure she could feel the tension between us.

"Yes, everything is fine. I needed to talk to Tony, in person, about something," I forced a casual smile onto my face. Tony did too. "And I wanted to see you and Howie."

Peppers smile returned. "Well I am glad that you are here. I was telling Tony that I wanted to have you over for dinner. Will you stay for lunch?"

I hesitated, looking at Tony, wondering if I was still welcome when I'd come to try and talk him out of his decision. We locked eyes and he stepped around Pepper to wrap an arm around my shoulders. It felt genuine.

"Of course she will, she didn't drive all this way for such a short visit. Plus look at the babies, they're having a blast," he pointed to Howie, Emma, and Evan who were happily playing together, oblivious to their parents. "Besides we've discussed what we needed to discuss and we're putting it behind us now, right Kid?"

I swallowed down every argument I had and nodded. "Yes, we are."

* * *

Lunch was pleasant.

I did as Tony said and put convincing him to help behind me and instead tried to enjoy the moment. Tony and I had always gotten along, he was grating on the nerves at times, but as a human being he was a man I admired and respected. And his decision not to help did not make me respect him any less.

So I ate the delicious lunch Pepper prepared and chatted with her, I held and played with Howie, I sat on the porch with Pepper drinking tea and watched Tony play with the twins and Howie. I soaked it all up and I breathed it in and suddenly regretted my agreement to let Steve and the others do it. Because the possibility of all this disappearing for Tony and Pepper and myself was enough to make me feel sick.

* * *

"I'm so glad you stopped by. We have to do this more often," Pepper said giving me a good squeeze.

"I agree," I nodded pulling back.

"And you let me know if Tony is working you too hard," her brows set and she gave Tony a look. He balked, scoffing at her.

"I do not-."

"Actually," I interrupted his protest smiling cheekily at him. "You keeping him home helps me immensely because I can really get some work done. Keep doing that please."

Tony was all but sputtering. "She doesn't keep me home! I _choose_ to stay home! And you know you love when I come to the office."

Pepper and I ignored him, hugging once more before she helped me get the twins buckled in. Tony approached me when they were secured safely in their seats, putting a hand on my shoulder to turn me so that he could embrace me fully.

"I'm sorry, Andy. I wish there was some other way. I really do," he whispered in my ear.

"Me too." I really was.

* * *

I came home to a worried husband who had been expecting his wife and children to be home from their lunch by the time he had shuffled into the house. Steve was stepping out of the house as soon as I pulled into the driveway, I had a sneaky suspicion he'd been waiting at the window. I checked my phone and saw that I had 3 missed calls and 4 texts from him. My phone was on silent and I hadn't heard a single notification.

"Hey, where'd you guys run off too?" He asked, watching me slide out of the driver's seat. He silently went to the back passenger door and greeted Emma with a smile, unbuckling her.

I wasn't sure how he would react to my going to Tony's and was hesitant to tell him. "We went for a drive. A long drive… we went to…" I trailed off, taking my sweet time taking a sleeping Evan from his car seat and holding him to my shoulder. Steve was looking at me expectantly when I rounded the car, waiting for my answer.

"You went to…?" He prompted shifting Emma to his other arm.

I wasn't in the business of keeping things from Steve since I'd come clean to him years ago. I'd always appreciated the true honesty we had in our relationship.

"I went to Tony's," I sighed heading for the steps to our home.

Steve sounded confused behind me. "You did?"

"Yes," I walked into our foyer and kicked off my shoes. "I'm going to put Evan in bed."

I made for the stairs, but felt the warmth of his hand on my bicep stopping me. I knew I wasn't going to get away without an explanation that easy.

"Are you going to tell me why you went to Tony's?"

"Can we put the kids down for their nap first?" I asked.

I was stalling.

Steve knew that, but nodded anyway following me up the stairs to the twins room. Evan had always been a heavy sleeper and did not make a peep while I changed his diaper and tucked him into his crib. While Emma usually put up more of a fight when it came to nap and bedtime, she was worn out from all the fun at Tony's and did not protest when Steve put her in her crib after changing her.

Steve leaned into the crib and brushed his fingers across her cheek. "Sleep tight babydoll."

I checked that the monitor was on and tip toed out of the room, Steve followed shutting the door behind us. He didn't let me take one more step, taking hold of my arm again to stop my attempt at escape.

"Tell me what's going on, Sweetheart."

"Okay, but away from their door," I whispered taking hold of his hand to lead him to our bedroom.

I took a seat on our bed, pulling him along. He looked almost impatient once we'd settled. I took a deep breath. "I went to Tony's because it doesn't feel right to attempt this without his help or approval and he maintained his position that he won't help," I admitted. Steve's brow furrowed. "Tony is the smartest guy I know, zero offense to Bruce, and if he doesn't think it can happen safely and wants nothing to do with it, it makes me question _if_ we should be doing this."

Steve's face softened. "Sweetheart-."

"I know what you're going to say. You're going to say we made a promise. That we have to remember that there are others who lost and deserve a chance to have the people back. That it's your _job_ as Captain America. And I get all of that. I really do. But if doing this means something happening to you or Natasha or Bruce even, if we can't do this safely then I don't want to risk it. And I know it's not my choice, you will do what you have to, you always have. And I won't stop you. But these are my concerns."

I finished with a huff, pushing my hair out of my face and daring a glance at Steve. I looked to Steve, expecting him to still say all the things that I had expected him to say. To do that magical thing he did and convince me that even without Tony they could and should do this, but was surprised to see him sigh and his shoulders sag.

"The tests didn't go well. We turned Scott into a teenager, then an old man, then a baby."

"You what?!"

Steve raised his hands. "It's okay. He's back to normal middle aged Scott, but all this did was prove that Tony was right. I don't think we can do this."

As much as I was hesitant about him doing this, I knew it was in his very DNA to save people, the world, and this would weigh heavy on him. He'd see it as a second failure.

"Bruce is going to give it another go tomorrow, but…" he trailed off shaking his head, running a hand over his beard.

I took his face in my hands and forced eye contact. "Don't be too hard on yourself," I demanded. "It's not your fault if this doesn't work."

He smiled weakly. "Feels like it is."

"Well it isn't, and I won't have you beating yourself up over this."

He chuckled softly. "I won't, Sweetheart. I promise. And I promise I won't let this happen unless everybody gets back safely. We don't trade lives."

I smiled. "Well good. I guess I should go start dinner while the twins are down."

Steve stopped my attempt to go, grabbing hold of my wrist. He spun me around to face him and pulled me closer, pressing his face into my abdomen. He held me tightly and I let him, running my fingers through his hair. He lifted his head after a few silent seconds and looked up at me with darkness in his eyes. And with just a look I was flooded with heat.

"Dinner can wait," he said reaching past me to shut the door.

* * *

We went back to the compound the next morning for Bruce's second attempt. I made sure to bring the twins an ample amount of toys and a blanket and set them up near the door to the hangar, but within hearing distance so that they weren't far out of my sight. The tests went as well as they had the day before although seeing Scott transform into differently aged versions of himself was jarring to say the least. After the fourth failed attempt we all gave up and I excused myself to get some air. Steve joined me after asking Natasha to keep an eye on the twins, she happily obliged.

We stepped outside, Steve leaning against the large white pillars that lined the front of the building. There was a smile on his face, but I could see the defeat and failure in his eyes.

"Steve," I said taking hold of his hand. "It's alright-."

I was interrupted by the sound of a roaring engine, the four of us turning to see a sleek black car speeding around the curved driveway. The car screeched to a halt before us, a smiling Tony sitting in the driver's seat. Steve's back straightened and his jaw set.

His window rolled down slowly. "Why the long faces?" He asked before we could question what he was doing there. "Let me guess, he turned into a baby?"

I frowned almost asking how he knew that, but remembered he was Tony, one of the smartest men in the world. _Of course_ he knew.

Steve huffed. "Among other things, yeah. What are you doing here?"

The car door opened. "It's the EPR paradox," Tony slid out of the driver's seat. "Instead of pushing Lang through time, you might've wound of pushing time through Lang. It's tricky. Dangerous. Somebody could have cautioned you against it."

Steve nodded at Tony. "You did."

Tony feigned surprise. "Oh, did I?"

"Tony," I growled. He was being his normal cheeky and smug self. I hoped that he wasn't here just to gloat.

Tony ignored me. "Well thank god I'm here. Regardless, I fixed it." He helped up his hand, fist clenched, showing a medical device strapped around his palm. I felt my stomach drop. Steve blinked. "A fully functioning time-space GPS."

I let out the breath that I had been holding and shared a glance with Steve who was smiling now. I looked at Tony, he winked at me. "My favorite employee showed up at my house yesterday to plead your case and it got me thinking. That I just want peace. Turns out resentment is corrosive and I hate it."

Steve nodded in agreement and I got the feeling that this exchange was not only about the time traveling. Tony and Steve's tense and rocky relationship was a secret to no one. Steve had never really elaborated on why it was so tense and neither had Tony. I had never had the courage to ask.

"Me too," Steve answered him.

"We got a shot at getting these stones. But I gotta tell you my priorities," Tony continued shaking his head. "They have to be similar to yours because I know you guys stand to lose just as much as I do. But in case they aren't let me be clear. Bring back what we lost. I hope, yes. Keep what I found, I have to, _at all cost,_ " he sighed and stepped towards us. "And maybe not die trying. That would be nice."

"Nobody is dying, Tony," I cut in. "I refuse to allow it."

Tony smirked. "Okay, Kid."

He looked to Steve, eyebrows raised, waiting for his agreement.

Steve held out a large hand. "Sounds like a deal."


	26. Him

**A/N: Hey all, if you're still reading this thanks for hanging in there. Sorry this took so long. This chapter has got some angst and fluff and smut, you know all the good stuff. I figured you deserved it after waiting so long. Enjoy.**

* * *

The final piece of the puzzle was Tony.

Once he was on board a plan and team were quickly assembled.

A spaceship arrived first, carrying an alien cyborg woman with blue and purple skin and a cold demeanor named Nebula, who was accompanied by a _talking_ raccoon named Rocket. I managed to keep my shock at bay when Steve introduced me to them, both of them unimpressed by my presence and having zero time for 'chit chat' which Rocket had no problem telling me.

Steve and Tony later explained just who Nebula and Rocket were, members of the Guardians of the Galaxy, a mixed group of aliens and humans, and raccoons apparently, that...guarded the galaxy. Rocket had fought with Steve and Thor in Wakanda when Thanos first attacked, and Nebula had fought alongside Tony when he'd been lost in space, a story that I hadn't heard before that day. Steve and Tony both brushed over it rather quickly, despite the questions I had, acting as though it were no big deal.

I decided quickly that I wouldn't ask anymore questions and I would just go with the flow.

Rhodey arrived shortly after that in his War Machine suit with a smile. I had met Rhodey two times before when he'd come to visit Tony, but he didn't stay long whenever he did. I knew that he was a part of the Avengers and had been doing humanitarian work and missions while keeping in regular contact with Natasha.

Bruce and Rocket took the spaceship to get Thor, who was living in a town of his own creation called New Asgard, somewhere near Norway. They returned with a Thor that I didn't quite recognize. His hair was long once more, touching his shoulders, and his beard was long and touching his chest. He was the same tall and broad man that I'd remembered him to be give or take a few pounds. Though the dark circles around his eyes were new. He was dressed in multiple layers, looked as if he was in need of a bath, and shortly after he spoke I realized he was intoxicated. Still he seemed rather upbeat and grinned widely when he saw me, though I was surprised he remembered me.

"Ah Tony's assistant! Good to see you! Are you still in relations with the Captain?" He halted in his approach into the building and looked warily at the others around us, who was oblivious to his arrival. "Oh my apologies, that was meant to be a secret was it not?"

"It's no longer a secret Mr. Odinson," I assured with a smirk. "Steve and I are married and our relationship is known by all."

Thor looked shocked. "Marriage? Well this is news to me! Congratulations!"

He clapped Steve on the back so hard that his body was jerked forward and Steve had to catch himself on his feet.

"Thank you, Thor," Steve gritted out as he righted himself. "It's good to see you."

"And I, you, Captain," Thor nodded. "I think we're long overdue for this."

I could sense something in his tone, something that made me think Thor wasn't happy it had taken so long. I remembered when I'd seen him last and the fight that had ensued amongst the remaining Avengers. I imagined Thor hadn't been happy with Steve and Tony's decision to put a halt to the time machine.

"Well at least we're here now," I chimed in with a nervous laugh, hoping to relieve some tension.

"Indeed," Thor nodded in agreement.

Hawkeye, or as his close friends called him, Clint, was the last to arrive. I'd only seen photographs of him, and heard Natasha casually mention him in passing with a watery glint in her eye. She'd been the one to go retrieve him and there was a light in her eyes once she returned.

We'd convened in the hangar, standing in a circle and waiting to hear just what exactly Tony had planned. There was no one we trusted to care for our twins so we'd brought them with us, Steve held Emma in his arms and Evan stood at my feet, holding onto my leg.

"I don't want to get a plan going until we get the gateway built and that'll take us a few days. I've already gotten a head start but with the help of those with experience, we should have it done in a few days. If you don't know what you're doing you can help by staying out of the way. I'm also designing suits for time traveling so all your organs and such stay inside of their meat bags, I'll need your measurements," Tony paused to look at all of us and then continued. "I'd like to get started on that ASAP so Andy, you're running point on the engineering. You got any questions you ask her. I'll be in the lab."

My face fell when Tony pointed to me and all other eyes followed.

" _I'm_ helping?" I stuttered.

"Yes, you do have a fancy degree in mechanical engineering do you not?"

I nodded slowly.

"And you can read a blueprint, correct?"

"Well yes, but-."

"Then let's dust that fancy degree off and put it to use," Tony smirked clapping his hands. "I got faith in you, Kid."

My heart warmed at those words and I managed to hold back the wide grin that wanted to overtake my face. I'd only come to be moral support for Steve and the errand girl if needed. I'd thought my help would be more along the lines of getting coffee or food or other supplies for the team. But clearly Tony had other plans.

"Let's do this," Tony finished definitively.

* * *

Tony wanted the machine finished in three days. A feat that had Rocket, Bruce, Nebula and I, the team that would be building the machine, gaping at him. He assured it was doable and that once he was done with the necessary suits, he would help.

In the meantime we would be starting without him.

I found working with Rocket and Nebula enjoyable. If I looked past Rocket's crude sense of humor and Nebula's cold demeanor I actually liked them. They were initially cold, Rocket questioning my abilities and Nebula seeming to genuinely just dislike _everything_ , but after the first day of working and Rocket seeing what I was capable of with my tools, they seemed to warm up to me.

Steve kept the twins occupied being neither mechanically or scientifically inclined, he focused on them instead with help from Natasha. He set up his old room in the living quarters for them, setting up a playpen and bringing their favorite toys and things from home. It allowed him to still be close in case he was needed and allowed us to stay at the compound to save us the trouble, and time, of having to go home each night.

He insisted I get breaks, despite my protests of not needing one, pulling me away from the machine to spend at least a half hour with him and the twins to eat. At night he'd put them to bed and wait for me. I usually forced myself away around midnight or one am, going upstairs to go straight to bed and be up early the next morning to return.

I'd almost forgotten what the machine was for, about the daunting task that had been set before us. Especially when I got lost in blueprints and tools and the feeling of nostalgia and playful banter with Rocket. I didn't remember how much I had missed it until I had dusted off the tools that my father had bought me long ago and used them again. This had once been my passion and I had truly loved it. It felt wrong to have gone so long without doing it.

In between working there was downtime and we found ourselves sitting together next to the nearly complete machine enjoying some take out that Tony had graciously ordered us. The sun had set and it was the first break that we had taken all day, the excitement of the machine almost being complete spurring us on through fatigue and hunger, and it felt good to just sit.

Our conversation had been lighthearted and full of jokes from Rocket that I didn't quite get, before it suddenly became serious with one question from Bruce.

"You know," he said from where he sat right beside me, eating tacos three at a time. "I never asked you if you lost someone, Andy."

I blinked in surprise at the question, glancing at Rocket whose furry ears had perked at the question and at Nebula, who was still studying her taco. Despite trying to seem uninterested her head had raised at the question and she'd passed me a quick darting glance.

"Oh," I said around bites of food, using my napkin to wipe my mouth. "Well I lost my twin sister and my father…." I cleared my throat and felt my eyes looking down. "And my fiancé..." I purposefully left my miscarriage out.

I dared a look up and saw Bruce with a mixture of surprise and remorse on his face. "Oh."

"Fiancé? Aren't you and the Captain guy married?" Rocket interjected.

"Yes, we are."

"And you know that doing this will bring your fiancé back right?" Rocket continued looking between Bruce, who was looking like he regretted asking, and me, like we weren't understanding the dilemma. "He's gonna come back and isn't that gonna be weird for you and the Captain guy?"

"Rocket," Nebula said simply with a glaring look.

"If I was you I wouldn't want that," Rocket continued with a shrug.

"Maybe we should change the subject-," Bruce started.

"I'm just asking, I mean it's going to be awkward as-," Rocket asked raising his hands.

"It's fine," I lied doing my best to keep a smile on my face, to seem lighthearted and unshaded by the whole situation.

They all fell silent, eyes on me, Rocket still looking confused as if he didnt understand why I would be upset. He really was just stating the obvious.

I felt a tightness in my chest, one that I hadn't felt in a long time. One that had me jumping to my feet and muttering 'excuse me' as I rushed past them. I heard Bruce call after me and Nebula say Rockets name again irritably as he bellowed 'WHAT?' innocently.

I made it to the stairwell before the wheezing started, the tightness in my chest restricting my air. I stumbled up the stairs to the next landing, leaning against the wall, holding my chest and struggling to breathe. I had no misconceptions about what was about to happen, I knew that Ian was coming back, I knew I'd have to face him, and I had been telling myself that it would be fine.

But deep down the thought of facing Ian again terrified me. And I had been avoiding thinking about it by pouring myself into the machine, willfully ignoring the fact that the closer I came to completing the machine the closer I would have to come to facing that fear of my ex fiancé's return.

"Andy, I am detecting elevated respirations and heart rate from you, are you in distress?" came FRIDAY's voice above me.

"I'm fine," I wheezed.

Even the AI knew I was lying. "I will alert Captain Rogers that you are in distress," she answered.

"No, FRIDAY," I gasped shaking my head. "Please don't."

I didn't want Steve to see me this way, not for this reason. Not when he thought that I was _fine_ , that I was okay with doing all of this.

"Captain Rogers is on the way," FRIDAY answered.

I groaned in response, turning to face the wall, pressing my forehead against the cool cement and focused on my breathing. Taking deep breaths, counting down to myself, I heard the stairwell door slam open above, hurried footsteps descending down the stairs, the warmth of Steve's hands on my back.

"Andrea, what's wrong? What happened?"

I shook my head, face still pressed into the wall, sucking in huge heaps of air.

Steve's hands moved to my arms, turning me to face him. I kept my eyes shut, letting him pull me into his embrace and wrap his arms around me tightly. It felt good as it always did, to be in his arms, and I wondered, as I often did through the years, how he managed to be so patient with me.

"Talk to me, baby," he whispered into my ear.

"I-It's nothing," I managed to lie, keeping my face pressed into his neck, breathing in his smell.

"It's clearly not, tell me what's going on," he pressed on.

"I-I'm fine. The k-kids?" I attempted to change the subject.

"They're fine. Nat is with them. What is going on?"

He wasn't going to let it go, but I couldn't answer. I remained silent, clinging to him. He didn't say anything else, just held me as a few silent moments passed. I felt grounded in his arms. My heart rate slowed to a more normal rhythm and the tightness that sat in my chest dissipated.

Steve could sense it when the panic attack passed, pulling his head back to force me to look at him. His blue eyes were full of worry, as usual, but there was something else there also. Something I couldn't read. Was it anger?

"I'm sorry," I blurted quickly, afraid he was upset.

"Don't be sorry, just tell me what happened. I hate it when you-," he broke off suddenly with a frustrated shake of his head, avoiding my gaze for the first time ever.

I felt my face fall. He was upset. "You hate it when I what?"

He took a deep breath, met my eyes again and straightened his shoulders. "I hate it when you shut down and won't talk to me. After all this time you should know you can tell me anything."

"I-I do-," I started to stutter.

"Well you don't and I should be able to comfort you."

There was anger laced with those words, anger and frustration.

I blanched, surprised and a little hurt at his words. He'd always been so patient and understanding, at least he seemed to be. At my startled look he pulled away, shaking his head again, putting one hand on his hip and the other pinched the bridge of his nose. I couldn't think of a single thing to say, so I stood quietly behind him, allowing him a moment.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart," he breathed with a sigh. He turned back to me, his face full of guilt. "That's not fair of me to say. I just-," he stopped short again and his head dropped. " _He's_ coming back," he finally finished.

My insides twisted. I didn't need him to elaborate on who he was talking about.

"And you say that you're fine when I know you aren't," he continued stepping toward me. "If Peggy was somehow able to come back here I wouldn't be fine. And it's okay. I understand. You had a life with him, you were going to get married. You were going to have a child and that was all snatched from you so suddenly and god, Andrea, I just…."

He stopped again with another shake of his head looking at me with a staggering amount of raw emotion on his face. My insides continued to twist, I was afraid of what he would say next.

Steve's voice lowered and his eyes dropped. "It wasn't easy in the beginning for you to choose me even with him gone. You loved him that much. And now that he's coming back I'm terrified that you'll _stop_ choosing me."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut, my face falling and my watery eyes releasing the tears I'd been struggling to hold back. I felt like a shitty wife, for putting him through all of this, for making him think that choosing him had ever been a hard choice. It had never been about him, I had always been the problem. My inability to let go was all about me.

And clearly it had taken a silent toll on my husband.

"I should get back to the kids-," he started after the silence lingered, turning for the stairs.

I stopped him, grabbing hold of his bicep to turn him back to me. I took his face into my hands seeing his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Please don't think that. Choosing you was never hard, Steve. You're amazing. You always have been. Letting go for me was hard, but you, being with you, _loving_ you, was never hard," I explained looking into his eyes.

His face softened and he pressed his forehead to mine.

"When I married you I made a choice to be with you no matter what," I continued. "I love you with all of my heart. And nothing and _no one_ will change that. I'm yours, Steven Rogers. I'm all yours."

His head popped up then, his blue eyes darkening slightly at my words. He sighed in relief and his hands found my hips, drawing me in. My arms instinctively went around his neck, his head bending to kiss me slowly and sweetly, until his lips parted to deepen the kiss. I was lost in him in an instant, fingers closing around the material of his shirt until he pulled away.

"Say it again," he demanded.

I tensed at the change in his tone. It was a tone I hadn't heard in a long time. Not since the twins were born. Full of authority and heat.

I swallowed, licking my lips to get another taste of him and tried to remember the last words I had said before. It came back after some effort. "I'm all yours."

He kissed me again, hard and hungrily, fingers digging into my hips as he did. With two quick steps I was against the cement wall, the metal railing digging into my lower back, but the slight irritation paled in comparison to the fire that suddenly overwhelmed my system. He made his intentions very clear, pressing the rapidly growing hardness between us into me.

"Steve," I moaned when he finally let up to give us both air. "Here?"

It was the only words that I could manage to get out between panted breaths. It was very hard to focus when his mouth was leaving a wet trail down my throat and his hands had eagerly come up to knead my breasts. Plus there was the fact that it had been too long since we had done _this_ , even our attempt the night before being interrupted by Emma waking from her nap. But as much as I wanted it, him, we were in a public stairwell where anyone could come looking for either of us at any moment.

He grunted positively in answer, nodding into my skin, mouth never detaching from my throat. Using his body he pressed me harder into the wall, hands quickly going for my pants.

I struggled to make my brain connect to my mouth and send out words. "Someone could come-."

He cut off my protests with another deep kiss, clearly not worried, making quick work of the button and zipper to my pants, hand delving inside until he found warmth and slipped two fingers between my lips. The thoughts of stopping him immediately left my brain, being replaced with an overwhelming need to come, arching off the wall when he pressed two fingers into me and picked up a quick rhythm. In an embarrassingly short amount of time I was seconds away from coming.

"Say it again," he demanded in my ear, in that same tone, the heat of his breath sending goosebumps down my neck. The Captain had returned and god how I had missed him.

I ordered my brain to function. "I'm...I'm all yours...God, Steve, please."

I was milliseconds away now, feeling the flutter of my walls around his fingers. I gripped his shoulders hard, trying to anchor myself, knowing something earth shattering was coming. I clamped my lips shut, knowing that if I opened my mouth, the sounds that would come out would be far too loud. I tried to close my eyes and lean my head back on the wall, but Steve's grip on my hip tightened.

"Eyes on me, Andrea," he ordered.

I could barely handle the fiery intensity in his blue gaze.

"You going to come?" His voice was a husky groan.

 _Yes. God, yes._

"You know what you have to do if you want to come," he continued, slowing down, leaving me to let out a frustrated moan. "Ask me."

I couldn't. Opening my mouth would release the multitude of sounds that I'd been holding back and likely alert the whole building to what we were doing. I tried to show that in my desperate look, biting my lip even harder as I shook my head just once.

He gritted his teeth and looked at me sternly. " _Ask. Me._ "

My lips parted, a desperate moan falling from them immediately. "Captain, please." It was all I could manage.

"Captain, please what?"

I felt my eyes roll and it took all my willpower to speak. "Cap-Captain, please can I come?"

He picked up speed again and with it came a pleasure overload that had me biting my lip to stifle any sounds. The pleasure exploded and I was a shuddering whimpering bag of bones against the wall, Steve's body was the only thing that kept me standing. He never stopped, groaning in satisfaction as I came.

"That's it, good girl," he whispered. He maintained his speed and rhythm, dragging me right back toward that peak. "You're gonna keep coming all over my fingers right here where anyone can walk in and see what a trembling mess I turn you into."

His dirty talk only added to it all, sending thrills through me and pushing me right back over the edge. I bit down on my lip harder to keep from crying out. I trembled as I came again, somehow managing to stay upright and stifle my moans as the pleasure burst inside of every cell in my body. Dazed and still feeling like I was floating, I barely registered my body moving until I was suddenly facing the wall, my cheek pressed to the cool cement.

It was during that brief reprieve that I came back to my rational senses. Steve fingering me in the stairwell was one thing, a very inappropriate thing, but not nearly as bad as sex, which I was guessing Steve intended for us to have when he reached between us. I could hear the sounds of him undoing his belt. He reached for the sides of my jeans, pushing them down my hips. Pulling my lower body closer, bowing my back, I could feel the hardness of him along my ass.

"Someone could come in," I tried to warn him again.

"No ones coming in," he answered in a rough almost desperate voice, fingers digging into my hips.

My nails scraped on the railing, trying to steady myself as he slowly pressed in, hissing in delight at the familiar stretch and feeling of fullness. Steve groaned softly, wasting no time in using his vice like hold on my hips to hold me still and set the pace he wanted. Quick, deep, borderline punishing thrusts. With one hand between my shoulder blades and the other on my hip, he held me in place, leaving me with nothing to do, but take it. And I was willing. He grunted out his pleasure, the grunts interspersed with moans and groans and praises.

I was lost in the sensations, forehead pressed to the wall, teeth digging into my lip and ready to implode. My lips parted the closer I came to my peak, moans and chants of Steve's title spilling out as I lost control, growing louder with each thrust. Steve leaned closer, hand leaving my back, curving around my face to cover my mouth. I knew he was close when his smooth steady repetitive rhythm got sporadic and desperate, and I was not far behind. He bucked against me, once, twice, and I came undone, his palm muffling my loud moans and my body seizing around him. He followed right after me, thrusting upward hard and fast one last time before he spilled into me.

He collapsed against my back, I could feel his heart racing while I tried to catch my breath and steady my own heart.

"Jesus, Sweetheart," he sighed, breath warm on my neck.

He pressed a kiss to my neck, releasing his hold and stepping back. I straightened on shaky limbs turning in time to see him tucking himself back into his pants. He'd gone red, an embarrassed look on his face. The Captain had exited the building and Sweet Steve had returned.

There was silence as we both righted our clothes, a lingering tension there that wasn't sexual.

"I'm sorry," he spoke finally, shaking his head and looking remorseful. "I don't know what that was…not that I didn't enjoy it," he added with a sheepish hesitant grin, which quickly faded. "And about what I said before… about Ian coming-."

I held up a hand to stop him. "You don't have to apologize. You are entitled to feel what you feel and if anything it's my fault for making you think that I would ever have a hard time choosing you."

Steve sighed, stepping toward me again. "It's not that. I know you love me. I have never doubted it. But if I was in your shoes…"

I took his hands in mine and squeezed them tenderly. "I promise you that between us nothing will change."

I meant every word. Facing Ian would be hard, as would breaking his heart, but my feelings for Steve could never change. Nor would I want to give up the life that he and I had built together. I loved Steve too much to do that. I loved our children too much.

Steve nodded once and tried to smile down at me, I hated to see the hint of doubt in his eyes. He reached up to touch my cheek.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked softly, glancing at the wall and back to me.

I chuckled, shaking my head. "No, you didn't. Honestly, it was nice to see _The Captain_ again after all this time."

Steve blushed crimson and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of the stairwell door opening from the floor below us. We looked over the railing to see Tony looking around for us.

"Up here," I called with a wave, trying to hide the sudden guilt I felt at the thought of what Steve and I had been doing moments before.

Tony looked up, excitement and fear on his face. "The machine is done."


End file.
